5. Regret
Su Wanting ignored Liu Tingting and just looked at Xiao Cixiao, saying softly, "The weather has been cold lately. You should take care of yourself and don't stay up too late."
"None of your business is my business." Xiao Cixiao's tone was still cold, and he didn't even look at her.
"If you have nothing to do, please go out first and don't disturb me and Aunt Liu here."
Su Wanting's heart was completely chilled.
She looked at Xiao Cixiao's cold eyes and the smug smile on Liu Tingting's lips, and finally realized that she had become a redundant person in this family.
She turned and left silently, and the moment she walked out of the study, she couldn't help but burst into tears.
Such things happened again and again after Liu Tingting entered the mansion.
Su Wanting's heart gradually became numb after being hurt again and again.
She no longer took the initiative to care for Xiao Cixiao, no longer prepared breakfast for him, and no longer mended his clothes.
She thought that this would reduce the harm and make her feel better.
That night, Xiao Cixiao came back from the court and just as he walked into the gate of the Xiao Mansion, he encountered an assassin.
The assassin, holding a dagger, stabbed at Xiao Cixiao. Su Wanting happened to be coming out of the main room. Seeing this scene, she rushed forward without thinking and stood in front of Xiao Cixiao.
The dagger pierced deeply into Su Wanting's arm, and blood instantly dyed her sleeves red.
Xiao Cixiao was stunned for a moment, then reacted quickly, kicked the assassin away, and helped Su Wanting up.
"How are you?" There was a hint of panic in Xiao Cixiao's voice. This was the first time Su Wanting heard any emotion other than coldness and disgust in his voice.
Su Wanting looked at Xiao Cixiao, feeling delighted. She thought that by risking her life to save him, she could change his mind and show him her true feelings.
But she didn't expect that Xiao Cixiao's next words would make her fall into complete despair.
"Where is Aunt Liu? Is she frightened?" Xiao Cixiao looked around, not caring about her injuries, but instead thought of Liu Tingting first.
At this moment, Liu Tingting ran out from the west wing. Seeing Xiao Cixiao, she quickly threw herself into his arms, her voice filled with tears: "Sir, I'm so scared. I just heard some noise outside and I thought I would never see you again."
Xiao Cixiao quickly hugged Liu Tingting and patted her back gently, his tone so gentle that water could drip out of it: "Don't be afraid, I'm here, no one can hurt you."
He looked down at Liu Tingting, his eyes full of heartache, as if Su Wanting, who had just risked her life to save him, was just an insignificant stranger.
Su Wanting looked at the scene in front of her. The wound on her arm was painful, but the pain in her heart was even worse than the wound.
She watched Xiao Cixiao gently comforting Liu Tingting, and watched him turn a blind eye to her injuries, and finally understood that in his heart, she was not even as good as a concubine.
In his eyes, her risking her life to save him might just be an unnecessary farce.
"Xiao Cixiao..." Su Wanting's voice trembled slightly. She looked at Xiao Cixiao, hoping that he would look back at her and say something caring to her.
But Xiao Cixiao didn't look back. He just hugged Liu Tingting and turned to walk towards the west wing.
When he reached the door, he remembered Su Wanting, stopped, and said to the housekeeper: "Find a doctor to check the lady's wound. Don't let her die in the Xiao Mansion and bring shame to the Xiao Mansion."
After saying that, he carried Liu Tingting into the west wing and never looked back.
Su Wanting stood there, looking at the closed door of the west wing, blood continuously flowing down her arm.
Her heart seemed to be hollowed out, leaving only cold despair.
She thought of everything she had done for Xiao Cixiao in the past five years: preparing breakfast for him, mending his clothes, paving the way for him to use the Su family's connections, and even risking her life to block the assassin's arrow for him.
But what she got was his disgust, his indifference, and his tenderness and heartache for another woman.
It turned out that all her efforts were just wishful thinking. It turned out that her five years of love were worthless in his eyes.
That night, the doctor treated Su Wanting's wound and told her that the wound was very deep and she needed to rest well.
But she didn't sleep all night. The pain in her arm and the pain in her heart intertwined with each other, almost making her collapse.
She looked at the dark night sky outside the window and for the first time began to doubt what she had been persisting for for the past five years.
Perhaps, from the beginning, she shouldn't have fallen in love with Xiao Cixiao.
The late spring rain drizzled for half a month, and the bluestone pavement in the Xiao Mansion was covered with moss, like cotton wool soaked in water, which made Su Wanting feel heavy in the heart.
She sat by the window, clutching a wrinkled letter from home in her hand. The edges of the letter paper had been rubbed repeatedly by her fingertips, becoming frayed. The eight words on it, "Father was falsely accused of collaborating with the enemy and has been imprisoned in the Heavenly Prison," burned her fingertips like a red-hot iron, making them numb.
"Miss, you've been sitting here for an hour. Have some hot tea to warm yourself up."
Qingdai came over with a teacup. Seeing her red eyes, she lowered her voice and asked, "How about... let's think of another way?"
Su Wanting shook her head, the tea was brought to her lips, but she had no appetite to drink it.
The heat clouded her vision, and she vaguely recalled the scene three days ago when her brother sent someone to deliver the news overnight. The servant was covered in mud, kneeling at the door of the main house, his voice trembling.
"My dear Miss, the Marquis... someone discovered his correspondence with the Northern Di people. His Majesty was furious and had him thrown into the Sky Prison!"
The Northern Di were the sworn enemy of the Dajing, and collaborating with them was a serious crime punishable by the extermination of the entire family. Su Wanting felt dizzy and had to hold on to the table to keep herself steady.
She didn't believe her father would collaborate with the enemy. He had guarded the border for many years, his body covered with wounds from the Northern Di people. How could he possibly betray his country? Someone must have framed him, someone must have used this incident to bring down the Su family!
But she was just a woman in seclusion, without her brother's military power or her father's connections. The only person she could think of was Xiao Cixiao.
Today's Xiao Cixiao is no longer the poor scholar who needed help from the Su family five years ago.
Relying on the connections paved by the Su family in the early years and having been appreciated by the emperor for impeaching corrupt officials, he is now a fourth-rank censor and has considerable say in the court.
If he was willing to come forward, perhaps he could find evidence and perhaps plead for his father in front of the emperor.
As soon as this thought came to her mind, Su Wanting laughed at herself. She had forgotten that Xiao Cixiao hated her, hated the Su family's "forced marriage" back then, and hated her "entanglement" over the past five years.
But now, she had no other choice. The Su family was her roots, her father was her heaven, and even if Xiao Cixiao hated her, she would go and beg him.
That evening, Xiao Cixiao returned from the court. As soon as he stepped into the study, he saw Su Wanting kneeling at the door.
She was wearing plain clothes, her hair was tied up in a simple bun, she didn't wear any jewelry, her face was as pale as a piece of paper, only her eyes still shone with a desperate light.
"What are you up to?" Xiao Cixiao's voice was as cold as the rain outside the door. He didn't even stop and walked straight into the study.
"I say again, don't bother me with these self-torture tactics."
Su Wanting took two steps on her knees and grabbed the hem of his shirt. The fabric was cold, rubbing against her palms. She looked up at him, her voice trembling uncontrollably, "Xiao Cixiao, please, save my father."
Xiao Cixiao lowered his head and looked at her hands that were grasping the hem of his clothes. Those hands were once very tender, the hands of a daughter of a marquis who had lived in luxury.
But in the past five years in the Xiao Mansion, doing laundry, cooking, sewing, and washing, she has already developed thin calluses, and there are a few shallow scars on her knuckles, which were caused by the burns from the medicine pot when she was boiling medicine for him last year.
A sense of strangeness inexplicably passed through his heart, but it was quickly suppressed by disgust.
He raised his foot to shake her off, his tone even colder: "What does the Su family's affairs have to do with me?"
"How can it be unrelated?" Su Wanting's tears finally fell, hitting the bluestone slab and creating a small stain.
“If it weren’t for my father stepping in, your father’s case wouldn’t have been settled, and you wouldn’t be in the position you have today!
Xiao Cixiao, I know you hate me and the Su family, but for the sake of our five years of marriage and the kindness the Su family has shown you, please save my father!
She emphasized the word "favor", as if to remind Xiao Cixiao, and also as if to remind herself, that the transaction between them was one of favor for favor.
But when Xiao Cixiao heard these two words, his face suddenly darkened.
"Favor?" He sneered, bent down and pinched her chin with such force that Su Wanting frowned in pain.
"Your so-called favor is using the power of the Su family to force me to marry you, trapping me by your side for the past five years and making me live the way you want?
Su Wanting, don't forget, I have never asked your Su family to help me!"
Her chin was pinched so hard that it hurt, but Su Wanting didn't dare to hide. She looked at the coldness in Xiao Cixiao's eyes and the undisguised disgust on his face, and her heart felt like it was being pricked by needles, and it hurt a lot.
She knew that she was wrong back then, but she didn't expect that Xiao Cixiao would remember this "mistake" for so long, not leaving her even a shred of leeway.
"I know I was wrong," she lowered her posture, her voice almost pleading, "Xiao Cixiao, I apologize to you. I will never bother you again. I can even make room for Aunt Liu as long as you are willing to save my father. Please, okay?"
Xiao Cixiao let go of her hand, leaving several red marks on her chin.
He looked down at her, his eyes showing no sign of relaxation: "I have said that the Su family's downfall is their own fault. If you still want to stay in the Xiao Mansion, then be content; if you don't want to stay, you can leave at any time."
After saying that, he turned and walked into the study, closing the door with a bang, shutting out Su Wanting's pleading and the sound of rain outside.
Su Wanting knelt on the spot, the rain soaked her clothes, the coldness climbed up her knees, and she shivered all over.
But what was even colder was Xiao Cixiao's words.
He clearly had the ability to save them, but he refused to do so; he clearly remembered the Su family's kindness, but he chose to turn a blind eye to it.
Just then, the door of the west wing opened, and Liu Tingting, wearing an apricot cloak and holding a heater in her hand, walked over slowly.
Seeing Su Wanting kneeling on the ground, a hint of pride flashed in her eyes, but she quickly hid it and pretended to be concerned: "Sister, why are you kneeling here? It's so cold, be careful not to hurt yourself."
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