Chapter 100: Waking Up from a Dream "From today on, you and I are free to marry, and neither of us...
Shen Changfeng's lips moved, but all the words were stuck in his throat. He found that he could not prove himself at all.
He had just chosen a backstreet as his contact point around the time of Xiaoman's accident. The middleman was indeed his informant, and all those working with him in the search were his comrades. His testimony was unconvincing in her eyes. Even more problematic, he couldn't explain why Xiaoman had developed a high fever after he found her, and her condition hadn't improved. To this day, Chen Huisheng asserts that Xiaoman might never regain her former mental faculties, and might even be in a worse state than before.
All he has is the trust of his lover.
But his lover doesn't love him, let alone trust him unconditionally.
A strong sense of unease surged in his heart, and Shen Changfeng struggled to squeeze out three words: "I don't have it."
When Lin Meiju heard his answer, she sighed and turned her face away.
He recalled her disappointment and hesitation when she questioned him on their wedding night. He also recalled her looking at him in the same way when she faced the messy pornographic albums on the floor, saying, "I didn't do it," with a sense of grievance and stubbornness.
But he was blinded by his own shortcomings and was arrogant. He did not listen to her explanation, nor did he take a good look at the tears on her face.
Two years later, he tasted the bitter fruit of his own actions. This feeling was called helplessness.
After the overwhelming helplessness came a flood of despair. He gasped for air and reached out to grab the driftwood, but an inescapable force yanked him by the ankles and sank him into the deep pool. His body grew heavier, and breathing suddenly became difficult. A sharp buzzing sound began to echo in his ears, and before him was pitch black.
He hugged the only person who could save him, kissed her lips, kissed the disappeared tear marks on her face, and whispered again and again: "Mei Niang, I didn't, I didn't..."
"Mei Niang, look at me, I don't have any, I really don't have any..."
But no matter how he begged, no matter how he caressed her, Lin Meizhu had no reaction at all, she just lay there straight. She quietly let him hug her, from beginning to end, never opening her eyes to look at him again.
Shen Changfeng's lips pressed against her forehead once again, and the warmth from his fingertips spread rapidly down her limbs. They were almost open and honest with each other, but their bodies, tightly embraced, felt colder than the other.
"Mei Niang, please open your eyes and look at me..."
"Mei Niang, I didn't. What do you want me to believe? Mei Niang, just look at me..."
He called out to his lover again and again until his throat was dry, his voice was hoarse, and the tears of the red candle filled the candlestick, but the only response he got was hopeless silence.
Shen Changfeng hugged her, but could not feel her presence. He looked at the dark night, his eyes gradually becoming sluggish, empty, and unfocused.
This experience is so similar, fate has come full circle, and the same thing happened to him again. Li Jieyi was forced to descend in order to explore the evidence of the Shen family's crimes, and Lin Meizhu pretended to be moved by him, just to find evidence in his study.
Lin Meiju's suspicion was like an extremely sharp knife stabbing into his softest and most fragile scar. Such pain was far beyond his endurance.
He had thought he had opened her heart and that everything was getting better, but now he realized that her heart was still tightly closed and would never open even a little for him again. Whether now or in the future, she would never accept him.
Realizing this, a huge sense of nothingness that was difficult to grasp came over him and swallowed him whole.
He felt that the world was so absurd that he couldn't help but want to laugh out loud, laughing at his own overestimation of his own abilities and his own wishful thinking.
He didn't believe in gods or Buddhas, but now he had a vague feeling that some things were predetermined. God had given him a sign long ago.
Once upon a time, when he was at Huguo Temple, he had prayed to the gods and Buddhas for guidance in order to help her find her lost hairpin. At that time, everyone he brought with him received a bad fortune. The abbot said that the Buddha had given the answer and advised him to let go of his obsession.
At that time, he was young and frivolous, with high aspirations. He trampled under his feet all the people and things that displeased him, and dreamed that he could overcome nature with human power, and felt that he would definitely be able to win back her heart.
This is a curse brought by his blood. His birth began with a mistake. Stillbirth was his best outcome, but he survived by chance. This was God's punishment for him, a fate he could not escape in his entire life.
He didn't understand love, and he learned to love her stumblingly. Today he realized that not only did he not understand love, he was also not qualified to be loved.
He doesn't deserve happiness in his life.
Lin Meizhu felt the hand caressing her face begin to tremble violently, and then, the chest holding her began to shiver. She heard Shen Changfeng's breathing become rapid, and his scorching breath gradually became moist. She pressed against his chest, the unusual noise beside her ear becoming too much to ignore. Her eyelashes fluttered slightly, and just as she was about to look up, she felt a pain at the back of her neck, and the scene in front of her eyes became blurry.
Shen Changfeng's eyes repeatedly traced the sleeping face of the woman before him, etched her image deeply into his mind. He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, his lips twitching weakly. At the beginning of the story, his arrogance had pushed her away, and now, prejudice had completely killed him in her heart.
This was a pipe dream that only he had taken seriously from the beginning to the end, and it was time for him to wake up.
When Lin Meiju woke up, she had returned to her room. He put back on her clothes one by one, not the wedding dress, but her usual clothes.
There was no discomfort in the body, only a slight pain in the lower lip, and it felt a little cold, probably because someone had applied medicine on it.
Shen Changfeng caught a glimpse of her checking her body, laughed to himself, and turned his face away completely.
Lin Meiju saw someone sitting in the room and heard a slight noise on the bed. She turned to the side very stiffly, leaving only half of her back exposed.
After a few moments of silence, he spoke, "I was drunk last night and offended you. It's my fault."
His voice sounded hoarse, as if something was stuck in his throat.
Shen Changfeng swallowed hard on his dry throat, took a few breaths, and then said the rest of the words: "It won't happen again in the future, please rest assured."
Without waiting for Lin Meizhu's reply, he continued, "I have submitted my letter of surrender to the government. Now is the time to recruit people, and I believe the court will soon issue an appointment. Before that, I will lead some of my men to leave Jiangling."
Lin Meizhu sat up and slowly loosened her grip. From holding the bone whistle for so long, a faint red mark had formed, causing some pain. She said, "Those maps... were letters I delivered. Everyone has their own responsibility. Don't blame them."
Shen Changfeng was not in a hurry to accept the imperial court's offer of amnesty at first, because he had the capital in his hands. He planned to conquer all the strongholds in Jingzhou, big and small, one by one. He could continue to expand his power and wait for the imperial court to offer him generous conditions.
However, his plans were disrupted.
The imperial army hesitated to act rashly against the bandits in Jingzhou because they were unsure of their true nature. The major gangs' hideouts were often located in the mountains, making them easily defended and difficult to attack. In a clash, the side unfamiliar with the terrain would undoubtedly be at a disadvantage, let alone gain an advantage. Otherwise, these incompetent men in Jingzhou wouldn't have been so cowardly as to allow the banditry to flourish to this day.
But starting a month ago, the imperial court suddenly took action because someone secretly provided them with intelligence.
That person was Lin Meizhu. She wrote down the useful information she had heard and seen in the attic into a secret letter and sent it out.
The geographical maps of those large and small mountain strongholds were all recorded bit by bit by him after repeated struggles, licking the blood from the tip of the knife, and writing them down bit by bit with a pen in hand while bandaged after fierce fights.
From the moment he first noticed the change in the court's attitude, he suspected there was a spy among him, but after counting everyone, he refused to suspect that person was her.
Maybe I should be thankful that she didn't kill them all, didn't send out all the information, or left a way out for myself?
Shen Changfeng sneered. She was just worried that those cowards in the court were useless, so she took one step at a time with caution. She also didn't want to implicate the rest of the people in Fubo Village because of this matter.
You are still being sentimental at this time.
Seeing that he remained silent, Lin Meizhu slowly stood up and said, "If you have any anger, just take it out on me."
Shen Changfeng couldn't utter a single word. The words he spoke were all thoughts he'd thought about all night, rehearsed in his mind a thousand times. With each word, he exerted immense concentration to maintain his composure. It was like carefully treading on a tightrope; if he lost his footing, all his emotions would instantly collapse.
Little Sanhua ran in at some point, stepped on Shen Changfeng's toes and played, rubbed his legs, stared at him with its round black eyes, and meowed non-stop, wanting him to hold it.
Shen Changfeng ignored it.
His name was also written on the indenture of this little calico cat. He said that this was his and her first child, and he would have to keep it tucked into his belt whenever he went out.
But even though the child was crying and fussing, he simply stared into space, ignoring the child. His face was deathly pale, and his tone became stiff and flat. "The main force of the imperial court will arrive soon. Once the imperial court assigns me, I will leave Jingzhou soon."
He spoke with such certainty, having previously immersed himself in officialdom that he was familiar with every aspect of the operation. The army's arrival was essentially merely a means of clearing the battlefield and seizing the merits already achieved by Fubo Village. While the Fubo Village would be incorporated, they still came from humble beginnings. For a long time, they would be assigned the dirtiest, most tiring, and most dangerous tasks, and their names would not appear on the imperial edicts receiving rewards. Furthermore, he had now lost his standing to negotiate.
He chose an extremely difficult path.
Lin Meiju lifted the thin gauze curtain and sat down beside the couch.
Hearing the noise behind him, Shen Changfeng suddenly stood up and took a step outside.
He didn't dare look at her again, let alone get any closer. Breaking away from her had nearly killed him, and if he looked at her again, he was worried he'd regret it. She already despised him so much, and being able to say goodbye respectfully was the best possible outcome. He couldn't ruin that dignity.
"I've ordered those brothers admitted to the various medical huts who are still able to move to leave immediately. For the rest of the seriously injured, I hope you'll give them some time so their families can come and take them home." He placed several folded banknotes and a bag of small change on the table beside him and added, "This is for medical expenses. Please prepare the accounts. I'll have my men take the remaining money to Huisheng Hall..."
After a pause, he continued, "Maybe not so soon. Please give me some time and I will make up for it." The court may only give him a title, and the reward will not be much.
"Let's put it this way. I'm running a free clinic. Since I decided to admit them, I will be responsible for them until the end."
Shen Changfeng nodded gently. He knew that he and she were the same, trying their best to avoid harming the innocent. No, she couldn't think like that. If she knew that he compared her to her, she would definitely be angry again. She couldn't think like that. She couldn't even think about it.
"The main general sent by the court this time is Qi Shouyi. He is a prudent and cautious person. With him guarding Jingzhou, there will be no chaos. However, you should not let your guard down. If possible, you should consider staying away from Xiangyang and Chengtian..."
As he spoke, his voice gradually faded. He had discovered that officials were colluding with the bandits, but the old King of Chu had suddenly died, and his son succeeded him, and the clues were suddenly cut off. He wanted to give her some advice, but there was no need for him to bother. What he could think of, Chu Qi and Lu Qingyan would also think of for her.
It's just that he was used to loving her and thinking of everything for her.
He stood up, walked to the door, reached out and opened it.
Lin Meiju's eyes were dazzled when she suddenly saw the sunlight. She didn't know if it was her illusion, but Shen Changfeng's steps were a little unsteady when he walked out.
"I'm sorry to have caused you so much trouble. I will keep my promise and leave Jiangling, Jingzhou, and you... From today on, you and I are free to marry and have nothing to do with each other."
"I wish to swear an oath here, and ask heaven and earth to bear witness. If I break this oath, I will be willing to be pierced by a thousand arrows, to be cut into pieces by a thousand swords, and to be trampled by a thousand horses after my death. I will neither die a good death nor leave my body intact."
This oath was far too cruel for a soldier, and Lin Meizhu's already pale lips looked even paler. "There's just one thing I hope you can promise me." Shen Changfeng's heart began to ache violently, the swelling pain spreading throughout his chest, and soon even his left arm began to numb.
He slowly clenched his palms until the scar on his severed finger burst open again, until blood gushed out, until the pain could rival the pain of a tear somewhere in his body, allowing him to struggle to finish the rest of his words.
"If you marry again, don't tell me, don't tell me."
After hearing the last sentence, Lin Meizhu looked up at him.
He walked very quickly and hurriedly, and when he stepped over the threshold, he reached out to hold the door edge. Then he stood in front of the door for a while, his back was extremely straight, and blood dripped down from his fingertips, but not in a straight line.
She noticed that from beginning to end, he never let her see his face.
Shen Changfeng strode down the steps and into the courtyard. The Jade Lion Zhaoye broke free from its ropes and ran out.
Shen Changfeng rested his forehead against it, and it took a long time for him to make his voice sound normal. He whispered, "So, who are you going with?"
The Jade Lion Zhaoye didn't know what was happening. It had never felt such deep grief in its master. Hearing the farewell in his words, it stamped its hooves restlessly, weeping mournfully. It neighed as it watched Shen Changfeng's receding figure, then turned its head to look at Lin Meizhu's door, pacing back and forth, completely unsure of what to do.
Lin Meizhu saw Shen Changfeng standing in the yard, stroking the face of Zhaoye Jade Lion and saying a few words, and then he left resolutely. The horse hesitated and turned around several times, and finally ran out after Shen Changfeng.
Lin Meiju followed him out of the room in a daze, thinking: Jade Lion has been with him for more than ten years, so naturally she has a deeper relationship with him.
After an unknown amount of time, the sound of horses' hooves could be heard from the side door again. The Jade Lion of Night had returned.
It ran to her side, and she saw tears in its eyes. She wiped them away, but could not utter a word of comfort. She felt a little tired and cold, so she leaned against the porch pillar and slowly sat down.
The sky was a little gloomy and suddenly a light snow fell.
She suddenly remembered that today was the ninth day of the eleventh month, his birthday.
Now he probably hates snow even more.
Someone put a cloak on her. Lin Meiju looked up in a daze. It was the seventh day of the New Year.
Chuqi sat down beside her, smoothed her clenched fingertips, looked into her red eyes, and asked softly, "Eleven, what are you afraid of?"
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