Chapter 38 Crematorium (Part 4) "It's me who doesn't love you anymore."...
His eyes were bloodshot, and he looked worried. He seemed to have sat by the bed for a long time, his hand reaching out slow. Seeing her awake, he smiled softly. She had never seen him like this before, a completely unfamiliar Shen Changfeng.
Shen Changfeng had never seen Lin Meizhu like this before, and he found her unusually quiet. After opening her eyes, she scrutinized him, a look of bewilderment on her face. For a moment or two, he even wondered if she hadn't recognized him—a thought that filled him with panic.
He had never known her family would treat her like this, if they could still be called family. He had come to call her to task, but when he saw her slumped to the ground with red eyes, wandering like a child abandoned on the street, all his resentment towards her vanished. Before he could even begin to blame her, he had already forgiven her.
Shen Changfeng reached out to hug her: "Let's go home."
Lin Meizhu dodged his hand, sat up, and said, "I can walk by myself."
She didn't need anyone to help her, and walked out of the Lin Mansion, stopping as she went. As she walked down the stairs, Lin Meizhu was dazed for a moment and almost fell forward.
Several young men dressed as scholars gathered at the door, either passing through or simply observing the fun. Shen Changfeng, already annoyed by Lin Meizhu's assertiveness, ignored her and quickly took two steps to pick her up, saying "Excuse me," before carrying her back to the carriage.
Lin Meizhu withdrew her gaze from the fluttering curtains, her head feeling dizzy. As the carriage began to move, she felt something stirring in her stomach, making her feel uncomfortable and unable to hold back a dry heave. Seeing that Shen Changfeng seemed to be about to move forward, she pressed her chest and moved inward until she was as far away from him as possible.
Shen Changfeng sat opposite her, his face gloomy as he asked, "So you've been busy investigating the Lin Mansion's mess lately?"
Lin Meiju pulled up her eyelids and chewed on the "trouble" he mentioned, and her head hurt even more.
She took out the words she had prepared earlier, "The prince told me that after marrying into the palace, I only need to guard my own little piece of land in the backyard. I shouldn't worry about anything that's not my place, anything that's not my place to think about, anything that's not my place to have... I know the prince is a man of great ambition and not someone who's impulsive or reckless, so I didn't act rashly, for fear of ruining his plans."
Lin Meizhu's breathing was light, her tone calm, but the words she spoke were like a dull punch that left Shen Changfeng dizzy. He was speechless, feeling as if all his words had been boomerangs, piercing his flesh.
He suddenly felt an indescribable complex emotion well up in his chest. Every breath he took was filled with bitterness, a bit like resentment, a bit like anger. But no matter how much he resented, hated, or pissed off at her, it was all to get her attention. If he remembered correctly, this strange yet familiar feeling was called grievance. If only she would give in to him and give him a gentle hug, he would be all right—but she didn't even bother to look at him.
He felt bad and could only defend himself with words: "You are the one who cares about the overall situation. There are a hundred ways to make your mother leave the Lin family, and you used the stupidest one. It's hard to believe that you spent half a month thinking about it."
Lin Meizhu leaned against the car wall, closed her eyes, and remained expressionless: "This is my family matter, there is no need for you to worry about it, my lord."
Shen Changfeng was choked. Her family affairs? Then who was he to her? He retorted, "Why did you have to choose this time to make this scandal known to everyone? Do you think the Lin family's family affairs are not ugly enough?"
Lin Meiju's breathing suddenly stopped and her tightly closed eyelids trembled.
Shen Changfeng continued, "If you act without thinking ahead, won't you just be captured when someone suddenly attacks you?"
Lin Meizhu slowly tightened her face, looked up at him and said, "Even if you didn't come, I wouldn't necessarily lose." The cold and disgusted look in Aunt Chen's eyes when she changed sides at the last minute suddenly became clear, and Lin Meizhu's heart suddenly ached.
Shen Changfeng didn't say anything, just raised one corner of his mouth and smiled lightly.
Lin Meizhu was so infuriated by this silent mockery and ridicule that she could no longer bear to be in the same room with him. She slammed the carriage wall, "Stop! Stop! Stop right there!" Before the carriage had even stopped, she lifted her skirt and tried to get off. Halfway there, Shen Changfeng grabbed her waist and pulled her back into his arms. The corners of his eyes were raised in arrogance, and his face said, "Is this what you call winning? You can't even push away one of my arms."
Lin Meizhu felt her temples throbbing. With red eyes, she struck his arm with all her might. Her nails scratched long red lines on the back of his hand. The sound from her throat was like grinding gravel, "Let go, let go! Let me go!"
Shen Changfeng said nothing, but silently tightened his knuckles again.
Lin Meizhu felt a surge of fire burning her face, her breathing becoming short and heavy, and suddenly, something bit her forearm fiercely. Shen Changfeng hissed softly, his body instinctively wanting to knock the ferocious beast unconscious, but he ultimately resisted the urge and slowly relaxed the muscles in his arm. He rubbed his face against hers and seemed to sigh, "Are you born in the Year of the Dog?"
He added, looking like he deserved a beating: "If you have the guts, go get mad at them, why are you taking it out on me?"
Lin Meizhu pushed him away with all her might and rushed off the carriage. Shen Changfeng quickly caught up with her, pulled her hand, and said helplessly, "I just said a few words to you, why are you still angry?"
Said a few words? That's what you call saying a few words?
Lin Meizhu shook his hand off, pointed at him and cursed: "I don't want you to care! You are not allowed to follow me! You are not allowed to come over here!"
Shen Changfeng took two more steps forward and said, "The road goes in two directions. You go your way and I go mine. What are you doing to me?"
She had never realized how hateful he was. She was so angry that her whole body was shaking, even her fingertips were cold, and she screamed like she was breaking down: "Chen Changfeng, I hate you so much! I hate you so much! I hate you all! You are all bastards...!"
"Well, we're all assholes."
Shen Changfeng put his arm around her waist and brought her into his arms. He endured the pain she caused while struggling and gently stroked her shoulders. His other hand supported the back of her neck, kneading it with his thumb and index finger. He said slowly, "It's okay, it's okay."
In fact, he had never comforted others before, and he thought it would be awkward or uncomfortable to do these things, but when facing her, many things became natural.
Lin Meizhu found him baffling, whether it was his animal-like gestures or the soft, child-like endings. He said, "It's all right, it's all right," but what was all right? It wasn't until she felt the heat emanating from the wet patch of his shirt across her chest that she realized she was crying, and crying hard.
Shen Changfeng finally breathed a sigh of relief. He finally made her cry.
When he saw her at the Lin residence, he felt something was wrong with her. Her eyes remained dazed and vacant until they left. He knew that the more some people pretended to be calm, the sadder they felt inside. He also knew that if she couldn't vent the grievances and sadness she felt today, it would definitely become a stagnation in her heart, and every time she thought about it, it would cause her heartache and become an indescribable pain.
Lin Meizhu refused to be carried, pushing him aside and continuing on. She didn't know where she was going, though. She didn't want to turn back, so she just followed her body's urges, stopping and starting. She walked through bustling streets, followed an old man holding a child for a while, and then ran to a field covered with lush grass. She crossed a long, narrow ridge, the stream soaking her shoes and socks. She kicked them off and continued walking. As the sun set, she saw a vast cornfield and practically cheered as she rushed into the greenery.
No matter where she goes, there is always a tail following her.
He stuffed a string of candied haws into her hand to stop her from wanting to go home with someone. He gathered the wildflowers and branches she had dropped and wove a small hand wreath for her. Cursing, he fished her embroidered shoes out of the stream, carrying them wetly to the cornfield. When he saw her sleeping quietly on a low haystack, he slowed his pace and lay down beside her, resting his head on his arm and carefully studying her sleeping face.
When I returned to the palace, it was already late at night.
Shen Changfeng was worried and ordered someone to ask a doctor to take Lin Meizhu's pulse.
Lin Meizhu must have been tired from crying herself out, and was sound asleep. He wiped the tears from her face with a wet handkerchief, slowing his movements. He leaned over and gently kissed her tear-swollen eyelids, his nose starting to sour. He felt that she was simply too good at crying; she had broken a corner of his heart with her tears. From then on, she would forever occupy the softest spot in his heart.
He thought of Lin Meiju's discomfort in the carriage today, and felt a sense of anticipation in his heart. He gently stroked her belly and thought: Is it what I think?
He instructed his attendants: "When the doctor comes later, bring the supplements that the Crown Princess usually takes to the doctor to see if there are any problems with taking them recently."
He had never slept well in the imperial prison, and he was exhausted today. While sitting by the couch waiting for the doctor, he closed his eyes in a daze.
Half asleep, he heard a clang outside and jolted awake. He saw brown pills scattered all over the floor outside the hallway. Servants were frantically kneeling or picking up pills, and the doctor was trembling beside them. Shen Changfeng was displeased and was about to stand up to ask a question when he realized he was still holding her hand. He looked up and saw Lin Meizhu had woken up at some point, staring at him quietly.
He realized from the reactions of the people around him that something bad had happened, and sure enough, he heard her say, "That's not a tonic for the body."
Shen Changfeng frowned: "It's not a tonic? What kind of medicine is it?"
Lin Meizhu didn't answer directly, but just said: "I'm not pregnant."
For some reason, Shen Changfeng suddenly felt a little uneasy. He couldn't understand the emotion in her eyes. Was he wrong? He thought it was pity.
She gently covered the back of her hand that was still resting on her abdomen. Her eyes were gentle, but her words were ruthless: "A couple who don't love each other don't deserve to have children."
His grip tightened inexplicably, his heart beating wildly for no reason: "The premise of this sentence is no longer valid."
Lin Meizhu shook her head: "It's me who doesn't love you anymore."
Shen Changfeng clearly heard his heart skip a beat, and then his hand was brushed away by her.
"Maybe it was love in the past, or maybe I mistook the excitement for love. Until now, no matter how much excitement I had, it has been worn away by repeated disappointments. I once held my heart in front of you, but you crushed it and gave me a broken heart."
Shen Changfeng wanted to explain, but found that his throat seemed to be blocked by wet cotton. He wanted to reach out and hug her to stop her from leaving, but his feet seemed to be stuck in a quagmire. Every time he moved, he sank deeper. He was almost exhausted but couldn't even touch the corner of her clothes. He could only watch her get farther and farther away from him.
He saw her standing on the shore, with a smile on her face that he had never seen before. It was a kind of determination and ease that came after being relieved. He had a premonition of what she was going to say, and his heart suddenly ached uncontrollably, so much so that he broke out in a cold sweat.
"Our marriage originated from a joke and should not be taken seriously. Our beginning was too embarrassing, but I hope the ending can be decent."
He saw her walk to the armchair where she usually sat, move the indigo clay inkstone aside, and place the copied paper in the middle.
When Shen Changfeng saw the three words "divorce letter" on it, he felt his heart burning with anger. He ignored everything and pounced on her, but in the end he got nothing. When he looked up again, Lin Meiju was gone, leaving only a piece of paper with divorce letter written in black and white in his hand. Shen Changfeng was heartbroken and woke up with a scream.
Shen Changfeng's heart was beating like thunder, and the back of his clothes was wet with cold sweat. It took him several breaths to realize where he was. He looked at the person who was still sleeping on the couch and said thankfully: This is just a dream, just a dream, fortunately it's just a dream -
"Clang!"
Shen Changfeng's heart skipped a beat. He looked outside the corridor and saw a brown pill rolling to the edge of the door. Someone scolded him softly, "Keep your voice down. The Crown Prince's Consort said the Crown Prince is resting..."
He suddenly turned his head back and saw Lin Meiju's eyes were clear, looking at him quietly.
She brushed away his hand on her belly and said, "No need to call a doctor. I'm just a little dizzy. I'll be fine after a while." After a pause, she said, "Those are contraceptive pills. I'm not pregnant."
Still in shock, Shen Chang-wei almost fell to the ground. He tried to calm down and change the subject, but she beat him to it. She smiled and said, "I thought you were going to ask why I was taking these pills."
Shen Changfeng's expression turned extremely bad, and he interrupted her loudly before she could speak: "Don't say it!"
Lin Meizhu seemed a little surprised at his reaction, but she just nodded and said, "Then I'll be frank."
"Although the Emperor arranged the marriage between me and the Crown Prince, we didn't have a wedding ceremony, a wedding ceremony, or a wedding night. Therefore, the ceremony can't be considered complete."
Shen Changfeng knew that there was indeed a folk saying that "marriage must be done in a ceremony, and without ceremony, they are not considered husband and wife."
He thought he had woken up, but he found that reality was far more terrifying than the nightmare. In reality, what she said was more reasonable, more resolute and more ruthless. He gritted his teeth and tried his best to spit out a few words, half an order, half a plea: "Stop talking."
Recalling all the absurd things in the past, Lin Meizhu was silent for a moment, exhaled a breath, and continued to talk to herself: "We have been married for less than half a year, and we have made our life a mess. If we continue to argue, it will only give others a lot of jokes and gossip."
She stood up and walked towards the piece of paper pressed by the clay inkstone.
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