Day 88
From the first day he came in, Bai Wenji knew that he was different.
It's not that he's arrogant.
When he referred to "different", he didn't mean it in a condescending way - okay, he admitted that there was a little bit, but it was definitely not serious enough to make him look down on everyone else.
What he meant was that it was more difficult for him to fit into the idol circuit than for someone who knew nothing to embark on this path.
It’s like the comparison between him and Shen Chi.
Chen Chi had only been learning singing and dancing for a month before coming to "New Century", but his singing ability and talent were so good that he quickly grew into a serious boy group vocal.
But he can't do that. He is not a blank sheet of paper. He has his own color. When this color is forcibly painted and changed into a new color, it becomes extremely difficult.
What's more, Bai Wenji didn't originally want to be an idol.
"Xiaobai, I know you insist, but I won't persuade you to stay." The master sat upright, the familiar kindness on his face disappeared, and turned into a kind of sadness.
"It's true that this industry is not doing well, but don't think you're the only one shouldering the heavy responsibility of revitalization. Your brothers and sisters are all here, and you won't be a big difference if you're not there."
"Yes, your injury isn't serious enough to require you to step back, but have you ever considered that because of this injury, it's impossible for you to be a mainstay?"
"Xiaobai, ask yourself this: with your personality, would you be willing to accept that you could never be the best?"
"I don't want to see you slowly lose your balance in this circle you love so much, and end up feeling resentful."
Bai Wenji's pain was unexpected, but irreversible.
After leaving the hospital, sometimes he couldn't figure out whether his persistence really came from his inner love or confusion about the future.
He has always been stubborn and has been like this since he was a child. He always strives to be the best and never admits that he has any problems - because he will practice until there are no problems.
So the titles of talented actor and excellent inheritor always accompany him, encourage him and affirm him. He enjoys everything amid flowers and applause, and he tells everyone that he loves this industry.
Really? Does he really love it?
Bai Wenji rarely thought about this problem, but when he really had to think about it, he resisted. After resisting, he found that it was useless, and he could only think about it disgustingly.
I like it, but I don’t necessarily love it.
If he really loves it, when the master asked that question, he would kneel down and beg with tears not to let him go.
But he didn't.
His heart gave him guidance. What he wanted was the satisfaction of doing something well and the sense of accomplishment that came from gaining recognition. He was not restricted to any industry or any track.
So Bai Wenji stood at "New Century".
But he found that not everything would go as planned after changing the track.
Before the second public performance, he could explain it by saying he was not used to it.
But that day, when he looked up at the figure dancing on the stage amid the noise backstage, who was completely different from the figure dancing in the audience, Bai Wenji admitted - he was a genius, but he was not a genius everywhere.
Just like today, before Jiang Pianpian pointed out their problems, he thought that only Fu Xunyan's rap had problems.
He thought he had done his best.
Bai Wen and the sudden low pressure were immediately sensed by the other three, but they found it difficult to understand why.
Da Pei doesn't like to meddle in other people's affairs except for himself and Fu Xunyan. Chen Chi is not old enough to understand this, while Min Hai is used to solving problems first.
Without Fu Xunyan around, no one would pay attention to Bai Wenji's delicate and sensitive sudden emotions.
So when Fu Xunyan finished watching ten videos, he went to Bigland for advice like a stalker, and even went around Zhang Chi and R.TAI. When he finally got the hang of it, he found someone who was emo and alone in the classroom.
Fu Xunyan even checked the house number again to make sure he didn't take the wrong road and didn't have any hallucinations.
That was Bai Wenji, a veteran artist who had entered the entertainment industry when he was less than ten years old. He was the one who had always been as strong as a rock, the one who always ridiculed others and had never been humiliated.
Fu Xunyan quickly went over what happened today in his mind. The only explanation he could get was the problems pointed out by his tutor during the mid-term evaluation.
But in Fu Xunyan's opinion, that was not a problem at all - when the boss tells you that you did a good job but the plan can be better, in the eyes of a humble worker this simply means straightforward affirmation.
It's passable, but I hope to see you do better.
That's all.
So, in Bai Wenji's eyes, the effect is different, right?
Boom boom boom
The lost young man raised his eyes slightly.
"It's you."
Without waiting for Fu Xunyan to say anything, Bai Wenji began to "confess".
"The three of them finished looking at today's review and couldn't find any issues, so they went to ask the choreographer who was present at the time if he had any comments."
His eyebrows were still drooping, casting a shadow on the floor, making him look inexplicably pitiful.
Bai Wenji has lost a lot of weight, and his training clothes look empty on him.
Suddenly, a box of ice milk was pressed against his neck. He raised his head and the other person's face, which sometimes made him jealous, was very glaring under the light.
"Who gave it to you? Are you a traveling frog?"
Bai Wenji took it without changing his expression, and was stopped just as he was about to poke the hole and take a sip.
"It's just to cool you down. You'd better let it sit for a while before drinking it, otherwise it will upset your stomach."
“…”
"People who drink two cups of coffee a day are not qualified to talk to me about nourishing their stomachs."
Both of them choked up because there was a joke in this sentence that made people laugh and had no meaning, but it was something that people would pay attention to.
But skip it.
"What's wrong? Are you feeling down because things aren't going well?"
"I guess so." Bai Wenji's teeth were still clenched tightly, but his throat was filled with an itchy feeling.
"Then I have to speed up the process." Fu Xunyan shook the paper in his hand, "I can't hold everyone back."
This comfort did not receive a response from the other party. Fu Xunyan looked at Bai Wenji's eyes staring at him for a while, and then suddenly felt a little frustrated.
"It's not because of your rap that I feel uncomfortable."
“…Why is that?”
Bai Wenji stopped talking again, or rather, he wanted to speak, but his instinct stopped him.
Then a very contradictory and struggling expression appeared on his face.
"Do you remember what I said when I was the first public official?"
"Yeah, remember, that part about proving you have the strength to match?"
Bai Wenji gave him a strange look, "Is your memory really that good?"
Fu Xunyan glared at him: "Didn't you ask me?"
After a long time, Bai Wenji was still speechless.
That fair face almost turned red from holding its breath, as if Fu Xunyan was bullying him.
But Fu Xunyan did not try to guide him to speak in an annoying way. Instead, he spread the paper on the ground and practiced his rap silently, as if Bai Wenji was not around.
"that is……"
“I feel terrible about myself.”
Finally, finally he said it, and Bai Wenji suddenly found that the words in his mouth were like a pump that had been opened and could not be stopped at all.
"I used to be able to do everything to the best of my ability, but the assessment just now made me realize that if I don't even realize the problem, there is no way to correct it."
"But discovering the problem is completely related to stage aesthetics..." Bai Wenji's eyes were filled with frustration for the first time. "So, does that mean I have poor aesthetics?"
Fu Xunyan: ...
"What makes you think that?"
Bai Wenji looked over and saw that the other party was genuinely surprised, with disbelief clearly visible in his black eyes.
"If your aesthetic taste is still poor, then the entire program team is dead."
"But why do I think our performance was—okay? Is it because I lowered my standards for myself?"
Fu Xunyan crossed his legs and solemnly reached out to hold Bai Wenji's shoulders, because he realized that he had to correct someone's wrong thinking.
"Is it possible that, like me, you've never been exposed to this style, so you don't know where the upper limit is? People who have lived their entire lives on Earth can't imagine the beauty outside the atmosphere, so you can't see that the problems on this stage are not something worth worrying about."
"It was just a very accidental occurrence."
By chance...?
Bai Wenji is like a stubborn child. He must have answers to all the problems in life.
He needs certainty, because only with certain problems, difficulties and obstacles can he solve them and gain the satisfaction of overcoming these obstacles.
But how can there be so many certain things in life? Too often, people don’t realize that there is nothing under their feet before they fall into a deep well.
Bai Wen was moved, but he didn't expect that what he was worried about was a bit like a joke.
The embarrassment on his cold face disappeared in an instant.
"But don't idols have to be good at every style?"
Fu Xunyan retorted without a second thought, "But you're still a trainee, aren't you? You're not some senior who's been in the industry for ten years, so why do you demand perfection right away?"
"Don't forget, we haven't even performed a brand new song together yet. It's normal that we have no experience."
"Just like my rap this time, I've seen other people perform before, but their performances are completely different from my own attempts. In the absence of experience, I can only try my best to listen and watch more."
Fu Xunyan has always pursued perfection that is "to the best of his ability". Although he would occasionally think about doing his best at the beginning of a story, he would never torture himself like Bai Wenji because of flaws in the result.
There is a world of difference between the two.
The stern young man finally regained his composure.
The excessive paleness on his face gradually receded, and the redness finally returned.
"That……"
"Hmm? What else do you need my comfort for?"
"...Don't be so blunt!"
"Hurry up and tell me, just this once, you are still my brother in terms of age. Do you have the nerve to let me comfort you?"
The man took a breath.
"So what are your shortcomings?"
What's the problem? What? Do you want him to report his shortcomings just to amuse himself?
What kind of weird habit is Bai Wenji good at?
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