Chapter 4 "Host!"
This was the first time Lengcui Candlestick had been asked this question.
Okay, of course it's good. Without my husband, she wouldn't have the peaceful life she has now.
This peaceful life was like cold water mixed with rust, burning and stinging as it went down my throat, making me tremble all over.
No one said the water was undrinkable; most women drank it, and hundreds, even thousands, of women with their legs nailed to their sides trembled every day. They drank it, so she should too.
She was an old woman whose beauty had faded, and she had lost the right to say no.
Even though she never had it.
Leng Cuizhu always thought that if her suffering could be more concrete, physical pain would be the easiest for her.
What's frustrating is that the suffering she endures is often indescribable; she can't describe it herself, and outsiders can't understand it either.
She has lovely children and a wealthy husband, what more could she want or suffer from?
But she was in so much pain, so much pain that she felt like she was suffocating.
"good."
Her apricot-colored pupils almost filled her entire eye sockets, alluring and beautiful. She murmured softly, "Life is like that for every family."
"...Living a normal life?"
"Yes, it's about life. Judging from your age, you're probably not married yet, right? You'll understand when you are."
"Get married?"
"Yes, it's best to have a husband or wife, and also a child."
"Is he your husband?"
"Yes, how can it not count? Although I have no official title, I have always lived with my husband as husband and wife. He is my husband."
"You love him?"
"Of course."
The crow folded its wings, leaped onto the eaves, and a section of its white feather gleamed brightly in the sunlight.
"By the way, why did you turn into a crow? Actually, you were quite handsome when you were human, it's just that... your hair was like that of an immortal, which was rather unusual."
"Not enough energy."
"How much energy do we need?"
"...I don't know." The crow turned its head away and flew to a higher branch.
His white eyes were fixed on the woman under the tree, silent and still, like a pool of deathly stillness.
Thus, Eun didn't know if what she had insisted on was still the right thing to do. For better or for worse, she lived a peaceful and uneventful fifteen years.
Fifteen years later, he still lingers around her former grave, even though she has since married another man.
His depravity, his pride, his happiness, his pain—these no longer belong to him.
He is no longer a part of her.
She is no longer just Christine.
She is now Leng Cuizhu.
Her awareness of Christine, along with her memories of him, gradually faded.
Ewan has no right to judge Christine or Cold Candle.
What kind of person she becomes is entirely up to her, and he cannot interfere.
I hope she will always be herself.
Leng Cuizhu carried the vegetable basket back to the eaves, while Yin Yuan remained seated, the tea in his cup completely cold, untouched.
"Why isn't my lord drinking?" She picked up the teacup and sniffed it. "The tea is newly bought; it doesn't smell musty..."
The man lowered his eyelashes: "Who were you talking to just now?"
"Ah, it was just that a neighbor happened to be passing by in the backyard and chatted with me for a bit. The tea has gone cold, let me pour you another cup."
"man?"
She blinked: "Not a man..."
At least not now. She wasn't lying; she wouldn't lie to her husband.
The teacup was offered to the man, but he didn't take it. Instead, he reached out and touched the woman's cheek.
His cool hand caressed her skin, from her jawline to her cheekbone, like a snake flicking its tongue, licking her, wanting to turn her inside out and see every corner.
She lowered her head timidly, remaining silent, the scalding hot cup burning her fingertips red.
He pinched her earlobe with his calloused fingertips and gently rubbed it.
Slowly, as if a rope were tightening.
"That's good."
Yin Yuan fastened her earrings and took the teacup.
She gave a soft "Mmm" and said gently, "My lord, I think Zhenzhen really enjoys learning medicine. I'll go find the medical books she brought back for you; they're very well preserved..."
Yin Yuan glanced at her.
For some reason, she no longer wanted to plead for Leng Zhen.
She couldn't understand the meaning in Yin Yuan's eyes; she was so tired.
Just like Eun asked her, what does it matter whether Yin Yuan treats her well or not? They're just living together.
She knew his indifference, knew the suffering she had endured over the past decade, and even understood that she should live for herself and for Christine, but she couldn't do it.
The caged bluebird knows how small the cage is, but it can't fly out, and it can no longer fly high no matter how hard it flaps its wings.
A flea trapped in a glass jar can never escape the jar's opening.
"My lord, I meant no other thing."
“I went to Jishetang the next day to talk to the master.”
“…Okay.” Leng Cuizhu nodded lightly, her earrings twitching slightly as they rested on her neck.
Yin Yuan remained emotionless, like a statue. Time had etched a few fine lines on his face, but nothing else. He had remained indifferent and detached for ten years.
"Um."
His hands, resting on his knees, were slightly bent, the jade thumb ring on his fingers clear and translucent, his fingertips seemingly fiddling with something.
In the evening, Leng Cuizhu went to Jishetang to pick up Leng Zhen and happened to run into Leng Zhen arguing with someone in front of the shop.
"No way! You promised half a jin, but you gave me one liang less than I should have!"
"Good heavens, are you trying to make a living? ... Kid, why are you so stubborn? A little more or less won't make a difference."
Leng Zhen gritted her teeth: "But I paid for half a jin, so you should give me half a jin of eggs!"
"Where am I supposed to find an egg weighing an ounce for you!" The shopkeeper waved his hand and took out an egg the size of a thumb from the rice jar. "Here, take this egg! It must weigh an ounce."
"Is that alright now?"
Leng Zhen snatched the chicken eggs and then tried to grab the scale from the shopkeeper: "We'll only know if it's an ounce or two if we weigh it!"
Leng Cuizhu hurriedly stopped her, saying, "Zhenzhen, there must be an ounce or two left in these eggs. Even if there isn't, it doesn't matter... Come back with your mother."
She was shy, clutching Leng Zhen's clothes with both hands, her dry lips pressed tightly together. Feeling uncomfortable under the stares of passersby, a thin layer of sweat appeared on her forehead.
What do you mean by "nothing"?
"Go back with your mother..."
He looked at his mother's distressed expression, tired eyes, and weathered, thin face, and swallowed back the words he was about to say.
The two remained silent throughout the journey.
Leng Zhen walked quickly, while Leng Cuizhu followed behind carrying the eggs. Her body was blown about by the wind, making her look like a thin sheet of white paper, and her face was pale and ashen.
“Your father said that if he asks the master for help in a few days, you will still be able to learn medicine there.”
“The old master is old and in poor health, and he can’t stand any nonsense. Just let him have his way and don’t upset him. If he gets sick from anger, there’s nothing your mother can do to persuade him to keep you here.”
Even if you can't master it, it's good to learn a skill that can support yourself. I don't expect you to achieve great things.
"Mother only hopes that her Zhenzhen is healthy, happy, and smiles more."
A cold wind howled, and he turned around, his eyes moist.
"Mother, why is our family so poor?"
Leng Cuizhu suddenly realized.
"Do you know why I'm so fixated on that one or two ounces? Because my family is poor, and even one or two ounces is money." He picked up an egg from the basket; the shell wasn't fully formed and had a faint trace of blood.
"An hour, half an hour, it's all money."
"How can someone who's constantly struggling to make ends meet be happy?" he asked. "You're not happy either, are you?"
"Yin Yuan doesn't love you, don't flatter yourself."
He clutched the chicken egg in his hand, stroking its surface, which was the most vibrant blood color: "Mother, only I love you, and we depend on each other for survival."
"When you smile at him, I just feel disgusted."
Leng Cuizhu understood what he meant: "Mother cannot leave him."
“He raised you all these years, so don’t talk about him like that anymore. What love or anything like that… You can’t live a life based on love alone. Everything you wear and use is paid for with his money, and so is your mother. When you grow up and can earn your own money, your mother will stop smiling at him and move with you to a place where there is no one like him. We will live our own lives.”
"real?"
"Oh, how could your mother bear to lie to you?"
A light drizzle began to fall from the sky, the raindrops pattering on their shoulders. Leng Cuizhu held up an umbrella, while Leng Zhen carried a basket. The two walked along the winding mountain path, shrouded in mist and rain.
After returning home, Leng Zhen put the chicken eggs she had into a rice bowl and placed it under the windowsill.
The egg, nestled in the wind and bathed in sunlight all day, was something Leng Zhen hoped would hatch into a chick, preferably a hen capable of incubating eggs, so he wouldn't have to beg vendors to sell him eggs at a discount.
Every day after returning from Jishetang, he would stand by the window watching the chicken eggs until the sunlight completely disappeared, at which point his mother would pull him to wash his face.
Days passed, and three years later, he was more than half a head taller than the windowsill. The rice in the bowl was replaced with sawdust, but the chicken egg still did not hatch.
"This egg has been sitting for so long, it must be spoiled."
"Just throw it away."
Yin Yuan raised his hand to pick up the bowl, but Leng Cuizhu stopped him repeatedly: "No, my lord, Zhenzhen will be heartbroken when she comes back. He spends all his time amusing himself with this."
She pouted and winked at him: "Just leave it there."
Snowflakes drifted in through the window. The man picked up a snowflake from her hair with his fingertips. The soft snow melted on his fingertips, leaving a glistening mark on his fingertip.
"Um."
The two had just finished their afternoon nap, and Leng Cuizhu was still wearing her nightgown, her nose red from the cold.
Yin Yuan took off his official robe and draped it over her shoulders, then stood with her by the window to admire the snow.
“A servant will come to fetch you in a few days.”
"ah?"
"I've been promoted and I'm going to take up a post in a neighboring county."
Leng Cuizhu smiled and said, "Congratulations, my lord! You are truly amazing, I admire you greatly."
"Then, now that you've gone to the neighboring county... will you come back to see me?"
"You'll move there with the Yin family." He gazed at the snow-covered courtyard. "I've ordered a carriage prepared for you. Pack your things these next few days, and as for Leng Zhen..."
"Go and tell them!"
Yin Yuan nodded: "Mm."
After Yin Yuan left, Leng Cuizhu happily packed her clothes, while a crow perched by the window.
"Are you leaving?"
“You heard everything,” she laughed. “Come with me. It’ll be hard for you to stay in the birdcage. The journey isn’t far; we’ll be there in less than a day.”
Over the past few years, Eun has stayed by her side without asking for anything in return.
She asked him why he had appeared beside her, and she asked Christine, but Eun always gave her a casual answer, standing on the branch, silently gazing into the distance.
Leng Cuizhu often said that he was clearly a crow, yet he was burdened with many worries.
He would only stare at her with his silvery eyes, without saying a word.
Leng Cuizhu couldn't pull down the bed curtains, so a crow flew up to a high place, unfastened the curtain buttons, and helped her put the curtains away in the wooden box.
"Sometimes without you, I really don't know what to do."
"..."
The wooden bowl on the windowsill suddenly fell to the ground, scattering sawdust everywhere. The chicken egg rolled around a few times and cracked.
A tiny, pale yellow chick popped out: "Host!"
A crow snatched a chick, flew out the window, circled a few times in the air, and then dropped the chick into the water vat in the yard.
"Doing glug... task glug glug glug..."
Who's speaking?
Leng Cuizhu turned her head and saw a crow standing on the windowsill pecking at its wings.
"Feel sorry."
"Did you knock the bowl over?"
"It's okay, I'll tidy up in a bit. You go wait for Leng Zhen to come back in the yard."
When Leng Cuizhu was picking up the bowl, she discovered that the chicken eggs in the bowl were gone. She panicked immediately, just then Leng Zhen pushed the door open and came in.
"Mother, what are you doing in my room?"
She was at a loss for words: "Ah, this..."
"Mother accidentally broke the chicken eggs on the windowsill."
She had expected Leng Zhen to get angry with her, to cry and shout that she never wanted to see her again, and to scold her for being selfish and heartless.
Unexpectedly, Leng Zhen asked, "Are you injured?"
"Mother, let me take a look at it for you."
Over the years, Leng Zhen's appearance remained unchanged, but her demeanor became increasingly indifferent, and her figure grew taller and more slender.
He stood at the doorway, shielding himself from the sudden cold snow and frost behind him, his hair ribbon fluttering in the wind.
She held the rim of the bowl with both hands: "It's nothing."
"Your course will end tomorrow, right? Then you and your mother should visit the old teacher to thank him properly and express our gratitude for his teaching... In a few days, we're moving to the neighboring county because your father has been promoted."
"I probably won't be coming back here again. If you have any friends, you should say goodbye in the next few days."
Leng Zhen was always a loner, and many people wanted to get close to him, but he always remained indifferent. Leng Cuizhu knew that he was cold on the outside but warm on the inside; he appeared aloof but was actually not a bad person.
Unexpectedly, Leng Zhen did not refuse and nodded in agreement.
"Are you hungry?" Leng Cuizhu wiped the dust off her hands. "Mother will go cook."
She went to the yard to fetch water to wash the rice and skimmed the chicken feathers from the water vat.
Aunt Zhang from next door passed by and said, "Hey, Zhenzhen's mother, you're still at home."
"Everyone's out in the streets watching the excitement, and you, you idiot, haven't managed to find out anything?"
Leng Cuizhu: "...What's all the commotion about?"
"That old master craftsman at Jishetang is dead."
"This morning, a man was bathing in the stream when the old man's body floated to the surface, bloated from being submerged. Tsk tsk tsk, what a tragedy."
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