Chapter 28 Okay, I was wrong.
Chapter 29
Xia Zhiyu's eyelashes trembled slightly, like the fluttering wings of a butterfly. Her face grew paler, revealing a fragile, inorganic quality, like porcelain. Even the way she turned her head to look at Jiang Zhiyan was fragile.
Jiang Zhiyan began his narration in a deep voice:
“I can’t say those disgusting things to you. I don’t want you to think I’m weak or incompetent. I hope that in your eyes I will always be someone you can rely on and trust, a safe haven that you can always find when you turn around.”
“I’ve had a terrible time since the breakup. Every day without you feels like I’m going through a trial. But the shareholders’ meeting is just around the corner. I not only have to outwit my second uncle’s people, but I also have to be wary of my own parents trying to frame me.”
"It's funny, look at the scar on my head, and here."
Jiang Zhiyan grasped Xia Zhiyu's fingertips as they touched the nearly five- or six-centimeter-long scar at the base of his hair on his forehead.
"This is the scar left by my dad pushing me down the stairs when I was four years old and hitting my head on the coffee table to protect his pregnant mistress. I was too young at the time, and the injury was on my head. The doctor didn't even dare to give me anesthesia when they stitched me up, saying that if it had been a few centimeters off, I might have become mentally disabled."
"I've forgotten almost everything that happened before I was five years old, but I still remember the pain of the needle piercing my flesh."
"After my grandfather passed away, my father became even more blatant in his methods against me. He bribed the driver and the nanny to sabotage the brakes and poison my food. I was only ten years old at the time, and now when I recall those events, I don't know how I survived."
Hearing this, Xia Zhiyu was drawn to the vulnerability in his tone. She unconsciously turned her head to look at Jiang Zhiyan, as if she wanted to say something but didn't. She only pursed her lips slightly, and a small dimple appeared on one side of her cheek.
Jiang Zhiyan mistakenly thought that his sentence had been reduced or that he had been forgiven because of that indifferent look in his eyes. He took Xia Zhiyu's hand and spoke in an increasingly pitiful tone, like a defendant in an American TV series trying his best to gain the sympathy of the jury.
The hotel was very cold, probably because the weather turned cold too quickly, as if we had suddenly jumped from the sweltering heat to the dead of winter. The central air conditioning hadn't caught up yet and was still blowing cold air. The room temperature was very low, much colder than outside.
Xia Zhiyu's hands and feet were freezing cold. She buried the lower half of her face in her scarf and listened quietly to Jiang Zhiyan's narration.
From his parents' relationship to his studying in the US alone, from his fierce internal conflict with his second uncle to the betting agreement signed by his maternal grandfather.
Especially when she was making a fuss about quitting her job some time ago, Jiang Zhiyan was wavering between him and his second uncle because he had several major clients who could play a decisive role in the company's future. During that time, he felt like he was walking on a tightrope, so he was particularly bad-tempered.
She listened intently to Jiang Zhiyan's troubles and pain, as if this could provide a response for Xia Zhiyu, who had been kept in the dark for years and had broken down in tears on countless nights.
"I see. I'm so sorry you had to work so hard the other day. You had so many things to do at home, and you still had to take the time to worry about my resignation."
Xia Zhiyu thanked him politely, her eyes gazing at him quietly, as gentle and clear as ever.
This indifferent gentleness felt like someone was holding a knife, the hilt pressed against his chest skin, penetrating inch by inch, with beads of blood oozing out along the blade, more and more.
A dull knife grinds you down, and when it draws blood, it's deadly.
Jiang Zhiyan felt as if she had fallen into an ice cave.
Xia Zhiyu smiled and said, “You’ve taken good care of me these past few years. We’re both in Chuancheng now, so let’s have a meal together. There’s a famous Sichuan restaurant nearby that I’ve wanted to take you there for a long time.”
A long time ago... Jiang Zhiyan remembered this incident.
Xia Zhiyu only mentioned once whether or not to come to her hometown. At that time, she had just graduated with a master's degree and had not yet been beaten down by society. She naively held hope for her and Jiang Zhiyan's future.
Xia Zhiyu firmly believed that there were no insurmountable obstacles in the face of true love, so she bravely asked Jiang Zhiyan if he wanted to travel to her hometown, where there was a very good Sichuan restaurant.
The Chinese language is profound and complex, and Jiang Zhiyan could certainly understand what Xia Zhiyu meant. Moreover, Xia Zhiyu's eyes were full of expectation and excitement when she looked at him, and beneath the surface of love was the courage to spend her life with him.
But Jiang Zhiyan rejected the suggestion.
At that time, Jiang Zhiyan was more afraid of his family than anyone else, especially since he had met Xia Zhiyu's parents.
He had witnessed the warmth that flowed between her parents, and he was glad that Xia Zhiyu had grown up in a loving environment. Even if her parents didn't love her as much as she thought, a loving family is completely different from one without love.
At that time, Jiang Zhiyan was facing a major family crisis. His father's illegitimate children kept popping up one after another, and his mother's mental state was extremely unstable. She even went crazy in public, causing the company's stock price to plummet. He didn't want to witness other people's happiness at this time.
Given the extreme lack of family affection, Jiang Zhiyan finds it difficult to face a normal, happy family, let alone to greet it with smiles and laughter.
Jiang Zhiyan couldn't do it.
But he found it difficult to talk about this lack in front of Xia Zhiyu.
Men often have a peacock-like mentality when they are in front of their lovers; they hope that in Xia Zhiyu's eyes, every feather of theirs is beautiful enough.
Thus, this sense of pride became the biggest obstacle between him and Xia Zhiyu.
Xia Zhiyu never mentioned her past at her home again.
This strong sense of self-esteem, which shone with an inferiority complex, finally became the final blow that destroyed his five-year relationship with Xia Zhiyu.
...
Jiang Zhiyan's face turned ashen in an instant. He hadn't styled his hair today; his soft, short hair fell across his forehead, and his eyes, looking at her stubbornly through the strands, appeared exceptionally pitiful.
His voice was hoarse, yet it held boundless emotions, as if he were yearning for something, or perhaps confessing.
ridiculous.
Xia Zhiyu stopped smiling; her expression turned cold and genuine, her eyes filled with cruel indifference. She turned her head and stared intently at Jiang Zhiyan.
"What's the point of telling me this now? We've already broken up."
As she spoke, she suddenly laughed, "You wouldn't be trying to win me back, would you? How ridiculous, Jiang Zhiyan. What makes you think that after hurting me like that, I would still cling to you because of your pitiful words? Am I that cheap?"
"Do you need me to help you recall how you attacked me?"
Seeing Jiang Zhiyan's eyes grow even redder, Xia Zhiyu felt no sense of satisfaction from revenge; she only felt that she hadn't been treated right.
"Five years! You never told me this during our five years together. Why are you telling me now? Did you think that after you were wronged and hurt by someone else, you could erase the fact that you hurt me?"
"Isn't your suffering just an excuse you use to hurt me? What did I do wrong? I'm so innocent! Why should I be your punching bag?"
Xia Zhiyu grew angrier and more pained as she spoke. The dramatic emotional swings she had experienced over the past few years because of Jiang Zhiyan now seemed like a joke.
“I tolerated your mother saying I wasn’t good enough for you, I tolerated my colleagues at the law firm saying behind my back that I was a mistress, and I even told Lele on the night you asked if we should get married that I was planning to work as a lawyer for a while longer, just because you were fixing our mechanical clock that day, which made me mistakenly think that you still loved me.”
"I kept telling myself that you were doing it for my own good, that you were only saying those hurtful things to help me improve. I even thought at one point that I wasn't good enough, that you were so amazing, and that I had to work really hard to be worthy of you. I started to mentally manipulate myself, trying every possible way to find reasons for you."
"During the six months you were in the US, did you ever call me once? During the arguments before the breakup, you always said I was self-destructive and mocked me for not achieving anything and not looking for the reasons within myself. You said there were plenty of people who wanted to marry you, and you didn't need me."
“As an adult with normal values, you have denied the meaning of my work and life. I have found that no matter how hard I try, I can’t catch up with you. I am in so much pain that I can’t sleep all night. I have lost seven or eight pounds. I have somatization of depression, stomach problems, and I am taking more and more medications while sleeping less and less.”
"And now you're telling me that all your bad moods come from your parents, from your scheming family? What about me? What about the cold treatment and insults I've suffered because of you these past two years? Don't my feelings matter? Can I, Xia Zhiyu, be ignored?"
The air suddenly became still. Jiang Zhiyan trembled as he reached out and pulled Xia Zhiyu into his arms, burying his face in her shoulder, as if physical distance could bridge the gap between their hearts.
A cold, damp sensation spread across her shoulders. Xia Zhiyu tilted her head back forcefully, the cold air blurring her vision intermittently, and a chill spreading across her cheeks.
After a long silence, she asked in a very soft voice:
"Am I not an individual who deserves respect, consideration, and care?"
These words seemed to be directed at her, but also at Jiang Zhiyan.
Just like the moment when magma bursts through the crater, the sky darkens instantly, and the view is filled with rising volcanic ash, which engulfs the entire world.
In despair, Xia Zhiyu reopened her wound, which had begun to heal. The bloody cut not only stung Jiang Zhiyan but also her.
She knew that even if the wound from repeated openings eventually healed, it would leave behind hideous growths. Xia Zhiyu didn't want growths; she just wanted to properly remove Jiang Zhiyan from her world.
During her time at Wangcuo, it was like a wet healing process; no scabs formed, no scars were left, and the recovery was rapid. It was as if the damage Jiang Zhiyan had caused her would fade with time and be blown away by the Tibetan winds.
But now, Xia Zhiyu realized with a clear and desperate mind that her wounds seemed to never heal.
No matter how much time passes, as long as she thinks about how Jiang Zhiyan placed his face and dignity above her as an individual today, she will never be able to reconcile with Xia Zhiyu, who has been so demanding of herself for the sake of this love over the past five years.
"Jiang Zhiyan, tell me, what exactly do I need to do to piece myself back together?"
"How can I completely erase the harm you have done to me?"
Jiang Zhiyan thought that they missed each other simply because of a lack of information. He missed the opportunity to open up to Xia Zhiyu because of his pride, and he also missed the best time to win her back after the breakup because of his arrogance.
Before coming to Chuancheng, he thought that as long as the granularity was readjusted, there was still room to resolve the problems between him and Xia Zhiyu. Moreover, no matter how serious the problem was, it was essentially just an emotional issue. As long as there was still love between them, then none of these were problems.
Like I said, it's not like he's incapable of changing.
Looking back now, his thinking was just another form of condescension, like a client offering their own so-called solutions, unaware that these solutions were essentially creating more conflict.
It's simply because he never considered things from Xia Zhiyu's perspective.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Yu Yu. All those things before were my fault, but you can't just abandon me like this. At least my love for you these past five years has been real, and my sincerity has been genuine."
Jiang Zhiyan stubbornly repeated his apology, then raised his hand to wipe away the cold tears on her face. His tone was full of sorrow, and for the first time, a look of bewilderment appeared on the face of this man who always seemed so powerful and omnipotent.
Xia Zhiyu stared at him intently, forcefully breaking free from his grasp. Her eyes churned with emotions, a mixture of anger and pain.
She mocked sharply:
"Can a piece of paper be pieced back together after it's been torn? Can a broken mirror be restored? Jiang Zhiyan, don't you think your words are ridiculous?"
"How could you be so selfish? Do you think that just because you apologized and repented I'll forgive you? Your dignity is valuable, but my dignity and my love are worthless? They don't deserve to be valued, they should be ignored?"
"You ruined the love I cherished most for five years, do you want to ruin my entire future as well?"
Tears welled up inside, my throat felt blocked, I couldn't even make a sound, breathing became increasingly difficult, and I seemed to see double.
Jiang Zhiyan stubbornly held Xia Zhiyu's palm, unable to utter a single word in his defense. Only now, only when he clearly saw Xia Zhiyu's pain, did he realize how deeply he had hurt the only person in the world who truly loved him for such a trivial thing.
He wanted to make amends but didn't know how, as if his presence beside Xia Zhiyu now would only bring her pain.
This is what it feels like to be hurt so badly by your lover that your heart breaks and you can't breathe.
How many days and nights did his little fish suffer in those moments when he ignored it?
He dared not think about it.
I was too exhausted to even think about it.
—
Little Fish and Little River, the river cannot exist without the fish, and the fish cannot exist without the river, she and Jiang Zhiyan are a match made in heaven.
Now it seems like such a ridiculous and foolish idea.
The phone rang, and Xia Zhiyu's expression gradually cooled. It took her a while to calm herself down before answering the phone.
"Hello, Mom."
"I'm going back right away. I just ran into a friend on the way and chatted for a bit."
"Light soy sauce, right? Is Haitian brand okay?"
"Okay, bye-bye, Mom."
Her words were unusually brief, and Xia Zhiyu tried her best to suppress the sob in her voice, making her voice sound as normal as possible.
Her mother's health wasn't particularly good. This morning, she had just taken her mother's blood pressure, and the systolic pressure was close to 140, a very frightening number. Xia Zhiyu booked an appointment with a specialist for the afternoon and planned to take her mother to see the doctor.
The breakfast shop is so busy that her mother works non-stop all day long. She goes to the shop at three in the morning to mix fillings and knead dough, and in the afternoon she has to go back to the shop to prepare the noodles and vegetables for the next day. When she was young, this kind of hard work didn't seem like a big deal, but as she got older, all sorts of underlying health conditions started to appear.
Xia Zhiyu didn't want her mother to worry about her.
"I'll give you a ride," Jiang Zhiyan said softly, reaching for her car keys and coat.
"Need not."
After the volcano erupted, nothing was left; everything was empty and black.
Xia Zhiyu and Jiang Zhiyan are like this now; after saying all they can, she just wants to leave this suffocating person as soon as possible.
"My friend is waiting for me downstairs, so please don't bother."
She spoke politely and walked quickly. Jiang Zhiyan didn't even have the courage to stop her. He could only watch helplessly from upstairs as she got on Ren Yu's electric scooter and sped away from his sight.
—
Xia Zhiyu started secretly crying as soon as she got on the bus, and Ren Yu's words of comfort were broken by the wind.
She didn't want to tell anyone about her relationship with Jiang Zhiyan. When Ren Yugang pressed her for details, she only explained that Jiang Zhiyan had contacted her because there were still some things that hadn't been said before, and now that they were out in the open, everything would be fine.
Ren Yu has always been carefree; she believes whatever she is told without giving it much thought or asking any further questions.
"Just ignore that bastard Jiang Zhiyan. Next time you encounter something like this, just call the police. Don't let this kind of scumbag affect you anymore."
Xia Zhiyu nodded, sobbing, and changed the subject, "Have you sorted out your student registration issue?"
“There are still some minor issues with the paperwork. I need to go to the Municipal Education Bureau tomorrow, which may take a day or two. I’ll come back as soon as I’m done and help you with your family matters.”
“It’s okay, don’t rush. You go ahead and do your thing. I’ll see if I can mediate my dad’s matter. I think my parents don’t want to make things worse. They always feel it’s shameful to sue their own family.”
After saying that, Xia Zhiyu muttered to herself, "Although I don't know why they still consider those idiots who tricked me into acting as guarantors as their own family."
“I absolutely agree with you.”
Ren Yu escorted her downstairs, and the two went their separate ways. Ren Yu went to buy drinks and braised food, while Xia Zhiyu went home first to help her mother cook sausages.
Without Ren Yu interrupting, Jiang Zhiyan's image unconsciously resurfaced in her mind. The crying and arguing from earlier flashed before her eyes, and her eyes involuntarily reddened again.
-----------------------
Author's note: Fish (banging drums): I'm waiting for a kind soul to give me some nutrient solution, and I'll slap President Jiang with every bottle of nutrient solution I get!
President Jiang (clutching his swollen face, writhing in pain.jpg)
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