Chapter 44 Don't Love Me, It's a No-Nature Story
Chapter 43
“Oh dear, that was so long ago, how come my mom still remembers such trivial things?”
Xia Zhiyu raised her eyebrows slightly, her tone naturally carrying a hint of helplessness.
She knew she shouldn't have cried in front of her mother. They had clearly agreed that it wasn't a big deal and told her not to worry. Who knew her mother would hold a grudge for so long? And now Jiang Zhiyan knows about it, making everyone unhappy.
But these little things are long gone from her mind.
For Xia Zhiyu, it was better to compare the prices of the three or four rows of toothpaste in front of her than to talk to Jiang Zhiyan about these trivial things that had long passed.
Wouldn't it be better to just let bygones be bygones?
Jiang Zhiyan clearly saw the indifference on Xia Zhiyu's face. She had a nonchalant smile on her lips, and her eyes were fixed on the shelves.
His fingertips unconsciously touched the cigarette pack in his pocket and tapped it a few times, a little bit of indescribable anxiety spreading in his heart.
“It’s not a small matter. I made a lot of wrong choices back then, which is why I hurt you. You must be very sad to cry, let alone the fact that you’ve cried so many times.”
"I'm sorry, Yu Yu, it was my fault."
The atmosphere suddenly froze.
Jiang Zhiyan used to think that apologizing was the most meaningless thing in the world. He believed that it was better to use the time spent apologizing to think of new solutions, negotiate with other new clients, make up for losses, and salvage the situation. These methods were a hundred times more useful than apologizing.
But when Xia Zhiyu stared into his dark eyes, all that arrogance and invincible life experience vanished like faded labels, leaving no trace.
He only had a thousand, ten thousand apologies left to say to Xia Zhiyu.
But Jiang Zhiyan also knew that the person who cared least about his apology was Xia Zhiyu, just as she now seemed completely indifferent to the pain she had suffered in the past.
Jiang Zhiyan's phone suddenly vibrated in his pocket. He coldly hung up the phone without even glancing at it.
Xia Zhiyu suddenly remembered that when they had their last argument, Jiang Zhiyan had also hung up the phone in front of her in the same way, back when they hadn't broken up yet.
Unexpectedly, they have already been separated for half a year.
Time flies.
With the intention of changing the subject, Xia Zhiyu quickly said, "I can stay here at my place. If you have work to do, you can go ahead and take care of it."
The Jiang family has just completed a generational change, and it's obvious that Jiang Zhiyan will have a lot to deal with. Those with disloyal intentions from the previous team need to be replaced, and how to distribute the spoils among his own people is also a problem.
To be honest, Xia Zhiyu couldn't quite understand why Jiang Zhiyan had time to stay downstairs at her house all night. Shouldn't he be busy dealing with the aftermath of the Jiang family's problems right now?
Jiang Zhiyan said nonchalantly, "It's nothing. This little thing at work is nothing compared to you."
Xia Zhiyu looked up at him, momentarily stunned.
Sometimes, life is quite amazing. When she heard Jiang Zhiyan's words, she first felt a sense of detachment, as if things had changed and people were no longer the same. This was followed by a mix of laughter and tears and embarrassment.
But if it were her two years ago, she would have burst into tears of grievance when Jiang Zhiyan spoke like that, and she would have cried and said something like, "How come you only found out about this now?"
When their relationship was stable, Xia Zhiyu loved to act coquettishly and also liked to express her thoughts frankly.
For example, there was that memo that asked Jiang Zhiyan to buy her a plane ticket to the United States without her even asking.
After all, people who firmly believe they are loved are always fearless.
“Zhiyan, you didn’t think this way before,” Xia Zhiyu said, looking directly at Jiang Zhiyan in a gentle tone.
When Jiang Zhiyan heard Xia Zhiyu suddenly speak to him in that familiar, soft tone, his heart skipped a beat. A faint hope began to spread in his heart. His throat bobbed slightly, and he opened his mouth as if to say something.
To everyone's surprise, Xia Zhiyu then jokingly said, "Why is your philosophy of life regressing instead of progressing? People should live a life of value!"
A single, simple sentence extinguished all of Jiang Zhiyan's hopes. His expression froze, and his heart ached as if it were being slowly ripped open by a dull knife.
Jiang Zhiyan's brows furrowed with intense anxiety. He gripped Xia Zhiyu's wrist, his voice heavy with suppressed emotion, "It's not that we're regressing, Yuyu, I regret it every single second."
"I regret not comforting you when you were crying, and I regret saying so many sharp and hurtful things during our argument. They were all small things, but because of my arrogance and pride, I let these wounds deepen and worsen, deceiving myself into thinking that everything between us was fine, and pretending that everything I did was right."
“I don’t know what I was so proud of back then. I can’t understand why I didn’t chase after you after we argued in Shanghai. We were so close. I even went to the hotel you booked and saw you coming downstairs in slippers to buy chocolate at 7-Eleven in the early morning, your eyes red. I should have gone up to apologize to you then…”
As Jiang Zhiyan spoke, his voice became slightly hoarse.
The cold white light shone on his angular face, his jawline visibly tense, and his dark eyes filled with restrained emotions.
“When I returned to my home in Beicheng from Chuancheng a while ago, Xia Xiaojiang scratched me twice without warning, and then ran around the house in a fit of anger, breaking my water glass. I know he was thinking of you, and he was angry that you disappeared as soon as I got home.”
“I’m also very sad. I went to Mount Tai, which we climbed together, and walked along the beach where we strolled. I felt like a homeless vagrant, stubbornly searching for traces of the past, as if only in this way could I feel a little bit of the taste of life. Last Sunday, I received a postcard from the future that I sent when I was traveling in Guilin. The closer we were when we wrote the postcard four years ago, the more painful it was for me when I received it.”
"It wasn't until I lost it that I realized how precious the happiness I once had was. I'm a harsh person, demanding in my actions, and have a terrible personality. You tolerated me for a long time, and I regretted it for a long time and thought about it for a long time. Until today, when I saw your parents' loving relationship, I realized that this is what I truly crave. Money is not important, the Jiang family is not important, only you are the most important. Without you, the future is a hopeless blank for me."
Jiang Zhiyan's expression was tense. He stared intently at her, his eyes gleaming with a certain sparkling light.
Xia Zhiyu felt a pang of sadness, and even felt a surge of urge to respond to Jiang Zhiyan.
She had also experienced those warm memories. That postcard was a future expectation she and Jiang Zhiyan wrote together. The memories and emotions were just hidden in a corner of her mind. Once some things are recalled, the beautiful feelings of the past will come flooding back.
Especially for someone like Jiang Zhiyan, who is even somewhat emotionally detached, to say such things, he must have thought about it a lot in great pain, scrutinizing every detail of his past actions to find fault. Just thinking about it makes Xia Zhiyu feel sad for Jiang Zhiyan.
How could she not be sad? Jiang Zhiyan was someone she had loved deeply and attentively; during those five years, every move he made tugged at her heartstrings.
"Fish, fish."
Jiang Zhiyan unconsciously tightened his grip on her hand, his chin taut and tense, like a tormented criminal about to be sentenced to death.
“Especially since my parents had that incident recently, my mother told me that she came to see you specifically to tell you that I’m in a terrible state.”
"I'm in so much pain, it feels like the whole world has abandoned me."
Xia Zhiyu suddenly fell silent.
She could certainly understand that feeling. When Xia Zhiyu was a child, she often experienced similar pain. The neglect and indifference from her parents were terrible, not to mention that Jiang Zhiyan was even being attacked by his parents.
Jiang Zhiyan held her wrist and slowly moved closer to her. Taking advantage of Xia Zhiyu's slight pity, he successfully pulled her into his arms. "Can you give me another chance? Considering how pitiful I am, let's start over, okay?"
Her soul trembled, and those unpleasant memories suddenly surged up, like a bucket of cold water poured over Xia Zhiyu, jolting her awake.
"cannot."
Xia Zhiyu broke free from his grasp and interrupted Jiang Zhiyan without hesitation, her tone laced with coldness.
The man's deep eyes fell quietly on her. Even after staying up all night, he exuded a detached and aloof noble air. Especially when Jiang Zhiyan lowered his eyes and looked at Xia Zhiyu with his narrow eyes, even the supermarket in the background seemed more expensive.
Others have a built-in soft-focus filter, but Jiang Zhiyan is different; he has a built-in idol drama male lead filter.
Whether it's the expensive, handcrafted suits and shoes or the tie clips that shimmer with priceless and captivating colors, everything exudes an air of luxury and wealth from high society.
Jiang Zhiyan is really rich. So rich that as long as she bows her head to him, not to mention the meager sums her family spends, even Er Gouzi, whom she keeps in her hometown, can turn around and shamelessly declare himself to be the Celestial Dog, and have a bunch of people flattering him.
Having money is a wonderful thing; it can make life easier, let alone being with someone as wealthy as Jiang Zhiyan. It's like starting a life on easy mode.
Moreover, when Jiang Zhiyan, the handsome and dashing CEO who inevitably evoked feelings of resentment towards the rich, lowered his noble head before her and said, "Please get back together with me out of pity for him," Xia Zhiyu unconsciously felt a surge of self-satisfaction regarding her personal charm.
But at that very moment, the excruciating pain she felt during the time before the breakup was jolted back to her senses, ringing out in her mind like an alarm bell.
Jiang Zhiyan is very rich and powerful, but so what? He's like a gold-embroidered robe with poisonous thorns tied around his skin. It looks beautiful, but it stings the skin when you wear it.
She was beautiful, but she couldn't bear the pain.
“Zhiyan, we’re not right for each other,” Xia Zhiyu took a half step back, her beautiful almond-shaped eyes looking at him quietly. A slight ripple appeared in her eyes, but it quickly subsided. “We’re not right for each other in every sense of the word. Do you remember why we broke up? It was because I felt that you had extinguished my sense of self. Others looked down on me, and even you thought I was no good. I was very unhappy.”
“If we get back together, I will inevitably return to that social circle and relive those extremely painful past experiences.”
Jiang Zhiyan grabbed her hand, eager to explain himself.
Xia Zhiyu didn't give him a chance to speak. "I'm doing very well now. I have aspirations and dreams. It doesn't matter if it's a little tough or difficult. I live a valuable and meaningful life. I don't want to live under your wing anymore."
“I heard from Chen Yue that you arranged the hotel car during the storm, and you also found the lobby manager who came to comfort me and the driver who took me to the hotel when we argued in Shanghai. I can’t deny how good you are to me, but I can’t condone your actions.”
"The lesson I learned from the five years we spent together is that in the end, you can only rely on yourself. So I need to strengthen my own wings. I can't always stay in the sky that you've selected. Zhiyan, even if you're just a small fish, you should have the right to choose whether or not to leap over the dragon gate, instead of being protected in a beautiful coral reef."
Jiang Zhiyan gripped her wrist even tighter, his heart throbbing with pain, yet he couldn't find a reason to defend himself, and could only manage a strained promise:
"I will never do anything disrespectful to you again."
Xia Zhiyu simply smiled, her expression gentle.
He glimpsed from that gentle smile the truth that Xia Zhiyu didn't care about his words at all. Of course, she didn't need to care. As long as she didn't agree to get back together with him, she wouldn't be affected by him.
Jiang Zhiyan once again experienced this wave of regret mixed with sadness, like a tide that never subsided.
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