Ordinary
The next morning, Shen He began packing his luggage.
He rummaged through the wardrobe, pulling out clothes and then laying out shoes one by one to choose from. He actually owned very few things; most of what he had was added to the wardrobe by Chen Yuchuan. This whole collection was quite a headache for Shen He.
Chen Yuchuan leaned against the door frame and watched. At first, he was enthusiastically helping to pick out clothes, but as Shen He stuffed more and more things into the suitcase, his expression gradually darkened.
"Are you planning to move?" Chen Yuchuan asked, his tone somewhat urgent.
Shen He didn't even look up: "Bring more, so you won't run out of things to change into later."
"The competition is only two weeks long, why are you bringing so much?"
Shen He stopped what she was doing, looked up at him, and said, "What are you talking about? I'm planning to take a month off after the competition. I remember telling you that yesterday, right?"
Chen Yuchuan paused for a moment, then relaxed his tense shoulders. He walked over and put his arm around Shen He's shoulder: "...You still have time to talk about serious matters when you're doing that kind of thing? I'm truly impressed."
"You forgot I told you to pack your things as soon as possible yesterday, didn't you?" Shen He patted his arm. "Let go, I still have to pack. You should get yours sorted out too."
Chen Yuchuan didn't let go, pulling him to his feet: "I'll find someone to take care of it. I'll also find someone to look after the little fish and the little snake, so don't bother with anything else."
Shen He thought for a moment and felt that if he relied on Chen Yuchuan a little more, Chen Yuchuan might feel more at ease, so he nodded: "Okay, I'll leave these matters to you."
Before setting off, Shen He went to a mental health clinic again.
He sat on the familiar sofa, watching the sunlight stream in through the window, feeling a rare sense of peace.
The doctor opened the record book, smiled, and asked, "How have you been lately?"
“Very good.” Shen He paused. “I haven’t had nightmares in a long time.”
The doctor nodded: "Have you completely let go of that matter?"
"Well, I guess so." Shen He's voice was very soft.
The doctor looked at him, waiting for him to continue.
Shen He was silent for a few seconds, then tapped his fingers lightly on his knee: "But emotionally, I'm still the same as before, without any change."
"What about you and that friend?" The doctor put down his pen.
Shen He raised his head, his eyes indifferent: "Last time you said not to force yourself, but now I realize that some things may not be a matter of forcing or not forcing."
"How so?"
Shen He looked at his hands: "He said I accepted him because I was moved, because I couldn't bear to hurt him, and because we've known each other for many years. I found I couldn't deny it."
The doctor didn't respond immediately, but instead asked, "Can you distinguish between 'being moved' and 'love'?"
"Yes." Shen He's voice was very certain. "I know what his feelings for me are like. He has a very strong possessiveness, is willing to change for me, and gets jealous, sad, and annoyed. But I don't."
"So what do you have?"
Shen He thought for a moment: "Being with him makes me feel relaxed, makes me want to go out and have fun with him, and makes me feel touched by the things he does, but that's all."
He looked up and said, "I don't think I can ever truly fall in love with someone."
The doctor made a few notes in his notebook, then asked, "When you said 'there's no way,' do you mean you've tried?"
“I don’t know how to try.” Shen He frowned. “It’s not that I don’t want to try, it’s that I really can’t feel that thing in myself.”
"What is that?"
"Love, or rather, emotion?" Shen He said bluntly, "I can't give that kind of intense feeling to anything. Animals, games, friends, I'm interested in them, I can get involved in them, but that's not love."
The doctor was silent for a few seconds, then flipped through the previous records: "You mentioned before that your attitude towards people changed after that incident."
Chen He remained silent.
“I remember you saying you no longer believed in human kindness,” the doctor looked up. “And now?”
Chen He stopped pointing: "I'm willing to make friends, and I think some people are quite nice."
"What do you mean by 'not bad'?" the doctor repeated the word.
Shen He nodded: "It's not bad, nothing more."
Would you take the initiative to contact them?
Shen He paused for a moment: "Not really."
"Where are your teammates? You train and compete together, you must have a lot of interaction, right?"
“No,” Shen He said. “I don’t pay much attention to what they say, including my friends.”
The doctor looked at him calmly: "You still look down on people, don't you?"
Shen He neither denied nor admitted it; he simply remained silent.
“Shenhe, what happened in the past has made you reject the entire human race.” The doctor put down his pen. “Your problem now is not just that you are unable to give your emotions, but that you are fundamentally unwilling to regard humans as objects worthy of your emotional investment.”
Shen He raised his head, his eyes indifferent: "What does this prove?"
"This shows you don't understand yourself." The doctor's voice was direct. "The problem you just raised is not because you can't give love, but because you don't believe that this kind of feeling is worth having."
Chen He remained silent.
"Don't you think his love for you is inherently ridiculous?" the doctor asked.
Chen He's fingers tightened.
The doctor didn't press further, but instead changed the subject: "If you and he were separated for a while, would you miss him?"
“Not before,” Shenhe replied quickly.
"before?"
“We’ve known each other for many years, but there were long periods when we didn’t keep in touch,” Shen He said. “I haven’t thought about him.”
"And now?"
Shen He was silent for a few seconds: "We haven't separated yet, but we might be separated for a while after I retire and go back to school, but I can't imagine it."
The doctor looked at him and softened his tone: "Perhaps you need some distance to truly determine how you feel."
Shenhe raised his head.
"Some relationships need time and space to be tested," the doctor said. "Retirement might be an opportunity. You can see, when you're apart, do you suddenly think of the things he did for you? Do you realize that he's thinking of you right now? Do you feel that there are moments when you're only complete when he's there?"
Shenhe did not answer.
“These are all signs of love,” the doctor continued. “But if you still can’t feel anything, then you have to be honest with yourself—you might not actually be able to love him.”
Shen He lowered his head and looked at his hands.
"However, before drawing conclusions, at least give yourself a chance." The doctor closed his notebook. "See how you react, how your thoughts change, and then make a decision."
Shen He nodded and said nothing more.
Ten days later, the entire VLG team arrived in Country N.
The plane landed and people disembarked. A large number of fans had already gathered outside the airport. Chen Yuchuan, wearing sunglasses, looked down on everyone and walked forward with a dark expression. Shen He thought he looked so irritating that he kicked him. Chen Yuchuan couldn't help but force a smile and grabbed him by the neck: "Dare to mess with me like this? Don't force me to kiss you to death in front of so many people."
Shenhe shoved him: "Give me a break."
Fans went wild upon seeing the two interact, snapping photos and videos incessantly. Since their old accounts were exposed, they've gone from being a fake couple to a real-life pairing, and their popularity as a couple has skyrocketed.
Upon arriving at the hotel, Chen Yuchuan gathered his teammates together: "Styx is in a good mood lately, so you can go out and have fun these next few days. Eat, shop, and do whatever you want. He'll pay for everything."
The team members cheered. Only Shen He remained silent; his mood was rather so-so. The person who was actually so happy to give him money was someone else.
“But once you’ve had your fun, you need to train hard.” Chen Yuchuan’s tone turned serious. “We must win the championship this time.”
Li Xiuyan was taken aback for a moment, then smiled and said, "Yu Chuan, didn't you say before that you were just having fun? Why are you so serious this time?"
Chen Yuchuan didn't answer. Yi Yang immediately realized what was going on and winked at Chen He: "Don't you even know who's on the team now? Brother Chuan is trying to win the championship for his wife, isn't he?"
Lin Xiaoyu stood to the side with a knowing look on his face. Chen Yuchuan turned to look at the two of them, his eyes turning cold.
Yi Yang shrank back in fright and quickly waved his hand: "Don't mind me, Styx. I was just kidding, just kidding."
Shen He smiled and waved his hand to indicate that it was nothing. He didn't really feel anything; what Yi Yang said was the truth. Although she wasn't Chen Yuchuan's sister-in-law, she was indeed Chen Yuchuan's girlfriend, so what was there to mind? Chen Yuchuan himself was spouting nonsense, using all sorts of strange and unusual terms, but he felt it was disrespectful for others to call Shen He that—a classic case of double standards.
The teammates left noisily, and the hotel lobby fell silent again.
Chen Yuchuan turned around and looked at Shen He: "Shall we go play for a while?"
"I'm not going." Shen He walked towards the elevator. "I'm tired. Let's talk about it tomorrow."
Chen Yuchuan followed him, a smile playing on his lips: "That's perfect."
Back in his room, Shen He took a shower, put on his pajamas, and collapsed onto the bed, casually browsing forums on his phone. When Chen Yuchuan came out of the shower, he saw Shen He lying on his side on the bed, one hand supporting his head, the other holding his phone, completely relaxed, revealing a section of his slender neck and delicate collarbone. His hair was still slightly damp, a few strands falling across his forehead, making his face appear even more gentle. His usual aloofness and defensiveness had vanished, exuding an air of languid ease.
"What are you looking at?" Chen Yuchuan walked over, drying his hair, and lay down next to him.
"Forum." Shen He didn't look up. "Someone is predicting the world championship rankings."
"Predict our ranking?"
“Third.” Shen He rolled over and held his phone up in front of him. “Look, someone even compared the regular season stats for each position.”
Chen Yuchuan glanced at it, showing no interest. He casually tossed the towel on the ground and leaned against Shen He. He propped his head up and looked at Shen He's profile, his gaze sliding from his eyebrows to his jawline, and finally settling on his slightly parted lips.
Shen He noticed his gaze and turned his head away: "What are you looking at now?"
"Look at you." Chen Yuchuan said matter-of-factly, his hand sliding up Chen He's waist, his fingers rubbing his skin through his T-shirt.
Shenhe pressed his hand down: "Stop fooling around."
"Don't be silly." Chen Yuchuan leaned in and kissed his neck, the breath still warm and damp from his recent shower. His lips pressed against Chen He's skin, pecking gently, his fingers sliding under his clothes to touch the skin on his waist.
Shen He paused for a moment, put down his phone, turned to look at him, and said with a hint of warning in his voice, "Chen Yuchuan."
"Hmm?" Chen Yuchuan looked up, his eyes darkening, a smile playing on his lips. "What's wrong?"
"Too much indulgence will affect your concentration and judgment." Shenhe pulled his hand away. "Try to control yourself."
Chen Yuchuan stared at him for a few seconds, sighed in resignation, but did not back away. Instead, he moved closer and said, "Okay, then let me kiss you a little longer."
Shen He didn't refuse, put down his phone, and let Chen Yuchuan kiss him.
Chen Yuchuan's kiss moved from his neck to his chin, then to his lips. The kiss was slow and deliberate, carrying a hint of probing and an irrepressible desire. Shen He's breathing gradually became erratic. He raised his hand and placed it on Chen Yuchuan's shoulder, neither pushing him away nor responding with much passion, simply letting him kiss him.
Chen Yuchuan's kiss deepened, his tongue prying open Chen He's lips, his breathing becoming heavier, and his hand sliding down Chen He's nape, touching his back.
Shen He pressed down on his wrist, turned his head away, and took a breath: "That's enough."
"Not enough." Chen Yuchuan's voice was low and husky, his forehead pressed against his, his eyes filled with desire. "You know how long I've been holding back."
"You have to endure it." Shen He nudged his shoulder. "There's training tomorrow."
Chen Yuchuan didn't move, just pressed down on him, his breath on his face: "Kiss me a little longer."
Shen He looked at him, sighed, and didn't refuse again.
Outside the window was the night view of a foreign country. Neon lights streamed through the floor-to-ceiling windows, casting dappled shadows in the room. Only the sound of their intertwined breaths remained.
Chen Yuchuan's hand wandered restlessly inside his clothes again. Shen He pressed him down, his voice tinged with helplessness: "Chen Yuchuan, don't push your luck."
"Just a touch." Chen Yuchuan buried his face in his neck, his voice muffled. His hand slipped under his shirt, slowly moving up his waistline, stroking his skin, and stopping at his chest. He could feel Shen He's heartbeat, each beat pounding against his palm, faster than usual.
Shen He grabbed his hair and pulled his head away: "What do you want to do?"
"Can't I even touch it? You're so stingy, huh?"
"Are you sick?" Shen He frowned.
Chen Yuchuan said seriously, "I was just checking to see if your heart was racing for me."
"I'm begging you, this is so perverted." Shenhe pushed his face away.
Chen Yuchuan's actions escalated: "I'm a pervert to begin with. I'll let you touch my perverted pecs, okay?"
Shen He rolled his eyes at him. Chen Yuchuan moved his hand slightly towards the center, softening his movements. Shen He felt a tickle and almost laughed, quickly restraining his hand: "What exactly are you trying to do?"
Chen Yuchuan finally couldn't help but laugh: "I've wanted to do this for a long time. You have no idea how hard I usually have to hold back."
"I know nothing." Shen He tried to break free, but Chen Yuchuan wouldn't let go, and the two of them were locked in a struggle.
"Don't move, let me finish touching you," Chen Yuchuan said, gently pinching the skin with his fingers.
"Damn you... Chen Yuchuan!" Shen He kicked him hard.
"Why are you yelling so loudly?" Chen Yuchuan laughed, finally letting go of Shen He's hand, but then turned around and pressed him down on the bed. "It feels... I kind of want to kiss you, what should I do?"
Shen He couldn't push him away, feeling both speechless and embarrassed: "Can you be serious for once? I'm going to call the police."
"I'm very serious," Chen Yuchuan said, while his hand mischievously lifted the hem of Shen He's clothes, making a gesture as if he wanted to bury his head inside.
Unable to bear it any longer, Shen He nudged him with her knee. Chen Yuchuan cried out in pain and released her, and Shen He took the opportunity to flip over and sit on top of him, the two wrestling on the bed.
"You used underhanded tactics?" Chen Yuchuan laughed as he reached out to grab Shen He's hand.
"I can also beat you to death, you know that?"
Chen Yuchuan gripped his waist tightly: "What you did just now almost ruined our wonderful future."
"Destroy my ass," Shen He said. "I'll make sure you spend the rest of your life in a wheelchair."
“You’re murdering your husband,” Chen Yuchuan said, then scratched Chen He’s waist again.
Shen He opened his mouth to curse, but was tickled and suddenly burst out laughing. His body twisted involuntarily, and he could only grab the pillow next to him and slap it on his face: "Chen Yuchuan, you've really messed with me now."
The scene instantly descended into chaos, completely erasing any semblance of romance or ambiguity in the atmosphere.
Once the two had completely calmed down, Shen He leaned against the headboard, his breathing ragged, a rare, carefree smile on his face... as if he had never experienced what followed.
Chen Yuchuan was also in a sorry state, his hair and clothes a mess. He turned to the side and pinched Shen He's chin, his expression extremely arrogant: "You can't beat me, just lie down and wait for your brother to pamper you."
Shenhe had never seen such a shameless person. Too lazy to argue with him, she kicked him and said, "Get lost, or I'll really beat you up."
Chen Yuchuan came closer again, this time behaving himself, only reaching out to hug Chen He's waist.
“Baby,” Chen Yuchuan suddenly spoke, his voice very soft.
"Um?"
"Let's win together."
Shen He patted his head: "Okay."
Chen Yuchuan didn't move again, but hugged the person even tighter.
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