Chapter 51: Adding fuel to the fire: Loving too much will breed contempt.
"If you want to kneel, kneel in the snow. Who are you putting on a show for by running to a roof over your head?"
Snow foam and ice fragments rushed into his mouth and nose. Shen Changfeng took a deep breath, but was overwhelmed by a deeper feeling of suffocation. He was choked and coughed violently. Every gasp came with a turbid, hoarse sound, as if a blunt axe was chiseling and grinding his skull.
He seemed to have had all his bones removed, and he lay limply on the muddy ground. He tried several times to get up by supporting himself with his hands, but each time ended in failure.
He was lying in the snow with his back half hunched, his hair sticking to his grayish-brown skin, his swollen eyes tightly closed, his heavy breaths dyed the snow red, his hands and feet twitched occasionally, like a dying dog.
The guard had watched Shen Changfeng grow up. He had always remembered him as a high-spirited young man, a noble and proud son of heaven. Had he ever seen him in such an embarrassing and miserable state? Heartbroken, the guard sighed, unable to bear to watch any longer, and turned his head away.
Chen Chali pursed his lips, tears streaming down his cheeks as he looked at Liu Ruhua. Liu Ruhua, also weeping silently, gently shook her head at her son.
Perhaps because it was too cold, the severe pain in his body became more bearable. Shen Changfeng could feel the bleeding slowing down, and his mind gradually regained some clarity.
Snowflakes fell on his eyelids, and his eyelids, rusted by blood scabs, began to loosen. Enduring the excruciating pain of tearing flesh, he struggled a little to pry open his swollen eyelids. Afraid that Li Jieyi would leave, he croaked and hurriedly called out, "Please, mother, take back your decision."
Li Jieyi replied, "If you were still a man, you would have signed it openly!"
Shen Changfeng felt the cold at his fingertips, and finally he had some strength. He slowly stood up, lowered his head, and sat slumped like a long-neglected marionette. "Your son is unwilling."
"Everything that happened in the past happened for a reason. I've already made a promise to her that I won't let her suffer any injustice in the future..."
"Is there a reason for this?"
Shen Changfeng put all his energy into speaking and didn't notice that Li Jieyi's tone of voice was a bit strange.
It would take more than a few words to clarify all these matters. Shen Changfeng swallowed his sweet taste and explained the most important thing first: "The child in Su Qinxue's belly is not mine. That day in the palace, Qin Ting had already acknowledged that he was the child's biological father."
That day, Shen Changfeng sent Su Qinxue back to her room without staying. Su Qinxue was drunk and had lost track of time. She slept in her room and woke up thinking she had just returned to her room. Half asleep, she heard someone call out, "Sister-in-law?"
The candlelight was dim. Su Qinxue looked with her drunken eyes and saw a hesitant tall figure standing behind the screen. She thought it was Shen Changfeng who was guarding her.
At the time, she was grieving over Qin Yan's death, feeling a suffocating feeling of depression and frustration. The word "sister-in-law" stirred up a thousand emotions in her. She hated him for bringing up her sorrow with this name, and was annoyed by his long-standing distance from her. Didn't he know she hated him calling her that? Thinking of this, she angrily said, "I never want to see you again! Get out!"
The person behind the curtain saw her getting angry and thought he had offended her. He felt guilty and turned around to escape.
When Su Qinxue saw the man was about to leave, her heart trembled and she burst into tears: "Don't go, if you leave, don't ever come back!"
The man immediately stopped again, and just as he was unsure whether to advance or retreat, someone behind him hugged his waist tightly, breathing softly: "I'm so sad, can you stay and talk to me?"
The strong wind swallowed the flickering candlelight. When the passion was at its peak, Su Qinxue couldn't help but call out his name. The man in the darkness suddenly stopped moving, but Su Qinxue was so immersed in satisfaction that she didn't notice anything unusual.
Recalling Qin Ting, who had been by his side since childhood, Shen Changfeng felt mixed emotions: "Qin Ting's attire that day was similar to mine. Moreover, he had been imitating my behavior, speech, and accent since he was a child, intentionally or unintentionally. That's why Su Qinxue mistook him for me."
Seeing no response, he opened his eyes with difficulty and saw several hazy figures standing under the eaves. One of them was wearing a thin silk gown and was standing the farthest away from him - this was his mother.
Li Jieyi's face gradually became clearer in the rosy vision. Her fair face was as still as an ancient pond, but the corners of her mouth lifted slightly, a faint smile, a subtle hint of playfulness.
Shen Changfeng was all too familiar with this look.
He fixed his eyes on her face, paused in his explanation, and asked, "Are you trying to explain why you didn't refuse to send her back to her room?"
Li Jieyi raised her eyebrows, looking unconvinced.
Shen Changfeng asked, "Are you still going to ask why you live under the same roof with her, and why you help the Qin family preside over the funeral?"
Li Jieyi's face turned gloomy and she did not answer.
Shen Changfeng chuckled, "You haven't changed at all." No matter what explanation he offered, Li Jieyi knew he was lying because she hated him and everything he did was wrong. She'd been like this since she was a child. Whenever there was a fight in the Imperial College, she'd assume he was the one who started it.
Shen Changfeng's look of seeing through everything undoubtedly angered Li Jieyi, because she happened to know the inside story this time.
It wasn't because she cared about him so much that she took the initiative to investigate, but because she ran into her former deputy general on the way back to Beijing, and it was Lao Chang who told her.
The reason why Li Jieyi was angry was not because she did not believe Shen Changfeng, but because she felt that his explanation was completely nonsense and he did not realize where he was wrong at all.
"So what if the child's father is Qin Ting? Will the Qin family celebrate with great fanfare? Or will they post a notice to announce it to everyone? Do you think this is all over? I tell you, it won't! Everyone will think that you were once together, and everyone will think that the child's surname is Chen, not Qin!"
Shen Changfeng was choked by her words. He had been busy repairing his relationship with Lin Meizhu these days and had never delved into this matter.
"You have not only brought shame to the Shen family, but also brought shame to the Tian family."
"What have I done wrong? I never even touched her!"
Li Jieyi scolded, "Your mistake is that you knew she agreed to marry Qin Yan to goad you, yet you pretended to be calm and didn't make everything clear! Your mistake is that you knew she still had feelings for you, yet you kept contacting her every now and then! All your vague words, your hesitation to break up, were seen by others as tacit hints, even encouragement!"
Shen Changfeng's ribs were wheezing with anger, and his blood was boiling. At that time, he just felt that some things were better to be understood in a brief manner. Speaking too bluntly would hurt the relationship between the three of them. How could this be his fault?
Li Jieyi silenced his rebuttal with one sentence: "You didn't reject it sharply at the time. Was it because you believed in the saying 'the innocent will be cleared', or was it because of your vanity?"
The air was silent for a moment, with only the sound of the wind.
Shen Changfeng and Su Qinxue were childhood sweethearts. Later, when the Qin family moved to Beijing, Shen Changfeng met Qin Yan at the Imperial College, which gave Su Qinxue and Su Qinxue a chance to interact. Since then, more and more people have compared Qin Yan and Shen Changfeng. One of them is a scholar, the other a warrior, each with their own strengths. But compared to the arrogant Shen Changfeng, the calm and intelligent Qin Yan is undoubtedly the more popular one. Even Su speaks of Qin with admiration.
Li Jieyi saw through it but didn't say anything. Shen Changfeng certainly respected Qin Yan, but at the time, he was young and arrogant. Wouldn't he really not secretly compare himself to Qin Yan? When Qin Yan won everyone's praise, did Shen Changfeng really not use Su Qinxue's infatuation to gain psychological balance?
Shen Changfeng squeezed out a few words with a lump in his throat: "I don't have it."
Li Jieyi was too lazy to expose him and continued, "Even if you and Su Qinxue are truly innocent, so what? You should never, ever let these people have such impudence in front of the real boss."
"Of all these people, your wife is the most innocent, and also the one facing the most hardship. She's done nothing wrong, yet she's suffering unjustly because of you. If she turns a blind eye, the clan elders will accuse her of failing to fulfill her wifely duties, leading to internal strife. If she intervenes, she'll be accused of being jealous and intolerant." Thinking of the outrageous comments about Lin Meizhu in the streets, Li Jieyi slowly shook her head. "Let's not talk about that, but how about the murder of a treacherous minister in the name of protecting his wife?"
"Your reputation is good, and your grand plan has been realized, but you've pushed her into the spotlight. Have you ever considered what people will say about her? Have you ever asked her if she's willing?"
"You'll never know how destructive gossip can be to a woman, nor will you ever understand what it's like to be ostracized and isolated by those around you. But ever since she married into the palace, she's been living a life of constant pressure. And the source of all this is because of you."
Shen Changfeng was in great confusion, and suddenly he felt cold all over, with sweat oozing out of his back. This was not the severe cold brought by the wind and snow, but a trembling from deep in his heart. His heart was suddenly clenched, and the pain in his chest made him breathless. He was confused for a moment, and then it was as if he had suddenly realized something, and he figured everything out.
He wanted to hide his identity, so he turned his marriage into a farce; after discovering Lin Meiju's feelings for him, he became more unscrupulous, using her to establish his own absurd and unruly image, and every time he took action, he unconsciously used her as a stepping stone.
Later, she wasn't as nice to him as before, and he began to wonder why she wouldn't obey? Why wasn't she satisfied? He had already compromised, so what else did she want?
He thought that the breakdown of their relationship was because of Su Qinxue and Chuqi, but he never thought that the biggest problem was with himself.
All of this is because of contempt.
Too much love breeds contempt. He took her unwavering affection for granted, yet simultaneously despised such blind, cheap affection. From the beginning, he hadn't considered understanding her past, nor had he truly listened to her heart. He had always been puzzled by the desolate, lonely look in her eyes when she stared at him intently, even as he tried to cheer her up.
Now he understood, it was the disappointment and sadness that followed dashed hopes. She had actually been giving him chances, but he had squandered them time and time again. She saw clearly his unchangeable nature, and the final outcome for both of them. Her expression returned to calm, no longer swayed by her.
It was all his fault that they were in this situation today.
Time seemed to have come to a standstill. In an instant, regret, self-blame, uneasiness and other myriad feelings flooded his heart. His heart and lungs seemed to be pressed by huge rocks, and the dull pain in his internal organs continued. His eyes were anxious and filled with infinite attachment. He crossed the courtyard and passed through the winding corridor, staring at the tightly closed Ruyi door and refused to let go. He knew Lin Meiju was inside. He imagined that the door would open at some moment, hoping that she could walk out of it and give him another chance.
However, the door remained motionless.
"Help me... Mother, please help me."
Just like the instinct of all animals when faced with great difficulties or danger, he subconsciously turned to his mother for shelter and help. Shen Changfeng, who had never bowed his head in front of Li Jieyi, bent his back, knelt on the ground, and slowly moved forward, dragging two long lines of blood and tears in the snow. He looked at Li Jieyi almost pleadingly: "Mom, please help me..."
Li Jieyi lowered her head, and when she heard his call, she slowly raised her head. Her expression relaxed, and her eyes gradually became soft and watery, as if she was deeply moved.
She walked towards him, her usually steady steps suddenly becoming anxious. A glimmer of hope shone in Shen Changfeng's eyes, and a soreness welled up in his eyes, nearly bringing him to tears. After all, they were mother and son, and blood was thicker than water; it was impossible to part...
Then he watched Li Jieyi walk straight past him and heard a distressed yet delighted voice behind him: "Chuqi, why are you here at this time? Are you cold? Why don't you take a sedan chair?"
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