Chapter 98 "I still hate you too".
Leng Cuizhu and Yi Yinwan's scheme proceeded smoothly.
As Yin Yuan's body grew weaker, Leng Cuizhu's body also slowly developed various ailments. She knew clearly that these were side effects of the poison in her body, not enough to take her life, but tormenting her day after day like being pricked by needles.
“Take these pain-relieving pills back with you; they will temporarily alleviate your pain.” Yi Yinwan placed the medicine bottle on the table. “It’s progressing well. I saw him this morning, and his face was even paler. Sister Cuizhu, you are very useful; you haven’t disappointed me.”
“After he passes away, I will give you medicine to neutralize the toxins in your body, but,” she curled her lips, “before that, you must take something from him.”
“…What is this?” Leng Cuizhu picked up the medicine bottle and put it into her pocket.
Yi Yinwan: "His will."
“I’ve seen that will once before. The contents are what I told you last time: he wanted to donate most of his wealth. With that will, we won’t be able to get all the money after he dies, so you have to find a way to steal that will, destroy it, or replace it… anything goes, but you must get your hands on that piece of paper before he passes away!”
Leng Cuizhu pondered for a moment: "Yin Wan, you didn't tell me this before."
"You don't want to?"
Yi Yinwan was a little anxious: "If you don't want to, then forget it. I don't only have to rely on you. I can find others. For example... Leng Zhen, you don't know, do you? Your son is a poison master. The poison you're using now that kills silently was made by him. He cost me a lot of money back then. He's just a greedy scoundrel. As long as I give your son enough money, he will help me!"
Leng Cuizhu: "...Madam, that's your son."
"It's not that I'm unwilling to help you, Madam, but I simply don't know how to do it, and I'm afraid I'll be overwhelmed and mess things up..."
"I will increase your share to 40%, which is enough to guarantee you a life of wealth and luxury for the rest of your life."
“…I’ll figure something out,” she said.
Leng Cuizhu returned to her bedroom with unease.
Judging by the time, Yin Yuan should be back from court by now, so she changed into a brightly colored dress and put on the Hetian jade bracelet he had given her last time.
When it was time to take her birth control pills as usual, she moved her hand away and instead picked up the painkillers that were lying to the side and put them in her pocket.
These days, she consummated her marriage with Yin Yuan almost every day, sometimes once in the morning and once in the evening. Sometimes he would come home early, and the two of them would bury themselves in the bed and stay there from noon until midnight. It seemed that Yin Yuan had been trained by her. He was no longer as evasive or perfunctory as before when it came to such matters. He was much more focused than he had been a few years ago.
It's strange that as people get older, their bodies and minds become exhausted, yet their endurance increases.
Since she was looking for the whereabouts of the will, she felt that she should focus more on winning him over and slowly extracting it from his mouth.
She and Yin Yuan were always close, but they rarely opened up to each other. Most of the time, she didn't care much about what he was thinking. She didn't care about his repentance or attempts to make amends; she just wanted him to get to bed with her as soon as possible.
So this time, let's not rush into anything romantic, shall we? Why not sit down with him and have a proper talk? There are plenty of opportunities to sleep together, but rare chances for a heart-to-heart talk.
When she entered the study, Yin Yuan was sitting on the couch taking medicine. When he saw her come in, he put down the medicine bowl and got up to greet her.
“I need to wait a little longer…” he said, shifting his gaze.
“Sit down,” she repeated. “Uh, sit down first.”
"You're... taking medicine?" She pointed to the medicine bowl on the table. "Your illness still hasn't gotten better..."
“Hmm,” he replied, “I’m not counting on it anymore.”
She glanced up at the man's bloodless face, the faint blue veins on the bridge of his nose, and the rusty green tear troughs under his eyes, and pondered for a moment.
“But I’m afraid…” she bit her lip, “that one day you will leave me unexpectedly, leaving my side. I can’t bear to part with you; we’ve finally reunited.”
After he finished speaking, Yin Yuan was clearly taken aback.
"I thought... you didn't want to see me again. You resented me so much, hated me, I thought..."
She interrupted him: "But I love you."
“I still remember that night you said… because you love me, but I don’t love you. But Yin Yuan, actually I do love you, it’s just that back then, resentment far outweighed love. So I can’t say it, nor do I want to say it, that I still love you and still have some hope for you.”
“You know I’m not a decisive person. If I were that resolute, I would have left you more than a decade ago,” she murmured. “I so desperately wanted you to change for the better… and now you’ve changed. You’re a wonderful husband and a wonderful father. You’ve been incredibly kind to me and have taken very good care of Zhenzhen. So I don’t hate you as much anymore…”
The man frowned, then silently pulled her into his arms.
“I haven’t been doing well these past few years since I left you,” she sighed. “So I miss you every moment, and I miss everything you gave me… In this world, only you can tolerate me without any limits and love me so much.”
"My husband..."
“Lingniang,” the man hugged her tighter, burying his face in the fragrance of her hair, “I want to draft a will for you.”
"Could you please bring me the wooden box from my desk?"
"Hmm..." She wiped away the tears from the corners of her eyes and nodded slightly.
Before handing the wooden box to Yin Yuan, she took advantage of Yin Yuan's absent-mindedness while leaning against the couch, opened the wooden box to take a look, flipped through the neatly arranged paper and pens inside, and found the kraft paper at the bottom.
After scanning it, I could vaguely see the names of Yi Yinwan, Leng Zhen, and others, as well as numbers and seals. It must be the will that Yi Yinwan mentioned.
She closed the wooden box, turned around, and presented it to Yin Yuan.
The man barely managed to stop coughing, first pulling her to sit down beside him, then taking the wooden box, from which he took out a rabbit-hair brush, then pulled out a stack of paper, spread it out on the table, dipped it in ink, and picked up the brush to write.
“This is…” She leaned closer, not quite recognizing all the words he was pointing to, and looked up at him, asking, “What does this say?”
"After I pass away, I will give the divorce papers to Yi Yinwan's side so that she can remarry. It was a marriage arranged by her parents and matchmakers from the beginning, and she had no choice in the matter. This is for the best."
He lowered his eyelashes and said to her, "Afterwards, I will return Leng Zhen to your name, but he will still be the only son of the Yin family... What I mean is, I want to elevate you to the status of a secondary wife while I still have the strength, so that after I pass away and Yi Yinwan remarries, you will be the mistress of the mansion, and the only mistress... Although Leng Zhen is nominally the head of the family, he will still be subject to your control."
She frowned: "It sounds good, but..."
But she didn't want to be trapped in this secluded mansion for the rest of her life.
She didn't want to spend her whole life trapped in his shadow after finally breaking free from him.
She didn't want to be the mistress of the Yin family.
It's better to peel away the bones and tendons than to break the lotus root with its lingering threads.
She closed her eyes, then changed the subject: "Okay, let's write it like this."
After Yin Yuan finished writing and stamping the will, he took out the roll of parchment from the wooden box, opened the lampshade, stuffed it into the burning wick, and let it burn out.
He folded the newly written will and handed it to her: "You should put it back."
"Hmm." She nodded, holding the paper in one hand and the wooden box in the other. "Do you want to go back to your room and get some sleep? You look quite tired."
The man complied with her wishes and slowly rose from the bed.
She glanced at it again, turned around and walked back to her desk. Seeing that there was no movement behind her, she felt relieved. Instead of putting the newly written will back into the wooden box, she held the lampshade, watched the leaping flames, and slowly tore the paper into pieces, then lit them one by one on the fire.
The firelight reflected in her eyes. She focused her gaze and, seeing that there were too many fragments, simply poured the handful of shredded paper onto the candle flame.
The ink on the paper crackled as it was heated. She took out a medicine bottle from her pocket, chewed some pills, and used a pen to scrape the paper scraps onto the fire.
"What are you doing?"
"Ah!" She turned around abruptly, startled and staggering backward, stammering, "I...I...Yin Yuan, I..."
The medicine bottle in his hand fell to the ground and shattered in two, spilling all the pills inside.
“You…” Yin Yuan frowned, slowly walked from the door to her side, glanced at the burnt paper scraps on the lamp, and stared down at the broken medicine bottle on the ground.
He seemed to understand something, and opened his mouth to ask, but couldn't say anything. He just lowered his head and stared blankly at the medicine bottle on the ground.
"Were all those vows you made to me just empty promises?" He was utterly despondent. "You still can't accept me... right? All those things you said were just to comfort me, an act for me alone..."
"Yin Yuan, listen to me." She grabbed the man's arm, momentarily at a loss for words. "I..."
"No need, it's not important anymore." The man turned to look at her, a flush suddenly rising on his pale face, and he abruptly coughed up blood, staining his clothes.
"Yin Yuan!"
Leng Cuizhu never imagined that Yin Yuan would be so devastated by this.
Everything happened so suddenly. In the blink of an eye, he went from being a man who could hold her and talk to her to a bedridden, sick, and disabled body.
The doctor said that there was no way to reverse his condition. After hearing this, Yi Yinwan arranged for hundreds of people in the mansion to prepare white banners and white silk in advance.
Since Yin Yuan fell seriously ill and was bedridden, his residence became lively. Every day, a long line of people came to visit him. They were either Yin Yuan's colleagues, commoners who had received his kindness, or even people from the county who had traveled a long way by carriage to visit him. With so many visitors, Yi Yinwan worried that something might go wrong, so she closed the door to Yin Yuan and refused to let him receive any guests, leaving all the visitors to Leng Zhen to entertain. Leng Zhen, however, was quite happy to do so.
These past few days, only Leng Cuizhu has been by Yin Yuan's side. The two of them stay in the room day and night, with the doors and windows covered by huge black silk, allowing no light to penetrate. All the arguments and noises outside are irrelevant to them.
Yin Yuan didn't want to talk to Leng Cuizhu, and she didn't know how to start a conversation with him either. So the two of them just lay on the bed and sat on the edge of the bed, their eyes fixed on the dark window frame, staring at it for the whole day.
One day, the man stared at the window frame, then indifferently looked away.
"You can leave now."
She turned around: "Yin Yuan, are you going to push me away again? From now on..."
“Lingniang,” he said coldly, “we will not have a future together.”
"I ruined you, and you ruined me. We're even now."
"We're even?" she asked, her eyes brimming with tears. "Then, do you still love me?"
Seeing her lowered eyes and tears, the man was momentarily stunned, hesitated for a long time, and then said, "...love."
"But what use is my love..."
She suddenly threw herself into his arms, hugged him, and buried her face in his chest, sobbing.
Seeing this, Yin Yuan forced himself to raise his hand and patted her trembling shoulder.
She raised her head, revealing eyes brimming with tears, her dazed pupils shimmering in the darkness.
"I still hate you."
Leng Cuizhu couldn't pinpoint when she started to regret it.
Perhaps it was a few years ago, or perhaps it was from the very beginning... but she was already pregnant with Leng Zhen then, she couldn't leave Yin Yuan, and she could no longer escape him.
The man called her in a hoarse voice, "Lingniang..."
“I’ve said it before,” she looked up at him, until their noses touched, “I don’t like the name Lingniang.”
“Every time you call me that, I just feel disgusted.”
“I have my own name, yet you call me by the lowly name the madam gave me in the brothel, day after day, as if you were calling some cat or dog… Of course you miss those days when I was completely undignified and at the mercy of others, after all, I was so obedient and docile back then, and my heart was full of you.” She stood up and turned her back to him. “But I don’t like it.”
"I don't like your neglect, I don't like your clinginess, I don't like your arrogance, your sensitivity... I stopped liking you a long time ago, and I don't love you anymore. Not five years ago, and not five years later."
She turned her head, her eyes wide: "You still don't know where your deadly chronic illness came from, do you?"
The man lay on the bed, trying to reach out and pull her but unable to. He watched helplessly as she walked further and further away, passing through every corner of the room, circling around, and then returning to the bedside. She knelt down and brought her face close to his hand.
She took Yin Yuan's hand, covered her face with it, and lowered her eyes to hum softly, "My lord, it was I who poisoned you."
"...You poisoned me?" The man's tightly furrowed brows froze, not only his eyes and brows, but his entire face stiffened, as if frozen.
Only the hand she was holding still retained a faint warmth.
He closed his eyes and murmured, "The poison in that medicine bottle was originally meant for me."
“Every time we make love, every time your lips kiss my skin… those moments are all carefully planned by me.”
“Each time, it brings you a little closer to the underworld.” She smiled as always, kissed the man’s cold hand, climbed onto the bed with a smile, hugged his waist, and snuggled into his arms, just like always.
"Are you crazy?" The voice came from above, reaching her ears.
"He's gone mad, he's been mad for a long time."
“Even if I’m a crazy woman, even if I’m not sober, I’m still capable of dealing with you.” She hugged him tightly, as if trying to fit him in so tightly that there wasn’t a single gap between them.
It's no wonder that such a repressive life drove her crazy. She had thought about being a virtuous wife and loving mother, supporting her husband and raising her children, and living a simple and ordinary life. But reality always forced her to stain her hands with blood and turn her sincere love into a stench of resentment.
After dark, snow began to fall outside. Through the black cloth stuck to the window frame, the cold air seeped in from the window and into the bed.
Leng Cuizhu opened her eyes; the tear stains on her cheeks had long since dried.
She tried to sit up, but her shoulders were being hugged.
She removed the stiff, cold hand from her shoulder, broke free from the man's rigid embrace, got out of bed, and went to push open the door that hadn't been opened in a long time.
Yi Yinwan was outside arranging for people to cover the lamp with white cloth when she saw Yi Yinwan step out of the door and hurriedly went to greet her.
"He's gone?"
Snowflakes landed on her eyelashes, and she lowered her eyelashes, the snowflakes falling with them: "Mmm."
She had expected Yin Yuan's passing to bring her great joy or sorrow, but for some reason, it didn't.
Leng Cuizhu raised her head and sighed, "It's snowing again..."
Five years ago, she left his side, also on a snowy day.
Twenty-four years ago, she made the decision to be with him forever in the summer.
That year, while she was resting at noon, he gently brushed the thin layer of sweat from the back of her neck, then tenderly embraced her. He smelled of earth after the rain, and the fragrance of bamboo leaves… She had longed for that moment to last forever. In the end, she became his lifelong enemy.
She had actually considered forgiving Yin Yuan, forgetting all the torment and grievances she had suffered, and giving him another chance, but...
Maybe in the next life.
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Author's note: One more chapter to go.
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