Side Story - The Emperor of Fried Fish
The morning mist had not yet dissipated in Bianjing.
Inside the palace hall, civil and military officials knelt on the ground, their foreheads pressed against the cool gold bricks, barely breathing.
On the dragon throne
A little girl was sitting there, swinging her legs.
The fish-fryer wore a crooked headdress, and the beads hit his face with a crackling sound.
She clutched a candied hawthorn in her hand, sugar residue sticking to the cuffs embroidered with golden dragons, and her brocade boots swung back and forth, making a thud on the imperial desk.
"His Majesty……"
The old prime minister raised his head shakily.
"It's time to go to court."
"oh."
The fried fish licked off the last hawthorn, then threw the bamboo skewer with a whoosh, which landed right on the dragon's eye on the palace pillar.
"Then you two speak, I'm listening."
This story begins three days ago.
The emperor was assassinated by his enemies while traveling incognito. Before he died, he stumbled upon fried fish stealing pastries from the imperial kitchen.
The little girl was being chased all over the yard by Gou Dan when, in a moment of desperation, she swept her leg and accidentally took down the assassin.
"you……"
The dying emperor grabbed the hem of her dress, which was stained with osmanthus sugar.
"Temporarily acting on my behalf..."
"ah?"
Fry the fish and pry open his fingers.
"What are you offering? Sugar cakes?"
The imperial seal was thus unwittingly stuffed into her arms.
When the Hundred Birds Gang arrived, Jianyu was using the Imperial Seal of the State to crack walnuts.
"Nonsense!"
Chen Ze's sword tassels were so angry that they got knotted.
"This is treason!"
Zui Qingfeng squinted as he examined the gilded palace pillars.
"A piece of gilded dragon-patterned jade, pried off, could fetch three hundred taels of silver."
The eldest brother's colorful headgear was so scary that it faded.
"It's all over, it's all over! A crime punishable by the extermination of nine generations of one's family..."
"What do you mean by 'exterminating nine generations'?"
While frying the fish, give the walnuts to Dog Egg.
"They begged me to take it!"
Sure enough, a large group of senior officials were kneeling outside the hall.
"The late Emperor's edict, personally appointed by His Majesty, urges you, young lady, to..."
"in spite of!"
Suddenly, the man slammed his hand on the table and stood up, startling the beads on his head into flying everywhere.
"I want all the members of the Hundred Birds Gang to be high-ranking officials!"
then……
The eldest son became the "Seven-Colored Mighty General," inspecting the Imperial Guards with Dog Egg every morning at court.
Zui Qingfeng was appointed as the Imperial Censor in charge of banning opium, and his job was to confiscate the opium pipes of the ministers.
Chen Ze, with a cold face, acted as the swordsman wielding the imperial sword, drawing his sword against anyone who spoke too much nonsense.
Shiyun and Xijiang were appointed as Imperial Music Masters, but in reality, they just played music in the Imperial Garden to escape to a quiet place.
The most tragic figure was the old prime minister.
"My dear minister."
The fried fish blinked.
"Your hair looks like Dog Egg's bald head."
The entire court was trembling with suppressed laughter, and the old prime minister's white beard stood on end.
In the dead of night, the young emperor curled up on the dragon throne and fell asleep.
The memorial was covered with drawings of tortoises, and the vermilion brush lay askew beside the inkstone. She was still holding half a rose pastry that she hadn't finished eating, crumbs of which had fallen onto the dragon robe embroidered with the twelve imperial symbols.
Zui Qingfeng gently took the pastries from her hand, but was pulled by her sleeve.
"Brother Qingfeng..."
He muttered in his dream while frying fish.
"Could I... not wear this terribly heavy outfit tomorrow...?"
The sound of Shi Yun's zither drifted from outside the palace, and Xi Jiang stood below the steps carrying a palace lantern.
The lamplight illuminated a corner of the dragon-patterned table, where crooked, small characters were carved:
"Bai Niao Bang Fried Fish was here."
On the morning of the fifth day, an urgent report came from the border.
"Korean ethnicity has invaded our territory!"
The Minister of War was sweating profusely.
"Demanding cession..."
"What are you cutting!"
Suddenly, the fried fish jumped off the dragon throne, and the fish dripped onto the ground with a splash.
"Eighth Brother! Give them our 'Heavenly Immortal Fortress' recipe!"
The entire court was in uproar.
Three days later, news of victory came from the border: the Rong tribe leader was so full from eating hamburgers that he could not walk and surrendered without a fight.
"This is the art of rulership."
The fried fish was served with candied hawthorns to the peace envoys.
"Win people over with virtue, do you understand?"
On the dragon table lay neatly folded dragon robes.
"Are you really leaving?"
The old prime minister's eyes were red.
"The people all say you are a wise ruler..."
"Ming what kind of ruler?"
Pan-fried fish handed him the imperial seal.
"The turtle on the memorial isn't finished yet."
Outside the palace gates, the members of the Hundred Birds Gang waited for her, munching on melon seeds.
The eldest brother's colorful hood was covered in flour from the imperial kitchen, Zui Qingfeng had a newly captured jade pipe at his waist, and Chen Ze even had a small bell tied to the tassel of his sword.
"Go home?" The eldest brother stretched out his hand.
Pan-fried Fish leaped onto the carriage in one swift motion.
"Run! I've stolen a bag of candied fruit from the national treasury!"
Later, the "Bianjing Zhi" recorded:
"In the third year of the Yonghe reign, a prodigy descended from heaven. He ruled the land with candied hawthorns and secured the borders with hamburgers. He reigned for five days, and the people praised him. Afterwards, he departed on auspicious seven-colored clouds, leaving behind half a packet of candied fruit on the dragon throne."
There was a small oil fingerprint on the edge of the page.
It looked exactly like the marks she left when she sneaked a snack.
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