Chapter 44 Mourning: They were thorns piercing each other's skin...
Changsun Qingjing stayed by the sickbed from the appointed hour until midnight. At that time, she should have been fully conscious and able to respond to every struggle of Madam Dou and every instruction given through her eyes.
"Qingjing, Guanyinbi?" Madam Dou reached out her icy hand toward the blurry figure.
"Your mother and I were almost not meant to be."
Changsun Qingjing bit her lip until it bled. This real pain and bloodshed finally suppressed the illusory agony and stopped her from crying out loud.
“Child, don’t forget our promise…” The patient’s withered fingers gently caressed the girl’s face, as if afraid that even a slightly rough press would leave a flaw on the smooth and delicate Jing Mountain jade.
"Don't worry, Mother, I won't forget." Changsun Qingjing stood up, moved closer to Madam Dou, and then leaned down to press his full, warm forehead against Madam Dou's cold forehead.
Mrs. Dou gave a grateful and relieved smile, then closed her eyes to rest peacefully...
Changsun Qingjing did not pull away from holding Madam Dou's hand. She felt that she could bear Madam Dou's pain and hoped that heaven could transfer this torment to herself.
Strangely, when she became as determined as a snake shedding its old skin to share others' suffering, the strange empathy vanished. Calmness and self-control returned to Changsun Qingjing's body.
As midnight approached, she felt her eyelids grow heavy, and the gilded image of a kneeling girl under the lamp became blurred and tender, breathing evenly along with the tired woman before her.
The constant, monotonous sound of the water clock had a surprisingly hypnotic and calming effect. Changsun Qingjing guessed that he had entered a dream.
The candlelight flickered, casting shadowy figures, and the air carried a scent of fresh snow mixed with the fragrance of winter plum blossoms. The aroma of alfalfa drifted in, like a wisp of purple smoke enveloping her, disappearing without a trace.
When Changsun Qingjing woke up in her bed, it was already past dawn. She didn't remember how she got back to her room from Madam Dou's sickbed.
The charcoal fire in the drying jar was almost out, but the quilt and pillow were still warm. The bedding on the other side was neat and cold.
Countless people have told her that birth, aging, sickness, and death are the natural course of life, but she is afraid of repeating the nightmare of separation when she was eight years old.
The heavy thud outside the window startled her and made her break out in a cold sweat!
She slipped on her shoes and ran to the corridor. Apart from the maid who followed her to put a blouse on her, she couldn't see where the commotion came from.
The snow had stopped, freezing the remnants of winter in a world covered in white glass. A branch trembled, and chunks of snow on its silvery branches shattered, making a muffled rustling sound. Several crows, having lost their nests, huddled together for warmth, standing side-by-side in the gaps of the wintersweet tree, staring intently at Changsun Qingjing, their expressions a mixture of mockery and sorrow.
The mountain spirits were indeed masters of mischief. Xiangbu's ending was nothing short of a deception. Her sincerity and prayers only brought her half a day of peace.
In the bluish-gray sky, a few dusty stars floated listlessly. The sound of the winter wind could easily wipe them away.
Changsun Qingjing heard the noise from the stable.
She ran with all her might through the snow. The snow was about three or four inches thick, enough to obscure the pebbles, withered grass, and vines beneath.
Her shoes and skirt were covered in fine snow, and the chill of the icy water spread from her ankles to her calves.
The cold and numbness caused her feet to slip uncontrollably, throwing her several meters away. Changsun Qingjing landed awkwardly, but her rebound speed still exceeded that of the maids chasing after her.
She heard the neighing of horses. Li Shimin was there.
"Videha!" Her husband, as agreed with his mother, pulled on the reins to leave.
Changsun Qingjing wanted to plead to go to Xiaoling Mausoleum with her. Her compassion, kindness, enthusiasm, and vitality were not enough to suppress the fear brought on by impending death.
The girl, attempting to escape, grabbed the reins. The startled white-hoofed gull nearly kicked its panicked mistress.
"Guanyinbi, what are you doing running out of the house?" Li Shimin was surprised by the unexpected turn of events. "Mother already gave me instructions yesterday; you just had to do as she said..."
“I…I’m so scared…” Her fingers froze on the reins. She hoped that Li Shimin could take her away from the torture she could not bear.
Before her eyes, thick, crimson clouds and dim, floating stars seemed to be trying to drag her into the starting point of the nightmare she had experienced at age eight.
The chill of the snow continued to rise up her ankles and calves to her chest. She huddled up, her face showing dejection and exhaustion.
The young man on horseback was stunned for a moment, then suppressed his surprise and irritation, and gently covered Changsun Qingjing's cheek, which still had the warmth of the room.
"When I go to Xiaoling to pay my respects, I will call my brothers and sisters to come back with me." He brushed a lock of hair that was wet with snow and stuck to her forehead behind her ear when she fell. "Even the spirits of the mountains have to respond to your prayers, so you don't need to be afraid."
The warmth that traveled down her face finally warded off the chill that had sealed her heart. Changsun Qingjing finally swallowed back those discouraging words and her distress.
“Yes, you’re right…” She loosened her grip on the reins, quickly combed the horse’s mane, and stepped back a few paces to make way for the rider and the person.
In fact, when Changsun Qingjing said, "Go with peace of mind," he was filled with unease.
Turning around, she saw the crows, now without their nest, still staring at her with cold, stern eyes. She met their gaze for a long time, and finally, this seemingly gentle and dignified woman bent down, grabbed a handful of snow, kneaded it into a ball, and viciously hurled it at the ominous birds that seemed to be announcing bad news!
The crows, huddled together for warmth, finally flapped their wings and left the branch at her urging. Snow fell softly from the tree, as if it had been maliciously shaken.
In the dormitory, death began to draw ever closer to this precocious, shrewd, and ambitious middle-aged woman.
Crimson bloodstains splattered onto the bedding, turning it dark and menacing. Madam Dou gasped for breath, her body convulsing violently.
Sometimes she would gesture for the maids to come closer, but then immediately wave them away; sometimes she would stare intently at the pot of sandalwood incense on the small table, but when Changsun Qingjing took a spoon and touched the fragrant liquid to her lips, Lady Dou, who had lost all sense of taste, would shake her head and move her lips away; her hawk-like hearing had been completely lost, and even when the maids dropped the incense balls they were holding in their panic on the floor, Lady Dou's eyes did not react.
As noon approached, she recognized her husband sitting beside her. Madam Dou forced a smile, raised her hand, and gestured towards the dressing table, her eyes filled with hope and longing.
Li Yuan was somewhat confused, but he mechanically helped his wife up based on his intuition.
"Father, Mother needs to get ready!" Changsun Qingjing and several maids keenly noticed the proud and defiant details of Madam Dou's demeanor. They moved the dressing table to her bedside. While weeping, they styled Madam Dou's hair into an elegant cloud-like bun. Madam Dou tried to gather as much strength as possible for her final reunion with her children, expressing herself with gestures rather than uttering a single word.
"The face powder and rouge don't need to be too heavy?" Changsun Qingjing tried to decipher the ambiguous symbols that Madam Dou had painstakingly drawn in the air.
Mrs. Dou nodded with satisfaction.
The maidservants began skillfully applying face powder, blush, and lipstick to their mistress. Changsun Qingjing, holding a bronze mirror, knelt before Madam Dou, never leaving her side. The perfectly applied makeup temporarily concealed her withered appearance, but only temporarily.
The fleeting beauty reflected in the bronze mirror vanished in an instant, then faded into a deathly silence as the eyes dimmed.
"Very good, just like your wife when she was young." Li Yuan praised insincerely.
After finishing her makeup, Lady Dou slowly leaned back. Li Yuan placed one arm behind Lady Dou's head to reassure her that her makeup and hair would remain in the same position.
When Changsun Qingjing first entered the Duke's mansion, she had neither the intention nor the right to interfere in the trivial matters between the Duke and his wife. However, judging from her naive experience, there was indeed a bond between them that went beyond the superficial affection between a man and a woman.
Lady Dou had the vanity of a young girl, the expectations she had for her husband, and even the ability to subtly exploit the young Duke.
Li Yuan had the arrogance of youth, the promising future within easy reach, and the bewilderment of being the center of attention after being selected as a top scholar.
They are like thorns piercing each other's skin; the deeper they pierce at first, the more secure they feel, as if it were part of their own body.
Until one day, one of them suddenly tried to get rid of these external things, only to find that he had been torn to pieces, leaving only a blurry mass of flesh and blood.
He must have admired her fortitude and intelligence, and also loathed her eagerness for quick success.
She must have admired his composure and demeanor, and also loathed his indecisiveness.
Now, they are determined to make peace with that far-reaching thorn, that thorn that has come to possess its own will.
Changsun Qingjing heard the sound of the bolt falling, carrying the chilling smell of ice cracking. The barking of dogs, the neighing of horses, and the commotion of a crowd followed.
Li Jiancheng, Dugu Cui, Li Yuanji, Li Zhiyun, Li Qiongxi, Li Longyue, Li Chengzong and other sons and grandsons filed in before the eldest grandson Qingjing.
Everyone here, even the most unfamiliar Li Zhiyun and the youngest Changsun Renpei, had spent more time with Madam Dou than she had, and their feelings for Madam Dou were also stronger. She decided to give up her final place by the bedside to those who were connected to the patient by blood.
The eldest grandson, Qingjing, humbly stepped back, and Li Jiancheng and his wife filled the empty space, while the other children gathered around.
"Mother!"
"grandmother!"
...
"Don't rush to cry, let me finish what I have to say." Madam Dou turned her head, half of her face turned towards her children, and stretched out her expectant arms.
Everyone suppressed their grief, fearing the rebuke of their strong-willed mother.
"Vaisravana." The woman, who had been waiting for so long, finally spoke her last words to her first child: "After I am gone, be filial to your father and love your brothers. Be decisive in your actions and do not cause any discord among your family members."
“Yes, Mother.” Her eldest son was already sobbing uncontrollably.
"Yes," the two young children knelt down to their mother's bedside and promised.
"Third Sister, if Father and your brothers are ever in trouble, you must never stand aside."
“Of course, Mother, there’s no need to worry,” Li Qiongxi readily agreed.
"Fourth Sister, life is unpredictable. Your feelings for Xiaozheng are obvious to all. Your parents-in-law and I did not want to take away your will now, but I am so ill that I have no choice but to persuade you. Promise your mother that you will find another good match when the time is right, and do not waste your youth."
“Yes, Mother,” Li Longyue replied, her voice choked with emotion.
“Where is Vidyaraja? He was the one who called you all here one by one, where is he?” Madam Dou called out to her second son several times, but there was no response from inside the room. Disappointed, she lowered her arms, coughed for a long time, and then fell into a state of delirium.
"Uncle, your niece is incompetent..."
"Father, Mother, are you outside?"
"Xuanba, why did you leave alone before your mother returned to Chang'an..."
“Videha, Shimin, where have you gone? Your mother has so much to say to you.”
Changsun Qingjing also felt something was amiss, so she got up, pushed through the crowd, and went to look for Li Shimin. Coincidentally, she bumped into her equally hurried and anxious husband.
"You're injured!" Changsun Qingjing lowered his voice and reached out to touch the wound on Li Shimin's forehead. "You fell off your horse? Are your legs alright?"
Li Shimin grasped Changsun Qingjing's warm, slender fingers and moved them aside: "It's nothing, just a minor injury. It was my own carelessness."
As if by telepathy, Madam Dou slowly awoke from her hallucination after hearing the noise outside.
"Shude, please take good care of the children for me."
"Don't worry, my lady..." Li Yuan's arm was already numb from his wife's pillow, but he showed no sign of relaxing.
"Shude, I can no longer accompany you on your official journeys..."
Li Yuan choked up and could not speak.
"Come closer to me, all of you, so I can take one last good look." Madam Dou's expression was calm, carrying a hint of final longing and hope.
The children gathered around.
“Videha, have you returned?”
Madam Dou wore a relieved smile, concealing her uncle's final blessing within her garment. The complex, hurried, and passionate melodies of her life had become simple, slow, and gentle. The celestial music of wind rustling through willows echoed softly in her heart. She stretched out her arms and grasped tightly the hands of her second son and husband.
“Mengzhi, the Li family is likely following the prophecy. Wait patiently for the change, and great things can be accomplished…” How she wished the prophecy would come true! The two men who loved her deeply and on whom she placed her hopes wept uncontrollably.
The Li family leaned against each other. Li Longyue rested her forehead on Changsun Qingjing's shoulder and sobbed softly. Changsun Qingjing embraced his gentle widowed sister from behind, afraid that she might suddenly faint from grief.
Her other hand clasped Li Qiongxi's hand, which was covered in fine beads of sweat, supporting each other and trembling slightly as they fought against the immense, heart-wrenching pain.
His time has come.
Madam Dou once again turned her gaze to the screen depicting the phoenix perched on the parasol tree.
“Videha, your mother hopes you will go faster and leave behind all those heroes we’ve talked about, those who are all talk and no action.”
"good."
She sobbed softly, her tears almost all gone, and stroked her son's disheveled hair, uttering incoherently, "Mother begs you to slow down, don't abandon your father and brother."
"Okay," Li Shimin solemnly promised once again.
Lady Dou held a willow branch that Li Shimin had picked at Zhou Xiaoling Mausoleum, placing it against her chest as if it were a sacred object guiding her back to her family.
"The sky is so high, so blue, but I can never touch it again." Madam Dou's hand hovered in the air, death could not take away her will.
Strands of light, filtered by the clouds, condensed into the color of hope in the clear air; then beams of light broke through the obstruction of the dark clouds, casting their light on the mountains, the forests, and even on the Duchess who had to reconcile with her fate.
Sadly, she will never see it again...
Author's Note: The story of Madam Dou has come to an end.
She ultimately had to reconcile with fate.
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