Chapter 49: Enlightenment
The sun had completely sunk below the horizon, and the city's neon lights took over the night. The black Bentley remained parked on that secluded street corner, like a beast lurking in the shadows. The cabin was completely silent, save for the faint hum of the air conditioning system. The cool air flowed silently, but it couldn't dispel the almost frozen cold and confusion that permeated the air.
Chu Yu sat in the driver's seat, his body stretched straight, his hands still tightly gripping the steering wheel. His knuckles were bluish-white from the excessive force, and the pale blue veins on the backs of his hands were clearly visible. He had maintained this posture for a long, long time. The hustle and bustle outside the car window, the lights of the traffic, seemed to be separated by a thick layer of frosted glass, blurry and distant.
His mind felt like it was caught in the center of a chaotic storm. Countless fragments of images spun frantically, colliding and replaying, ultimately freezing on that breathtaking scene.
Chu Yan held Gu Xu's wrist and stood outside his car window.
The smile on the boy's face was so bright that it was almost dazzling.
A clear, judgmental voice said, "This is my boyfriend, Gu Xu."
Every detail seemed to be slowed down, magnified, and deeply carved into his memory. Gu Xu's momentary daze, the open yet slyly relaxed look in Chu Yan's eyes, the turbulent waves within him that surged, enough to burn away his sanity, and a sharp, unfamiliar, suffocating pain, as if his heart were being gripped by an invisible hand.
Why is it Gu Xu?
How could Chu Yan do that? How dare he?!
Countless "whys" ("Whys") flooded his chaotic mind like an uncontrolled barrage of questions. He tried to analyze it with conventional, cold logic, but Chu Yan's eyes just now, that calmness and ease, even the intimacy he showed to Gu Xu? It didn't seem like a disguise at all. He knew Chu Yan too well. The boy's impeccable mask of gentleness when acting was completely different from the genuine lightness and joy he had just expressed.
Is that true? Chu Yan really likes Gu Xu?
This conclusion was like a red-hot steel needle, fiercely piercing Chu Yu's nerve endings, bringing a sharp physical pain. He suddenly closed his eyes, and his thick eyelashes trembled violently.
An unprecedented, utterly unfamiliar emotion overwhelmed him. It wasn't pure anger, but a suffocating discomfort. His heart felt like it was soaked in icy acid, heavy and astringent, each beat bringing with it an indescribable dull ache.
Why is he so upset?
Chu Yan was his cousin, a partner he admired, and the younger brother he wanted to protect. His younger brother had a boyfriend, and as an older brother, even if he wasn't happy with the person, he would at most be angry and worried. So why did he feel like a piece of his heart had been hollowed out? Why did he feel a near-destructive sense of loss and jealousy?
The word "jealousy" struck Chu Yu's confused consciousness like lightning, causing him to tremble all over!
How could he possibly be jealous of Gu Yu? He, Chu Yu, didn't need to be jealous of anyone.
The thought of denial washed over him, but the gnawing pain was undeniably real, intensifying with each recollection. He tried to chalk up this emotion to bitterness over Chu Yan's misjudgment of him, anger at Gu Xu for interfering with his Chu family, but deep down, a faint yet sharp voice cried out: No! It's not like that!
He needed answers. He couldn't stand the uncontrolled, unfamiliar emotions raging through him.
Chu Yu stiffly released his grip on the steering wheel and fished out his phone. The screen's light, illuminating the dimly lit car, stung his eyes. His fingertips unconsciously slid across his address book, finally landing on a name marked "Qin Xiao"—one of the few friends he had in City A with whom he could discuss personal matters, a playboy with a cynical but piercing eye.
The call was answered almost instantly.
"Hey? What a rare visitor! What brings you calling me at this hour?" Qin Xiao's lazy and teasing voice came from the receiver. The background sound was noisy music and faint laughter. It was obvious that he was in some busy place.
Chu Yu's Adam's apple rolled, and his throat felt dry and tight. He took a deep breath and forced himself to speak in the calmest, most objective, and most detached tone, as if he were describing a case that had nothing to do with him. "Qin Xiao, I have a question for you."
"Wait a moment, you talk." Qin Xiao seemed to have moved to a quieter place, and the background noise was reduced.
Chu Yu organized his words, each word seemed to be squeezed out from between his teeth: "I have a friend." He deliberately emphasized the word "friend", "He knew someone before. He is much younger than him. The two of them are very compatible at work and are a good partner. That person cares about my friend very much, and did not take advantage of him when he was sick, and took good care of him." He recalled with difficulty the incident in the bathroom and Chu Yan's calm and restrained handling of the matter.
"Oh? And then?" Qin Xiao's voice sounded more interested.
"My friend trusted him very much, treated him like a younger brother, and took good care of him." Chu Yu continued, trying to ignore the growing strange feeling in his heart, "But now, this person is with someone else."
"With someone else? And then what?" Qin Xiao asked.
"Then..." Chu Yu paused, feeling the familiar dull pain in his heart again. He almost gritted his teeth and said, "Then my friend felt very uncomfortable. Very, very uncomfortable. Why?"
There was silence on the other end of the phone for a few seconds.
Then, there was an undisguised and extremely loud laughter!
"Hahahahahahaha!" Qin Xiao laughed as if he had heard a huge joke.
Chu Yu frowned deeply, his face gloomy enough to drip water: "I'm asking you seriously."
"Okay, okay, seriously, seriously." Qin Xiao forced himself to stop laughing, but his voice was still full of teasing. "I said 'friend', can you at least make your story more convincing? And 'treat him like a younger brother'? A close younger brother is more like that."
The three words "dear brother" suddenly and violently split the thick and hard filter called "brotherhood" in Chu Yu's mind!
Chu Yu only felt a loud buzzing sound in his ears, and a white light seemed to explode in front of his eyes! All the confusion, denial, and anger were shattered at this moment by these three earth-shattering words!
"What nonsense are you talking about!" For the first time, Chu Yu's voice lost the calmness that he was proud of, with a barely perceptible tremor and panic.
"I'm talking nonsense?" Qin Xiao sneered, his tone firm, "Chu Yu, tell me, how does this resemble pure brotherhood?"
Qin Xiao's voice was sharp, as if he saw through everything. "I wouldn't do that to my own brother. If he broke his leg and was in the hospital, I'd just go and see him, throw him a card, and that was it! And you're still 'very, very upset'? Your 'friend' is clearly in love with this 'brother'. It's that kind of love a man has for another man, a possessive desire. Do you understand?"
Men's love for men...
Every word burned like a red-hot iron, searing Chu Yu's heart and leaving a clear, searing mark. All the strange emotions he'd long ignored, forcibly suppressed, attributed to "responsibility" and "protective desire"—the displeasure he'd felt upon seeing the texts between Chu Yan and Gu Xu, the irritation he'd felt upon learning they were on vacation, the unspeakable throbbing and awkwardness in Chu Yan's bathroom, the fleeting bitterness he'd felt upon seeing the video of Chu Yan and Gu Ye, and the pain that had just torn him apart—all now found the most reasonable, yet most shocking, explanation.
So that's how it is.
It turns out that the "uncomfort" was not anger or worry, but jealousy and loss.
It turns out that Chu Yu actually fell in love with his cousin, Chu Yan!
This realization was like a cosmic explosion, instantly destroying all of Chu Yu's pre-existing cognition and the fortress of rationality he had built. He clutched his phone, frozen in his seat, his face pale and a fine layer of cold sweat oozing from his forehead. The immense impact left him dizzy, as if the entire world was spinning and turning upside down.
"Hello? Chu Yu? Are you still listening?" Qin Xiao's voice brought him back to clarity from his dizziness.
"Yes." Chu Yu's voice was as dry and hoarse as sandpaper.
"Judging from your reaction, I guess I was right, right?" Qin Xiao's tone was a little smug, and also a bit of experienced understanding. "If you like someone, then so be it. It's no big deal. What kind of person can't you, President Chu, get? Besides, from what you just said, your brother isn't completely uninterested in your 'friend'. Taking care of someone when they're sick and not taking advantage of their misfortune, there are still people like Liu Xiahui these days. Either they are a true saint, or they have something to hide and are afraid of crossing the line and not being able to take it back."
Chu Yu's pupils shrank sharply. Qin Xiao's last words instantly illuminated a deliberately blurred corner of his memory—the calm, almost cold, profile of Chu Yan in the bathroom as he helped him relieve himself, and the indifferent, as if nothing had happened, attitude afterwards. Was it truly without a ripple? Or was it a manifestation of extreme restraint?
An indescribable flame, a mixture of great hope and even stronger possessive desire, suddenly ignited in Chu Yu's cold heart!
"But he's already with someone else." Chu Yu said this almost subconsciously, with a hint of help that he didn't even realize.
"Tsk!" Qin Xiao sneered with extreme disdain, as if he had heard something ridiculous. "So what if they're together? Being together doesn't mean they're married. Even if they're married, they can still get divorced. These days, if you wield a hoe well, there's no corner you can't dig down. Besides, from your description, how long have they been together? How deep can their relationship be? As long as you, as a 'friend', are resourceful and sincere enough, snatching her away would be a piece of cake."
"Poach... poaching?" Chu Yu was momentarily speechless, stunned by Qin Xiao's blunt, almost shameless theory. The education he'd received and the principles he'd adhered to since childhood strongly repudiated such "immoral" behavior. But deep down, the demon of possession, ignited by his love for her, clamored for her approval.
"What else?" Qin Xiao said confidently, "Wait for your 'brother' to be in love with someone else and live happily ever after? By then, your 'friends' won't have anywhere to cry! If you like someone, go for it. Chu Yu, don't tell me you don't even have this much courage? Where's your decisiveness in the business world? Show me the energy you used to acquire your competitor's company."
Qin Xiao's words were like a demonic sound, repeatedly assaulting Chu Yu's shaky moral defenses. In his chaotic mind, Qin Xiao's voice, Chu Yan's frank declaration, Gu Yu's ecstatic daze, and his own bone-wrenching discomfort intertwined into a chaotic battlefield.
"...I understand." Chu Yu finally replied dryly.
"Okay, you... oh no, let your 'friend' think about it carefully. Remember, happiness is something you have to fight for yourself. I'm hanging up. My baby is waiting anxiously." Qin Xiao hung up the phone decisively.
The carriage fell into silence again, heavier than before.
Chu Yu slowly put down his phone, the light from the screen reflecting his pale face and unfocused pupils. He leaned back against the leather seat, feeling as if all his strength had been drained away. Qin Xiao's shocking remarks were like a key, completely opening the Pandora's box of desire deep in his heart. He liked Chu Yan... snatched Chu Yan away...
These thoughts grew wildly, carrying the temptation of sin. My moral sense was fiercely condemning me, but my newly awakened, fiery and paranoid feelings were shouting madly: He is mine, he should have been mine.
Extreme confusion and contradiction tore him apart.
He needs an answer.
For some unknown reason, Chu Yu picked up his phone again. His fingers stiffly typed into the search bar: [What should I do if the person I like has a partner?]
The first comment that caught my eye was [The third is not being loved.]
Simple, direct, and crude, it is full of the unreasonable hostility and sophistry of "truth" that are unique to the Internet age.
Chu Yu's eyes were fixed on these seven words, as if he was thinking about something.
Is the third one the one who is not loved?
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