Chapter 162 Ants
Su Xiaojuan’s excuse was that “my daughter mentioned it.”
But having said that, the underlying meaning is already very clear—
She checked him out.
I don’t know the time or depth, but the breadth is enough to cover his family background and past.
Everything he had tried so hard to cover up, before today, he still had Su Xia's preference to cover up his shame, and Su Xiaojuan could turn a blind eye.
After today, he turned back into that useless ant, all his brokenness and unbearableness exposed under the woman's gaze.
He had no other choice but to confess.
"She will have cochlear implant surgery in the spring, and by next year, her recovery should be almost the same as a normal child."
"After I came to Beijing, my sister continued to go to school in Jiangcheng with my mother. I would go back more often during holidays, but family matters would not affect my life."
This answer was completely within Su Xiaojuan's expectations.
She didn't lower her arms, and looked at the boy's stiff cheek indifferently. After a long while, she spoke, "The first time Xia Xia asked me to help you, do you know why I agreed?"
"I've been poor before. At seventeen or eighteen, I had no one to rely on, and I had to feed more than just one mouth. I know what it's like to live like that."
"When I was your age, I worked day and night at the stall, moving goods, sorting goods, packing and selling clothes. To earn a few dozen more dollars, I was the first one to arrive and the last one to leave, working from dawn to dusk. When I was busy, I slept in the warehouse."
"If you were just Xia Xia's classmate, I would look at you with a higher regard," Su Xiaojuan stared at her intently, "but she likes you."
"It took me twenty years to get from the wholesale market to the flat across the river. I worked so hard to get to where I am today. I didn't do this to make my daughter go through the same hardships I went through, starting from scratch with someone else and living on coarse food."
Xu Jiqing felt like there was something stuck in his throat.
"I tend to be direct," Su Xiaojuan said, "When you were seventeen or eighteen, you guys went out to have fun, right?"
"Think about it. What do you take her to eat? What does Xia Xia usually eat? If you go to college and travel far away together in the future, what kind of room will you let her sleep in, and what kind of scenery will she see when she opens the curtains?"
"She likes you so much that even cold water and plain porridge taste sweet to her. To protect your pitiful self-esteem, she chooses plain clothes and shoes before going out, and doesn't even wear a single piece of jewelry."
"You say you love her, but you can't even guarantee her most basic personal safety. You're completely incompatible with her food, clothing, housing, and transportation. You're also prepared to use Xia Xia's most precious years of youth as nourishment, gambling on a future that no one can guarantee. Is this what you call love?"
Xu Jiqing opened his cracked lips, as if he wanted to say something.
Su Xiaojuan didn't want to hear a word.
"You competitive students can be recommended for admission, but no matter how well Xia Xia performs on the special recruitment exam, she still has to take the college entrance exam."
"You know better than I do how much effort she put in to get into National Tsing Hua University. If you have any sense of responsibility, you shouldn't bother her with any more troubles. Instead, you should resolve all the problems yourself."
"For Xia Xia's sake, I'll say these words only once."
"My daughter is stubborn. Once she makes up her mind, she sticks to it. I won't force you to break up. You can, of course, accuse me of forcing us to break up and try to go against me, but we can still continue our relationship. We can talk it over."
"But if you still want to gain my approval and let Xia Xia not have to choose between you and me, then stand in the same world with her openly."
"Before that, starting today, if you can find her one more time and say even one word to her, you can try. I will never let her see you again in my life. I mean what I say."
-
After Su Xiaojuan left, Xu Jiqing stood there for a long time.
Every question the woman asked, every word that mentioned or did not mention her name, echoed in his ears over and over again.
In the deep winter in Beijing, the warmth is maintained by the midday sunlight. As soon as it gets dark, the temperature plummets and the cold wind blows into the bones, leaving no time to adapt or catch a breath.
When did the sun set, when did the moon rise, and how many passersby looked at him with strange and suspicious eyes, but Xu Jiqing was completely unaware of it. It was not until his legs were numb from the cold that they were almost rooted into the cracks of the bricks that he slowly squatted down by the pool.
This is a very common action in his hometown.
The carefree children squatted under the locust tree, playing with mud, picking up popsicle sticks, and pinching small branches to drive away ants.
A desperate middle-aged man squatted on the side of the road, staring aimlessly at the taillights of cars, smoking, crying and drinking.
Jiangcheng is surrounded by a dense network of waterways, while Ancheng lies at the foot of yellow earth. Looking around, behind the stacked factory chimneys are bare stone mountains. All the huge emotions seek to dissipate on the land.
Even if it is a place he has wanted to escape from since he was a child, when he feels truly desperate, traces of it will still appear on him.
Squat down and get closer to the earth.
It seemed that only by doing this could he settle down and carve out a path forward in the dark night like he had done countless times before.
The loan sharks who smashed doors and splashed paint, the studies in his hometown that could not be continued, the dilapidated and crowded shared apartment, Xu Jiaojiao's cochlear implant, going to college... and even Xu Wenyao himself.
No matter how desperate the situation, he could simplify it into some kind of crude substitution problem with his absolutely calm way of thinking.
If you have nothing, and the most valuable things you have are time, freedom, future and a healthy and young body, are you willing to give them up one by one and use them to trade with fate?
He had to give up something before fate would give him something in return. This was the life he had been accustomed to for the past eighteen years.
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