Chapter 92 They have no children...
“Yes,” her voice trailed off, “how could it not be…”
She closed her eyes, concealing the emptiness and nothingness within them, and silently leaned against the man's shoulder.
“Yin Yuan,” she called softly, “just like I promised you before, I will give you a chance, and I really hope that we can get back together.”
So, he should give her another chance and forgive her for the mistakes she made because of her stubbornness. Besides, if she hadn't loved him so much back then, she wouldn't have been so foolish and sown the seeds of such a terrible outcome.
"From now on, let's be more tolerant of each other."
"Hmm," the man replied after a long pause.
A few days later, on the day of Leng Zhen's funeral, Yin Yuan attended as she had instructed. Yi Yinwan and Jiang Mimi also came to join in the fun. Although Leng Zhen's reputation had never been very good, they had known him after all, and it would be unreasonable not to come and send off this junior one last time.
“Madam looks beautiful in white, very elegant.” Jiang Mimi pursed her lips, scrutinizing the two people beside her. “Wife looks beautiful in white flowers, understated yet vibrant.”
Hearing herself praised, Leng Cuizhu paused for a moment, then touched the snow-white paper flower that was pinned to her hair.
“Right, right,” Yi Yinwan said, waving her hand. “I usually like to wear white or light-colored clothes, but unfortunately, I’m in charge of the household affairs. Plain and light-colored clothes can’t keep the hundreds of servants in the mansion in check, and they don’t give me any authority to outsiders.”
"Perfect, someone's died, so I have a chance to dress more simply." She looked up, sighed, and her breath condensed into a white mist in the air.
"Oh, it's really cold. It's been getting colder and colder these past few days. I'm going inside to warm myself by the fire."
Seeing Yi Yinwan leave, Jiang Mimi asked Leng Cuizhu, "Then, my wife, shall I go too?"
"Hmm..." She nodded slightly. "Okay."
It seems that no one really cares about Leng Zhen's passing. That's understandable, since they weren't close to Leng Zhen, and their presence was already a sign of loyalty.
However, she couldn't help but feel regret. After all, it was a vibrant life, one she had brought into the world, and yet it had passed away so suddenly, leaving almost nothing behind. Now, thinking back, she realized that Leng Zhen's current predicament was her fault. She had given birth to him, but she was unable to provide him with everything he wanted, and she had also passed on her sensitive and awkward personality to him.
She didn't have the means to support a child before, nor was she a good mother. When Leng Zhen was little, she raised him like a pet. As he grew older, she projected all her will and expectations onto him. Later, as her feelings for Yin Yuan faded, she became dependent on him, longing to confide in him and regard him as her husband.
Leng Zhen once said that she raised him to adulthood as revenge, to make him suffer for more than ten years, just because when he lived in her womb, he greedily sucked her flesh and blood, making her wish she were dead.
……revenge?
She still believed that he loved her, so how could she not love her own child? She loved Yin Yuan, therefore she loved their child.
Their children?
They don't have any children...
Later, when she stopped loving Yin Yuan, she gradually realized Leng Zhen's twisted nature, distanced herself from him, and painstakingly severed all ties with him.
However, when she saw Leng Zhen suffering, she couldn't help but feel sorry for him. When she saw him crying so hard that his eyes were filled with tears, her heart ached.
It was so similar. When she saw him cry, it was as if she saw herself from more than ten years ago, which made her feel sorry for herself and project that pity onto him.
Perhaps she didn't love Leng Zhen as a person; she was narcissistic. She treated Leng Zhen as her former self, taking care of him because of blood ties and his face, calling it love, until he, this evil fruit, began to rot from the inside out, his bright red shell fading away, leaving only a pool of bitter water.
She couldn't understand those selfless family affections, thinking they were the same as romantic love between men and women. So she used her love with Yin Yuan as a model to try and replicate Leng Zhen into Yin Yuan, or perhaps herself. But he was no one; he couldn't become anyone. He struggled, trying to escape the predicament of his mother's generation, but only sank deeper into the quagmire.
Now, all she can do is wish that Leng Zhen will be reborn into a good family in his next life, with loving parents, and that he will not go astray again.
At Chenshi (7-9 AM), the monk came to perform the consecration ceremony for Leng Zhen. She followed the maid to the storeroom to collect paper money. On the way, she saw Yin Yuan inside the mourning hall, so she put down the paper basket and went in.
"Have you finished your business at the government office?"
Yin Yuan stood before the incense table, the incense in his hand burning slightly, wisps of smoke rising from the top and brushing past the man's lowered eyelashes.
"Um."
"If Leng Zhen's spirit in heaven could see you come to offer incense for him and hold such a grand funeral, he would be very happy."
"……Um."
He placed the three incense sticks in the incense burner, turned around and smiled at her: "It's windy here, shall we go rest somewhere else? I've had them prepare some hot tea."
"No, no," Leng Cuizhu quickly waved her hand, "I still have to go help out. I just came to say hello."
The man said with slight displeasure, "You don't need to do those things yourself."
“I’m the child’s family, so it’s only right that I take care of his funeral arrangements.” She picked up the plain white linen robe from the table and draped it over the man’s shoulders. “You must be exhausted from your journey. After you’ve offered incense, please rest for a while. I’ll come find you later.”
"Lingniang," the man called out to her.
"What's wrong?" She stopped and looked back at him. "Is there anything else?"
The man also stared at her, his gaze wandering over her body. His lifeless eyes moved unsteadily, pausing from time to time, pausing and staring for a long time.
"It's nothing."
"Do you want me to stay and keep you company?"
Seeing the man in a daze, she covered her mouth and smiled, moved closer to him, and whispered in his ear, "What should we do then?"
She smiled and kissed the man's neck, leaving a bright red lip print on his skin.
Contrary to her expectations, the man did not blush with embarrassment. Instead, his brow furrowed, and he appeared deeply distressed.
He lowered his eyes, reached out and touched the red marks on his neck, his fingertips lingering on the red stains, his whole being seemed to be rusted by cold water.
What's wrong with Yin Yuan now? Sensing something was amiss, she asked, "May I leave now?"
He stared at her and said, "Hmm."
Leng Cuizhu went to the storeroom to get a basket of paper money. She carefully carried it in her arms and hurried towards the mourning hall. On the way, she encountered Yi Yinwan passing by with her servants. She accidentally bumped into a servant, and the basket fell and rolled into a pond not far away. All the paper money in the basket was soaked.
Her eyes widened: "Oh! My—"
"Cold Lady!" Yi Yinwan pulled her back, smiling and glaring at her as she did so. "Oh, never mind that, come and play with me. I brought a rattan ball, let's play ball while this is free, I'll throw it and you pick it up."
"No, wait—"
She tried to run, but Yi Yinwan was too strong and easily dragged her away. Not to mention that there were servants guarding her from the front and back, she had no way to escape and could only let Yi Yinwan pull her away to another place.
Upon arriving at an empty room, Yi Yinwan dismissed the servants and pulled her closer.
Yi Yinwan: "Have you gone to see your son yet?"
“Ah,” Leng Cuizhu nodded, “She went, she just came out.”
"No," Yi Yinwan clicked her tongue, "I mean, did you see his body with your own eyes?"
"No, that's not true..."
During this time, the coffin has been placed in the mourning hall, but she has not opened it once. Firstly, she dares not look at Leng Zhen's dead state, fearing that seeing that face would make her eyes well up with tears; secondly, the servants seem to care a lot about whether she gets close to the coffin. Whenever she stands by the coffin, she is either sent away by various unexpected situations or pulled away by several maids.
Yi Yinwan raised an eyebrow, intrigued: "As Leng Zhen's biological mother, you should go see him one last time!"
“But…some people are very resistant to me seeing him.” She lowered her head and clutched the hem of her dress. “I’m also afraid that this will cause trouble and bother others.”
"Sigh!" Yi Yinwan sighed, "Wife, why are you so afraid of trouble?"
"Go see it if you want to, or you'll never see it again. Don't be afraid, I've already had the servants working around the mourning hall sent away, no one will disturb your farewell. Don't let a moment of cowardice lead to a lifetime of regret!"
"Okay, alright..."
She listened to Yi Yinwan's words and, determined not to have any regrets, walked alone towards the mourning hall.
Just as Yi Yinwan said, there was no one in the mourning hall or even around it. Occasionally, a few crows would fly by and land on the bare treetops covered with white silk. Every two steps on the ground, there were white candles and incense tables. Not only was it suffocating, but the thin smoke also permeated her surroundings, enveloping her and blending with the milky white cloak she was wearing, becoming tinged with fragrance.
Before she even reached the stone steps in front of the mourning hall, she felt dizzy and staggered to the side, holding onto a stone pillar.
"What's going on..." Her vision was filled with white light. She pinched her philtrum with her fingernails, and it actually helped a little; at least she could stand steadily.
She figured it was probably because she hadn't eaten breakfast and was feeling weak, so she didn't pay much attention and went into the mourning hall after resting for a while.
There was no one in the hall. The incense on the altar had burned out, leaving only faint embers, and the white cloth hanging above was flapping loudly in the wind.
She lit three more incense sticks for Leng Zhen's memorial tablet, carefully placed them in the incense burner, and walked upright to the coffin, stroking the smooth and delicate coffin wood.
"Zhenzhen, I've come to see you."
She murmured, "The lady said that as your mother, no matter how many conflicts and torments we had when you were alive, I should come to see you one last time... I think that makes sense."
“I hope you’re doing well over there, and I hope you’re free and happy in your next life…” She took off the wooden hairpin from her hair. “This hairpin was bought for me by you when you were twelve with the money you saved up. I’ve kept it all these years. Not only this one, but all the other things you gave me before, I’ve kept carefully.”
She touched the scratches on the hairpin and said in a deep voice, "You argued with me before, saying that you worked illegally for several months to buy this for me. I'm returning this hairpin to you."
She tried to pull the coffin lid, but couldn't pull it with one hand. So she put the hairpin in her pocket and pulled with both hands, finally managing to pull the coffin open.
What came into view was not that long-unseen face, but a pool of blood and gore.
It lies there quietly.
Rotten flesh mixed with bone fragments and indescribable organs.
A blood-red eye was staring at her.
“This…” Her eyes widened, her gaze shifting downwards, catching sight of the grayish-brown fur hanging in the shadows of the coffin—it was the rabbit.
Leng Cuizhu didn't even have the strength to scream. She covered her mouth and fainted before she could catch her breath.
Before she completely lost consciousness, she clearly felt that she had not fallen heavily to the ground. On the contrary, her backward body was caught firmly, and her numb and swollen legs were lifted up.
The person holding her was stiff, and even their breathing was extremely weak, like a cold puppet.
She could feel it clearly, but she couldn't move at all.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
