In 2003, even in the rural areas of the northern plains, few people still used tungsten bulbs instead of incandescent tubes. In Pingan Village, only Xia Juhua's old house remained, still emitting the dim light of tungsten bulbs.
Like the dim light, the owner of Xia Juhua's house is also vague and quiet, rarely making any noise all day long.
It is hard to imagine such a quiet and vague person, who once separated from her mother-in-law's house with her two sons after her husband died at the age of 30, worked alone to support three mothers, and built three houses. Then, like Yan Zi, she built three east rooms before marrying her eldest daughter-in-law, and three west rooms before marrying her second daughter-in-law. Together with the vegetable garden in the backyard, she made the small courtyard more regular than those families with complete courtyards.
At that time, the people's commune still ate from a big pot. The quiet person in front of me was nicknamed "Xia Xiaohuo" because she worked more efficiently than the young men. She was the only woman in the entire Ping'anzhuang production team, and she could get ten full work points a day.
When did that "Young Man Xia" disappear and become the subject of conversational jokes in Ping An Village and even in the surrounding area, to the point where whenever she went out, there would always be people watching her every move, hoping to see her do something outrageous to prove that she was worthy of the title of evil mother-in-law?
Xia Juhua smiled bitterly, and the angry face of her eldest grandson appeared in front of her: "Grandma, can you please stop interfering with our family's affairs? What else do you want our family to do to satisfy you?"
At that time, the eldest grandson had a look of disgust and contempt on his face, while the granddaughter-in-law who was protected by him had a provocative and complacent smile on her face. The great-grandson in her arms made faces at Xia Juhua, and she didn't know who had learned it from, but she kept saying in a baby voice: "Exquisite, exquisite."
It was the crisp, baby-like voice that overwhelmed Xia Juhua.
How can a child under four years old have the ability to judge? He just follows what the adults teach him. Xia Juhua had already understood the meaning of his words from the comments of others behind her. Didn't they say that she was an evil mother-in-law?
I swear to God, Xia Juhua just saw that her great-grandson didn't want to go to some cram school, and she felt so distressed that she wanted to hug him, and then talk to her grandson's wife, saying that if the child didn't want to go, then he shouldn't go. Why should a child who just went to kindergarten have to go to cram school?
Before she could finish her words, her eldest grandson suddenly appeared from nowhere, protected his wife behind him, and said the previous words. Xia Juhua was stunned on the spot. Did she do something wrong again?
Xia Juhua's husband died when she was 30 years old. In order to avoid trouble as a widow, she developed the habit of working hard and not visiting people. She would think about what she said before speaking to others. Since the rumor that Xia Juhua was a wicked mother-in-law began to spread in Ping'an Village, she wished she had no mouth and only said a few words when she really couldn't stand it.
Who would have thought that even with so little talk and more action, the rumors still could not be stopped, and the reputation of the evil mother-in-law became more and more famous day by day. Xia Juhua looked blankly at her eldest grandson who grew up in her arms. Her habit over the years made her think about how to explain her meaning to her grandson so that he would not misunderstand her again.
Seeing that she didn't say anything, the eldest grandson felt like he had hit the cotton field with his fist and became even angrier: "Come on, grandma, go home. You don't have to come to see me every day." After saying that, he added as if he was not satisfied: "If you visit him less often, the child will be better." As he said this, he pushed Xia Juhua out of the door and slammed the door in her face.
Tiantian's baby voice shouting the most exquisite things came into Xia Juhua's ears through the crack in the door, accompanied her all the way back to her home, and is still echoing in her ears.
"The best, how did I become the best?" Xia Juhua murmured. No one answered her in the dim room. After waiting quietly for a while, Xia Juhua smiled bitterly again.
Who was she expecting to answer?
Just two or three years after the land was contracted to households, her two sons asked to separate from her. She looked at her eldest son's three grandchildren and her youngest son's two children, and her heart was bleeding, but she agreed. After her two sons built their own houses, she was the only one left in the old yard. When there was no one to look after the grandchildren, they would be pushed to the gate of the old yard by their mother. Usually, there was no one walking around.
On countless nights like this one when no one responded, Xia Juhua would occasionally wonder if she shouldn't have agreed to split up. Then she would shake her head and think that her decision was right.
At that time, everyone thought that policies could change at any time, and it was a good idea to build a house and establish a foundation for the children while they had some food and money. The small courtyard I built could only be squeezed together as my grandchildren were born one by one, but if my grandchildren got married, they would not be able to live separately.
It was a good thing that her sons could build their own houses. Her sons were capable. Moreover, her sons and daughters-in-law assured her that they would give her a room in the new house. If she didn't want to live there anytime, she could just tell her sons and they would take her there to take care of her in her old age.
Xia Juhua was relieved at the time, and her heart had long since stopped bleeding. She even quietly gave the little money she had saved over the years to her two sons. She only had two sons, and they needed money to build a house. If she, as a mother, didn't contribute some money, how could they have the nerve to live in the house reserved for them in the future? !
The sons' new houses have been built, with neat courtyards made of green bricks and red tiles. Xia Juhua was happy for her sons as she heard the crackling sound of firecrackers. She helped one move boxes and another carry bags, and she was very happy in her heart.
"Auntie Liu, now that our son has moved away, you can do whatever you want." The helper teased her.
She was still laughing along with everyone else when someone next to her said, "It's not just Aunt Liu who follows her heart. Caifeng and Hongmei have also made it." After saying that, she looked meaningfully at the first person who spoke to Xia Juhua.
The first person responded with an equally deep smile: "It's all done, it's all done. Today is a happy occasion for both families, so hurry up and don't waste time moving."
Xia Juhua was stunned on the spot, just like she was today when she was pushed out by her grandson and stood in front of the closed gate. She was quiet but not stupid, she understood what the speaker meant.
There were two happy events in both families, but she was not in either family. They both made it through, but she was not among the people who made it through.
On the contrary, she is the one who makes people have to endure and leaving her becomes a happy event.
The pain I felt at that time, with the push from my eldest grandson, has carved a hole in my heart again today.
"If you come to visit less often every day, the child will be better..." The eldest grandson's voice echoed in Xia Juhua's mind.
"No, the child will be better, better...then we'll never see each other again." Xia Juhua still smiled bitterly, but her hands steadily poured the powder from the crumpled yellow paper bag into the cup in front of her.
The lights in the room were still dim, but Xia Juhua seemed to see fine powder melting in the water bit by bit, slowly filling the entire cup. The warm cup of water did not make Xia Juhua feel warm. Her heart, her flesh, and her bones were all cold.
After exhausting all her strength, Xia Juhua finally brought the cup to her lips, with a bitter smile on her face. She could imagine that tomorrow or a few days later, when others found that her body was no longer breathing, she would definitely say to her children and grandchildren: This is a happy event, she finally made it through.
Who isn't suffering? It's just that some people's suffering is seen and sympathized by others, while others' suffering is ignored, or even if noticed, it becomes the suffering of others.
She thought she had used up all her strength to bring the cup to her mouth and needed to slow down, but she actually still had a little strength left in her body, enough for Xia Juhua to tilt the cup to her mouth and let the warm water mixed with the powder pour into her mouth.
The moment the warm water slid into her throat, it finally made her feel a little warmer. It was like her mind was opening a gate, and her life experiences kept appearing in front of her. Two bean-sized tears, like Xia Juhua's regret and unwillingness, flowed from the corners of her trembling eyes.
If she could live her life over again, she would never let anyone call her the best, and she would not try hard to treat everyone equally - she would not be partial to anyone but herself!
"Mom, what's wrong with you?"
Who, who is asking this question? Xia Juhua didn't close her eyes, but habitually smiled bitterly: I must be hallucinating. There is no one else in the old house except me. My children and grandchildren wish that I would never appear in front of them again. Maybe they will be asked to deal with my funeral only when I stink.
"Mom, is the water Hongmei poured too hot? Should I ask her to change a cup for you?"
Hongmei? Xia Juhua thought she heard her youngest son's voice, and the bitter smile on her face was a little sarcastic. If she hadn't married that troublemaker, she wouldn't have become the perfect mother-in-law in other people's eyes.
"Milky, milk." Someone hugged Xia Juhua's thighs, making a baby voice that sounded a bit like her great-grandson.
I don't want to think about it anymore, I don't want to think about it anymore, my children and grandchildren will have their own blessings. I am really like the one others have abandoned me. I can't stop thinking about it even when I am dying. I still want to hear the voice of my great-grandson. His father has told me not to visit him.
"Mom, do you think there's not enough brown sugar? I'll go add some more for you." The sound, like fingernails scraping across broken tin sheets, is the mark of the youngest daughter-in-law, Sun Hongmei, and the instigator of Xia Juhua being known as the best mother-in-law in the second half of her life.
Hearing this voice, Xia Juhua opened her eyes suddenly. She wanted to remember Sun Hongmei's face. If she really had another life, she would remember to stay away from people with this face.
The room suddenly became much brighter. Xia Juhua discovered that her sons and daughters-in-law actually appeared in the main room. What was even more surprising was that each of them looked much younger, exactly like the second son when he had just gotten married.
How did they all become so young? Xia Juhua looked at her sons and daughters-in-law with some confusion. She found that her youngest son and his wife were okay, but her eldest son and his wife were actually wearing patched clothes.
Are you trying to put the blame on yourself again?