Xia Misheng didn't know what kind of person she was.
Perhaps in other people's eyes, he is a very frivolous and thuggish character.
But in my own eyes... it seems that's really the case.
He can't control himself, he really can't.
I only got married to appease my parents; even my marriage partner was chosen by them.
When I met Zhou Yu, I was actually attracted by her beauty. A beauty like her should have no trouble getting married. But after inquiring, I found out that her parents had passed away a long time ago. Rather than getting married early or late, she hoped to have a home.
This time, however, Xia Misheng seemed determined to seize the opportunity, showing her gentlest side and almost making Zhou Yu fall for her.
In those days, there was no such thing as a honeymoon period. If two people felt it was about time, they would quickly get engaged.
The parents were relieved, at least Xia Misheng had put on a convincing act.
But even after marriage, that nagging feeling resurfaced. He was unwilling to spend his whole life in this house. He thought about how his good buddies were all out having fun, and wondered what was the point of getting married so early.
Zhou Yu is a good wife, he knows that. She is virtuous, beautiful, gentle and good at managing the household. Her good qualities are countless. But Xia Misheng can still go out and seek out other women while keeping such a wife.
He hadn't realized the change in his identity; he was no longer the young Xia Misheng who could do whatever he wanted, but a married husband.
Zhou Yu had also been disappointed and had thought about making amends.
Not wanting her first marriage to end like this, she had Xia Lian.
Xia Misheng had visited her child at the hospital a few times, but she didn't have many feelings about it. She just felt that the family's expenses were going to increase again.
Before she could even react, Zhou Yu had already thrown the word "divorce" in her face. Xia Misheng was stunned on the spot, and the ash from her cigarette fell to the ground.
He originally thought he could live such a carefree life forever.
Going out to play and coming home to a wife's cooking—what an idyllic life! He was so caught up in this dream that he didn't even notice Zhou Yu's feelings.
Xia Misheng was not a good husband.
He was not a good father either.
Later, Zhou Yu and her child vanished from his sight as if they had evaporated into thin air, and more than a decade has passed since then.
When Xia Misheng saw Zhou Yu again, she stared at the familiar yet unfamiliar black and white smile on the tombstone, biting her lip tightly, as if she had eaten a bitter candy.
He felt a little sad, but at the same time, he felt that he had no right to be sad.
Xia Misheng placed the carnations in front of the tombstone, then lowered her head, unsure of what flowers Zhou Yu truly liked, so she simply bought a bunch at random.
The smile in Zhou Yu's photo was like a sharp blade, deeply piercing his chest. Xia Misheng trembled and let out a long breath, clutching his chest, unable to speak.
He never imagined that the woman who had been with him for several years would die, nor that he would even miss seeing her one last time.
Looking at the withered Zhou Yu, Xia Misheng hugged the small tombstone tightly, ignoring the strange looks from others in the cemetery, and muttered to herself with her head down.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..."
As Xia Misheng breathed heavily, she slowly closed her eyes, and memories of the past flashed through her mind like a revolving lantern until she heard a familiar voice in her ear.
"unnecessary……"
"What?"
Xia Misheng opened her eyes. The smile in the black and white photo had regained its color, but the smile was slowly disappearing, turning into a flat, expressionless mouth. It was still that familiar face, but the disgust on her face had become deeply ingrained.
"I don't need your apology."
Xia Lian shook off his hand as if she had touched something very dirty. Wen Mo, being very sensible, handed her a tissue and helped wipe her clean.
The face and voice were almost identical to Zhou Yu's back then. Xia Misheng was a little dazed. When she opened her eyes again, she was back in the interrogation room.
He collapsed to the ground, and it took him a while to slowly get up. He propped himself up in a chair and sat back down. When he looked at Xia Lian again, her familiar face was gradually disappearing.
She is not Zhou Yu, she is Xia Lian.
There was no such thing as mental illness, nor was there any such thing as being ill from longing. Xia Misheng was just afraid, afraid that Zhou Yu would really come back to find him.
When he learned that his daughter was still alive, his only thought was not joy, but rather to try to make amends for his mistakes in some way.
But things weren't as simple as they thought. They started searching from the small house where the mother and daughter had lived, turning almost the entire small county upside down, but still couldn't find her.
It was only later that I learned that the girl had no money left, and even the funeral expenses were paid by others.
He followed this clue step by step, searching from small towns to big cities, looking for every trace, and finally found Xia Lian at the entrance of a certain residential area.
Just as others described, this girl wasn't very tall, not even 1.6 meters, but she was quite beautiful, with big, blinking eyes. It was just strange that she didn't have many expressions on her face.
Later I learned that she wasn't expressionless, but Xia Lian's smile was always reserved for those closest to her.
For example, Wen Yiquan in front of us, and Su Juan sitting on the chair in the corridor waiting.
For example, Wen Mo tightly holding Xia Lian's small hand.
Xia Misheng swallowed hard, and with the most sincere voice he could muster, pulled a pre-prepared bank card from his pocket and placed it tremblingly on the table.
"My daughter..."
"Don't use that, call me by my full name."
Xia Lian's face showed a rare expression of displeasure, her beautiful eyebrows furrowed slightly, and Wen Mo stepped forward to block her way, standing like a shield beside her.
"Okay, okay, I won't call you that anymore..." Xia Misheng quickly waved her hand, almost pleading, "There's 100,000 yuan in this bank card. It's not much, but I still hope..."
"I don't need your money."
Xia Lian didn't even glance at the bank card; the coldness in her eyes was almost visible. She turned and pulled Wen Mo to push open the door. Just before she stepped out, she turned back and murmured, "I just want Mom to come back..."
"No! Listen to me! Don't go!"
As soon as he finished speaking, the door slammed shut with a "click." In the quiet interrogation room, there was only a police officer watching the show, and Xia Misheng, who was silently on the verge of collapse, sitting beside him.
The police officer understood what was going on, and a hint of sarcasm appeared on his face.
Want to use money to soothe your guilt?
That's incredibly naive.
He never felt guilty, or perhaps a little bit, but that little bit of guilt and regret meant nothing to Xia Lian.
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