Chapter 56 A Restrained Melancholy
Chapter 56
Xia Zhiyu chuckled and joked, "That's how friends are. I treat them like my own father, so I have to be very tolerant of them."
The slight irritation on Jiang Zhiyan's brows subsided, and Xia Zhiyu's expression visibly relaxed as the topic turned to travel and work. She enthusiastically shared her experiences of traveling alone or with friends over the past few years with Jiang Zhiyan.
In recent years, Xia Zhiyu has traveled to many places through work. She has stood by the cable car in Dubrovnik and looked at the sparkling river, and lay on the grass in New Zealand overlooking Hobbiton. Most of her trips were undertaken alone. Xia Zhiyu has always felt that only in the midst of solitude can the thoughts buried deep in her mind truly shine.
In the past few years, Xia Zhiyu has traveled to almost half of the world, witnessing the most magnificent and spectacular natural scenery. She has also had her wallet and phone stolen by pickpockets on trains. She attended four Camus philosophy lectures at Harvard, listening to the most insightful philosophers in the world today speak eloquently.
Life is magnificent and brilliant, but also short and fleeting. Xia Zhiyu often feels fortunate that she has never stopped moving forward, reading thousands of books and traveling thousands of miles. In the four years she has been single, the world in front of her has become smaller and smaller, but the world in her heart has become bigger and bigger.
Jiang Zhiyan listened quietly to her narration, and gradually a picture of Xia Zhiyu over the past four years was drawn in his mind. Her lively figure emerged from the memory album that originally only had backgrounds and no people, adding a layer of bright color to Jiang Zhiyan's memory like the finishing touch.
“Sometimes I think I’m already very lucky,” Xia Zhiyu said with a touch of emotion. “I can enjoy freedom and happiness, and at the same time, I can make a living from it. By the way, have you seen my video from Antarctica?”
Jiang Zhiyan nodded, "Yes, I know. The Antarctic episode was very popular. I guess anyone who goes online should have seen it."
"You saw it too," Xia Zhiyu said somewhat embarrassedly. "When I posted it, I never expected it to become so popular. Because of this video, I even got my first high-priced advertisement. After splitting the profits with the platform, I paid back all the investment money I borrowed from my dad."
"That period was really happy."
Xia Zhiyu's tone revealed a hint of nostalgia. She waved her hand with a smile, "However, that was indeed the peak of my career. I feel that I can never make such wonderful videos again. When I go back and watch them now, I am even shocked at how I was able to come up with such a good work back then."
"No, you will create even better works in the future, and you will have many more peaks. You are just that amazing."
Jiang Zhiyan spoke very seriously, not as he was praising her. He genuinely believed that Xia Zhiyu would create even better works, and no one knew better than him how terrifying Xia Zhiyu's progress was.
Jiang Zhiyan has watched all of Xia Zhiyu's videos countless times, not just the Antarctic episode, but her first vlog and her last deep-sea diving video about the breadth and depth of life at the beginning of this year.
Jiang Zhiyan watched as her videos gradually became more complete and detailed, and followed in Xia Zhiyu's footsteps to every location she had unintentionally mentioned in the videos or comments, as if he could touch a tiny bit of her aura through them.
The violin shop in Edinburgh, the theater in Croatia... Jiang Zhiyan gazed at the places she had walked, and couldn't help but wonder if the wind blowing his scarf had also lifted the hem of her skirt and kissed the corner of her lips. What was Xia Zhiyu thinking when she saw these buildings and scenery?
Is it admiration or surprise? Is it emotion or indifference?
During those sleepless nights, Jiang Zhiyan would repeatedly ponder every word and phrase in Xia Zhiyu's videos and read through every reply she gave to her fans, trying to understand her feelings.
Fortunately, Xia Zhiyu has now personally told him her feelings, adding color to the painting.
Jiang Zhiyan's throat bobbed slightly, and his grip on the steering wheel tightened involuntarily. He reminded him, "The hair is sticking up again, on the left side."
Upon hearing this, Xia Zhiyu flipped open the mirror on the passenger side and started tying her hair up again.
The rearview mirror reflected Xia Zhiyu's short hair sticking up on her head, like a tender sprout just emerging from a lush meadow, exuding a familiar and powerful vitality.
Her hair is rather stiff, and even if she combs it neatly before going out, two stray hairs will still pop out from some unknown corner and flutter in the wind.
When she looks in the mirror and films herself, she subconsciously holds the mirror to her left because she thinks that side of her face looks better.
Over the years, Xia Zhiyu's little habits have never changed.
Jiang Zhiyan felt an indescribable sense of peace and tranquility, as if a wandering soul had found a home and found the peace it sought amidst the noise.
He gained too much too early—wealth, fame, and fortune. In the early stages of his life, he reached a peak that most people could never achieve in their lifetime. This early abundance of material possessions inevitably led to a spiritual lack.
Xia Zhiyu's appearance filled his world with another kind of magnificent vitality. Even after the breakup, the traces she left behind still made Jiang Zhiyan feel happy and fulfilled.
The green light flashed a few times, and the sleek, streamlined sports car stopped in front of the white line. The red light came on, and the countdown seemed to be suppressing the beating heartbeat of anticipation.
"Since your self-media career is going very well and you're happy, why did you suddenly switch to working behind the scenes?"
Jiang Zhiyan tilted his head and stared intently into her eyes, his gaze clear and unreadable. "I remember you used to hate those complicated and boring behind-the-scenes jobs."
"Fish, fish."
The repeated words, spoken with tenderness, carried an inappropriate intimacy when uttered by Jiang Zhiyan in this context. Xia Zhiyu's heart skipped a beat, and she instinctively looked up to avoid Jiang Zhiyan's gaze, her fingertips tightening around her bag strap in a self-protective posture.
Jiang Zhiyan's gaze lingered on the back of her hand gripping the bag strap for a moment without leaving a trace. He chuckled lightly. The way she twisted and turned the bag strap when she was nervous was just as adorable as before.
The wind blew in from the newly lowered window, and the scorching northern city was filled with the intense sweet scent of irises. The sweet scent lifted the turquoise pendant hanging on the rearview mirror, and the sound of the wood and stone colliding was crisp and tinkling.
The cold air was dispelled, and the atmosphere in the carriage suddenly became intense.
The ink lines strung together turquoise stones of varying sizes, like a bunch of grapes. The varying shades of blue-green resemble the lakes and mountains of western Sichuan, exuding a pure and translucent beauty.
The car slowly started moving, the wind ruffling her hair. Xia Zhiyu was somewhat dazed. She stared at the somewhat familiar pendant for a while before saying:
"Because I'm afraid I'll run out of ideas, afraid I won't be able to retain my audience, and afraid I'll fall behind the times."
His tone carried a hint of disappointment and sadness.
The essence of self-media is still an altruistic service industry, using the internet to weave a grand dream, and Xia Zhiyu is the dream maker.
The best videos are always from more distant and dreamlike corners, such as Croatia and Antarctica.
But as she visited more and more places and gained more and more viewers and fans, the voices of criticism also increased. Those things that once brought her happiness and joy are now like tall buildings that have stood for thousands of years in the wind and acid rain. Even if the foundation is tens of meters deep, there will still be a day when they collapse.
Xia Zhiyu was terrified of collapsing, and it was from that time that she gradually began to understand Jiang Zhiyan. Because of the fear of loss, he was timid and hesitant; because of the fear of change, he clung to his original position.
"The data from the year before last was so good that when I was choosing locations and storyboards, I started to unconsciously think about what the audience wanted to see. Would they like what I made? It sounds like a good thing, but I slowly realized that I seemed to have lost my ability to create."
“I strangled myself with a lasso, my mind was completely blank, and I didn’t update a single video for more than a month at a time. My camera and computer were piled high with footage, but I lost my ability to make judgments. Around that time, the platform contacted me to see if I could mentor newcomers, so I switched to working behind the scenes.”
Xia Zhiyu sounded relaxed, but Jiang Zhiyan could see the faint fatigue in her eyes at a glance.
He understands that feeling.
Xia Zhiyu has been a leader for too long, and has an entire studio to support. How can the boss show any hesitation? She certainly can't say anything in front of her parents. They are already worried about her starting a business, so how can she add more pressure to them?
Thus, the anxieties buried deep in one's heart and the nightmares that haunt one's midnight dreams have no chance to be spoken of. They will only linger like terrifying seaweed hidden deep in a lake, chilling one to the bone when contemplating this question.
The higher you climb, the colder it gets. After transitioning to behind-the-scenes work, she lost many fans who liked her videos. The newcomers she mentored initially didn't perform well either. During the most difficult times, she even had to borrow money from Lao Xia to pay their salaries.
Xia Zhiyu was tormented by anxiety for more than half a year. During that time, she always wondered if Jiang Zhiyan was in the same situation during his year in the United States, carrying heavy pressure but having nowhere to confide in, and being exhausted every day.
Until today, in front of Jiang Zhiyan, those emotions were like a water-filled balloon being punctured, bursting out along the cracks.
A wisp of hair at her temple was blown by the wind, then she tucked it behind her ear. Jiang Zhiyan gazed intently at Xia Zhiyu, watching the faint curve of her lips and her calm, resigned tone.
"But thankfully I made it through."
A simple sentence encapsulates the hard work and exhaustion she endured during that period, with her days and nights reversed.
Xia Zhiyu blinked hard, suppressing the bittersweet feeling that welled up from recalling the past. She wanted to ask Jiang Zhiyan how much longer it would take to get to the restaurant, but when she turned her head, she met the man's serious gaze, which was also filled with a hint of heartache.
A sense of unreality, as if time and space were intertwined, slowly rose in my heart.
When she and Jiang Zhiyan first got together, it was the same. Sometimes in the coffee shop downstairs from the office, or on a park bench, she would pour out her heart to Jiang Zhiyan little by little after losing Teacher Song. He would look at her calmly and tolerantly with his amber eyes, guiding her to express the sorrows hidden in her heart, just like now.
It's always been like this since they got together. Whether it's work or life, except for the time when they were arguing, Jiang Zhiyan always listened to her troubles.
These four years apart were actually the first time Xia Zhiyu had to move forward alone after leaving the ivory tower of school. She was in charge of everything at work, from negotiating collaborations and meeting with clients to socializing, writing new scripts and training programs.
Xia Zhiyu enjoyed the feeling of having her future firmly in her hands. She liked signing her name on contracts and stamping them with Yu Xia's official seal. She liked hearing people address her as "President Xia" with respect when introducing her.
The allure of success is irresistible; a life bursting with success is filled with celebration and champagne.
But when working overtime until late at night and standing on the high office building overlooking the northern city, Xia Zhiyu would occasionally feel a sense of loneliness, especially when she encountered problems but had nowhere to confide in. Xia Zhiyu would always think of Jiang Zhiyan quietly listening to her troubles.
Perhaps because Jiang Zhiyan was older, he took the initiative to shoulder her emotional burdens in the early stages of their acquaintance. Moreover, he was intelligent and insightful, always able to quickly understand what was troubling her, and then gently supported her falling emotions like a cloud.
Although later, when they argued, the cloud turned into a dark cloud filled with lightning and thunder.
Thinking of Jiang Zhiyan's harsh words back then, Xia Zhiyu chuckled and sighed, "Time flies so fast. Four years have passed in the blink of an eye. Now, when I think back to those so-called difficulties, they don't seem so hard anymore."
"Soon?" Jiang Zhiyan stepped on the brakes, his tone turning slightly cold. "I feel like these past few years have been very slow. Time seems to have been put on slow speed, one day has become two days, and four years have become eight years."
Xia Zhiyu's heart trembled slightly. She looked up at Jiang Zhiyan. The young man still looked calm and peaceful. When he lowered his eyes, his amber eyes were filled with gentleness. The sunlight surrounded him, and his soft hair was tinged with a warm color, making him look even more gentle.
His gentleness was unreal, as if the coldness and annoyance she had sensed from Jiang Zhiyan's tone earlier were just an illusion.
Jiang Zhiyan now seems to be deliberately wrapping himself up with layer upon layer of disguise. His eyes are calm and warm, but beneath that calm sea lies some obscure shadows that she cannot see.
Before she could finish speaking, Xia Zhiyu immediately shut her mouth. She shook her head and said nothing more when Jiang Zhiyan gave her a questioning look.
Curiosity is reasonable, but given her current relationship with Jiang Zhiyan, she has no right to be curious about exploring his life.
She needs boundaries, and so does Jiang Zhiyan.
Just then, her phone vibrated twice, and Xia Zhiyu lowered her head and typed furiously.
The carriage fell silent again, but this silence was tinged with a cold, rigid, and heavy sense of stagnation. Jiang Zhiyan's expression was unusually cold, with a restrained melancholy in his eyes.
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Author's Note: Bao Bao: Why do some people love to criticize others so much? (Disdainful face)
A guessing game (no prize) – how long can President Jiang hold out? [starry-eyed]
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