Chapter 41 Reconciliation
A few hot tears fell on the back of my hand.
My mother looked at me crying and said nothing. She just took out some toilet paper from the drawer and handed it to me.
"You don't have to feel sorry for me." My mother's voice sounded, calm and peaceful, but it hit my heart like a heavy hammer.
I held the papers and looked at her in surprise.
This mother, who had played a distant role in my life for twenty years, now truly looked at me from head to toe with a new, scrutinizing and probing gaze. Her eyes were extremely complex, as if she were evaluating a work she had made herself but had not carefully examined for a long time.
She is looking at her son.
She raised the child for over twenty years.
When I left home at the age of eighteen, I was a tall and thin boy with dark skin, messy hair, dull eyes, and a stubborn yet fragile grass.
The man standing in front of her now has skin that is several shades whiter (the result of someone pressing sunscreen on his head), his hair is neat and stylish (someone takes care of it regularly), and the clothes he wears fit him well, making him look neat and energetic (all taken care of by someone). His eyes are no longer empty and distant, but are filled with light and spirit, and even have a little bit of subtle arrogance and confidence that is nurtured by love.
Should she lament that she raised her child so poorly, turning the boy who should have been bright and cheerful into something so gloomy and silent?
Or should she be happy... happy that this child, after leaving her, met the right person, was carefully cared for and "raised", and actually transformed into what he is now... a lively and beautiful appearance that she hardly dares to recognize?
Under the impact of such strong and contradictory emotions, this mother, who has always been known for her calmness, restraint and even indifference, cried.
She didn't wail loudly, but rather silently. Tears streamed down her face, no longer young but still with sharp features. There was no sobbing, no choking, only a deep, almost overwhelming torrent of grief and relief. The wall in her heart, built of rationality, alienation, and resentment at the injustice of fate, silently collapsed in a corner at that moment.
Her child, Chen Rui, was completely stunned by his mother's sudden tears. Shock and helplessness froze him in place, his mind blank, completely unsure of what to say or do. He had never seen his mother cry, nor had he ever imagined that she could cry.
Time seemed to freeze again.
Finally, seeing his mother weeping silently, the complex emotions thick in her eyes, Chen Rui was suddenly overcome by an unprecedented surge of courage and heartache. He forgot his trepidation, his fear, and the twenty years of estrangement. Almost instinctively, he took a step forward, stretched out his arms, and tightly, yet clumsily, embraced the very being who had given him life, yet from whom he could feel no warmth.
He embraced this belated, heavy thing called maternal love.
The mother's body stiffened suddenly, clearly unprepared for her son's action. She froze for a few seconds, and then, just as Chen Rui was nearly suffocating with nervousness, he felt a cool, calloused hand gently, tentatively, and with an unbelievable tenderness, resting on the back of his head. Again and again, like soothing a frightened animal, like the touch he had longed for countless times as a child but never received.
At this moment, the twenty-year-old barrier was suddenly broken through by a clumsy hug and a hesitant hand.
The gap between them, the tragedy of the times, and the compulsion of worldly views, strangely became the strongest bond that connected them, allowing them to face, understand and even resist together.
Silent tears soaked each other's shoulders. Chen Rui knew with absolute clarity—his mother had acquiesced. She had acquiesced to his relationship with Lin Yan. This acquiescence wasn't joyful acceptance, but rather a cessation of opposition tinged with heavy understanding and complex emotions. To him, this was a great gift and salvation.
Later, his mother pulled him aside and talked for a long time. She asked about his school life, his studies (even mentioning the postgraduate entrance exam), and his daily life. Her tone was still not warm, but it was no longer cold and distant. She could see that Lin Yan treated him well, taking care of every detail. She said, "I have always been smart. Otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to get into university and become a teacher without anyone's support. I can see that child... really loves you."
The conversation continued late into the night. When Chen Rui finally returned to his room, Lin Yan was nearly mad with anxiety, pacing the room like an ant on a hot pan. Seeing him come in with red eyes, Lin Yan immediately rushed forward and asked nervously in a low voice, "How is it? What did Auntie say?"
Chen Rui didn't answer, but threw himself into Lin Yan's arms, hugged him tightly, and buried his face in the warm crook of his neck. Tears welled up again, and his voice choked with sobs, filled with great gratitude and love for surviving the disaster:
"Lin Yan...thank you...really...thank you..."
It seemed that after meeting Lin Yan, his gloomy life was injected with color, all the ups and downs were smoothed out one by one, and even the seemingly indestructible family barriers had warm cracks.
Lin Yan's heart tightened at his sobs, and he could only hold him tightly, patting his back gently as he spoke in fragments about what had just happened. When he heard Chen Rui's mother's final words, Lin Yan's heart finally relaxed, and he breathed a long sigh of relief, a smile of relief and tenderness on his face.
He held up Chen Rui's tear-stained face and gently wiped away his tears with his fingertips, his eyes deep and serious:
"Silly boy... why are you thanking me?" He lowered his head, resting his forehead against Chen Rui's, his voice gentle but firm, "Ruirui, you have to believe that everyone's ending is shaped by their own efforts. Your honesty, your persistence, your love for me... and your courage to open your heart to Auntie... these are what truly touched her. I... just happened to be able to be by your side, to witness and participate in your process of becoming better and better."
Chen Rui looked into his affectionate eyes, felt the power in his words, and tears burst out again, but this time, they were tears of happiness and relief.
Lin Yan's eyes also turned red. He lowered his head and gently kissed away the tears on Chen Rui's face, but his own tears could not be controlled and fell on their cheeks that were pressed tightly together.
On this day, in this once cold home now quietly thawing, everyone shed tears. Tears washed away barriers, broke down walls, and ultimately flowed into a warm and resilient river, carrying understanding, acceptance, and deep love, flowing towards a future filled with hope.
(Outside the window, the city lights flickered softly in the winter night, as if silently blessing this hard-won reconciliation and rebirth.)
Lin Yan stayed at my house for another two days. He said, "I'm sorry to bother you, uncle and aunt. Let's go buy some New Year's goods as a way of repaying you." But he ended up dragging me straight to the city's most upscale supermarket. His shopping cart was completely crammed with imported fruit, premium nuts, high-end seafood gift boxes, and... several cartons of cigarettes with eye-watering prices and two bottles of wine with dazzlingly luxurious packaging!
I pulled his sleeve and lowered my voice: "Hey! Lin Yan! That's enough! Why buy so much? And such expensive cigarettes and alcohol? My dad feels bad when he smokes cigarettes that cost only a few dollars a pack!"
Lin Yan pushed the cart with a calm smile that said, "You don't understand." "This is my first official visit, so I have to be very polite. Uncle and aunt are so kind to me, so this is just a token of my appreciation."
Looking at his attitude, I seriously suspected that he wanted to stuff the "bride price" into my house in advance! But my dad, a man with a strikingly similar "slow" attribute to me (Lin Yan later told me this quietly. He said that the collision and fusion of my dad's slowness and my mom's high IQ created my magical "dog brain"), saw the things Lin Yan brought back, especially the cigarettes and alcohol, his eyes were straight, and he was so happy that he couldn't close his mouth. He kept saying "Oh, Xiao Lin, you are too polite! This... How can I be so embarrassed!", and then happily accepted it, really treating it as an ordinary "little gift".
Me: “…” Okay, as long as you are happy.
After that deep conversation that night, my mother's attitude toward me improved noticeably. While she still didn't talk much, her eyes softened. She'd occasionally ask about my review progress (though she'd often forget after asking). Once, when I was helping her pick vegetables, she even complimented me, saying, "Your hands are quite quick," something she'd never done before. These subtle changes were like a rare warm sun on a winter's day.
One time, while my dad was away, I went to the kitchen and pretended to help wash the vegetables while cautiously probing, "Mom...that...about me and Lin Yan...you didn't tell my dad, right?"
My mother didn't even raise her eyelids, her knife slicing ginger with a "thump, thump, thump" sound. Her tone was flat and calm, with a familiar hint of sarcasm: "Tell him? Tell him, he won't even be able to drink? How can he think straight?" Although her tone was disdainful, I somehow heard a hint of...helplessness? Even...a hint of defense. Although she might still be a little arrogant at heart, thinking that a "rough guy" like my dad would find it difficult to understand modern ideas, after living together for more than 20 years, she still had feelings for this man. It's just that these feelings were like a thick layer of frosted glass, visible but intangible, and difficult to communicate.
I repeated this to Lin Yan, and he smiled with understanding. He hugged me and said, "I think Auntie may have underestimated Uncle."
"Huh? Why?" I was puzzled.
Lin Yan pinched my face, his eyes mischievous: "Because your dad is a carbon copy of you! He looks noisy, carefree, and like he knows nothing, but in fact, he is very honest. Once he has made up his mind about something or someone, he will treat them well with all his heart. Look at his attitude towards me, he really treats me as the son of his 'good friend' (?), without any pretense. People like this may sometimes accept new things more directly than we think."
I thought about it for a moment, and it seemed to make some sense. But then I realized, "Hey! Lin Yan! Are you trying to find ways to call me stupid?!"
Lin Yan laughed heartily, lowered his head and kissed me on the lips: "It's better to be silly, it's cute to be silly."
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