Eat to your heart's content
Six months later, Shen He stood in his apartment in Country D, looking at the unfamiliar street scene outside the window. He received the job offer faster than expected and left the country after handling matters in China ahead of schedule.
The night he packed his bags, he remembered his promise to Chen Yuchuan: if he were to leave, he should let him know. He picked up his phone, thought for a long time, and finally sent only one message: "I'm leaving."
The message was sent and showed as read, but there was no reply.
Shen He stared at the message for a while, then turned off his phone.
Life here is going by quickly. He's busy adapting to the new environment, and his days are packed with classes. Many classmates invite him out, but he usually declines, preferring to stay home alone reading books and academic papers.
His busy schedule meant he rarely thought of Chen Yuchuan.
On the weekend, Shenhe was cooking in the kitchen.
Chen Yuchuan said he had no talent, but he refused to believe it. After several attempts, the finished product was barely satisfactory to him.
While chopping vegetables, the knife slipped and cut my finger, and blood immediately gushed out.
Chen He put down the knife and rinsed it with cold water. Blood mixed with the water and flowed into the sewer, leaving a faint pink stain.
He stood by the sink, looking at his wound, and suddenly remembered the instant noodles Chen Yuchuan had made for him.
Chen Yuchuan was busy in the kitchen for a long time that day. When he brought it out, the noodles were clumped together and the vegetables were overcooked, but he ate it very seriously and said it was delicious.
Later, Chen Yuchuan was very careful every time he cooked, for fear of making a mistake.
There was also the time he burned his hand while cooking instant noodles, and Chen Yuchuan's anxiety was palpable in his voice over the phone.
Chen He turned off the tap, bandaged his wound with a band-aid, and continued cooking.
But he ate his meal absentmindedly that day.
When he had some free time in the evening, he would turn on his computer and play games.
He logged into Chen Yuchuan's smurf account and randomly selected a jungler that Chen Yuchuan often played.
His teammates were arguing in the voice chat; some were criticizing his skills, others were telling him not to feed. Chenhe ignored them and kept playing.
When his teammates started typing personal attacks, Shen He remembered the day Chen Yuchuan helped him scold his teammates, his mouth full of foul language.
Chen He was feeling a bit unwell back then, but after thinking about it today, he typed out a few dirty words and, surprisingly, it felt pretty good.
Halfway through the game, he remembered the day he reunited with Chen Yuchuan.
The audience was noisy, and he was in a bad mood. Chen Yuchuan noticed this and spent the whole day trying to coax him.
Thinking back to even earlier times, Chen Yuchuan would play games with him. If Chen Yuchuan messed up, he would feel pressured by him, but if he messed up, Chen Yuchuan would never get angry. He would only say, "I'll carry you next time, bro."
He remembered the day he agreed to Chen Yuchuan's request; Chen Yuchuan smiled happily, his eyes shining.
Shen He stared at the screen, a wave of indescribable irritation washing over him.
He simply left the game running and shut down his computer.
Such moments became more and more frequent afterward.
Shen He gradually realized that this was what the doctor meant by missing someone; he truly did like Chen Yuchuan.
Or rather, he never disliked him.
Even Chen Yuchuan's almost pathological behavior wasn't something he truly disliked; rather, he simply didn't want to confront himself.
The day he caught Chen Yuchuan's little tricks, he was actually enjoying it, enjoying the feeling of being watched by Chen Yuchuan with all his heart and soul, enjoying having someone treat him as their whole world.
The feeling was just too intense, so intense that he felt like he was sick, so he chose to leave.
When everything calmed down, and he was alone in a foreign land, he realized that he missed that feeling.
Shen He sat on the sofa, staring at his phone screen.
Chen Yuchuan's profile picture is still the same photo, completely black, with nothing visible except him.
He opened the chat window, and the last message was still the one he had sent half a year ago: "I'm leaving."
Chen Yuchuan didn't reply to him, nor did he send him any more messages.
Shen He thought about it for a long time, wondering why Chen Yuchuan hadn't replied.
It's impossible for Chen Yuchuan not to like him.
He typed a few words into the chat box, but ultimately didn't send them.
After sleeping for an unknown amount of time, Shenhe opened his eyes, feeling as if his brain was being torn apart. His lips were chapped and his ears were throbbing.
He touched his forehead; it was so hot it could boil water.
He recalled how Chen Yuchuan had taken care of him when he was sick last time.
Chen Yuchuan's heart and eyes were filled with him; he couldn't help but care for him even when he frowned.
Lying on the sofa, Shen He stared at his motionless phone, his heart suddenly twitching along with the knuckles of his index finger.
He suddenly remembered Chen Yuchuan's painful expression on the day they broke up; he realized that liking someone could really be painful.
I don't know how long I slept, but the doorbell kept ringing.
Shenhe didn't want to pay attention, but the knocking gradually became more aggressive and turned into kicking the door.
Chen He was extremely annoyed, but forced himself to open the door despite the discomfort.
A person stood outside the door, wearing a wrinkled coat, with messy hair, bloodshot eyes, and frighteningly dark circles under his eyes, holding a lit cigarette in his hand.
It's Chen Yuchuan.
The two stared at each other for a few seconds, then Chen Yuchuan stepped forward and pulled him into his arms.
The force was so strong that it made Shenhe's bones ache, and Shenhe couldn't help but frown.
"You..." He was silenced before he could finish speaking.
Chen Yuchuan kissed him fiercely, carrying half a year's worth of longing and repression. He held Shen He's head with one hand and wrapped his other arm around his waist, pressing his entire body against him.
The smell of smoke mixed with Chen Yuchuan's hot breath rushed into his lungs, and Shen He couldn't help but turn his head and cough twice.
Chen Yuchuan froze for a moment, but didn't stop. He pulled him back and kissed him even deeper, his hands slipping directly under his clothes from his waist. His palms were frighteningly hot, and his fingertips roughly caressed his skin.
Chen He was forced to retreat, staggering, and the two of them fell onto the sofa together. Chen Yuchuan pressed down on him, his breathing heavy, his tongue ruthlessly prying open Chen He's teeth.
Shen He felt a little uncomfortable, but he didn't push him away. He just grabbed his hair. Chen Yuchuan paused for a moment, then became even more fierce, his hand sliding into Shen He's clothes from his waist, his palm burning hot.
"You've lost weight." Chen Yuchuan released his lips, his voice hoarse. "Have you been eating poorly?"
"I haven't lost weight," Shen He said, only to find himself almost speechless.
Chen Yuchuan was taken aback, quickly touched his forehead, and his face darkened: "Is this how you take care of yourself?"
After saying that, he got up to get the medicine, but Shenhe grabbed his collar: "I'm fine, but you look thinner?"
"I've been thinking about you for half a year, fucking." Chen Yuchuan grabbed his clothes roughly. "Do you know how I've been through it?"
Shen He didn't speak, he just looked at him.
“The first thing I do every day when I open my eyes is check my phone to see what you’re doing and what you’ve done.” Chen Yuchuan said, kissing his neck and biting roughly. “If I can’t see it, I’ll be restless all day.”
His hand probed deeper, the roughness in his movements undisguised. "I checked your flights, your school, where you live." Chen Yuchuan looked up, staring at him. "I know what time you start class, what time you finish class, where you go shopping on weekends, and how many people have tried to flirt with you."
Shenhe tightened his grip on his shoulders: "So you've had someone follow me again."
"Yes." Chen Yuchuan showed no remorse in his words. "I just had someone follow you again."
"Chen Yuchuan".
"Go ahead and curse me." Chen Yuchuan laughed, but his hand tightened around his waist. "I still won't change even after you've cursed me."
Shen He stared at him, smiled, and said nothing.
Chen Yuchuan was stunned for a moment, and before he could react, Shen He kissed him. Chen Yuchuan's breath hitched, and he responded even more forcefully. The two became entangled, their breaths mingling, and they could not distinguish one from the other.
His clothes were ripped open, and Chen Yuchuan's hand reached inside, his movements rough and urgent.
"Chen Yuchuan." Shen He bit his tongue hard, then pushed Chen Yuchuan away, his voice low, "Bedroom."
"No." Chen Yuchuan lowered his head and kissed his collarbone. "Right here."
He pinned Shenhe down on the sofa, his movements fierce and reckless. His hand reached for Shenhe's pants, his movements hurried, but he noticed that this time Shenhe was not as unresponsive as before.
"You fucking miss me?" Chen Yuchuan's voice was terribly hoarse.
"Hmm." Shen He ran his fingers through his hair and touched it.
Chen Yuchuan paused for a moment, as if in disbelief: "Really?"
"real."
...
Chen Yuchuan wiped his hands clean and fed him the medicine. Seeing Shen He's disgusted expression, he chuckled and went into the bathroom. After taking a shower, Shen He was still leaning on the sofa with his eyes closed and his lips were abnormally pale.
"What happened to the injury on your hand?" Shen He suddenly asked.
Chen Yuchuan paused for a moment: "It's nothing, it was from smashing the wall."
"when?"
"The night you left." Chen Yuchuan said calmly.
Shen He stared at him for a few seconds before grabbing his hand, which was covered with old and new scars, making it look ferocious.
"That time?"
"That time," Chen Yuchuan still didn't tell the truth.
Chen Yuchuan stroked the back of Chen He's hand with his fingers, then pulled his hand back and took a wet towel to wipe Chen He's face. "What are you looking at? It's already healed."
"Chen Yuchuan".
"What's wrong now?"
"Why don't you reply to my messages?" Shen He asked, his tone unreadable.
Chen Yuchuan paused for a moment before speaking: "You said you'd let me think about it carefully. I'm afraid that if I go back, I won't be able to control myself and will run to find you."
Chen Yuchuan placed his palm on his waist, "I want to prove to you that I can control myself."
"And then?" Shen He turned around to face him.
“Then I realized I couldn’t control myself at all.” Chen Yuchuan’s eyes were red as he stared at him. “I think about you every day, I’m going crazy. I check your class schedule, look at your photos, and have people tell me what you do every day. I’m living like a freak.”
Shen He looked at him, raised his hand and touched his face: "You were a pervert to begin with."
Chen Yuchuan paused for a moment, then laughed, a rather unpleasant laugh: "Yes, I am a pervert. Do you know what I've been thinking about most lately?"
"On the night we won the championship, I kissed you all over. I relive that memory every day. Guess what it reminds me of?"
Chen He raised an eyebrow.
"You've already accepted me, haven't you? You're making me think of a solution." Chen Yuchuan said, hugging Shen He tightly around the waist.
"So, have you figured it out yet?"
"No, but I've realized that you're just fucking messing with me, treating me like a dog that you can summon and dismiss at will. Is that fun?"
"So what? Weren't you so eager to be the dog before?" Shenhe kissed the corner of his mouth.
Chen Yuchuan's breath hitched, and he suddenly picked him up and walked into the bedroom in a few steps.
Chen Yuchuan threw the man onto the bed, looked at him with a gloomy gaze, and said in a low, hoarse voice, "You fucking toyed with my feelings and you're still so self-righteous, huh? I'm here today to get my money back with interest."
Shen He smiled, his voice hoarse: "First of all, I didn't toy with your feelings. Secondly, yes, but someone on the forum said that the top player on the ladder can only do one..."
"What the hell are you doing?" Before she could finish speaking, Chen Yuchuan lowered his head and covered her mouth with his, kissing her fiercely and urgently. Shen He felt that she could hardly breathe, and pulled him away by the hair at the back of his head: "Stop kissing me like that, my head hurts."
Chen Yuchuan released him, panting, his eyes bloodshot: "Feeling unwell? Then lie still and don't move. I'm going to...
After saying that, he lowered his head and nibbled from the collarbone to the chest, sucking and releasing, only smiling with satisfaction when he heard Chenhe's muffled groan: "You never let me eat peaches before, so it was because you were sensitive?"
Shen He kicked him hard: "Don't make me angry."
...
Shen He, his head spinning from the fever, bit Chen Yuchuan's shoulder hard: "Chen Yuchuan, can you tone it down in front of me? Stop spouting such nonsense."
Chen Yuchuan stopped what he was doing, looked up at him, and saw that Shen He was more seriously ill than before. His face was pale, his forehead was covered in cold sweat, and he looked like he had no energy at all.
In that instant, Chen Yuchuan's heart softened completely. He felt that his foul language was too much. He had never been so vulgar in front of Shen He before. He lowered his head and kissed Shen He's burning forehead: "...Okay, I'll restrain myself for now."
...
Chen Yuchuan pressed down on Shen He's waist, forcing him to eat some oranges and then nibble on his injured peach. "Is this the solution you wanted?"
Shen He gritted his teeth. The fever made his whole body ache, but eating oranges made up for it a little. These two subtle feelings intertwined, making his jaw tremble. He couldn't help but grab Chen Yuchuan's neck, his voice as cold as ice: "Shut your dog mouth."
Chen Yuchuan easily grabbed his hand, pulled it to his lips and kissed it: "You still call me a pervert, but you're pretty perverted too. So the 'S' in Styx means you like to play around with sadism?"
"Yes, I like it. If you can't handle it, then don't play."
This statement only added fuel to the fire.
...
Chen He's breathing finally calmed down a bit, but Chen Yuchuan felt more and more uneasy.
…This person had clearly been frowning just now, but the way they hugged his back was gentle and tender. Chen Yuchuan paused, narrowed his eyes, and spoke in a low, hoarse voice, with a hint of gritted teeth and realization:
"You fucking...did you do this on purpose?"
Shen He hung his head and panted, his eyelashes casting a faint shadow on his cheek, as if he hadn't heard.
Chen Yuchuan cupped his face in his hands, his voice low: "Shenhe, you deliberately kept typing, deliberately had a fever and refused to take medicine, deliberately provoked me, deliberately lay here and let me, just to see me go crazy, didn't you?"
Shen He finally opened his eyes, his eyes as cold as an icy lake, yet a faint smile flickered in the deepest part.
He chuckled and raised his hand to pat Chen Yuchuan's cheek:
"I've fallen for you, and I want to see you go crazy. What do you say we do about it?"
Chen Yuchuan felt a sudden jolt in his chest, as if a heavy object had struck his heart.
The next second, he lowered his head and kissed Shen He fiercely, his teeth clashing so hard that both of their lips were cut, the taste of blood filling their mouths, the roughness tinged with a hint of embarrassment and heartache.
...
Shen He closed his eyes, feeling his fever getting worse. His temples throbbed, his head throbbed with pain, his ears were ringing, and his body was shivering with cold. Even his bones ached, but Chen Yuchuan clung to him, insisting that he eat some oranges to warm up, which made him want to push him away.
But Chen Yuchuan still had to say something vulgar: "Baby, we're clearly in love, but you're making it sound like I'm raping you."
Shen He was furious and shoved him hard: "Can you shut up? If you can do it, do it; if you can't, get out. My head is killing me. Please hurry up."
Chen Yuchuan suddenly felt remorseful, and gently hugged and kissed him repeatedly.
Afterwards, Chen Yuchuan was still straight, which Chen He found irritating. His eyelids twitched uncontrollably, and he told Chen Yuchuan to go take a shower and take care of himself. Chen Yuchuan smiled and started being sarcastic again: "You're not straight anymore, so why are you still so afraid of sex after you've had your fun?"
Shenhe threw a bath towel at him: "Hurry up, I'm really not feeling well, don't bother me later."
Chen Yuchuan snapped out of his daze and noticed his bloodless lips. Startled, he immediately pulled out his phone and made a call, demanding that the doctor come over right away in a harsh tone.
Shen He thought he was a moron.
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