roommate
Chapter Twelve
I think when Lan Feiyu told Ami about her worries that I would be angry, someone as clever as her should have realized that since I had met my older brother, I would definitely understand what she meant by proposing to become sisters.
She said I should be the older sister, which means... I'll be the eldest, and she'll be the youngest?
The moment that thought crossed my mind, I felt waves of nausea.
Recalling how Prince Asa walked with his arm around Lan Feiyu's waist during the day, I felt even more distressed.
The eldest brother's last words implied that Lan Feiyu was "forced to bow her head when she was under someone else's roof," otherwise neither of the two powerful princes would have let her go. She was alone and powerless, but her status was different. Even though she was a girl, it was hard to guarantee that someone with ulterior motives would not take advantage of her.
This reminds me of the numerous instances in history of royal brothers fighting amongst themselves, where even siblings from the same mother could be killed, let alone a sister like Lan Feiyu who was no longer of much value.
Put yourself in her shoes. If I were in her position, what could I do? Would I be more resolute? More unyielding than her?
Won't.
Even if I'm not afraid of death, I don't want to die in vain, becoming a wronged ghost along with my father and brothers.
Since my female identity allows me to depend on someone for survival, no matter how humiliating it may be, I will strive to live on until the day I have no choice but to die.
There's no need to sacrifice myself for "righteousness." I only have one life, and I want to use it to do things, not just to gain a good reputation.
The sentiment of "Death is the only hardship of the ages, and Lady Xi is not the only one to grieve," is a callous remark that anyone detached from the situation could easily utter. Even if one were to die for someone, it should be for a hero, for a lover, not for a coward.
Did Lan Feiyu have such thoughts? To endure humiliation and bear heavy burdens.
If so, how can she gain the trust of those two princes?
To become one of their wives or concubines, and then... persuade me?
Uh, no, I can't think straight anymore. As soon as my thoughts turn to this, the image of Prince Asa embracing Lan Feiyu keeps popping into my mind. The thought that he might do something even more intimate with Lan Feiyu in private sends chills down my spine and gives me goosebumps.
Understanding her situation is one thing, but truly accepting it is quite another.
I drifted off to sleep around dawn, probably because I was recovering from an illness. When Ami woke me up, I found myself drenched in sweat, as if I had just been pulled out of the river.
Ami seemed startled as well, and asked timidly, "Miss, are you sick again? The owner is right outside the room, shall I ask her to come in and take a look at you?"
When I heard that Lan Feiyu had arrived, I perked up and jumped up. The blanket slipped to the floor. Although the windows and doors were tightly closed, a strange gust of wind suddenly came from somewhere and rushed towards me, drilling into my nostrils. I couldn't help but sneeze twice, making my whole body tremble and my eyes and nose run.
Lifting my face from my palm, I disregarded my appearance and told Ami to quickly fetch me a handkerchief. I heard a soft sigh beside me, and a soft handkerchief was placed on my face, followed by a worried question: "Didn't you cover yourself properly last night? You've just recovered, don't catch a cold again."
For some reason, I felt a pang of sadness. I grabbed Lan Feiyu's hand and deliberately raised my voice, "If I get sick, you can take care of me again, right? Then I'll be even more grateful to you. I'll listen to whatever you say!"
After I said those words, I wanted to bite my tongue off. What did I do?
Lan Feiyu is neither a fairy aunt nor a young lady. Becoming sworn sisters with me is probably just a temporary measure. Even if she isn't, I'm still the older sister, so why am I being willful towards my younger sister?
Lan Feiyu silently wiped the dirt off my face, then turned and told Ami to go to the kitchen and get half a bucket of hot water. After Ami left, she looked at me again, silently turned her head, took a flower from her black hair, and held it out to me.
I noticed her attire today; the rather heavy bird headdress was gone, and she had tied her hair up with a red ribbon, with a smooth white comb sticking out of her hair. She wore a light gray, belted hunting outfit, looking dashing and heroic.
"Are you going hunting too? By the way, where are they?"
I didn't take the flower right away. I sniffed and looked away.
Lan Feiyu didn't feel an instant connection like I did; she had ulterior motives—this thought had been lingering in my mind ever since my older brother finished explaining the big picture yesterday, and even that poppy flower couldn't calm me down from last night until now.
"She left early this morning." Seeing that I didn't move, Lan Feiyu didn't press me. She also looked down at the flowers and answered softly.
We fell into an extremely awkward silence.
But my heart felt like it was being burned by fire. I bit my lower lip, torn between two conflicting thoughts: should I just ask her about Prince Asahi?
The older brother was using platitudes, which I don't know how to use; I can only be direct.
"Yu'er, you, the sisters you talked about yesterday, did you not mean sworn sisterhood at all?" I gathered my strength, channeling the word "courage" into every part of my body, and then typed in one breath, "Do you want me to share a husband with you? Or that Prince Asa? Not to mention that my older brother would definitely not agree, I would never even look at him. The reason I came here with my older brother is because I don't want to get married!"
Lan Feiyu stared at me blankly, without saying a word.
I blinked, almost turning the inexplicable surge of grievance into tears. But when I calmed down and thought about it, I found it ridiculous. What was there to feel wronged about?
Taking a deep breath, I said seriously to Lan Feiyu, "Regardless of what rumors you have, I am truly just a commoner's daughter. My elder brother is a prince, but I am not some princess. Your attempts to win me over are completely useless."
Having held back my question for so long, I figured since things had come to this point, I might as well go all out and blurted out, "You and that Prince Asa... were you... um..."
no!
Even the greatest courage couldn't get me to finish speaking. I was drenched in sweat again, and it wouldn't stop. If this continued, I could probably be used to water flowers if I were put in the yard.
Looking at Lan Feiyu again, her face was burning red. Although she was not a fair-skinned woman to begin with, I could still clearly see the bright red on her cheeks that was different from her skin tone. She must have understood what I meant, which is why she was so shy.
Realizing this, I felt even more ashamed. I secretly glanced at her and found that she was secretly watching me. I wanted to speak, but I didn't know what to say. She also looked hesitant.
The stalemate continued until Ami and another maid brought back the hot water, and, completely unaware of what was happening, asked Lan Feiyu, "Master, is this enough? The kitchen is still heating; if it's not enough, Ami and Acai can go and wait."
Lan Feiyu immediately stood up and said, "That's enough. Ami, you and Acai stay outside and I'll take care of Xi'er's changing."
The two maids happily agreed, stepped out of the room, and closed the door behind them.
Seeing that they had already brought the washbasin, towel, and a change of clothes, I said to Lan Feiyu, "You can go out too, I can do it myself."
“Xi’er…” Lan Feiyu called me softly. I sighed and said, “I don’t have any complaints about you. I just want you to be able to see that I am not a princess at all, not even a young lady from a wealthy family. I don’t want others to serve me when I bathe and change clothes. Firstly, I can do it myself, and secondly, I don’t have that habit.”
After I finished speaking, I got out of bed, poured the water from the bucket into the basin, and started washing my face. At the same time, I sighed to myself, "If my older brother knew that I was trying to get information out of him like this, and instead of getting anything out of him, I had revealed all my secrets, he would probably be extremely disappointed and think that I am a piece of rotten wood that cannot be carved."
After washing my face, I threw the towel into the basin and turned around to see that Lan Feiyu hadn't moved and was still in the same position, silently watching me.
“Xi’er,” she said, seeing that I had stopped, she walked to my side and said with her head down, “Xi’er, Prince Asa only wanted me to cooperate with him, to put on a show for the world. He likes beautiful women, but I’m ugly and dark-skinned, how could he possibly be interested in me…”
"...Have you taken a liking to Prince Asa? He does look more handsome than Prince Amuyo, at least he doesn't look as much like a bear." I continued her question.
Unexpectedly, this question also angered Lan Feiyu. Like a little girl, she threw the poppy in her hand into my washbasin, stared at me with her eyes wide open, and her face turned red again, but this time it was a completely different red. She moved her lips, but no sound came out, and her eyes also turned red.
I suddenly felt anxious, but the more anxious I became, the less I could speak. In a moment of impulse, I rolled up my sleeve, revealing the scar on my arm, and said, "We've become sworn brothers, haven't we? Why can't you just tell me what's wrong? We agreed to share the good times and the bad!"
Lan Feiyu's gaze fell on the wound on my arm. When she looked up at me again, her expression had returned to calm, but her tone was still somewhat unwilling: "Then how could you have thought I..."
She suddenly stopped talking, her face turning pale.
I secretly breathed a sigh of relief. It seems that my older brother was right. Lan Feiyu was living under someone else's roof. Although she was the daughter of the old king, if she couldn't find someone to rely on, she wouldn't even be able to protect her own life.
That old thought resurfaced in my mind: since Lan Feiyu is the rightful bloodline of the king, why can't we let her be the new king of Bozhou?
Being as ignorant as I am, I blurted out without hesitation: "Then why don't you try to inherit your father's position?"
Lan Feiyu's face drained of color instantly. She practically jumped in front of me. Even though it was just the two of us in the room, she suddenly covered my mouth with her hand, her eyes filled with terror. She hurriedly whispered, "Xi'er! Don't talk nonsense!"
I was so frightened by her that my hair stood on end. Without her help to cover it, I tightly shut my mouth and stared at her with wide eyes.
We stared at each other for a moment, then Lan Feiyu took a breath, let go, stepped back, glanced at the wooden tub, and said awkwardly, "Xi'er, you'd better hurry up and wipe yourself down, or the water will get cold. After you change your clothes, I'll take you somewhere."
As she spoke, a gentle smile appeared on her face, and she spoke in a normal voice again, "Those men have gone hunting, so there's no need for us to stay inside, don't you think?"
I could only nod; I had nothing else to say.
Lan Feiyu offered to help me wash and change, but I firmly refused. I've said it before, I'm not some rich girl, and I'd rather handle these private matters myself.
She didn't insist, and went to sit on the bed. She looked at me first, and at my coy request, she lay down with her back to me to rest. She mocked me, saying, "I was the one who wiped your body and changed your clothes for the two days you were sick. You're only feeling ashamed now. Don't you think it's a bit late?"
The process is unnecessary to go into detail. I awkwardly changed my clothes in Lan Feiyu's presence and found that she had prepared a hunting outfit for me that was similar to hers, with a waist-cinching vest on the upper body and a sheathed short knife directly tied to the vest.
"You'll need me to comb your hair, won't you?" Lan Feiyu looked at me with a smile, already holding a comb in her hand.
I obediently sat down, feeling her fingers pass through my long hair. My heart tingled, and I heard a cacophony in my ears, like a carpenter sawing wood. Even my breathing felt out of control.
God knows what's wrong with me.
After I finished combing my hair, I went to the basin, scooped out the poppy seed that was wet but thankfully still intact, and stuck it into the corner of my hair.
After finally getting everything ready, Lan Feiyu composed herself, opened the door, and Ami and Acai almost stumbled in.
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