minor disturbances
The notice of Shenhe's retirement consisted of only one sentence: "Thank you for this journey, I'm moving forward now."
The accompanying photo shows him holding the championship trophy. The man in the photo is tall and handsome, with a somewhat aloof expression. His eyelashes cast faint shadows under the light, and the curve of his lips is very shallow. The smile is more of a polite surface and does not truly reach his eyes.
When he pressed the send button, he was sitting on the living room carpet with a bunch of random trinkets scattered in front of him, including some merchandise and art books from his favorite games. Most of them were gifts from Chen Yuchuan, and he liked them quite a bit. He was going to consider taking some of them back to school.
My phone kept vibrating; the comment section was already flooded with tens of thousands of comments. Some were sad, some were angry, some said he was showing off, but most were asking, "Why?"
Why did the new god of the Rift leave after only two seasons? Why did he retire after winning the championship? Why wasn't there even a proper farewell match?
Chen Yuchuan hugged him, and Shen He relaxed and leaned into his arms. Knowing that he wouldn't see Chen Yuchuan for a while, he enjoyed this tender moment.
Chen Yuchuan pulled him close, drawing him into his arms, and kissed the top of his head: "Really?"
"Um."
I thought you would be reluctant to part with it.
Shen He closed his eyes and listened to Chen Yuchuan's heartbeat: "It seems like there's nothing I'm reluctant to part with."
"That's true, apart from me, everyone else is irrelevant."
Chen Yuchuan didn't say anything more, but just hugged him a little tighter. The city lights outside the window were bright, and only the two of them made soft noises inside the room.
A week later, Shen He returned carrying two suitcases.
Chen Yuchuan was sitting on the living room sofa watching a replay when he heard the noise. He looked up, his gaze first falling on the box, then slowly moving to Chen He's face.
"What are you doing...?"
Shenhe placed the suitcases at the bedroom door and asked him to come and see them. "I just bought two new, more useful suitcases."
"I'm going back to City C the day after tomorrow, so I need to go back a week in advance to pack up. My bed is definitely covered in dust."
Chen Yuchuan stared at the two boxes, his Adam's apple bobbing. He stood up, walked to Shen He's side, and watched him open the wardrobe and start taking clothes out.
"You're bringing so much?"
"The course schedule is quite tight, and it's a hassle to travel back and forth." Shen He folded several thick coats and put them into his suitcase. "I'll come back during the holidays."
Chen Yuchuan's fingers tightened: "So you won't be here for the next six months."
Shen He squatted down to tidy up the shoes on the bottom shelf, sighed, and said with a hint of complaint, "I have to go to class every day. You haven't studied, so you really don't understand. It's too tiring."
Chen Yuchuan squatted down to meet his gaze, a suppressed impatience in his eyes: "Then I won't fight anymore, I'll go study too."
Shen He paused, raising his eyes: "What?"
"I'll talk to the club later and tell them I'm not playing anymore."
Shen He stared at him for a few seconds, then asked, "When did you make that decision?"
"A few days ago."
Why didn't you tell me?
Chen Yuchuan reached out and pulled Chen He's arm: "I'm telling you now."
Shen He stood up, his tone flat and unreadable: "So what are your plans next?"
“I’ll go to City C with you.” Chen Yuchuan also stood up and moved closer. “Wherever you go, I’ll go.”
Chen He took a half step back: "What are you going to City C for?"
Chen Yuchuan said matter-of-factly, "I'll stay with you and take care of you."
"Chen Yuchuan, I don't need your care." Shen He's eyes turned cold. "Have you settled the parts of your family affairs that concern you? Are you ready to go to school?"
Chen Yuchuan's jawline tightened: "These things are not as important as you, we can take our time."
"Take it slow?" Shen He stared at him. "You promised me you'd take responsibility for yourself, but now you want to come with me to City C and not care about anything?"
“I didn’t say I wouldn’t handle it.” Chen Yuchuan’s voice turned serious. “I can handle it in City C.”
"You're going to handle this in City C?" Shen He's tone was even colder. "Do you even know what kind of place that is? It takes you four or five hours to fly back to City B, let alone back to your hometown. Tell me, how are you going to handle this?"
Chen Yuchuan stepped forward and grabbed Shen He's wrist: "So I have to be separated from you for half a year? I can't accept that."
“I didn’t mean to stop you from coming to see me,” Shen He tried to reason with him.
Chen Yuchuan was stunned for a moment.
“You should stay here and get things done,” Shen He continued. “When you’re done, or when you’re tired and miss me, come to City C to see me. Stay as long as you want.”
"But you can't just ignore it."
"Why not?" Chen Yuchuan's voice carried a hint of aggression.
Shen He felt inexplicably angry. He raised his other hand and forcefully pushed Chen Yuchuan away.
Chen Yuchuan staggered back two steps, his impatience turning into a flame.
"Can't you understand human language?" Shen He's voice was even lower. "I told you to take responsibility for yourself, and you agreed. But what's the difference between what you're doing now and what you did before?"
“Then I have to take it slowly too?” Chen Yuchuan said. “You have to study, and I have to study too.”
Shen He took a deep breath: "In your current state, you can't go to school in China. What about going abroad? After playing professionally for several years, can you still communicate fluently in English? Have you chosen a major? Can you keep up with the courses?"
“Those things can be done casually by someone.” Chen Yuchuan’s tone relaxed, with an indifferent attitude: “We can go right now. I just don’t want to be separated from you, so I have to wait a little longer.”
Shen He stared at him, and after a few seconds, a hint of disappointment flashed in his eyes: "So you don't actually want to study, you just want to follow me."
Chen Yuchuan didn't deny it, he just stared at him intently.
Shen He turned around, his back to him, and said casually, "I know that people from families like yours don't have to worry about anything, and someone can solve everything for you. I can't interfere."
Chen Yuchuan's breathing became heavy.
“You wanted to go to school with me before,” Shen He continued, his voice calm. “You got tutoring, learned languages, and got excellent grades. You could choose any school you wanted. Later, you became a professional gamer and were incredibly good. You became a legendary player in the Rift League. I could see you as soon as I opened the game client.”
He turned to look at Chen Yuchuan: "I am very proud of you, and I have always felt that you are a capable person with your own ideas."
Chen Yuchuan's expression changed, and Shen He paused, as if he couldn't bear to continue.
“It hasn’t been long,” Shen He said, “but now you’re only thinking about being with me, choosing to deal with things perfunctorily and use money to solve these problems.”
He stared at Chen Yuchuan, his eyes as cold as ice: "Don't make me look down on you."
Chen Yuchuan felt as if he had been punched hard, and he froze on the spot. He opened his mouth, but couldn't say anything. He just stared at Shen He with a complex look in his eyes, like shame, like anger, and like something had been torn apart.
Shen He casually packed some clothes, no longer caring about the gifts Chen Yuchuan had wanted to take with him, and simply dragged his suitcase out.
Chen Yuchuan suddenly stepped forward, grabbed him from behind, and pressed down on him with such force that Shen He could barely breathe.
"I won't let you leave." Chen Yuchuan's voice was close to his ear, laced with fierceness. "You can't go anywhere."
Chen He struggled for a moment, but couldn't break free: "Let go."
"I won't let go." Chen Yuchuan tightened his grip. "You'll stay here."
"Chen Yuchuan," Shen He's voice was low, "I don't want to get angry at you."
"What gives you the right to just leave like that?" Chen Yuchuan's breath was hot against his neck.
Shenhe didn't move, just stood there letting him hold her, and after a long time she finally spoke: "If you can't accept it, then let's break up."
Chen Yuchuan's arm suddenly froze.
“I’ve said it many times and I’ve made it very clear.” Shen He patted his arm. “Think about it yourself. I can’t be responsible for your life choices, and I don’t want to bear the consequences. If you can’t accept it, then let’s break up.”
Chen Yuchuan slowly loosened his grip, took a step back, and leaned against the wall. He stared at Shen He, his eyes filled with something almost crazed: "You were just saying that in anger, weren't you?"
"no."
What do you think feelings are?
"I don't know." Shen He looked at him. "I have a lot of things to do every day. I need to prepare for my own future. I don't have time to think about these things."
Chen Yuchuan didn't say anything more, he just stared at him, his chest heaving violently.
Shenhe dragged his suitcase out the door. After the door closed, a heavy sound came from inside, like something had been smashed to the ground.
Shen He stood outside the door, closed his eyes briefly, and finally took a taxi and left.
Shen He returned to City C three days ahead of schedule.
The plane arrived in the evening. He dragged his suitcase through the crowd and took a taxi to school. The city outside the car window was much smaller than City B, the buildings were older, the streetlights were dim, and there were small restaurants and grocery stores on both sides of the street, their signs gleaming dimly in the night.
The school dormitory corridor still smelled damp and mixed with disinfectant. Chen He pushed open the dormitory door and saw that his bed was piled with clutter: unrecognizable garbage, delivery boxes, dirty clothes, and several pairs of shoes.
His three roommates were all there; one was playing games on the computer, while the other two were scrolling through their phones. Hearing the door open, the one playing games looked up briefly, then continued staring at the screen: "Oh, the big star's back?"
Shen He placed the box by the door, walked to his bed, and looked at the pile of things: "Whose are these?"
"Oh, everyone has a bit." One of them said casually, his eyes still glued to his phone: "Didn't you drop out of school? Your bed's just sitting there empty anyway. We'll clean it up later, later."
Shen He didn't say anything, he just stood there and glanced at them a few times. After a few seconds, he turned and went out the door.
He randomly picked a hotel and slept there for the night.
The next day, he found an apartment for rent outside the school. The landlord, seeing that he was still a student, asked him a few more questions about his requirements. Shen He only said that he wanted something quiet. The landlord didn't ask any more questions, found him a clean and soundproof room, collected a deposit and three months' rent, and gave him the key.
The room was on the third floor, a one-bedroom apartment with good natural light. Shen He carried his luggage upstairs, tidied up briefly, and rested on the sofa for a while. His phone vibrated several times; he glanced at it and saw they were all messages from Chen Yuchuan. He didn't read the content or reply.
After he left that day, Chen Yuchuan called him many times. Shen He was so annoyed that when he answered, he coldly said, "Stop calling." Chen Yuchuan stopped for a while, but then started sending messages non-stop again.
He could see the school's clock tower from the window, bathed in the dark gold of the setting sun. Shen He stared at the building, recalling the last time he passed by before dropping out of school. It was early autumn, and the ginkgo leaves hadn't yet turned completely yellow. He walked quickly with his bag on his back, feeling endless annoyance and disgust towards the school. He hated the rigidity and conservatism of this century-old building, hated the school's dogmatic and boring atmosphere, and hated the diverse faces of people coming and going. He walked forward with his head down as if fleeing for his life, without looking back.
Now he's back, nothing has changed, but he's much calmer and more resolute. Looking there, he even seems to have a touch of leisurely elegance in appreciating the beautiful scenery.
He took out his computer and looked at it for a while. According to his plan before returning to school, he intended to finish two years' worth of courses this year and then go abroad with Chen Yuchuan. He made a table and went through the time for each course, internship and exam. Most of the time could be staggered. In addition, with the thesis, as long as his personal ability could keep up, graduating early would not be a problem. He was not fully prepared for these things, so he had not mentioned them to Chen Yuchuan.
After the argument, he wanted to relax and study slowly, but then he thought that he had already saved enough money and that the biggest beneficiary of going abroad early would be himself.
In the afternoon, he went to the department office to explain the situation to the teacher in charge of credits. They looked at his transcript, helped him with his course selection, and told him to keep up with the pace.
Shen He said there was no problem.
When he walked out of the office building, it was already getting dark and a bit chilly. He zipped his jacket all the way up and felt much more relaxed. Chen Yuchuan was still sending messages non-stop. Shen He opened it and glanced at it. Chen Yuchuan said he was wrong and he would change. Shen He shook his head and replied with an "Oh".
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