Chapter 37 Returning Home
Even though that bastard Lin Yan planned a "no-return road to postgraduate entrance exam" for me, he at least had some "humanity" and said, "Enjoy the winter vacation first and relax. We'll talk about studying after the new year." These words sounded like a pardon, but when I looked at the mountain of materials in the game room, I always felt that they were silently mocking me: happiness is short-lived, but the king of exam papers is eternal!
Then, Lin Yan asked the question that instantly brought me to the bottom: "Ruirui, are you going home for winter vacation?"
Those two words were like an icicle, piercing me unexpectedly. The smile on my face froze, and my fingers unconsciously scratched the edge of the sofa. That cold, empty "home" that felt like a luxury hotel... should I go back? Should I not go back? Neither seemed to make me happy. In the end, that damned "sense of responsibility" that even I despised took over. I nodded, my voice a little muffled: "Yeah... let's go back."
Lin Yan obviously sensed my low mood. He didn't ask any more questions, but just hugged me tighter, rubbing his chin against the top of my head, silently conveying comfort. Later, when he sent me to the station, he was just like an old mother sending her child on a long journey, repeatedly reminding me to "be careful on the road", "report safety when you get home", "wear more clothes if it's cold", and "don't eat too much junk food" (I chose to ignore this one). In the crowded waiting hall, we stayed together for a long time, hugging, cuddling, and whispering with our foreheads against each other, until the announcement shouted for ticket checking. He sent me to the car, and through the car window glass, the worry and reluctance in his eyes almost overflowed. I waved to him, and my heart was also empty.
The car started moving. The scenery outside the window rapidly receded. The closer I got to home, the heavier the feeling in my heart became.
Two or three hours later, I stood at the door of that familiar yet unfamiliar home. I took out my key and opened the door. The sound of the door lock turning was particularly clear in the quiet corridor.
The door opened. My mother, wearing an apron, was standing at the entrance. She was visibly stunned when she saw me, her face showing undisguised surprise. "Xiao Rui? Why are you back? You didn't even tell me..." She looked me up and down, her eyes lingering for a long time on my face, which had noticeably paler and rosier, then on my clean, fresh, and obviously expensive down jacket (bought by Lin Yan). Finally, she fixed on my overall mental state—no longer the gloomy, somewhat decadent teenager I used to be. There was a little more light in my eyes, and my posture was more relaxed and upright.
A flicker of emotion flashed across her eyes, but it was quickly replaced by her usual, slightly distant calm. She stepped aside to let me in. "Come in, it's cold outside."
The house was still the same: tidy and empty, devoid of any life or activity. My dad emerged from his room, saw me, and simply grumbled, "Hmm," before asking a few dry questions: "Is school okay?" "How's your studies?" "Do you have enough money?" After receiving equally dry responses from me, he nodded, put on his coat, and left—presumably to the card room downstairs.
At noon, my mother made me some dumplings. They were stuffed with pork and cabbage, a favorite of mine as a child. The table was silent, the only sound being the gentle clatter of chopsticks against the dishes. My mother ate in silence, occasionally passing me a couple of dumplings. I ate in silence, too, my mouth guzzling the taste. This meal was more depressing than a final exam.
At night, I lay in the bed I'd slept in since I was a child. The room was clean, yet also desolate. Outside the window were the unfamiliar lights of a city. There were no familiar game sounds, no warm embrace, no steady breathing from Lin Yan. A vast, suffocating loneliness surged over me like a tide, threatening to drown me. It had been less than a day since we'd been apart, and I missed him terribly.
Just then, my phone screen lit up. It was a video call from Lin Yan! I answered it almost instantly.
Lin Yan's handsome, smiling face appeared on the screen, his warm study in the background. "Ruirui, are you home? Have you eaten? What did you eat?" His voice was gentle, like a warm current flowing into my cold chest.
I tried hard to force a smile and reported to him: "I ate the dumplings my mom made... they were okay... I chatted with my dad for a while..." I tried to sound as relaxed as possible.
Lin Yan's eyes were still sharp even through the screen. He chatted with me about family matters, asking some irrelevant questions, trying to dispel my depression. Finally, he looked at my forced smile and lowered his voice with cautious tentativeness:
"Ruirui... did you miss me?"
Those words were like a key, instantly unlocking the floodgates of my forced resignation. My nose suddenly felt sore, my eyes instantly heated up, and my vision blurred. I quickly lowered my head and rubbed my eyes with my hand, not wanting him to see. But the suppressed sobs still carried through the microphone.
"Ruirui?!" Lin Yan's voice suddenly became panicked, and his anxiety could be felt through the screen. "What's wrong? Don't cry! Baby, don't cry!" He coaxed incoherently, wishing he could get out of the screen. "Have you been wronged? Tell me! I... I'll come to you right away!"
Hearing his anxious, distressed voice, my tears flowed even harder. I covered my mouth, afraid to cry out loud, fearing to alert my mother in the next room. I could only weep silently at the screen, my shoulders shaking uncontrollably.
“I… I’m fine…” I said with a heavy nasal tone, my voice breaking, “I just… I just miss you so much… Lin Yan… I miss you so much…” The huge grievance and dependence made me speak without thinking, “I hate myself so much… How… How could I become so fragile… Before… Before, everything was fine…”
Lin Yan on the other side of the screen looked at me like this, his brows furrowed in pain, his eyes full of pity. He slowed down his voice, as gentle as if coaxing a child:
"Silly girl... don't say that about yourself. What's wrong with being vulnerable? With me, you can be vulnerable, you can cry, you can rely on me without any scruples." His voice was unusually firm, with the power to soothe everything. "Ruirui, remember, I will always love you and like you. Anytime, anywhere, as long as you need me, I will be there."
His promise was like a warm blanket, wrapping my frozen heart. I sobbed, and slowly calmed down, though my eyes were red as a rabbit's. We chatted for a long time, until my eyelids were drooping with exhaustion, and he coaxed me to end the video call and go to sleep.
The next day, I lay in bed, bored and playing games. Familiar room, familiar posture, even the same game. But my mind was completely different. I used to spend every holiday like this, feeling nothing. But now, I felt empty, bored, and unmotivated. All I could think about was Lin Yan's face, and his distressed look and words from last night.
Just as I was getting ready to start another round, my phone rang. It was Lin Yan.
"Baby, come downstairs."
"Huh?" I was stunned. "Why are you going downstairs?"
"You'll know when you come down, hurry up." Lin Yan's voice was filled with a smile.
Full of doubts, I slipped on my slippers, put on my coat and walked out. As soon as I walked out of the unit door, before I could see what was happening outside, I was hugged tightly by an embrace with a familiar and refreshing scent!
"Lin Yan?!" I was surprised and delighted. I looked up at his dusty but brightly smiling face. "Why are you here?! How...how do you know my address?!"
Lin Yan raised his eyebrows proudly, pressed me into his arms again, and rubbed his chin against the top of my head: "The hermit has his own clever plan. I found your Taobao delivery address." He lowered his head to look at my still red and swollen eyes, his tone gentle and a little teasing, "You cried so aggrievedly yesterday, how could I not come to see you?"
My face flushed and I said stubbornly, "Who...who is wronged! It's easy to be emo at night! What do you know!"
Lin Yan chuckled and was about to tease me a few more times when the unit door made a "click" and was pushed open again.
It was my mom. She was carrying a trash bag, obviously going downstairs to throw away the trash. Seeing the two of us hugging each other at the unit door, she paused, her face still expressionless, but her eyes swept over us.
Lin Yan reacted very quickly, letting me go immediately, standing up straight, and instantly changing his face to an impeccable, gentle and polite smile: "Hello, Auntie."
I quickly stood up, feeling a bit bewildered: "Mom... this is my classmate... Lin Yan..."
My mother nodded, her eyes fell on Lin Yan, she looked at him for a few seconds, and her tone was calm: "Yes. It's classmate Xiaorui. It's cold outside, come in and sit down." After that, she turned around and went upstairs without waiting for our answer.
Lin Yan's body visibly stiffened. I quietly nudged him and signaled with my eyes: It's okay, let's go.
Entering the house, Lin Yan was incredibly reserved! Boss Lin, usually so effortless and possessing a commanding presence, now resembled a schoolboy meeting his parents for the first time. He sat bolt upright, his hands clasped neatly on his knees, a slightly strained smile plastered on his face. Seeing his nervousness, like an ugly daughter-in-law meeting her parents-in-law, I almost burst out laughing.
Lin Yan glared at me and warned me with his eyes: Be serious!
My mother poured a glass of water and placed it on the coffee table in front of Lin Yan. She sat on the single sofa next to him and asked in a calm tone, "Where is your classmate's home?"
"Auntie, my home is in XX District of this city."
"What's your major?"
"automation."
"In the same class with Xiao Rui?"
"Yes, Auntie."
After a few dry questions, the living room fell into a suffocating silence. My mother didn't say anything else, just picked up her cup of water and took a sip, her eyes fixed on the TV (although it was not on), as if we two living people were not in the room.
Lin Yan looked at me frantically, begging for help:??? What's next???
I shrugged helplessly and gave him a look: See, I told you, my mother is like that.
My mother sat for a few more minutes, and probably felt that her "entertainment" mission was completed (or that the atmosphere was too awkward), so she put down her water cup and stood up: "You guys chat, I'm going back to my room." After that, she walked straight back to her bedroom and closed the door.
Lin Yan and I were the only ones left in the living room. We stared at each other, and the air was so quiet that you could hear a pin drop.
Lin Yan breathed a long, silent sigh of relief. His tense shoulders instantly relaxed, and he collapsed on the back of the sofa, muttering quietly, "Oh my God... This is more tiring than a full day of academic conferences..."
Looking at his surviving look, I couldn't help but burst out laughing. Although the house was still cold and my mother's alienation was still there, Lin Yan's arrival was like a ray of light, instantly dispelling all the haze and loneliness.
With him around, it seems... this cold "home" is not so unbearable.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com