Chapter 45. I know I'm not normal. ...
The shopping mall was bustling with people on the weekend, and warm-colored lights illuminated every corner, making it both noisy and bright.
A corner of the milk tea shop was unusually quiet.
Lu Shuhe sat in the chair with her head hanging low. Her pale face was devoid of color, and she kept nervously twisting her fingers.
Jiang Sui was even a little worried that she might break her own finger.
"Why don't you wipe your sweat first?" Jiang Sui pushed the tissue to Lu Shuhe's side, trying to interrupt her.
The milk tea shop had air conditioning on and the temperature was comfortable, but Lu Shuhe was sweating profusely.
Her condition was so bad that Jiang Sui felt they shouldn't have come to the milk tea shop, but should have gone to the hospital instead.
"Would you like some milk tea?" Jiang Sui pushed the milk tea towards him again. "I heard that drinking sweet things can relieve stress."
No matter what Jiang Sui said, Lu Shuhe remained silent.
The conversation had reached a stalemate before it even began.
This is the first time in Jiang Sui's life that she has been ignored like this.
But Jiang Sui was worried about letting Lu Shuhe leave just like that.
What if she goes off to steal something again?
What if she's not so lucky next time and gets caught?
[Brother Ji, help!]
The first person Jiang Sui thought of was Ji Jingyu.
Two seconds after the WeChat message was successfully sent, her phone rang.
It was Ji Jingyu calling.
But Jiang Sui can't answer the phone right now.
After hanging up Ji Jingyu's call, Jiang Sui saw the chat history she had sent him earlier.
Tsk.
Jiang Sui frowned slightly.
Looking at it now that I've calmed down, I suddenly realize I was being a bit dramatic.
She thought Ji Jingyu might have misunderstood something.
I'm fine.
I ran into Lu Shuhe.
Seeing that Jiang Sui said she was fine, Ji Jingyu finally felt relieved.
After reading the next message Jiang Sui sent, he was slightly taken aback. How did he run into Lu Shuhe again?
If it were just a simple encounter with Lu Shuhe, Jiang Sui wouldn't have cried for help to him.
[Fish]: Did you run into the same thing that happened at the used bookstore last time?
Ji Jingyu replied almost instantly, asking a very cryptic question that only Jiang Sui could understand.
Jiang Sui glanced furtively at Lu Shuhe, and seeing that the other was still looking down, she felt relieved and continued typing: [Attempt failed, almost got caught.]
[Fish]: Are you together now?
[Yeah, I'm sitting in a bubble tea shop.]
[Fish]: Okay.
Just as Jiang Sui was about to ask Ji Jingyu what "good" meant, she heard Lu Shuhe's voice.
"You saw everything?"
Lu Shuhe seemed to have finally recovered, her fingers on the table were still trembling as if in spasms, covered with tiny red marks from picking at them.
This was the first time Jiang Sui had heard Lu Shuhe's voice.
Her voice was hoarse and low, as if she had just experienced a heart-wrenching argument.
It sounds familiar.
"Um."
Jiang Sui quickly hid her phone behind her back and casually took a sip of her milk tea.
She brought the person out; there's no denying that.
Lu Shuhe stared intently at Jiang Sui, "Why are you helping me?"
She was so thin that her cheeks were sunken, which made her eyes appear even larger. When she stared at people, her dark pupils were full of wariness.
Lu Shuhe does not trust Jiang Sui.
When she received help, her first reaction was to suspect that the other person had ulterior motives.
Even though Lu Shuhe is in the prime of her life, Jiang Sui feels that she is about to wither away.
At this moment, Jiang Sui finally realized that even without Su Yinian, she wanted to help Lu Shuhe.
Seventeen-year-old Lu Shuhe shouldn't be living this kind of life; she deserves a better one.
Jiang Sui looked directly into Lu Shuhe's eyes and said earnestly, "Why? I just want to help you."
Lu Shuhe probably didn't expect her to say that.
A few seconds later, she seemed to have heard something funny and suddenly laughed out loud, but the laughter did not reach her eyes; instead, it was cold and icy.
Do you think you're a savior?
These words were both ungrateful and somewhat sarcastic.
If anyone else had heard her say that, they would have walked away long ago.
But Jiang Sui refused.
"How do you know I can't be your savior if you haven't even tried it?" she laughed. "The milk tea at this shop is pretty good, don't you really want to try it?"
When her cold palms and fingertips touched the cup, Lu Shuhe realized that Jiang Sui had ordered her hot milk tea, giving her the illusion of being burned.
She hadn't touched anything so warm in a long time.
"By the way, I also have a question for you." Jiang Sui didn't care whether Lu Shuhe wanted to hear it or not, and went straight to the point, "When you fed those stray cats, did you tell them to be grateful to the Tadpole King?"
Lu Shuhe was suddenly taken aback.
For the first time, Jiang Sui saw an expression on her face other than a stagnant pool.
—
The day after Jiang Sui came to Xun Ning, she met Lu Shuhe.
That day, she went to the pet store to buy snacks for the tadpoles.
Besides her, there were two or three other customers in the store also choosing pet supplies, and the person closest to her was a girl wearing long sleeves, a mask, and a baseball cap.
Why are you dressed like that on such a hot day?
While muttering to herself, Jiang Sui took a picture of the snacks on the shelf and sent it to Ji Jingyu, waiting for his reply.
The girl quickly selected the items she wanted to buy and went to the front desk to pay.
"Going to feed the stray cats again?"
The pet shop owner must have known her; he chatted with her while settling the bill.
Compared to the boss's familiarity, the girl seemed rather reserved and spoke very little, only saying "Mm".
"Then consider these cans a gift from me."
"Thank you, boss."
Even the words of thanks were spoken softly.
"By the way, the kitten you rescued last time has found an adopter. The adopter just sent me a video of it. Let me show you the video."
The shop owner reached for his phone, but the girl shook her head. "No need, as long as the new owner treats it well."
She seemed very uncomfortable talking to people, and left the pet store immediately after paying.
Not long after the girl left, someone else went to pay the bill.
"Boss, could you give me a few cans of food too?"
"It's a small business, I can't deliver," the shop owner said with a smile, refusing the offer.
The man protested, "Why did you give that girl a gift? I'm a regular customer, you can't be biased."
The shopkeeper glanced in the direction the girl had left. "That girl spends a lot of money feeding stray cats every month. The month before last, she even rescued a kitten whose leg had been broken by a car. The kitten was covered in blood and looked like it was going to die. I advised her to give up, and guess what she said?"
"How so?" the man asked curiously.
"She said that as long as the kitten isn't dead, it absolutely has to be saved, money isn't an issue." The shopkeeper opened a video on his phone. "It's the one I just mentioned that was adopted. It cost a lot of money to save it. Can you compare to them?"
"That's incomparable. I can barely afford to keep my ancestor at home." The man scratched his head, his joking expression gone. "Such a kind-hearted young lady."
"Sigh, I guess she spent all her money on these cats and dogs. When she paid the bill just now, her wrists were so thin they were just skin and bones." The shop owner sighed, his tone somewhat pitiful. "I'm just a small business owner, I help out whenever I can."
When it was Jiang Sui's turn to pay, she asked the owner, "Do you offer membership cards here?"
The boss nodded, "Sure, there are discounts for membership top-ups right now, the more you top up, the bigger the discount."
"Apply for one."
"Holy crap." Upon seeing the amount Jiang Sui recharged, the shopkeeper visibly panicked. "Young lady, did you enter the wrong number?"
He had only ever seen news reports online about people mistakenly entering payment amounts instead of payment passwords, but he never expected it to happen to him in real life.
"No."
The shop owner thought it was just a child being vain, so he quickly and patiently advised her, "If you really made a mistake, I'll refund you right now. Otherwise, your parents will have to come to me for a refund too."
"Don't worry, no one will come looking for a refund," Jiang Sui said. "Next time that girl buys something from you, the cost will be deducted from this card."
"ah?"
"She's only allowed to use it." Jiang Sui's features were cold and exquisite, and her stern face made her look unapproachable. "I will check the expenditure details regularly."
The boss said seriously, "Don't worry about that, I definitely won't give it to anyone else. But what am I supposed to say if she asks?"
"Just say it..."
Before Jiang Sui could finish speaking, a WeChat notification sounded.
It was Ji Jingyu's WeChat message.
He circled several of the snacks that tadpoles like to eat in the photo.
"Just say that the orange cat Tadpole King did a good deed. When that girl goes to feed the cat, she must mention this. After eating Tadpole King's cat food and canned food, she should wish Tadpole King a long and healthy life."
Ji Jingyu said that the tadpole is already nine years old.
Anyone with eyes can see that he took good care of the tadpoles.
Jiang Sui hopes that the kitten she instantly became friends with will live a long and healthy life.
boss:"……"
Just a moment ago I thought this girl had a dignified and unapproachable air, but now I think she's just a rich, immature kid with too much money to burn.
The moment Jiang Sui saw Lu Shuhe, she felt that she looked familiar.
Hearing her voice now, I'm finally certain.
—
"So it was you... Thank you."
It's unclear whether she was thanking her for the hot milk tea, for Jiang Sui pulling her out of the stationery store, or for the stray cat.
"You're welcome."
Jiang Sui keenly noticed that Lu Shuhe had changed again.
Unlike the initial silence, and unlike the aggressive demeanor of the previous minute.
Stripped of all pretense and sharp edges, the seemingly soft and helpless little girl before you is the real Lu Shuhe.
"I know you."
Lu Shuhe knew Jiang Sui.
Knowing she was a new transfer student this semester, he gave that scumbag Li Lin a good beating on her first day of school.
She also knew that she had saved a student from being extorted by Li Lin in the cafeteria.
Every time she passed by Class 4, the boys in the class would talk about her.
"Jiang Sui from Class Two is really good-looking."
"With Jiang Sui here, I think Chen Xilin's title of school beauty is in jeopardy."
"Not only is her title as the school beauty gone, but her boyfriend is probably in jeopardy too. Ji Jingyu is now inseparable from Jiang Sui every day."
"Didn't they say their relationship was fake? Neither Chen Xilin nor Ji Jingyu has ever admitted it."
"There's no smoke without fire, don't you understand?"
"Why wasn't Jiang Sui assigned to our class? Look at all the girls in our class..."
When the boy's gaze swept over her seat, he paused, then looked away with disgust, as if he had seen something dirty.
"None of them are good fighters, and one of them is a lunatic. What bad luck."
The boy was probably afraid of being beaten up by the girls in his class, so he spoke very softly when he said the second half of his sentence, but Lu Shuhe still heard it.
I could hear it perfectly clearly.
Lu Shuhe was in a bad mood, and it seemed like she hadn't had a proper conversation with anyone in a long time. She spoke incoherently, saying almost whatever came to mind.
“I saw you having dinner with Teacher Su,” Lu Shuhe said, holding her milk tea in both hands and slowly absorbing its warmth. “I also heard you call her ‘Mom’.”
Lu Shuhe met them by chance.
She knew perfectly well that it was someone else's happiness, but by the time she realized it, she was already like a homeless beggar, secretly following them all the way.
Perhaps Jiang Sui herself didn't realize how gentle Su Yinian's expression was when she called him "Mom".
Jiang Sui didn't expect Lu Shuhe to discover her relationship with Su Yinian, but she also felt that it wasn't a big deal that Lu Shuhe had found out.
She tilted her head slightly to look at Lu Shuhe, "Now we each have a secret about each other."
Lu Shuhe did not press Jiang Sui about why her relationship with Su Yinian was a secret.
She had long since lost the ability to be curious and gossip.
She simply said to her in an envious tone, "Teacher Su must be a very good mother."
Jiang Sui smiled slightly, "Yes, she is the best mother in the world."
After saying it, she felt a little regretful. Even if it was true, she shouldn't have revealed it to Lu Shuhe.
Lu Shuhe seemed completely unconcerned.
"It was you before, wasn't it?"
"What?" Jiang Sui didn't dare to be distracted for a moment when facing Lu Shuhe, but she was still completely confused by what Lu Shuhe said.
"I don't have to have PE class anymore, did you say something to Teacher Su?"
Although she appeared to be asking a question, Lu Shuhe's tone was very confident.
When Luo Qi approached her, Jiang Sui and another girl were standing nearby.
Lu Shuhe thought that Jiang Sui must have discovered something.
The way Su Yinian carefully protected her when he talked to her indirectly confirmed this.
Jiang Sui didn't understand, "But you won't tell her anything."
"Because I want her to care about me more; it's been a long time since anyone has cared about me."
She dug her fingertips into her palm, and the sharp pain felt surprisingly good to Lu Shuhe. This was a new "little game" she had become obsessed with recently, and she enjoyed it immensely.
A sickly smile gradually appeared on his thin face. "I know I'm not normal."
The next second, a warm, porcelain-white hand forcefully pried open Lu Shuhe's tightly clenched fist.
No matter how fast Jiang Sui moved, Lu Shuhe's palm was still pinched and left a red mark. The old and new wounds overlapped, almost drawing blood.
At first glance, it's shocking.
Jiang Sui held her hand, gently blew on it, and then picked up a tissue from the table and gently pressed it against her wound. "Don't hurt yourself!"
Jiang Sui was somewhat frightened, and her tone wasn't very friendly, but Lu Shuhe just watched Jiang Sui's actions with indifference, as if it wasn't her hand that was injured.
"Are you busy later?"
She asked.
Jiang Sui shook her head.
"good."
—
To outsiders, Lu Shuhe has a very happy family.
Her father was a businessman, and her mother was a full-time housewife who focused on spending time with her. She seemed to have everything she needed, both materially and emotionally.
In reality, she was under immense pressure from her parents throughout her childhood and adolescence.
They were extremely harsh on her; she had to be number one, otherwise she would be met with endless verbal abuse.
"With such a low score, can you honestly say you put in the effort?"
"I work myself to the bone every day to earn money, and you're so useless. How can you face me like this?"
"Old Li's kid has no one to take care of him, he doesn't even get tutoring, and he still gets better grades than you. You're so useless!"
"You're dumber than a pig, how could I have given birth to a child like you..."
Lu Shuhe was indeed not a gifted child; her good grades were only maintained through hard work and diligence.
Unfortunately, her parents hoped she would become a genius.
No, it's more like they want her to be an obedient puppet.
Marionettes are not worthy of having friends.
She remembered that a classmate had kindly lent her an extracurricular book, but after it was discovered, her mother went directly to the school and confronted the girl, questioning her about her intentions in front of everyone.
Since then, Lu Shuhe has become estranged from her classmates.
“I used to have a kitten. It was tiny and very clingy. It followed me everywhere I went. But they thought having a cat would affect my studies, so one day they threw the cat away when I wasn’t looking. I still don’t know if it’s alive or dead.”
She feeds stray cats, more as a way of atonement.
“I also had a younger brother, but he only stayed in my mother’s womb for less than six months before he left.” Lu Shuhe lowered her eyelashes. “She miscarried on the way to take me to my tutoring class.”
Everyone believed that Lu Shuhe was responsible for her brother's death.
Everyone who knows about this has the right to openly criticize Lu Shuhe.
No one cared whether she was sad or guilty.
Even her parents thought so.
For a long time, Lu Shuhe was plagued by severe insomnia. Whenever she closed her eyes, it felt as if someone was punching her eye sockets hard.
Images would flash through her mind from time to time. Sometimes they were images of her parents and relatives blaming her, but more often they were images of her bloodied younger brother and the crying of a kitten.
The aftereffects of insomnia made her brain seem to be stuck, unable to receive instructions from the outside world.
Day and night continue to alternate unaffected.
Lu Shuhe fell into a vicious cycle.
One night, she overheard her parents' conversation.
"If I had known it would be like this, I shouldn't have given birth to her in the first place."
"If it weren't for her, my son wouldn't have died. She's a wicked woman."
"Starting tomorrow, you should take good care of your health, and we'll have another one..."
Lu Shuhe felt as if she was being pushed underwater by an invisible hand. She couldn't breathe or think. The endless whirlpools were closing in on her, trying to completely engulf her.
In the dim light, the parents' figures began to distort and twist.
Are these two people in front of her really her parents?
Lu Shuhe wondered if her parents had already died, and the two monsters living in her house now were just wearing their skins.
It turns out that there really are parents who don't love their children.
Lu Shuhe bit her hand hard, and a nauseating taste of blood quickly filled her mouth. She walked back to her room expressionlessly.
She stole something for the first time in junior high school; she stole a pen from the school store.
She didn't actually remember the specific details of the theft; the only thing she remembered was that after she left the convenience store, she felt an unprecedented sense of ease and satisfaction.
But when she came to her senses, she was filled with self-loathing and deep regret.
After entering high school, she found herself increasingly overwhelmed by the increased workload.
Ji Jingyu, Wen Jinxu, Yu Xiaocheng, Li Wu...
Lu Shuhe could only watch helplessly as these people surpassed her in the rankings. Under immense pressure, the frequency of her thefts decreased from once every few months to once every few weeks.
Li Lin filmed her stealing one of her times.
He used the video to blackmail her for money again and again, like a hyena that could never be satisfied.
Later, Luo Qi saw the video again and stopped Li Lin's extortion, but this also caused Lu Shuhe to fall into another abyss.
After becoming Roach's sports committee member, her mental state deteriorated, and she often experienced suffocation. In order to stay awake, she began to carve marks on her arms.
But it was of no use at all.
Even though she rowed harder and harder each time.
Since then, she has never worn short sleeves again.
His grades naturally plummeted.
The day her parents were called to the school, she truly wanted to die.
It's a pity he didn't die.
"After I dropped out of school, my grandparents and maternal grandparents came, and they even started arguing on the spot. Do you know why they were arguing?"
Jiang Sui looked at her, her heart pounding. "What is it?"
Lu Shuhe grinned, "They're arguing about which side I inherited my crazy genes from."
The two sides shifted blame and argued fiercely, each believing their genes were beyond reproach.
Lu Shuhe's inferior genes must have been inherited from the other party.
“How can depression be considered a mental illness? The doctors didn’t explain that to them…” Jiang Sui’s voice suddenly stopped, a terrible suspicion creeping into her mind, “They didn’t even take you to see a doctor, did they?”
"Hmm." Lu Shuhe moved her head slightly, her neck stiff as a rusty machine. "They feel ashamed and don't believe I'm really sick."
They believed she jumped off the building to threaten her parents and simply didn't want to go to school.
They're slacking off.
It was made.
"Then what about your recovery certificate?"
Lu Shuhe stared at a corner, a moment of blankness in her eyes. "My dad used connections to get it opened."
They were worried that if she didn't go back to school in her senior year of high school, it would affect her college entrance exam.
Jiang Sui didn't press the matter further.
Lu Shuhe may have depression, but it is not just depression.
But Lu Shuhe wasn't the only one who was abnormal.
Their whole family is abnormal.
A ringing bell broke the silence.
Lu Shuhe's phone rang.
Jiang Sui watched as she hung up the phone with a look of disgust on her face.
I can probably guess who called her.
"It's getting late, I should go back." Lu Shuhe glanced behind Jiang Sui. "Your friends have been waiting for you for a long time."
Jiang Sui followed Lu Shuhe's gaze and was taken aback.
Ji Jingyu, who was supposed to be helping out at the used bookstore, was sitting behind her at the moment.
"How could you..."
So that's what "good" means.
But Jiang Sui can't care about Ji Jingyu right now.
Seeing that Lu Shuhe had stood up from her seat and was about to leave, Jiang Sui hurriedly took out her phone from behind her back. "Lu Shuhe, let's add each other as friends."
Lu Shuhe frowned slightly. They had only wasted an hour together, and it wasn't enough for them to add each other as friends.
"Let's add each other as friends, and I'll give you the contact information of some psychologists. They are all very professional doctors and can definitely help you."
"No."
"Lu Shuhe," Jiang Sui called her name, "You have to save yourself!"
All conclusions at this point are just speculations; Lu Shuhe needs to undergo a professional examination.
"Hurry up, don't keep my friend waiting."
She urged again.
—
Jiang Sui was still sitting in her original seat, but the person sitting opposite her had changed to Ji Jingyu.
She recommended each of the psychologists that Xu Ze had found to Lu Shuhe.
"I wonder if Lu Shuhe will contact them?"
Jiang Sui put down her phone, still feeling very unhappy.
She couldn't help but curse, "So there are such despicable parents in this world! And Luo Qi and Li Lin, those two bastards, neither of them will escape."
Ji Jingyu's deep black eyes churned with emotions Jiang Sui couldn't understand. "Not everyone is qualified to be a parent."
Seeing that Jiang Sui still looked furious, he said softly, "You've done very well."
"What does it mean if it's not done well?"
Jiang Sui suddenly became serious.
“Remove Ms. Su from her position as homeroom teacher, so she can have more time to be your mother at home. Or just let Yi Shan and Lu Shuhe leave Class 4 and solve the problem at its root.” Ji Jingyu looked at Jiang Sui with exceptionally gentle eyes, as if coaxing a child. “But you didn’t do that, did you?”
"Brother Ji." Jiang Sui seemed tired, resting her porcelain-white cheek on her arm, her voice slightly nasal, "I miss my dad so much."
Ji Jingyu didn't speak, but just listened quietly to her.
“I told my mom before that if she and my dad never reconcile, I would stay by her side, but now I realize that I can’t do that at all.”
Jiang Sui cannot live without Jiang Yunzhao, just as Jiang Yunzhao cannot live without her.
But she also didn't want to leave Su Yinian.
She finally found her mother after a long and difficult journey.
Jiang Sui couldn't even drink milk tea anymore.
Isn't this supposed to relieve stress? Why is she getting more and more agitated the more she drinks it!
"Don't worry unnecessarily." Ji Jingyu reached out and patted Jiang Sui's head, her gaze gentle. "They will make up. You will never face the dilemma of 'choosing between dad and mom'."
Therefore, Ji Jingyu always knew that Jiang Sui did not belong to Xunning, and she would leave sooner or later.
His words seemed to have a magical power, easily soothing the unease in Jiang Sui's heart.
"By the way, what brings you here?" Jiang Sui leaned closer to Ji Jingyu, a smile playing on her lips as she looked into his eyes. "Were you worried about me?"
Ji Jingyu looked away, not answering her question directly.
"Come over here and help you carry your things."
“Oh right, I almost forgot what Fanfan wanted to buy.” Jiang Sui stood up from her seat and pulled Ji Jingyu out. “We still need to go to the stationery store.”
Author's note: Thank you for your comments and support!
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