Chapter 40 I Like You So Much You Decide to Go Find Bai E. ...
You decide to go find Bai Er.
The words from the Lion's Mouth make you uneasy. Bai E is always so at ease, as if no difficulty can defeat him. Why is he acting so strangely lately? Something terrible must have happened.
Aglaia stood before the Heroes' Bath, gazing at the frolicking crowd below as always. Her golden hair and skirt were blown to the right by the wind, but she seemed oblivious, like a silent statue.
You ride up on the floating platform and see her back.
"Are we going to find Bai E?"
The gold thread trembled slightly, reminding the owner that a guest had arrived.
She initiated the conversation but didn't turn around.
You nodded hastily.
Aglaia knew everything about the city, let alone her close companions, so you weren't too surprised that she knew about Bai'er's situation and your plans. You simply asked:
"Does Ms. Aglaia know where he is?"
...Aglaia didn't answer your question immediately, but instead chuckled softly.
“When Bai Er first came to Ohma, he was still a little unaccustomed to it.”
Her voice was very gentle.
"After all, he was so young and not very tall at the time. Sometimes other soldiers would tease him by giving him weapons that were taller than him, but he was very talented and hardworking, and his training results always surprised everyone."
“Occasionally, he would mention his hometown and his childhood friends. I once wondered if he had an imaginary friend—you know, sometimes people are good at using their imagination. But I soon discovered that this person seemed to really exist.”
She placed her hand to her lips, a nostalgic smile on her face.
Do you know how he described that person?
You hesitated and shook your head.
Aglaia let out a short chuckle from her nose, "...It seems you don't have a clear understanding of your place in his heart."
He said, "She is my partner, my mentor, the dawn shrouded in a gray mist before sunrise... she is the future I want to protect."
Aglaia turned half of her face to the side.
The one eye she revealed was lifeless, yet her gaze was unusually gentle, as if she wasn't describing the tall, reliable savior Bai Er, nor was she looking at you, a being from beyond the heavens blessed by [the years], but merely two lost children.
She said, “The gold thread is trembling, which means your heart is not at peace. Since I took over the power of [romance], I have lost a lot over the long years, but I can still understand the core of my strength - all the great and small love in this world, whether supreme or inexplicable... I know you are all good children.”
For Aglaia, protecting Ohma is her duty, her unwavering commitment. But the voices of her companions always manage to pull her from her completely cold divinity, filling the little humanity she has left and making her feel truly alive.
It doesn't refer to living as a [romantic] demigod, but rather to living as [Aglaia], as a tailor, before people perceived her as a cold ruler, but as an innocent and carefree little girl, living an ordinary and mundane life without having experienced all that might be cruel or magnificent.
“…Go find him.” That’s all she said.
A golden thread reached out and wrapped around your little finger, pointing towards the clear sky outside the bathing palace to your astonishment.
*
You've never been someone who just runs away. In your eyes, Bai Er has always been brave; whether it's charging into battle or rescuing someone, he's always at the forefront, as if getting injured is just a trivial matter to him.
But that's why you don't understand why he's always so cautious around you.
When he's with you, he's honest and passionate. He often rubs against you like a sticky chimera, pleading with you to pet him more, saying he'll love it when you ruffle his hair.
But they may also exhibit a timidity that seems to come from nowhere.
You're not going to eat him, so why does he care so much about your reaction? It's as if your words are more terrifying than a monster's fangs, gently and with an unspeakable longing, piercing his heart in an instant, stirring up that lake of his heart into a muddy mess.
You followed the golden thread and ran all the way out of the bathing palace.
While weaving through the crowded streets, I was so flustered that I accidentally knocked someone's hat off.
Be careful!
"Excuse me, excuse me, I have an urgent matter..."
Amidst the surging crowd, you run against the flow of people, drawing stares from many citizens.
However, because you are usually very kind and have helped many people, they are familiar with your appearance and will voluntarily part to make way for you.
Cecilia was buying something to eat by the roadside when she said, "Big sister, be careful! Don't fall, it hurts a lot when you fall..."
Lucien emerged from around the corner, scratching his head. "Huh? Where did Triss go in such a short time—hey, hero! Triss and I haven't properly thanked you yet—"
Sitaros was lounging in the sun outside the antique shop, bored out of his mind. Hearing the noise, he glanced at your retreating figure. "Fellow antique enthusiasts, it's dry outside, don't rush things... Hey, what are you looking at? Who gave you permission to stare at my friend like that?"
...
After passing through the market, you arrive at the alleyway where wisteria flowers are in full bloom.
There are few people here. Looking out from the alley entrance, you can see the ancient marriage tree and hear the sound of the fountain flowing in the distance.
The noisy crowd was left far behind you.
Bai E sat on a recliner in the corner of the alley, looking ahead with his face turned to the side. His cloak was so long that it draped over the recliner behind him, the soft fabric sinking slightly into the seams of the cushion.
The location was relatively hidden, tucked away in a corner, almost invisible from the alley entrance. You only discovered it after you got closer by following the gold thread.
He froze upon hearing footsteps, clearly recognizing you.
You slowed your pace, walked over and sat down next to him, and the two of you remained silent for a moment.
"..."
Unable to bear the silence, Bai E spoke first:
"Partner...I..."
Why didn't you tell me?
You interrupted his stammering and asked directly:
"...Don't you know I'll be worried?"
The golden thread silently released your finger and vanished into thin air.
Hearing "worried," Bai E frowned, feeling guilty, but still dared not look you in the eye. "...I don't know what to say. I only mustered up a little courage after hearing everyone's encouragement."
He said, “I’ve struggled with this for a long time… The world beyond the heavens must be vast. When I was little, I always dreamed of going on adventures with you, but now I realize that my fate is already intertwined with Onpharos… Partner, I can’t leave here. And this is also my choice willingly.”
He paused.
"It's just...it's just..."
The wisteria blossoms overhead rustled softly.
“I’m a little afraid of being a burden to you,” he said. “After talking to others, I know I shouldn’t be so obsessive about this responsibility. The people I love, the things I want to protect, are also praying for my happiness. But I don’t know what you’re thinking. You’ll leave eventually, and I shouldn’t be so selfish—”
Take a deep breath.
You calmly ask, "Did you ask me?"
Bai E was stunned. "...What?"
Did you ask me?
Before he could answer, you spoke rapidly, your voice tinged with a hint of grievance:
"Did you ask me if I felt you would be a burden to me? Did you ask me if I was afraid of being a burden to you? Did you even ask—"
You're getting emotional. You know he's doing it for your own good, but you're his partner. Between partners, there's no such thing as being a burden or a liability.
And even if we take a step back and assume there's no Bai'er, you would still stay and save this planet without hesitation. Because [Exploration] never stops exploring and helping, just like the night Kafka suddenly came to the train, you made that promise—
"This is my mission. This is my journey."
Bai Er's lips twitched slightly; he hadn't expected you to say that.
He wants to comfort you, to say nice things to make you happy as usual, but his mouth suddenly becomes clumsy at this moment.
If separation is inevitable, should this relationship even begin?
Bai E didn't know. These days, he keenly noticed that you were treating him a little differently, perhaps without even realizing it yourself, but he couldn't bear to see you suffer.
...You two are so in sync, so in sync that you both know what the other is struggling with, so in sync that you understood his unusual behavior these past few days with just one sentence.
His fingertips were still tentatively probing, but you quickly calmed down and belatedly felt a little embarrassed. You moved closer to him, buried your face in his neck, and whispered an apology.
Bai E felt a warmth on his shoulder, along with a few wet tears. The tears were cool, yet they burned him so much he felt like he was melting.
He reached out, put his arm around your shoulder, bent down slightly to adjust to your height, and closed his eyes briefly.
Your voice was muffled, and you sobbed.
“I hate how you treat yourself, I hate how you never take yourself seriously—I also want to hear your thoughts, you know perfectly well that we can fight side by side.”
“I’m so sorry,” Bai E said guiltily.
“Bai’er, Xiaobai,” you call him, “...I’m really worried about you. Don’t always keep your troubles and grievances bottled up inside. The burden of saving the world doesn’t fall entirely on your shoulders. Sometimes I don’t need such tight protection—I can protect you too…”
Bai E gave a low "hmm".
No one explicitly stated it, but you both knew what the other was thinking.
His chin was a bit pointed, and when it bumped against your shoulder, rubbing against that protruding bone, it wasn't exactly comfortable.
Even though no one spoke to him, no one blamed him, and your tone was almost gentle, he still looked like he was about to cry.
"...How lucky I am to have met you."
He suddenly said this in a low voice.
His voice was soft, and the last syllable was already a little indistinct, but you were so close together, like two little animals warming each other, that his low voice reached your ears without any obstruction.
Bai E gently touched your loose hair and chuckled, "When I was little, I always thought, 'This older sister is so cool, I want to be like her someday.' But now, I know she also wants to protect me, and my feelings for her have long since faded away without me even realizing it..."
The air was silent for a moment.
The small corner was dimly lit. His eyes flickered in and out of the light.
He tightened the embrace, just as he had countless times expressed his feelings directly—
"...I like you so much."
He said he laughed.
"I like you so much, what should I do?"
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