Half a Lifetime of Dreams Turned into Smoke

Su Yuanbai's Personal Extra

"Brother Su, admit it. Tell me why you are doing this."

In the gloomy prison, Li Qingyun stood outside the prison door, looking at Su Yuanbai who was leaning against the corner of the wall with his eyes closed in deep thought without saying a word, with more and more disdain in his eyes.

But after all, it was the emperor who asked him to do this job, so he still had to pretend.

But he was unwilling to even step into the door of this prison. Even though the emperor had carefully instructed not to treat this top scholar harshly, and this cell was therefore considered clean and tidy, the lingering coldness in it still made his bones ache.

"Brother Su." Li Qingyun lazily patted the cell door, pretending to be heartbroken, "His Majesty cherishes talent and sympathizes with you, so he gave you the opportunity. You can't be ignorant of what is good for you!"

Su Yuanbai raised his head and glanced at him, with a look that seemed both mocking and sympathetic, but still said nothing.

"Extremely pedantic!"

Li Qingyun thought mockingly in his heart, turned around and left without any reluctance.

“Bang.”

The prison door was shut tightly, not letting in any light. Su Yuanbai, dressed in plain clothes, leaned carelessly against the damp stone wall, not paying any attention to what was going on around him.

He closed his eyes and smelled the stench of mossy earth. The sound of dripping water rose and fell, carrying with it the morning dew.

*

Green mountains block the red dust road, white clouds fill the ground and are nowhere to be found.

Spring, the 36th year of Pingxin.

On Xunfeng Mountain, not far from Tiandu City, a pure and solemn royal temple, Liuming Temple, can be seen faintly among the lush forest.

Under the dim green light, the abbot Shikong held a bamboo pen and silently wrote down the major and minor matters in the temple today.

"The spring is chilly and the accumulated diseases are urgent. Today, Hongzhi did not recite the morning lesson due to illness."

"In his later years, Hongmin saw a baby boy at Qingyue Spring, about five or six months old, wrapped in swaddling clothes, with only the word "Su" written around him. The Buddhist sect was helping the poor, and he could not bear to see him go, so he kept him."

Shi Kong stopped writing, stared at the dim green light, pondered for a long time, and then continued writing.

"The poor monk named him Yuanbai. I hope that he will have a pure heart in the future, not be bothered by worldly matters, and only focus on one thing."

"Amitabha."

*

The forty-first year of Pingxin.

It was just past midnight, the moon rose and the stars disappeared, the night was deep and quiet.

Su Yuanbai climbed up from the couch, carefully took out the vegetarian rice wrapped in oil paper that he had hidden during the daytime, and tiptoed out of the room.

The rustling sound of the wind also covered the creaking sound of the door closing, blowing all over the mountains and fields. He held the oil paper bag in one hand, lifted the hem of his monk's robe with the other, and tiptoed out of the side hall step by step.

Only after he was sure that he would not disturb others did he start running, running with the wind and the moonlight covering the mountains.

The dense forest on the back mountain was silent, with only the occasional chirping of insects scattered all over the ground.

Su Yuanbai took a breath and squatted on the ground. There was still some leftover vegetarian food from yesterday in the small earthen beds next to the weeds. He opened the oil paper bag and shook out the vegetarian food bit by bit into the earthen beds.

"call……"

After doing all this, he breathed a sigh of relief. He had to go back quickly and make sure his master didn't find out.

"Yuan Bai, what are you doing?"

As Su Yuanbai stood up, Shi Kong's voice came from behind him, and he was so scared that he almost squatted back down.

"Master... Master?"

"I ask you, what are you doing?" Shi Kong frowned and asked again, "Why are you throwing away the vegetarian food?"

"I..." Su Yuanbai lowered his head and didn't know what to say for a moment. If he said it out loud, would his master think he was stubborn? "Disciple is feeding the birds..."

Shi Kong frowned in confusion, "Why do you want to feed the birds?"

"What the master said that day... Yuanbai doesn't quite agree with it." After saying the first sentence, Su Yuanbai simply made up his mind, became bolder, and spoke much more smoothly.

"Eagles eat pigeons, and humans eat grains. This is the natural order of all things. If you pity pigeons but not grains, how can you be merciful?"

Shikong was stunned for a moment before he realized that Su Yuanbai was talking about the story he told a few days ago about the Buddha cutting off his flesh to feed the eagle. Yuanbai was still young and could not understand the profound Buddhist teachings, so he wanted to tell him some easy-to-understand stories as an enlightenment.

"Really?" Shi Kong squatted down, aligned his eyes with Su Yuanbai's, and looked at him gently, "Then what do you think compassion is?"

"I don't know..." Su Yuanbai lowered his head in shame, "I just think that it is the best thing for the eagle to have the young pigeons to eat, the young pigeons to eat the grains, and the grains to get rain and dew."

"Okay..." Shi Kong was silent for a moment, took Su Yuanbai's hand, and walked down the mountain. "If you want to feed it, just ask Senior Brother Hongmin to leave some for you every day during the meal. Don't hide it secretly anymore."

"I understand, Master." Su Yuanbai smiled shyly and asked a little embarrassedly, "Master, how did you know I came to the back mountain?"

"You." Shi Kong was both angry and amused when he mentioned this matter. "Your Senior Brother Hongmin saw that you have lost weight recently and looked haggard. He thought you were sick and came to me out of anxiety."

"I'm sorry to have worried you..."

"Don't tell me. Go talk to Hongmin tomorrow."

"Disciple knows..."

The way down the mountain was not long, only about a quarter of an hour. Shi Kong led Su Yuanbai but did not return to the side hall, but went straight to the abbot's courtyard.

"The brothers are all asleep, so you can rest here with me today."

Shi Kong tucked in the quilt for Su Yuanbai and patted him gently to sleep, just like he was doing with a child.

"From now on, Master will no longer teach you Buddhism."

"Why?!" Su Yuanbai sat up suddenly and eagerly grabbed Shi Kong's hand, "Master, do you not want me anymore?"

"Of course not." Shi Kong shook his head, "Yuan Bai, your fate is not over yet, Buddhism is not your destination."

Seeing that Su Yuanbai still didn't understand and looked like he was about to cry, Shi Konghui held his little hand and asked, "What do you think Buddhism is for?"

"Overcoming suffering and disaster, saving all sentient beings."

"That's it." Shi Kong looked at Su Yuanbai and said solemnly.

"In your heart, make your own choice to save all living beings."

At this moment he did not regard the person in front of him as a child who was ignorant of the world.

"So, go your own way."

*

The fourth year of Dingyuan, spring.

Xunfeng Mountain, outside Liuming Temple.

"Master."

Su Yuanbai was wearing a round crimson robe, standing among the familiar tall trees and dense forests. It was a completely different scene from his usual plain clothes, but it made him look even more vigorous.

"Yuan Bai came to pay his respects. Master's kindness is greater than heaven and earth, and more important than parents. Without Master's careful teaching over the years, Yuan Bai would not be where he is today."

"No." Shi Kong shook his head, still calmly looking at the young man in front of him who was as tall as him, "You are where you are today because of your 17 years of hard work, not my credit."

"Go ahead."

"yes."

Su Yuanbai took a final deep look at the familiar mountain gate, then bent down and kowtowed three times respectfully.

He understood that from now on he had embarked on his own path of cultivation.

Amid the rustling wind and the curling clouds, the long stone steps seem to have no end in sight.

As time goes by, the journey becomes long. He will go through the storm alone, with his heart set on helping the world.

*

"Blah!"

The sound of unlocking the chain shattered the wind outside Liuming Temple three years ago, along with his shackles.

Su Yuanbai opened his eyes and looked at the newcomer with mixed feelings. He slowly stood up, leaning against the stone wall, and bowed.

"Your humble servant pays respect to His Majesty."

"No need to be so formal." The emperor waved his hand and looked at Su Yuanbai, who was dressed in plain clothes in front of him, as if he was feeling a little sentimental.

"I still remember the essay 'Gonggengce' you wrote in Daming Palace during the palace examination three years ago. From that moment on, I knew that you were the one I was looking for."

"Does your Majesty believe me?"

Su Yuanbai raised his head and looked closely at the emperor.

"Of course I believe you."

"I have not embezzled the money for disaster relief. I have not disregarded the law, deceived my superiors and deceived my subordinates. I have not colluded with wealthy businessmen to buy and sell official positions and exploit the people. Do you believe me, Your Majesty?"

The emperor looked at him with his hands behind his back without saying a word.

"I understand." Su Yuanbai laughed self-deprecatingly, "I want to see Lord Du."

Since he passed the imperial examination three years ago, Prime Minister Du Zhangwei has held him in high regard, treating him as his own son and placing high hopes on him. Lord Du has listened to and affirmed all of his ideals and aspirations, and he must have understood that he was not the kind of person who would corrupt the law.

But the emperor still said nothing, just looked at him solemnly, with a look of mockery, sympathy, sadness, and all kinds of indescribable emotions in his eyes, which made him feel stuffy in the chest and disgusted.

"Huh?" Su Yuanbai finally couldn't help laughing out loud. It was really ridiculous. It turned out that in the end, he was the only one who was the idiot.

The affairs of this world are really like chess. He is in the game, but he is just a chess piece placed at the mercy of others. He cannot tell what is right and wrong, black and white, and becomes a laughing stock of others because of his ignorance.

Perhaps it was because his laughter was too sad and dead, even the emperor who had experienced so many ups and downs could not bear it.

"Yuan Bai, you think I did something wrong." The emperor did not ask a question, but said affirmatively, "But I don't think there is anything wrong with what I did."

"You are for the common people, and so am I."

He really admired Su Yuanbai, but if he couldn't keep Su Yuanbai today, he would never let Su Yuanbai walk out of this prison alive.

"I know you don't agree with my ideas, but this is what my teacher taught me."

Su Yuanbai raised his head suddenly, and a little hope burst out from his despair.

"If you want to know, who is wrong, me or you, Yuanbai."

The emperor spoke slowly, and every word he said was calm and powerful. It was a rock-hard promise he made.

"The prince still needs a teacher. Just a teacher, nothing else."

There was a deathly silence between the two for a long time. Finally, Su Yuanbai closed his eyes heavily, bowed his head deeply, and accepted the promise that would torment him for half his life.

"Your Majesty, I accept your order."

From then on, there was no longer a high-spirited top scholar in the Great Xuan Dynasty, and only a dull and lonely prince's tutor remained deep in the palace.