Chapter 83 Some wounds will not heal with time.
After seeing Cheng Ying off and thoroughly cleaning up the messy living room, Chu Yi stood in the quiet center of the living room, the city lights shone through the window. He hesitated for a moment, then walked to the balcony and dialed the number he hadn't contacted in a long time.
The phone rang for a long time before it was picked up. Chu Ruoyin on the other end seemed a little surprised, with a hint of subtle hesitation in her voice: "...Xiaoyi?"
"Mom." Chu Yi called softly into the receiver.
The receiver fell into a long silence, with only the faint sound of electricity, as if one could hear each other's suppressed breathing. This call, separated by too long, carried a strange weight.
In the end, it was Chu Ruoyin who spoke first. She asked directly, omitting all the pleasantries: "Is he good to you?"
It goes without saying that this "he" refers to Zhou Ai.
Chu Yi, holding his phone, turned slightly, his gaze passing through the glass door and landing on the living room. Zhou Ai was sitting cross-legged on the carpet, a pile of freshly collected and folded clothes in front of him. He lowered his head, his expression focused, his movements even a little clumsy, but he carefully smoothed and folded each piece of clothing.
Chu Yi's eyes softened for a moment, and his voice was soft but firm: "Very good."
There was silence on the other end of the line for a few seconds, as if digesting this simple answer. Chu Ruoyin's voice rang out again, with a sense of reminiscing about the past, a sense of melancholy and confusion, and even a subtle hint of grievance:
"Xiaoyi, I remember you were very obedient when you were little. You were cute, good at studying, and polite. Aside from... choosing a major, you basically never gave me any worries."
She paused, the confusion in her tone deepening, "How come after growing up, I'm..."
She didn't finish the rest of the sentence, but the disappointment and confusion in her sigh were clearly conveyed.
The breeze from the balcony blew in, bringing with it the coolness of the night, brushing against Chu Yi's face, a chill. He stared at the blurry, star-like lights in the distance, his eyes somewhat blank. He didn't directly answer the question "why?" Instead, he asked a question in a calm, almost cruel tone.
"Mom, in your and Dad's minds, is it enough for me to be obedient?"
He did not wait for an answer, as if he was asking and answering himself, or as if he was stating a fact that had been buried for a long time. His voice was still steady, but every word was clear.
"What does it mean to be obedient? In the middle of summer, because I broke my brother's favorite model, I was punished to stand at the gate of the old courtyard, listening to the sounds of your family happily eating inside? Or, because I just liked a toy similar to my brother's, I was called an ungrateful person, a heartless person, and a person who didn't know how to be humble?"
He had never mentioned these minor grievances that were buried by time so bluntly.
Saying it out loud at this moment is not to make an accusation, but more like a belated vindication of my own existence.
"Chu Yi!" Chu Ruoyin's voice suddenly rose, filled with the rage of having some truth exposed. "Don't you realize it yet? You've changed! You wouldn't have talked back to your mother like this before! Ever since you met that person, you've repeatedly…"
"Mom." Chu Yi interrupted her, his voice still flat, "Actually, I'm even more despicable than you think."
He used this word to describe himself.
"Because I'm a living person," Chu Yi said word by word, "I can't follow the rules as you ask, I can't be non-competitive as you ask, I can't be hardworking and uncomplaining as you ask. I'm a human being, with flesh and blood, desires, emotions, I can feel wronged, and I can resist."
He cast his gaze again on the figure in the living room who was concentrating on folding clothes and said,
"It's not because of being with Zhou Ai that I became like this."
"On the contrary, it's because I've been with people who truly respect and love me that I've gradually come to understand that people can say what they want, can express dissatisfaction, and can... be satisfied."
"Storage of Intention..."
Chu Ruoyin's voice trembled slightly, as if she couldn't understand, and as if she was deeply hurt.
"Is it... is it that mom didn't love you enough? Is that why you were deceived by him? You were completely deceived by a playboy like him who was so fickle and only knew how to speak sweet words, with just a few small favors?"
"A small favor?"
Chu Yi repeated the word, and suddenly felt a little absurd. "Mom, Zhou Ai... risked his life for me. Isn't this... enough?"
There was complete silence on the other end of the phone.
After a long time, Chu Ruoyin's voice sounded again, with a kind of exhaustion and avoidance: "Xiaoyi, did you call tonight just to quarrel with Mom?"
When Chu Yi heard his mother's habitual response of blaming the problem on his "ignorance", the last bit of hope in his heart was extinguished.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath of the cold air. When he spoke again, his voice was calm as if everything had settled, but also revealed a hint of sadness that was hard to conceal.
"Mom, it's not just tonight. Every time I try to talk to you nicely, you always do this... every word you say hurts my heart."
After saying this, he hung up the phone silently without waiting for his mother's response.
After hanging up the phone, Chu Yi stood alone on the balcony. The night wind ruffled his hair, and his back looked particularly thin and lonely under the light.
In the living room, Zhou Ai seemed to notice something, stopped what he was doing and looked over.
Through the glass, he could only see who Chu Yi was calling, but he couldn't hear the specific content. Chu Yi's expression was always concealed. For a moment, Zhou Ai was a little dazed and flustered. He was a little afraid to see Chu Yi who was "disguising" his true emotions.
The wind from outside, mixed with a light rain, blew in, rustling against Chu Yi's face. The phone in his hand was still slightly hot. He smiled a little self-deprecatingly. This phone call hadn't brought them closer. Instead, like a blunt knife, it had cut those deep-seated cracks, making them even more distinct and painful.
The glass door behind him was gently opened. Zhou Ai walked out, filled with the warmth of the room. Without even asking a single question, he simply bent down, passed his arms through Chu Yi's knees and back, and with a slight effort, he easily lifted him up horizontally.
Zhou Ai carried Chu Yi back to the living room and placed him on the sofa. However, he did not sit down. Instead, he knelt on one knee in front of Chu Yi, looking up like a loyal knight looking up at his monarch.
"Unhappy?" Zhou Ai's voice was very soft, with cautious inquiry.
He raised his hand and touched Chu Yi's cheek, which was slightly cold, with the back of his hand. The cold touch made him frown distressedly. He then used the warm tip of his thumb to gently wipe away the wet marks still soaked by the rain.
Then he held Chu Yi's hand, which was also cold, and tightly wrapped the slightly cool fingertips in his warm and dry palm.
Chu Yi lowered his head and looked at Zhou Ai, who was so close. The effects of the alcohol had not yet completely dissipated, and his fair face was still slightly flushed, especially the gorgeous red at the corners of his eyes.
But at this moment, in Chu Yi's view, it was no longer the usual charming and graceful one, but instead it was like a dense mass of needles piercing his heart, causing him a continuous pain.
He suddenly remembered a long time ago when he went to see Zhou Ai's concert alone.
Zhou Ai on the stage was so dazzling, like an unreachable star, with bright lights behind her and thunderous admiration and cheers from the audience.
But at this moment, this star that was once out of reach has retracted all its light, squatting in front of him so obediently, even a little uneasy, with only his reflection in its eyes and heart.
This extreme contrast made Chu Yi's heart feel like it was hit hard by something, and it felt sore and weak.
He stretched out his hand and gently touched Zhou Ai's warm cheek with his fingertips. Feeling the real touch, he slightly curled the corners of his lips, revealing a fragile but relieved smile.
"Zhou Ai."
He said softly, "Do you feel... that my inferiority, my hesitation, and my twisted thoughts have caused you a lot of trouble?"
"If you hadn't been so persistent and walked towards me without hesitation... we might not have been able to get to this point..."
Before he could utter the last two words "together", Zhou Ai suddenly raised his hand and covered Chu Yi's mouth with his warm palm, stopping him from finishing his words.
"No worries." Zhou Ai's eyes were blazing, like a burning flame, trying to dispel all the haze in his heart. "Never."
"It's not that we can't be together." He put down his hand and instead wrapped it tightly around Chu Yi's. He declared clearly and solemnly, word by word, "It's that... we will be together forever."
Chu Yi looked at the man in front of him, Zhou Ai, who was always confident and outspoken, as if he owned the whole world.
At this moment, because of his fear of losing and his self-doubt, he showed such nervousness and confidence, confirming their future over and over again with words and actions.
At this moment, the emotions that Chu Yi had been suppressing finally showed signs of bursting out.
In fact, he has always known clearly that Chu Ruoyin's coercive, negative and comparative educational method in his childhood had already planted the seeds of inferiority in his subconscious.
He will unconsciously doubt whether he is worthy of being loved, will repeatedly worry about whether his choice is correct, and will subconsciously retreat and feel uneasy when faced with happiness.
Even when you love someone, you will tend to consider whether it will cause trouble to him.
But fortunately...
He thought silently in his heart.
He met Zhou Ai.
Chu Yi didn't say anything else, but just held Zhou Ai's hand tightly, then gently rested his forehead against the other's forehead, closed his eyes, and let the warm tears slide silently down.
He truly had a naive hope today. He thought that if even Zhou Ai, a non-blood relative, could love him so much, then perhaps his mother, who was also related by blood, would...
But unfortunately.
Happiness did not make him greedy, but made him see more clearly—
Some wounds will not heal with time.
Some distances cannot be eliminated by blood ties.
He rested his forehead on Zhou Ai's shoulder and for the first time completely gave up his fantasy of maternal love.
It turns out that what really helped him get out of the shadows was not reconciliation, but learning to coexist with the irreconcilable part.
Just like at this moment, he saw a complete self that was worthy of being loved in the eyes of the person squatting in front of him.
Zhou Ai patted his back gently and hummed the song from the rainy night.
Chu Yi closed his eyes.
Some roads are destined to be walked alone, but fortunately, there are people willing to accompany him to the end.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
