Chapter 8 Do you like me or not?
When Lin Yan pressed the phone into my hand, the screen still carried the warmth of his palm. "Look," he said, as calmly as if handing me a tissue.
I looked down at the black square, and my first reaction was confusion: "I have a mobile phone myself?" And it's the latest model.
There was a very light sound coming from above my head. When I looked up, I saw Lin Yan's eyes behind the glasses narrowed slightly, and the corners of his mouth twitched, as if he was choked by my train of thought and was forcing himself to hold it back.
He took a deep breath and patiently explained, "I mean, look at the records. Since breaking up with my ex-girlfriend, there's been no ambiguous contact with anyone else, including social media apps, text messages, and call records."
He paused and added, "Including the one in the stairwell and the one who brought flowers the day before yesterday."
"Oh." I finally reacted and casually swiped my fingertips across the cold screen twice.
His recent contacts were few and far between, his text messages were filled with delivery notifications and verification codes, and his most recent social media conversations were stuck in a class group chat from six months ago. It was as dull as his lab report.
I put the phone back in his hand: "I'm done reading it."
Lin Yan took the phone, but his brows furrowed slightly. "You swiped so fast? Have you really finished reading it?"
"I didn't look closely," I shrugged, speaking matter-of-factly, "but I believe you."
The air suddenly became quiet for a moment.
The voice-activated lights in the corridor went out, leaving only the light coming through the crack in the dormitory door, outlining the profile of his face.
Lin Yan stood there, his fingers unconsciously stroking the edge of his phone, the lens reflecting a faint light in the shadows. After a while, I heard his low voice, like a feather sweeping through the silent night, with a hint of hesitation that I had never heard before:
"Chen Rui... Do you like me or not?"
This sentence is more lethal than a forced kiss in the toilet!
I looked up suddenly, so shocked that I almost bit my tongue.
Lin Yan?! This Lin Yan, whose IQ crushes everyone, whose emotions are as steady as a precision instrument, and who always looks like he's in control of the situation, actually doubts that he's not liked?!
It feels like seeing the jade Buddha in the temple suddenly lower his head and ask the pilgrims, "Do you think I am effective?" It is absurd and... makes people's hearts soften.
But when I think about it, it seems... there's really nothing wrong with it. We kissed, we went on a date (although we saw a bad movie), and we spent some time together, but it seems... I really never said "I like you."
"...Not bad." I heard my own dry voice coming out, trying to get away with it.
He immediately took a half step forward, his breath approaching: "What do you mean by 'not bad'?"
“…It’s, it’s okay!” My scalp started to tingle.
"Not bad?" His voice became a little deeper. The lights in the corridor came back on, illuminating his slightly tense jawline - he was making a scowl!
I was driven to the point of no return by his probing, and I yelled out in despair, "Oh, I'm just happy to be with you! That's enough!"
The tense atmosphere melted away instantly. The haze in Lin Yan's eyes was like fog blown away by the wind, and the corners of his mouth couldn't help but rise. That smile was clean and bright, even a little silly, dispelling all the alienation.
"Yeah," he responded, his body honestly pressed closer to me, his eyes fixed on my lips, and he whispered in a low voice like a declaration: "I want to kiss you."
"Wait..." Before her protest could even form, it was completely blocked by the warmth he covered her with.
This kiss was different from the plunder in the bathroom that was full of punishment and declaration. It was long, delicate, and carried a cautious exploration and confirmation, like tasting a candy that had just been discovered to taste good.
When they separated, both of them were breathing unsteadily, and in the darkness, only their intertwined heartbeats could be heard.
"What about you?" Lin Yan rested his forehead against mine, his breath brushing against my burning earlobe. "What...relationships have you had before?"
My heart skipped a beat! Here it comes! A fatal question!
My love history? It's just a piece of A4 blank paper that came from the factory and was not even opened!
If I were to reveal my glorious twenty years of solo life, wouldn't it make me, Chen Rui, appear completely unattractive, unmarketable, and inexperienced in front of this newly established academic boyfriend?! Such a disgrace!
"Ahem..." I cleared my throat in a pretentiously deep voice, my eyes drifting into the darkness of nothingness, trying to project a sense of vicissitudes of life. "Back then... I was young and ignorant."
Well, a universal sentence structure! It implies that "it happened" but also makes it seem as if it's nothing more than a passing moment.
"Heh..." A muffled laugh came from above my head. My heart tightened, and when I looked up, I ran into Lin Yan's smiling eyes.
That look, penetrating everything, carried with it an undisguised mischief and understanding.
"And then?" he asked slowly, with an upward sound at the end, as if teasing a kitten whose claws haven't even grown yet.
I was furious. "That's not fair! I didn't even bother asking you about your exes, so why are you asking me about that?!"
Lin Yan's smile deepened, and his fingertips gently brushed my burning earlobe: "Oh? 'That pile'? It sounds like you care a lot about it, and you're still...reminiscing about it?"
"You!" I was so angry that I wanted to bite someone, but I was helpless against his smiling eyes.
In this confused and natural way, Lin Yan and I started dating.
I find this quite bizarre myself. After twenty years of life with zero romantic experience, my first love was a man, regardless of gender.
The turn is fast and sharp, comparable to the extreme drift in the game.
But what’s even more amazing is that there are no waves of anxiety in my heart.
Social pressure? Family resistance? Future plans? These problems, which seem like huge problems to others, are, in my humble goblin brain, as low priority as insignificant side quests in a game.
My logic is as simple and crude as a straight line: I feel comfortable, happy and at ease with him, and that's enough.
No matter whether it’s a man or a woman, comfort is the most important thing!
But Lin Yan obviously thought much more than I did.
He would still help me get my favorite sweet and sour pork in the cafeteria, but he would "conveniently" place the plate on the opposite corner of the table, leaving enough safety distance for a "straight brother".
He would still help me tidy up my messy desk, but if other roommates were around, he would frown and say in a tone of extreme disgust, in keeping with the character of a "clean-freak roommate": "Chen Rui, if you keep throwing your socks around, I'll stuff them in your pillow."
He even deliberately reduced the frequency of small actions like wiping my mouth and straightening my collar. Only in an absolutely safe and private space with only the two of us would he allow those intimacy and dependence to be revealed, like a cat that retracts its claws and only turns its belly to specific people.
At first I was unaware of this careful "disguise".
Until one day, Lao Wang from the next-door dormitory hooked his arm around my neck and teased me, "Brother Rui, I've discovered that Brother Yan really has nothing to say about you. He didn't even kick you out, a slob, and he even helped you clean up. Tsk tsk, this is what brothers are like, right?"
Lin Yan was standing nearby at the time. Upon hearing this, he simply pushed his glasses and said "hmm" expressionlessly. His eyes were calm and his expression was as if he was saying, "Caring for mentally retarded children is a citizen's duty."
But as soon as Lao Wang left, he closed the door, turned around, and pushed me against it. He bit my lower lip with a hint of punishment and hummed softly, "Brother? ... Chen Rui, you owe me the 'labor fee', and you have to pay it back tonight with interest."
At that moment, I suddenly realized what kind of hidden restraint and protective desire was hidden under his seemingly calm appearance.
In his own way, clumsily and carefully, he protected me, a confused "goblin" who had not yet fully understood the situation, in the safe zone he had designated.
It turns out that being cherished and protected like this feels... a little better than winning a hundred games.
Although I still think that there's nothing to hide about two grown men just dating? But... since he thinks it's a good idea, then let him be.
Who made him Lin Yan?
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