Chapter 32
When Shen He woke up, the car was so dark that only the dashboard light could be seen. He was stunned for a few seconds before he realized that he had fallen asleep. He turned his head to look at the driver's seat. Chen Yuchuan had one hand on the steering wheel, and his profile looked a little lonely in the darkness.
"What's going on?" Shenhe's voice was hoarse from just waking up.
"We're almost there." Chen Yuchuan said calmly without turning around.
Shen He glanced at his phone; it was 1:30 a.m.
He frowned, sat up straight, and looked out the window. He had long since exited the highway and was now driving on a provincial road, with vast farmlands and scattered villages on both sides. The headlights illuminated only the empty road surface and the occasional reflective road signs along the roadside.
"So what exactly do you want to do?" Shen He asked.
You'll know when you get there.
Shen He leaned back in his chair, staring at the pitch-black night outside the window, too lazy to guess what Chen Yuchuan was up to this time. He was already on the bus; he couldn't possibly let himself be kidnapped and sold.
After driving for another twenty minutes or so, the car finally stopped.
Chen Yuchuan turned off the engine and got out of the car. Shen He opened the car door, and a cool breeze carrying the scent of earth and vegetation rushed towards him. He looked around and realized that this place didn't look like a tourist attraction at all; it was just an ordinary hillside with a few houses in the distance lit up with dim yellow lights.
"Where is this?" Shen He asked.
"Observation point." Chen Yuchuan went around to the trunk and began to move things out.
Shen He walked over and saw the trunk crammed with equipment: tripods, telescopes, cameras, and even professional astronomical observation instruments. He paused for a moment, then realized, "Are you crazy?"
"A little," Chen Yuchuan said, slinging the tripod over his shoulder and carrying the equipment case in his other hand. "This is the best observation point for the galactic center. There are no cities within a 50-kilometer radius, so light pollution is extremely low. The village is behind the mountain, so it doesn't affect the observation."
Shenhe stood still.
Chen Yuchuan turned to look at him: "What are you standing there for?"
"You drove for three hours in the middle of the night just to see Yin Xin?" Shen He's tone was somewhat incredulous.
"Is there a problem?"
“…I’m truly impressed.” Shen He raised his hand to rub his temples and followed.
The hillside wasn't steep, but it wasn't easy to walk on. Chen Yuchuan led the way, with Shen He following behind. The night wind was cool, making everyone feel awake.
Upon reaching the mountaintop, Chen Yuchuan began rummaging through the pile of items, his movements as practiced as if he had done it many times before, arranging the equipment piece by piece in an orderly fashion.
Shen He glanced at him, said nothing more, threw his coat on the ground, and lay down.
The night sky was very clear.
Without city lights or smog, the sky was covered with countless stars, their light filtering through from the other side. The Milky Way was clearly visible, stretching from the horizon to overhead.
Chen Yuchuan lay down next to Shen He. He stared intently at the night sky and suddenly asked, "Does this count as making up for our regrets?"
After a long silence, Shen He finally spoke: "What regrets do we have?"
“Last time I went to see it, I didn’t see anything.” Chen Yuchuan took out a cigarette and fiddled with it in his hand. “I was really annoyed at the time, and I felt like I had messed up.”
Shen He turned his head to look at him: "It's not like you absolutely have to see it."
"When you said you wanted to see it before..."
Chen Yuchuan didn't finish speaking, but just laughed self-deprecatingly, then turned to look at him with a serious look in his eyes, "And your background has always been the Milky Way."
Shen He was stunned for a moment.
"You're overthinking it." Shen He looked away and gazed back at the night sky. "I just think it looks beautiful."
"Okay, I was overthinking it." Chen Yuchuan didn't argue anymore: "I'm the one who wants to see it, come with me and take a look."
Chen He remained silent.
He stared at the band of light above his head, his mind suddenly feeling a bit confused.
Chen Yuchuan is a really inexplicable person at times.
But for some reason, it's a bit... stubborn.
Chen He wanted to laugh.
He didn't know what to say. Chen Yuchuan's elaborate gesture did have a touch of romance to it. If it were someone else, this might have been a beautiful memory.
Unfortunately, they targeted the wrong person.
Shen He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
The wind on the mountaintop was cool, and it felt a little chilly on my face. Occasionally, a dog would bark in the distance, and the whole world was so quiet that only the rustling of the night wind through the trees could be heard.
“The galactic center is about to rise,” Chen Yuchuan suddenly said.
Shenhe opened his eyes and looked towards the horizon.
There, an even brighter light was slowly rising from the horizon. It wasn't the sun, nor the moon; it was the densest and brightest part of the entire Milky Way, where countless stars gathered, emitting a light far more intense than anywhere else in the galaxy.
The telescope lens was pointed in that direction, and the camera began to take pictures.
Shen He stared at it, and it was indeed completely different from what he remembered. He thought that matter was over and done with, but he didn't expect Chen Yuchuan to still remember it.
They even prepared so much, just to "make up for the regrets".
Chen He suddenly felt a little tired.
He didn't know how to tell Chen Yuchuan that some things are in the past and shouldn't be made up for or started over.
Chen Yuchuan spoke first, his voice sounding somewhat low in the night breeze, "Is the night view better than last time?"
Shen He said calmly, "Wasn't it fine last time too?"
Chen Yuchuan frowned: "I didn't see anything last time."
“Yes.” Shen He withdrew his gaze, his tone indifferent, “But it’s not necessarily a bad thing.”
Chen Yuchuan remained silent.
Shen He seemed to notice his silence, turned his head to look at him, and said with a hint of a smile, "You don't still remember what happened that time, do you?"
“What’s past is past.” Shen He looked up at the night sky again, his voice unreadable. “There’s no need to keep dwelling on it.”
Chen Yuchuan was stunned.
"Have you been a bit too nostalgic lately?" Shen He suddenly asked. "You gave me the game console I used to want, and that game I used to like, and now you're coming to see the stars I used to want to see."
Chen Yuchuan looked at him, his brows furrowing slightly.
Shenhe said, "What's past is past." Shenhe wanted these things in the past, but he doesn't need them now.
“I’m not saying these things are bad,” Shenhe continued, “It’s just that you don’t need to keep thinking about what the old Shenhe was like, or how you can make Shenhe go back to the way he was before.”
He paused, then said in a low voice, "I think I'm doing pretty well right now."
Chen Yuchuan turned his head to the side, and Shen He noticed his gaze, but continued to stare at the sky, a slight smile playing on his lips, as if he had thought of something funny: "You're putting a lot of pressure on me, as if I'm not worthy to be your brother now."
"That's not what I meant," Chen Yuchuan said, his voice tinged with urgency.
“I just feel…” Chen Yuchuan paused, “There are some things that weren’t done well back then, but we can do them again now.”
Shenhe interrupted him: "There's no need to redo the past; people always have to move forward."
He paused for a moment, then said, "And isn't everything fine now? I don't think there's anything wrong with how I am now, nor do I feel I need to go back to how I used to be. I've just grown up, that's all."
Chen Yuchuan remained silent.
He stared at Shen He's profile and suddenly realized that Shen He had said "now".
He thought he was concerned about Shenhe and trying to make up for the regrets Shenhe hadn't been able to fulfill in the past.
They thought they were trying to make Shenhe happy.
But in reality, Shen He was only moving forward, while he kept looking back.
All along, he had been prejudiced and regarded Shenhe's changes as an "illness." He never asked Shenhe what he liked or what he wanted to do.
What he's been doing is essentially negating the current state of Shenhe. What makes him think that the old Shenhe was "right" and the current Shenhe is "wrong"?
Chen Yuchuan turned to the side, propped his elbow on the grass, and looked at Shen He: "Do you think this is a good situation?"
"Nonsense." Shen He turned his head, met his gaze, and his eyes were very frank.
“…I understand.” Chen Yuchuan suddenly spoke, his voice a little hoarse.
Shen He turned his head and looked at him with some surprise. Chen Yuchuan lay back down on the grass, staring at the night sky, a strange feeling welling up in his chest: "I misunderstood."
"As long as you feel good about it, that's enough."
Shen He paused for a few seconds, then chuckled softly: "I'm really not used to you talking like that, it feels weird."
Chen Yuchuan chuckled: "To be honest, that's how it is."
"Alright." Shen He turned his gaze back to the night sky. "But today's trip was still worthwhile. At least we actually saw Silverheart this time."
Chen Yuchuan turned his head to look at him. Shen He's profile was calm. Starlight fell on Shen He's face, blurring his sharp features and making him look very gentle. He looked no different from the Shen He of the past.
But this was the first time Chen Yuchuan had truly "seen" Shenhe as it was now, and he suddenly felt that Shenhe was really doing quite well the way it was now.
Whether it's indifference or estrangement, it's all the way of life that Shen He chose.
Shenhe has always lived a clear and honest life, and he doesn't need anyone's "saving" him; he always has his own reasons.
He shouldn't keep trying to pull Shenhe back to the past, to turn him back into the seemingly carefree Shenhe. Instead, he should accept the Shenhe that has changed and moved forward.
Of course, accepting it is one thing.
A voice in his heart clearly told him that no matter what Shenhe became, no matter where Shenhe went, this time, he would hold on to him tightly and never let go again.
It was past 1 p.m. when we got back to the city.
Chen Yuchuan declined Shen He's offer to drive, saying he was afraid of encountering any unforeseen circumstances. He drove very slowly, a completely different speed from when he arrived last night, showing a greater degree of caution.
Chen He remained silent. He just didn't drive often, which didn't mean he couldn't drive. In fact, he slept quite well last night, even though he was on the mountaintop.
The two chatted idly for a while, and before they knew it, they had fallen asleep. Chen Yuchuan covered him with several blankets, and surprisingly, he didn't feel cold even though it was the middle of the night. When he woke up, it was still dark, and the Milky Way had already set. Chen Yuchuan was sitting next to the equipment, his eyes bloodshot.
"You didn't sleep all night, did you?" Shen He sat up and folded the blanket.
"Keep an eye on the equipment," Chen Yuchuan said casually. "You have to keep a close eye on it at all times, otherwise all the footage will be wasted."
Shen He didn't speak, but just looked at Chen Yuchuan's tired profile and suddenly didn't know what to say.
The car stopped in front of the hotel. Chen Yuchuan rubbed his temples with his eyes closed, his voice sounding tired: "I need to sleep for a while. Someone will bring you food. You can eat first."
"Okay." Shen He pushed open the door. "You get some sleep."
Chen Yuchuan casually took off his shoes, didn't even change his clothes, and collapsed onto the bed. Shen He stood by the bed, glanced at him, threw the blanket on him, and was too lazy to care about his lack of manners now.
After washing up and turning up the air conditioning a bit, Chen He picked up his tablet and opened the event's app.
Yesterday, he originally wanted to watch the replay of Friday's game, but Chen Yuchuan inexplicably dragged him to look at the stars. He put on his headphones and had just opened the replay page when Chen Yuchuan suddenly said, "Don't look at that."
Shen He turned his head. Chen Yuchuan still had his eyes closed, but he was clearly not asleep.
"You go to sleep, what do you care about me?"
“If you want to watch the game, you can watch as much as you want when you go back and review it.” Chen Yuchuan turned over, his back to him, his voice a little muffled: “Go pick out the footage we shot last night. There were several camera angles, but I was too lazy to choose, so I just uploaded it all to the computer. We’ll have someone edit it later.”
Shen He stared at his back for a few seconds and found the reaction a bit strange.
But he nodded anyway: "Okay."
Chen Yuchuan didn't speak again, and his breathing quickly became steady; this time he was truly asleep.
Chen Yuchuan is no longer the kind of person who would interfere with his work.
Shenhe walked back to the sofa, sat down, and reopened the replay page.
The replay began with the pre-match warm-up, with the director's camera switching between the audience seats, the players' seats, and the big screen.
Shen He fast-forwarded through the video, and his performance was as stable as ever, with no major problems. The comments were mostly praising him and few criticizing him. So why didn't Chen Yuchuan want him to watch it?
He continued to drag the progress bar forward.
In the second round, the camera panned across rows of young spectators, holding up support signs and chanting slogans with great enthusiasm. Then the camera stopped at a certain spot, and Chenhe's finger paused.
In the video, two middle-aged people sit in the middle of the VIP section, completely out of place with the loudly cheering young audience around them. The man is dressed casually in a suit, and the woman is also dressed appropriately, as if they are attending a formal occasion rather than watching a game.
The camera only lingered for a few seconds, but Shen He could clearly see that the woman seemed to be suppressing some emotion, the man was holding her hand, and with his other hand he was pointing to the players' seats, and the two were talking about something.
Those were his parents.
Shen He stared at the screen, his mind blank. The director quickly moved the camera away, but Shen He still paused the video, dragged the progress bar back, and watched it again.
It's still the same two people.
Shen He leaned back on the sofa and took a deep breath. He recalled Chen Yuchuan's evasive manner earlier, and the inexplicable question he had given him that day about how he was feeling.
Chen Yuchuan saw it. He saw Shen He's parents in the audience, so he didn't want Shen He to watch the replay.
Shen He stared at the paused screen, unsure how to react.
The last time he saw them was the day after he received his university acceptance letter. That day, he checked out of his hotel and went home alone to get his things. His mother was in the living room; when she saw him come in, she paused for a moment, then stood up as if to say something.
He didn't give her a chance.
His father came out to try and stop him.
He said a lot of nasty things.
His mother stood there, her eyes red, but she didn't say a word.
His father looked very upset, but he still managed to slip cash and cards into his suitcase when he wasn't looking.
None of them stopped him.
Shenhe took the things and left without even closing the door.
That was the last time he saw them.
Then came the last phone call, and after that, there was no further contact.
But they came to watch the game.
Shenhe didn't know how to describe his current feelings.
It was neither surprise nor anger.
It's just... a mess.
He was saying last night that he was doing well now and that he had moved forward.
But he found himself not as calm as he had claimed.
He suddenly realized that he wasn't as strong as he thought; he was still easily influenced and still cared about things he thought he had stopped caring about.
The doorbell interrupted Shen He's thoughts. It was the meal arranged by Chen Yuchuan. Shen He took it and found that it still looked very plentiful, but the dishes were completely different.
Instead of his favorite dishes, they were some unfamiliar foods, seemingly local specialties, with a generous amount of seasoning.
Chen Yuchuan was still asleep, his breathing steady and long.
Shen He smiled. Chen Yuchuan seemed to have accepted what he said last night quite quickly, and now even the dishes he ordered had changed.
He contradicted himself as soon as he said it.
Shen He simply tossed the tablet aside, turned on Chen Yuchuan's computer, and ate while flipping through the materials from last night. The first bite was quite spicy, but the aftertaste was very fragrant, making it a rare delicacy.
Chen He felt a little better.
Since you can't handle those sudden emotions, just leave them aside and pretend they never happened.
That's how he handled it back then anyway.
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