Chapter 40 Exposed
I've been feeling incredibly suffocated these past few days, and finally, my parents are gone. The click of the security door locking echoed through the hallway, and the sigh of "finally gone" was still lingering in my throat when I suddenly felt airborne.
"Oh my god!" I cried out in shock, my head spinning, my back slamming heavily into my poor big bed. The mattress groaned under the weight.
Lin Yan's shadow loomed over me, too fast for me to react. His eyes, usually gentle and watery, were now dark, burning with something that made my heart shiver.
"You..." I was cut off from the rest of my sentence. His kiss was undeniably powerful, his breath searing, a consuming intensity. The air in my lungs was rapidly ripped from my body, my head buzzing, and I could only passively endure it. I tried to resist, but he easily caught my hand, twisted it behind my head, and held it firmly with a burning palm.
This position was incredibly awkward. I struggled, but nothing moved. I resigned myself to my fate and relaxed, a faint sob escaping my throat. His kiss softened, becoming longer and more lingering. His other hand, with an undeniable presence, slid under the hem of my T-shirt, his fingertips tracing my waistline upwards, igniting a burning trail.
"Did you miss me?" His lips moved slightly away and whispered against the corner of my mouth, his breath hot.
"I want to..." I gasped, not finishing my words. But before I could finish my words, he had already started to move. I froze, as if I had been struck by an electric current, "Uh... Lin Yan you..."
During our time at home, Lin Yan and I felt like we were back in our college dorm room, kissing and cuddling in the room when no one was around. But this sneaky thrill came with a huge risk—if you walk by the river too often, you'll get your feet wet.
Finally, one afternoon, we underestimated our mother's ability to act (or rather, we overestimated our own vigilance). Just as we were kissing passionately in the room, with our clothes a little messy, the door was pushed open without warning!
My mother stood at the door, holding a freshly folded piece of laundry. Seeing the two of us pressed together, lips and teeth intertwined, she paused, her expression... not so much shock as a kind of "as expected" realization and a hint of... complicated calm?
Time seemed to freeze. My mind went blank, and I felt like the sky was falling! Although I knew I would have to confess sooner or later, and I wasn't afraid of it, I definitely didn't want to do it like this, caught red-handed! This was so fucking embarrassing! This was so socially awkward!
My mother was just stunned for a few seconds, her eyes swept over us very briefly, without saying anything. Very calmly, even calmly, she put the folded clothes on the cabinet by the door, and then... silently closed the door.
The sound of the door closing struck me like a death knell.
"Fuck!" I pushed Lin Yan away, squatted on the ground with my head in my hands and wailed, "I knew it! I knew something would happen sooner or later! It's over, it's over! It's really over now!"
Lin Yan was also panicking, his face drained of color, not much better than mine. He frantically tidied his clothes and tried to pull me back, his voice trembling: "Ruirui... don't... don't panic... it's okay... Auntie... she doesn't seem... angry?" He didn't even believe what he said, it seemed more like he was trying to comfort himself.
At dinner that evening, the atmosphere was at its lowest point. Lin Yan and I kept our heads down the entire time, practically burying our faces in our bowls, savoring even our favorite dishes. My dad, oblivious, was still excitedly recounting his "brilliant" afternoon at the chess and card room.
"Hey? What's wrong with you two today? You look so listless, like eggplants hit by frost." My dad finally noticed something was wrong and looked at us in confusion.
My mother sat opposite, picking up her food slowly and attentively. She didn't even raise her eyelids when she heard what was going on, but simply glanced our way. Her gaze was calm and composed, yet it sent a chill down my spine and into Lin Yan's spine.
"No... nothing," Lin Yan reacted quickly, pretending to be calm and forcing a slightly stiff smile, "Uncle, maybe I didn't sleep well last night and I have a stiff neck."
Me: “…” Oh my god! My god, I got a stiff neck! Lin Yan, you have a really amazing mouth! You lie without even thinking!
The meal was bland and tasted like chewing wax, and every second felt like an eternity. Finally, when it was over, my father contentedly picked his teeth and strolled out to help digest the food.
There were only three of us in the living room, and the air was eerily quiet.
Just as I was wondering whether to drag Lin Yan back to the room quickly, my mother put down her chopsticks, took out a tissue and wiped the corner of her mouth. Then, she looked at me calmly and said in a low voice, but with unquestionable strength:
"Chen Rui, come here for a moment."
Full name! It's the full name!
My heart sank, and my legs instantly went limp. What was supposed to come…finally came! Like a prisoner awaiting trial, I glanced at Lin Yan for help. Lin Yan gave me a nervous look that said, "Go ahead, I'll wait for you."
I followed my mother into her room, step by step. It was simply furnished: a desk, a bed, and a large wardrobe. She didn't ask me to sit down, nor did she look at me. She simply walked over to the desk, opened a drawer, and rummaged through something.
I stood beside her for a long time, like a schoolboy being punished. The air was so quiet I could hear my own heartbeat. The immense pressure made it almost impossible to breathe. Finally, I mustered up the courage and whispered, "Mom..."
My mother paused in her search. Without turning back, she carefully pulled out an old-looking, hardcover photo album from a folder. She took it, walked over to the bed, and sat down. Then she looked at me, motioning for me to join her.
I walked over nervously and sat down next to her. She flipped open the album. Beneath the yellowed plastic lay familiar yet unfamiliar photos.
This is a photo of me from childhood to adulthood.
There are photos of the baby’s hundred days and one year old taken in a photo studio, in which he is wearing a small suit and has a serious expression.
There are photos of him wearing a red scarf and smiling silly at the camera during a spring outing in elementary school.
There is a photo taken when I graduated from junior high school, wearing a loose school uniform and looking young.
And... the last one, taken at high school graduation. In the photo, I'm unshaven (I was too lazy to shave during puberty), skinny as a stick, with dull skin, messy hair, and a hollow, lifeless look in my eyes. I'm holding my acceptance letter, standing with my homeroom teacher, my expression stiff. I only have a digital copy of this photo, saved in the class group chat; I'm too lazy to even download it.
I didn’t expect... my mother actually printed it out and kept it carefully in the photo album.
My throat felt like it was blocked by something and my eyes felt a little sore.
At this time, my mother slowly spoke, her voice very soft, with a distant feeling of reminiscence:
"When I first got pregnant with you... I didn't think it would be a boy." She paused, her fingers unconsciously stroking a photo of me as a baby, "Because you were so quiet in my belly...
I was stunned, holding my breath, and listening quietly to this never-before-heard story about the starting point of my life.
"Later... you were three years old and were going to kindergarten." Her eyes fell on a photo of me standing at the kindergarten door wearing overalls and carrying a schoolbag. "I went to pick you up and saw several little girls with pigtails and flowery dresses surrounding you... Then I suddenly realized... Oh, I gave birth to... a son." There was a hint of belated and subtle realization in her tone.
I couldn't help myself and asked quietly, my voice filled with a nervousness and anticipation I didn't even realize: "So... do you want a son or a daughter?"
My mother was silent for a long time. So long that I thought she wouldn't answer. The only sound in the room was the gentle rustle of flipping album pages. Finally, she whispered, her voice filled with an indescribable heaviness and relief:
"Then... sons are better." She paused and added, "Being a woman... is too difficult."
This sentence was like a pebble dropped into the lake of my heart, sending out complex ripples. I fell silent, my fingers unconsciously picking at the edges of the holes in my jeans (they were trendy brands that Lin Yan had complained about several times).
My mother continued to flip through the photo album, and her eyes stopped at the photo taken shortly after I broke the glass (in the photo, I was lowering my head and looking timid).
"Little boys love to make trouble... but you are very quiet, never noisy or noisy. You do your homework as soon as you get home from school... like a... little adult." She paused again, as if organizing her words, "It wasn't until that time... you broke the glass and I went to pick you up... that I realized... that my son also has a naughty side." There was actually a hint of... very faint, almost imperceptible... relief in her tone?
"Later... you went to middle school, high school... until you were admitted to university..." Her fingers ran across the photos that recorded my adolescence. In the photos, I became increasingly silent, and my eyes became increasingly distant. "I was thinking... this child... is becoming more and more silent... what will... be like in the future?"
Hearing this, my fists clenched unconsciously, my nails digging deep into my palms. I lowered my head, not daring to look at her. The loneliness of growing up, which I had deliberately ignored, now surged over me.
My mother closed the album with a soft snap. Silence fell over the room. Then, she raised her head, her gaze fixed on me for the first time, so directly and calmly. Her voice was soft, yet it exploded in my ears like thunder:
"Chen Rui...you and Lin Yan...are you in a relationship?"
Here it comes! The most important question!
My head shot up, my heart pounding, as I met her gaze. I tried to see anger, disappointment, or something else in her calm, unwavering eyes... but there was nothing. Only a deep, all-seeing calm.
I took a deep breath, as if using up all my strength, and nodded heavily, my voice clear and firm: "Yes. Mom... Lin Yan and I are indeed in a relationship." After saying this, a huge sour feeling rushed up my nose, and tears welled up uncontrollably. I choked and almost instinctively added, "...I'm sorry, Mom."
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