Chapter 52
Luo Yan's hands were sticky, and she moved uncomfortably.
But Zhu Yun was as hard and heavy as a boulder, only bending his elbow to share part of the weight, leaving himself room to breathe.
His breathing was rapid, and a deep redness spread from the corners of his eyes to the sides of his face. His usually sharp eyes were now misty, shimmering with a spring-like light.
"Are you done yet?" she said reproachfully, turning her face away to avoid looking at the boy's obviously satisfied expression.
Zhu Yun smiled and buried his face in her neck, letting out a long sigh, then snuggled up to her like a little animal.
Luo Yan was somewhat overwhelmed, and at the same time, she couldn't help but feel smug: She'd already captivated him like this on her first try; if she learned a few more pages...
But then he suddenly spoke, his clear voice slightly nasal, saying, "I want to see you."
She thought to herself that they were embracing intimately, and she could kiss his nose with just a slight tilt of her head. What more could she ask for? Before she could voice her doubts, her hands were covered by the boy's burning hot palms.
She noticed a small mole below the corner of his right eye, which added a touch of allure to his handsome, jade-like face.
Luo Yan secretly slipped her hand into her sleeve and stroked the pattern on the purse.
The touch of the silk thread slightly eased her anxiety. Luo Yan, without applying any lip rouge, nervously pursed her dry lips.
Her lips remained thinly parted, like withered flower petals, and through the narrow gap between her upper and lower lips, he could glimpse a row of teeth clenched due to nervousness and anxiety.
"Young Master Qin..."
Her hands were trembling. She wiped the cold sweat from her forehead with a handkerchief and asked in a nonchalant tone,
"I'm here for no other reason than to ask you one question: why do you want to marry me?"
"I don't know Miss Luo Yan well. If I were to say that I love you to death, it would be too hypocritical."
Qin Sizhao chuckled softly, then suddenly adopted a serious expression as he looked at her teary eyes.
“Luo Yan, before I passed the imperial examination, I ran a clinic and saw all sorts of people on the verge of death. The moment I saw you, I inexplicably felt that if I left you unattended, you wouldn’t live long. Out of a doctor’s sense of responsibility, I wanted to save you.”
Luo Yan didn't dare to look at him.
"You're being far too arrogant. I'm perfectly healthy, and you're saying I'll die young for no reason..."
She clenched her teeth.
Is it that obvious?
Even Qin Sizhao, who had only met her twice, could tell that she was planning to commit suicide.
He proposed to her, actually wanting to save her life.
Luo Yan had no idea where to put her hands.
She caught a glimpse of the small mole at the corner of his eye. Indeed, he was absolutely right. The only way for her to survive was to marry him. Only by marrying another man could she escape Zhu Yun and the royal palace.
If she hadn't gotten pregnant, she probably could have lived with him after marrying him... But how could she take advantage of his kindness to deceive him?
"If you knew everything about me, you wouldn't want to marry me."
Luo Yan started to speak recklessly.
"But I hope you want to marry me, so I'll keep it from you."
She changed her mind after she said it.
He's a doctor; he could know everything just by holding her hand. She couldn't hide anything from him.
Two forces were tearing her apart. She wanted to fight for his true love for her life, but she was also afraid that she would be despised by him and die a miserable death, losing all face.
She dared not look him in the eye.
She wanted to leave him with a good impression before she died... She hoped that someone would genuinely remember her after she died.
He seemed amused by her words, his eyes narrowing into peach blossom shapes as he asked,
"Miss Luo Yan, does this mean you like me?"
She turned her face to the side and said in a feigned indifference.
"No, it's just because I'm vain. I'm not as good as you think, nor as fragile as you think. In short, I don't like you."
After she finished speaking, Luo Yan breathed a sigh of relief. Surprisingly, he didn't press her about what she had been hiding from him.
As soon as she relaxed, the purse embroidered with mandarin ducks fell out of her sleeve and landed straight on the ground.
Qin Sizhao picked up the purse.
"Are those ducks on the table? If they were a gift from Miss Luo Yan to her sweetheart, they would probably be mandarin ducks."
Luo Yan's face instantly turned bright red, and she stammered, unable to utter a single word.
He handed the purse back to Luo Yan.
"Since Miss Luo Yan doesn't like me, this purse probably wasn't a gift to me... If it was a gift from Miss Luo Yan, I will definitely keep it carefully; if it wasn't, I will never touch it."
He handed the purse towards Luo Yan again.
"Miss Luo Yan, please take it back. It was all my presumptuousness."
His eyes reddened, and his tone was full of disappointment.
"It's...it's for you..."
Luo Yan said softly.
Qin Sizhao's face instantly cleared of its gloom, revealing a smug smile. Luo Yan inexplicably felt that she had been manipulated by him.
"You promised to give it to me, so you can't go back on your word. I'll accept it."
He carefully tucked the purse into his sleeve, then looked at her thoughtfully with a smile.
Luo Yan felt uneasy under his gaze.
"I'm going back... I'll come looking for you if I feel like it, so please don't come to the Prince's mansion looking for me..."
Given Zhu Yun's attitude of wanting to kick her out, he wouldn't care whether she was pregnant or not.
If he knew about this, he would definitely lie to Qin Sizhao about her pregnancy and then get rid of her to him as soon as possible.
She couldn't even imagine how Qin Sizhao would despise her after learning the truth. Rather than being treated like a football and kicked around by the Marquis of Yun, she might as well end it quietly herself.
This matter must be kept from Zhu Yun; he must not know.
"That's so unfair! You're allowed to come to me, but I'm not allowed to come to you."
He seemed unhappy.
Luo Yan nodded and said firmly,
"Yes, whatever I say goes, and you have to listen to everything I say."
She got up and left, which was quite impolite.
Luo Yan felt like eating something sour, so she went to a fruit shop and bought some very sour dried apricots, ate them secretly, and then bought some other dried fruits that she usually ate to pack back to the palace.
To be honest, she didn't think she was carrying a child at all. Rather than feeling pregnant, she felt more like she had an incurable and shameful terminal illness.
Even Luo Yan herself lost the will to live in the face of this disease.
This disease was like evidence of a crime, constantly reminding Yunyun of the irreparable mistake she had made. Rather than living in this torment, she would rather die.
Zhu Yun returned to the palace and entered Luo Yan's room, only to find that she was not there.
He suddenly felt empty inside, as if some expectation had been dashed, and a lot of anger arose.
He finally mustered up the courage to take the initiative to find her, so why wasn't she there?
The mandarin duck sachet that Luo Yan had embroidered was ruined and stained with blood. It was carelessly tossed into a corner, and the maids were too lazy to clean it up.
He stepped forward and picked up the sachet.
His and Luo Yan's blood mingled together, dried and turned black, the bloodstains blurring the heads of the mandarin ducks. His memories of Luo Yan, like this sachet, were covered in dust and a layer of blood that was hard to ignore.
He tucked the sachet into his sleeve and casually asked a servant,
"Where did Luo Yan go?"
Upon seeing the prince return, the servant had no choice but to straighten his posture.
"The young lady went out this morning... presumably..."
She stammered and couldn't utter a single word. Just as Zhu Yun was about to get angry, he saw Luo Yan return, dressed in a lake-blue outfit, impeccably groomed, and dignified.
She was carrying a bag of dried fruit.
"I just went out to buy some snacks, why is Your Highness in such a hurry?"
She wasn't wearing a single hairpin or earrings. He noticed the small hole in her earlobe where the needle had pierced, and it was perfectly clean.
Zhu Yun's gaze was like a net, covering her face, making Luo Yan feel somewhat uncomfortable.
All she wants to do now is ignore this man who, together with her, committed a crime and left behind indelible evidence that made her life unbearable.
"Luo Yan, how many days has it been since I last saw you?"
He followed her into the room, and Luo Yan felt annoyed, but didn't know how to tell him to go back.
"A few days is fine, Your Highness, please consider the bigger picture."
“My brother’s illness is getting worse and worse. We are at a critical stage now, and I really can’t be with you.”
He reached out and touched her hair.
"Luo Yan, I have wronged you."
Luo Yan's eyes widened suddenly; he had actually apologized to her.
She clenched her handkerchief tightly; the skin on the back of her hand was pink and thin, revealing pale blue veins.
Luo Yan clenched her teeth, biting her tongue until it bled, the words of refusal to forgive flowing from her lips and tongue. She didn't believe he would truly repent for the mistakes he had made.
"To stabilize the court, I need to spend more money to acquire grain merchants recently. I can't provide you with a dowry for now. Luo Yan, you should also be more frugal and stop smashing things. You just need to wait another six months, and what's meant to be yours will be yours."
Luo Yan's anger surged. Sure enough, he never thought he was wrong and would only say sorry for such a ridiculous reason.
Her eyes suddenly turned cold, and a flame of anger ignited again, but the child in her womb was like a bucket of cold water, instantly extinguishing her anger.
"It's alright. The bigger picture is more important. I'll just postpone the marriage for now."
Since she could never get his repentance in this lifetime, Luo Yan simply erased him from her memory completely.
The acquisition of the grain merchant is true, but in essence, it's because Zhu Yun didn't want Luo Yan to marry, so he made up some excuse.
When he heard Luo Yan say that she would not marry for the time being, he felt inexplicably at ease and couldn't help but hug her thin shoulders.
Zhu Yun felt he had a change of heart. He realized he shouldn't have brought up marriage with Luo Yan in the first place. However, he also didn't want Luo Yan to have it too easily. If she got him so easily, she probably wouldn't cherish him.
After leaving Luo Yanyun, he became a cold-blooded and rational egoist, always able to make decisions that maximized his own interests.
But whenever he sees Luo Yan, a strange instinct takes over, and he always tries to get her attention by any means necessary.
He felt that Luo Yan wasn't looking at him, and that wasn't right.
So he pulled a hairpin from her dressing case and plunged it into his own arm.
Fresh blood gushed out.
"Your Highness, what are you doing?"
Luo Yan stared at him with wide, doe-like eyes, and Zhu Yun felt a surge of joy in his heart for no reason.
He let the blood flow down his arm, feigning indifference, and said...
"I've been dealing with a lot of miscellaneous tasks lately, and there's no one to help me out, so I can only vent my anger like this."
He stretched out his arm, waiting for Luo Yan to come and check on him.
"You are a prince, how can there be no one to share your burdens..."
Luo Yan ignored his comment and rolled her eyes in exasperation, wanting to rush up and slap him... She clenched her fists but restrained herself.
"I am unruly by nature, and it would be good enough if I didn't cause the prince any trouble, let alone share his burdens."
"Others approach me only because they have their own selfish motives."
Luo Yan was so angry she laughed.
"Instead of doing this, Your Highness would be better off going to a clinic and getting some herbal medicine to help you recover, so you don't overwork yourself. Even if I were willing to share your burdens, what right do I have to do so?"
As my wife...
He silently responded to her in his heart, but did not say it aloud.
Luo Yan stood at the door to see off the last guest, when Xue Bao, who was lying in the haystack, suddenly straightened up: "Take the pearl."
She looked around in a panic, and luckily no one was paying attention. She quickly squatted down and gently nudged Xuebao: "You little rascal, wake up."
Xuebao secretly drank Changsheng's wine and slurred, "Nazhu, Nazhu naire."
"What are you taking, pearls? Haven't you had enough yet?"
Luo Yan reluctantly picked it up, and suddenly a long, slender hand appeared around her waist. She knew it was Zhu Yun, and the smile on her lips became even more pronounced, but then the entire courtyard fell silent.
She realized something, turned around, and saw Cui Wuyang and Zhou Bo standing at the bottom of the slope, looking travel-worn.
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