Chapter 89 You Are Not My Escape
He sat beside her, buried his head in his noodles. Seeing him cry, she knew he missed Chen Lanjing, and her heart ached. She took out a tissue and handed it to him. He looked up at her, took her hand, put it against his forehead, closed his eyes and gently stroked it, "Yaoyao... I only have you now." Pulling her hand away, she said with a trembling voice, "I'm sorry, Xiaofeng brother, I can't give you anything now." Seeing the desire in his eyes, she made an excuse to get up and go to the kitchen, wanting to leave him alone to calm down. He suddenly came over and hugged her from behind, lowering his head to her back and taking a deep breath. His face moved behind her ear, his breath burning her. "Yaoyao... I miss you so much... I miss you so much... You care about me. I saw it the last time we met, and I can't forget it..." She had longed for his physical intimacy, imagined him breathing with her. She had been suffocating for so many years, as if she were starving. Now, her body was truly held in his, so close, but she didn't feel the same throbbing she'd felt when she thought of him before, not a trace of love or desire. She felt like she was drowning, unaware of how she fell, how to struggle, and in her suffocating trance, she was thinking of another man's face. He turned her over, and the moment their noses and lips touched, she turned away, breaking free from him, her feet tangled, not knowing where to go inside, running to the only balcony that connected to the outside. The cold rain drifted in from outside, and the wind from the balcony was chilly. She hugged her arms and shivered, realizing clearly that the balance of her emotions had completely tilted towards another person. He came over and hugged her again, "It's cold outside, don't catch a cold." She dodged, "Brother Xiaofeng, I have only respect and blessings for you." He put his empty hands in his pockets, smiled with his face up, and talked to himself, "I'll find a job suitable for you in Hong Kong, any consulting company will do. If you need me to come here, I can also change jobs. I only want you, as long as we can be together, we will settle down in the place you like, we will get married, we will have children..." "Don't say anymore," she shook her head and interrupted, "I admit that I used to love you... I really longed for us to be together. I waited for you for a long, long time, ten years, maybe. I was like a pervert. When I missed you, I would only secretly look for all the information about you. I was a fool who would laugh at myself. I blamed you for not coming to see me, and I also resented why I said those angry words to you... But now, I really don't have that feeling for you. I can't lie to you, let alone myself. I can't just ignore it... I can't ignore the person I love now and obsess over making up for the regrets of the past. That would be a greater regret..." He turned his back to her and took a deep breath, "I...
He sat beside her and concentrated on eating noodles.
Seeing him cry, she knew he missed Chen Lanjing. Her heart ached. She took out a tissue and handed it to him. He looked up at her, took her hand, pressed it against his forehead, closed his eyes and gently stroked it, "Yaoyao...you are all I have now."
Pulling her hand out, she spoke with a trembling voice, "I'm sorry, Brother Xiaofeng, I can't give you anything right now."
Seeing the longing in his eyes, she made an excuse to get up and go to the kitchen, wanting to leave him alone to calm down.
He came over and suddenly hugged her from behind, lowered his head and took a deep breath at the center of her back, then moved his face behind her ear, his breath burning her, "Yaoyao... I miss you so much... I miss you so much... You care about me. I saw it when we met last time, and I can't forget it..."
She once longed for close physical contact with him and imagined that he would breathe with her. She had been suffocating for so many years as if she was lacking oxygen. At this moment, her body was actually held in his arms, so close to him, but she did not feel the throbbing she had felt when she thought of him before, nor did she feel a trace of love and desire. She felt like she was drowning in water, not knowing how she fell or how to struggle. In her suffocating trance, she was thinking of another man's face.
He turned her over, and the moment their noses and lips touched, she turned her face away, broke free from him, and ran to the only balcony that connected to the outside with her feet so messy that she didn't know where to go.
The cold rain drifted in from outside, and the wind on the balcony was chilly. She hugged her arms and shivered, clearly realizing that the balance of her emotions was completely tilted towards another person.
He came over and hugged her again, "It's cold outside, don't catch a cold."
She dodged and said, "Brother Xiaofeng, I have only respect and blessings for you."
He put his empty hands in his pockets, smiled with his face tilted back, and talked to himself, "I'll find a job suitable for you in Hong Kong. Any consulting company will do. If you need me to come here, I can also change jobs. I only want you, as long as we can be together. We can settle down in the place you like, get married, and have children..."
"Stop talking," she interrupted, shaking her head. "I admit that I used to love you... I really did long for us to be together. I waited for you for a very long time, ten years, maybe. I was like a pervert. When I missed you, I would only secretly look for all the information about you. I was such a fool that I even laughed at myself. I blamed you for not coming to see me, and I also resented why I said those angry words to you... But now, I really don't have that kind of feeling for you. I can't lie to you, and I can't lie to myself. I can't just ignore it... I can't ignore the person I love now and obsess over making up for the regrets of the past. That would be an even greater regret..."
He turned his back to her and took a deep breath. "How could I possibly say something in anger because of you... There are some things... Maybe only your parents and my mom know why my mom cut off everything there and moved to another place to live alone..."
Her body began to tremble violently and she turned to look at him sideways.
He covered his face in pain. "Your family took care of my family back then and treated us like family. My mom has always been very grateful. You may not know... your father has a special affection for my mom, but my mom didn't cross the line... Aunt Tang found out, and she was forced to leave her at the factory. My mom also promised Aunt Tang that she would move out after I finished the college entrance examination... Aunt Tang probably managed to keep it a secret from anyone else."
He paused for a long time.
"I don't know any of this. When I went back to look for you, I told my mom that I liked you and didn't want to go abroad. That's when she told me about their adult affairs. How could I ignore her feelings..."
He choked up and continued with difficulty, "Do you think I'm not in pain? I don't love that person at all. Even when I was alone outside, I made it through... But... God made my mother suffer too much. It was so unfair to her. The doctor gave her a deadline, and I wanted to satisfy her every wish within that time... I'm unfilial. Before she died, I kept delaying the marriage because I couldn't forget the time I saw you..."
Lin Yao felt as if a hole was pierced in her heart, she felt empty and painful. Unable to stand, she squatted on the ground, raised her arms to cover her mouth and nose, and pressed them down hard, trying to stop herself from collapsing and covering her crying.
He came over to help her up and hugged her, "I'm sorry... I'm a coward... I came to you too late..."
She completely collapsed in his arms, unable to control herself. She didn't understand why she had to go through such a cruel test. She didn't want to hurt his heart. She wanted him to be happy, but she had no way to meet his needs.
"Yaoyao, I can wait for you. If you wait for me for ten years, I will wait for you for a lifetime, and then we can be even. If you really fall in love with someone else and he treats you badly, you can always come to me. I just want you to be happy." He touched her head. He had often touched her like this when they were little.
She broke away and shook her head, "How can I be happy when you say that... You want me to live my whole life with this heavy burden on my back... If you want me to be happy, you have to be happy... You are not my escape route, you deserve to be loved by many people, you are so good, you should be the first choice for others, you should move forward," she took a step back, "Brother Xiaofeng, I will always be your family, I will think of you, I will pray for your safety, and pray for the best future for you, that you will have a wife who loves you very much, and a happy family..."
She couldn't go on.
There was a knock on the door.
Pei Yifeng heard it first.
"It's cold outside, come in." He helped her in.
She heard the knock on the door and instinctively felt it was Lin Yuxun.
She knew that if he came, this kind of scene would be cruel to any of the three people.
But what needs to be faced must be faced.
She gathered herself together and opened the door for him.
Lin Yuxun stood at the door holding a large bunch of red roses.
The traces of crying in her eyes were too obvious for him to miss.
"What's wrong with you?" he asked in a deep voice.
"What are you here for?" she asked.
"You broke the appointment. Don't you think it's a big deal?" He endured it, smiled, and asked, looking in. "You didn't say what it was, but I was worried that something might have happened to you. Isn't it right to come and see you?"
Pei Yifeng walked out from the inner hall.
When their eyes met, emotions surged.
"Hello! Nice to meet you again." Pei Yifeng greeted first.
"So there are guests?" He didn't respond to his greeting, as if he didn't know him, and turned his head to ask Lin Yao.
Pei Yifeng looked at her, knowing she was in trouble, and explained for her, "I came over to see Yaoyao unexpectedly. She told me that you two seemed to have a date tonight. I'm sorry for making things difficult for her. I wanted to come over for dinner and catch up. I'm sorry."
"How can you say it's difficult? When a guest comes, isn't it our duty to entertain him well? Especially since he's a childhood friend." He pushed the flowers into Lin Yao's hand, "Yaoyao, you didn't say anything. When a guest comes, we should entertain him together. The place I booked is actually quite suitable for entertaining this guest. You insist on working hard on your own. Aren't you tired?" He stepped forward, held her head and forcefully kissed her forehead.
Lin Yao couldn't react. Everyone's pain was concentrated on her. She placed the flowers on the entrance cabinet and let Lin Yuxun enter.
He came in and looked at the dining table, then turned around and hugged her, "I haven't had dinner yet. I'm hungry. Cook me a bowl of noodles. Okay?"
Lin Yao didn't resist, but pinched his arm secretly, "Wait a moment."
Pei Yifeng didn't look at them and turned away.
"Brother Xiaofeng, you..."
She wanted to remind him to leave.
In a suffocating space, one party must withdraw. She hoped that he would withdraw gracefully.
Pei Yifeng was coming to see her. He felt extremely distressed when he saw her, and his eyes showed heartache.
"I'm leaving first. I won't bother you anymore." He pursed his lips at Lin Yao, wanting to say something but stopping himself. He turned around and went to the sofa to get his coat.
Lin Yuxun saw the reluctance in his eyes and stood in front of him. "My girlfriend is very busy. I'm sorry for the poor hospitality. Next time you come, be sure to contact me and we'll treat you well together."
Pei Yifeng stared at the provocation in his eyes and said, "Yao Yao treated me very well. I'm very happy to see her. Goodbye."
He turned sideways with a serious face, came to Lin Yao, and said gently, "Yaoyao, don't forget what I told you. If you feel wronged or unhappy, remember to find me. I'll wait for you."
Lin Yao held back everything and smiled, "I'll be fine, take care."
She stubbornly refused his request to wait, said goodbye with a smile, and sent him out.
The moment he turned and disappeared, she closed the door, leaned against it, covered her face and sobbed uncontrollably.
Lin Yuxun just stood there, not looking at them. Their gentle and reluctant exhortations to him one after another irritated him. He was already feeling angry, and when he turned around and saw her like this, he felt even worse.
"Why are you crying?" He came over to her.
She couldn't answer him.
He reached out and wiped away the tears dripping from between her fingers, feeling bitter, "You are crying for him, you love him very much?"
She still said nothing.
He was angry that she cried for him, so he hugged her tightly and pressed her head against his chest, his eyes red, "Don't cry, don't cry for him..."
"...his mother is gone...Aunt Lan Jing is gone...his only...I only now realize...Actually, Aunt Lan Jing is very pitiful...When I finally let him go...he came to tell me about Aunt Lan Jing..." She spoke intermittently.
He was at a loss after hearing this, and stroked her hair distressedly, "I'm sorry, I didn't know... I'm sorry..."
Feeling her body was cold, he carried her back to the living room and sat down on the sofa.
The balcony door was still open. He closed it to block out the cold wind and rain, then poured her a cup of warm water and put it in her hand.
"Are you feeling unwell?"
She didn't answer him, she kept shivering and had a severe headache.
"Lie down and take it easy."
He helped her lie down on the sofa, raised her head, and covered her with a blanket.
He touched her forehead and it was cold.
"Sleep well, I'm here with you and won't leave."
He went to dim the light, came back and sat on the floor, gently took one of her hands into his palm, and watched her sleep.
She felt as if she had been washed away by a catastrophe, and no longer had the ability to speak a single word. She closed her eyes tiredly and tightened her hands, which were intertwined with his.
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