Chapter 85 I hope that Nian Nian and I will make the same mistake again
That night, after Xu Nianyi brought Xie Yanwen home, he locked himself in his bedroom and did not come out all night. Xu Nianyi did not disturb him.
She thought that what he needed most at this time was quietness.
In fact, she didn't know much about Xie Yanwen's mother's affairs. Xie Yanwen never told her about these things. She learned a lot of things from Qiu Chang'an.
Qiu Chang'an always feels sorry for his fifth brother and likes to play the victim for Xie Yanwen in front of Xu Nianyi, hoping that she can feel more sorry for his fifth brother.
But Qiu Chang'an didn't know many details. After all, the details had long become the Xie family's unspeakable secret.
It was probably based on the subsequent chaos in the Xie family, the fate of the Su family mother and daughter, and the fate of Xie Yonghan. It was speculated that the death of Xie Yanwen's mother was related to Su Yalan, and Xie Yonghan knew everything and concealed it for Su Yalan.
Xu Nianyi originally thought of keeping this matter a secret from Xie Yanwen, and then letting him know after two years when he was more mature and stronger.
However, things don't always go as we wish. Sometimes the more we try to stop something, the faster it is exposed.
The next day was Sunday, but Xu Nianyi got up early. She walked out of the bedroom, glanced at the still closed guest bedroom door, hesitated for a moment, and walked over to knock on the door.
No sound.
Shouldn't it be enough to let him calm down for a night?
Xu Nianyi tilted his head and hesitated for three seconds, then turned the doorknob and pushed the door open.
The curtains in the bedroom were drawn tightly, not letting in any light.
On the bed, Xie Yanwen lay quietly, with the quilt only draped around his waist, one hand raised, with the back of his hand resting on his eyebrows.
He seemed to be asleep, but also seemed not to be asleep.
Xu Nianyi walked over quietly, squatted in front of the bed, and called him softly, "Awen, are you awake or not?"
I thought he was in such a bad mood that he wouldn't answer even if he was awake, but he spoke instead, his voice hoarse, "I wasn't asleep."
Xu Nianyi was a little surprised, "You just lay there like this all night?"
I can’t sleep, aren’t you tired of just lying there?
Xu Nianyi felt that his problem was really serious, and she was a little afraid that he would make himself sick like in that timeline.
So she treated herself as a psychological counselor, wanting to help him clear his emotions, and asked him gently, "Well, what are you thinking about, Awen? Can you tell me?"
Xie Yanwen didn't want to hold it in. After she asked, he was silent for only two seconds before saying, "I'm wondering, when will Nian Nian come in to see me?"
His tone was full of grievance, like an abandoned puppy that had waited all night for its owner but still hadn't found one.
“…”
This development was completely unexpected by Xu Nianyi. Wasn't he grieving over his mother's death?
Xu Nianyi felt a little embarrassed. "Didn't I think you would want to be alone and quiet?"
Could it be that he had been waiting for her to come in all night?
She was speechless again, leaning forward closer to him, and sighed softly: "If I don't come in, won't you come to me yourself?"
His Adam's apple kept rolling, and it took him a while to find his voice again, and he said, "I don't dare to look for Nian Nian, because..."
He is just a guy who doesn't even know who his father is. He is nobody and he counts for nothing!
He couldn't even see his own future clearly now, how could he find her?
Seeing him stop talking, Xu Nianyi became even more curious, "Why?"
After a moment of silence, Xie Yanwen finally took away his hand that was blocking his eyes and turned his head to look at her.
There was light coming in from outside the bedroom door, it was still dim, but in such light, Xu Nianyi could clearly see the red bloodshot in his eyes.
It was obvious that he was not really just thinking about her that night.
Xu Nianyi raised her hand and placed her fingertips on the corner of his eye, feeling a little distressed. "Your eyes are so red, does it hurt?"
Her fingertips were slightly cool, and they felt very comfortable when placed against the corners of his eyes.
Xie Yanwen held her hand, rubbed her palm against his cheek for a moment, and asked her a very cheesy question in a hoarse voice: "If I suddenly had nothing and couldn't give Nian Nian anything, would Nian Nian still be willing to be by my side?"
At this time, Xu Nianyi should probably say: What's the big deal? I will support you.
But she didn't say that.
She knew he wouldn't be left with nothing, and she was even more confused.
She asked Xie Yanwen, "Are you going to sever ties with Xie Yonghan because of your mother's matter?"
If he really thought so, it was too stupid, she had to kiss him awake.
But Xie Yanwen's eyes trembled slightly, "You really know everything."
He whispered to her, "Is this what you told Xie Yonghan about in the coffee shop that day? Did you ask him to send those two mother and daughter abroad?"
Xu Nianyi bit her lip, "Do you think I'm meddling in your business?"
"I just think you're too bold."
Xie Yanwen looked at the girl in front of him, his heart tightening as he thought of the words he heard last night. "Do you know how dangerous it is to say these things to Xie Yonghan? Have you ever considered what would happen if he attacked you?"
"I thought about it, but I don't think he would."
Xu Nianyi still had that fearless, innocent look on her face: "He could just send those two mother and daughter away. Why would he take the risk of attacking me?"
After all, although her current identity has not been announced to the public, everyone in the three major families probably knows that she is the biological daughter of the Ruan family.
Furthermore, Xie Yonghan was not sure whether she had told others about those things. If he took action against her, those dirty deeds might not be concealed.
Therefore, it would be simpler and more cost-effective to send the mother and daughter away than to take action against her. In her opinion, Xie Yonghan knew how to make choices.
Xie Yanwen frowned, "You know his biggest secret. You know he killed his wife, and you know his son isn't his. And you still naively think he won't..."
"What did you say?"
Xu Nianyi was stunned. "He killed his wife, and his son is not...his son?"
If she understood correctly, is that what she meant?
Xie Yanwen was also stunned. After a moment, he murmured, "Don't you know everything?"
“…”
Xu Nianyi was really confused. "What I know and what you know seem to be different?"
What shocked her the most was the statement that his son was not his son.
Xie Yanwen is not Xie Yonghan’s son?
Could it be that Xie Yanwen was completely overwhelmed by these things in the past?
If she hadn't shown up.
After he was drugged and suddenly found out the truth, what would he do then?
He must be in great pain, but no matter how much pain he is in, no one will help him up and take him home when he is about to fall. No matter how many days and nights he locks himself in the room, no one will push open the tightly closed door and come in to see him. No one will feel sorry for him just because his eyes are red.
How painful would it be for him then?
This realization made Xu Nianyi feel truly distressed for the boy who had no one to care about him and could only digest all his emotions alone in the darkness, staring at the door but never waiting for anyone to push it open.
He digested all the pain himself, but what he couldn't digest eventually turned into irritability and desperate depression that wanted to destroy everything.
She thought she loved him very much, but she never understood him at all.
Xu Nianyi bit her lip hard. Xie Yanwen's fingertips pressed against her lips, which had been bitten white. He always seemed to be able to see through her at a glance. "Nianyi is thinking about him again."
Xie Yanwen's voice lowered, the grievance thick enough to be dispersed, "Because I have Nian Nian to comfort me, Nian Nian thinks I'm not as pitiful as him, right?"
He always had a hard time equating himself with the person he would become.
But for Xu Nianyi, it is the same.
And this is an unsolvable problem.
She didn't want to argue any further, so she just shook her head.
She simply lay down on the bed, hugged his waist and curled herself into his arms.
He also folded his arms and hugged the person tightly.
Xu Nianyi put her cheek against his chest, listening to his heavy heartbeat, her voice trembling a little, "I was just thinking that I might have really misunderstood you a lot. Not only were you wrong at that time, I was also very wrong."
She didn't use 'he', she used 'you'.
She just wanted him to understand that to her, he was him.
She thought, maybe Qiu Chang'an was right at that time.
If she cared more about him and understood him better, it would be impossible for her to have been with him for so many years without noticing that something was wrong with his mental state.
It won't get to that point in the end.
She even regarded his indifference, gloom and occasional irritability as the tempers that superiors would have. As long as he was gentle in front of her, it was fine.
After all, she was too young at that time, and she was spoiled and used to accepting it.
Xie Yanwen listened to her words, his chin resting on the top of her head, "No, Nian Nian is not wrong."
Xu Nianyi frowned: "No, I was really wrong..."
He interrupted her in a low voice: "If you understood me back then, how could you come to me now?"
He seemed to finally accept her statement and stopped saying 'he'.
Xu Nianyi's breathing quickened slightly when she heard that, and Xie Yanwen held her face and let her look up from his arms.
He looked at her for a moment, lowered his head to kiss her, and when he was about to touch her lips, he remembered that he had not brushed his teeth yet. He paused, raised his chin slightly, and pressed his lips against her forehead.
"If I could do it all over again, I would exchange those years of pain and my eventual death for Nian Nian to be with me."
He closed his eyes, his voice so soft and hoarse: "I hope that Nian Nian and I can make the same mistake again."
He didn't tell her that slightly dark remark.
As long as she can be by his side, what does it have to do with him how 'he' dies decades later?
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