Chapter 56 Collapse and Choice
——I give you two choices, one leading to light, the other to darkness. But no matter which one you choose, I will protect you in my own way.
Ruan Xingchen suddenly sat up in shock from his nightmare, his chest heaving violently, cold sweat instantly soaking his back. In his dream, there was an endless stream of blood, sticky and flowing over his ankles, and seeping through his fingers into his bone marrow.
Ever since she recovered from PTSD, those fear-filled nightmares have long since disappeared, and she has even almost forgotten the feeling of waking up in a cold sweat.
Until tonight, this bone-chilling chill once again crept up along the fingertips.
The bed beside her was empty and cold; Mo Xiaohan was not there. Without turning on the light, she walked barefoot to the bathroom, where cold water poured from the showerhead, soaking her long hair and nightgown.
Ruan Xingchen stared at his trembling hands. These hands, which were supposed to hold a scalpel to save people, were now killing people.
She stubbornly repeated the washing action, as if trying to peel something invisible from her skin, but the sticky feeling in her palm never seemed to go away - it was the blood that splashed on the back of her hand last night, with a smell of rust, burning her nerves.
She closed her eyes, but could still see the frozen coldness in Mo Xiaohan's eyes when he pulled the trigger. The moment the bullet penetrated the enemy's head, blood mist splattered, staining his cuffs red.
Gunshots, blood, screams.
She was shaking all over, even her breathing was trembling. She covered her ears suddenly, but the sounds still echoed in her head.
She loved him, but his world made her feel scared and distressed.
"Come out." Outside the bathroom door, Mo Xiaohan's voice was low and restrained.
She didn't move, but buried her face in her knees, and drops of water mixed with tears hit the tiles.
The door was kicked open, and Mo Xiaohan stood in the mist, looking at her embarrassed appearance with his jaw tense.
He turned off the water, wrapped her in a bath towel, and picked her up sideways.
"Put me down!" She struggled, her nails scratching bloody marks on his neck.
He let her grab him, and with steady steps he placed her on the edge of the bed. He knelt on one knee and held her cold hand: "Look at me."
Ruan Xingchen raised her head and met his eyes—there was no violence in them, only a quiet darkness, like the sea before a storm.
"You regret it." He spoke softly, not as a question, but as an affirmation, with a sense of pain in his voice.
She turned her face away, pinched her palm with her fingertips, and said in a trembling voice: "Get out."
Mo Xiaohan didn't move, just looked at her.
"I want to be alone." She emphasized her tone, but a sob escaped her lips at the end. "Now, get out!"
He stared at her for a long moment, his eyes dark. In the end, he said nothing. He stood up and left, gently closing the door behind him.
Back in the study, Mo Xiaohan stared at the two things on the table——
Ruan Xingchen's passport.
A loaded Glock pistol.
Artest stood aside, hesitant to speak: "Boss...are you really going to do this?"
Mo Xiaohan suddenly laughed, his laughter shrouded in cruelty and inexplicable bitterness: "I've waited for her for seventeen years. You know how much I want to lock her up."
"Lock her in my cage and keep her from going anywhere." His eyes darkened, like ink soaked in water, paranoid and almost stubborn. "She can only look at me and follow me. Even if she hates me for the rest of her life, she must stay by my side."
A Tai fell silent, watching the madness and pain surging in his eyes.
"But I can't. Her PTSD has finally healed, how can I drag her back into the nightmare with my own hands?" Mo Xiaohan whispered, his voice unusually hoarse, "She deserves to bask in the sunshine and live a peaceful life. And I can only leave her with blood on her hands and sink into the eternal night..."
He knew better than anyone that she didn't belong here.
She should be holding a medical book, chatting and laughing with friends under the plane tree on campus; she should be wearing a white coat, saving lives and healing the wounded in a bright hospital; she should... stay away from him, away from this world full of filth, blood and calculation.
Outside the window, the rain is getting heavier.
The street lights of the manor shone through the rain curtain. His shadow was immersed in this mottled light, stretched out very long, and as lonely as a tombstone.
The next morning, Ruan Xingchen found the two things on the dining table. Mo Xiaohan stood in front of the French window with his back to her. His voice was so hoarse that it was almost inaudible: "Choose light, and I will send you away."
"I'll send you back to China. You can finish your studies, pursue your dreams, save lives, and live a stable life."
"I will clean up these matters in Bangkok. No one will know you've ever set foot in this quagmire, and no one will dare to bother you with these matters. I will give you enough money to squander your whole life, and—" He paused, "I promise to never come after you."
The morning light filtered through the gauze curtains, outlining his tense shoulders. Ruan Xingchen's fingertips hovered above two things, trembling.
"Choose darkness..." He turned, his eyes fixed on the gun. The scar on his left eye was particularly clear in the sunlight. "Pick up that gun and accompany me into hell."
"From now on, your hands will not only save people, but also learn to kill."
"Your dreams are no longer just about the operating table's shadowless light; there will also be blood, screams, and the everlasting smell of gunpowder."
His voice grew softer and softer, "And I...will be your eternal shadow."
Ruan Xingchen looked at him; his eyes were still as dark and deep as ever, like a night that she could never see through.
"What... do you want me to choose..." she asked softly.
Mo Xiaohan's knuckles tightened slightly, and a paranoid emotion surged in his eyes. He closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, only determination remained.
"I want you to go."
"But you must remember, no matter where you are, if anyone dares to touch a hair on your head, I will bury the entire Southeast Asia with you."
Ruan Xingchen's tears fell on the cover of her passport. She picked up the passport and slammed it against his chest, crying out, "You know very well... I can't choose at all!"
Mo Xiaohan picked up the passport and gently wiped away the tears on the back cover.
"Xingxing." He showed an almost vulnerable expression in front of her for the first time. "You can be afraid of me, hate me, or even use me—"
"But don't give up your light for me."
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