136 Do You Really Understand Yourself Completely?
Song Qixian is very busy.
The Asia tour in the second half of the year is being prepared in full swing, so he has put his acting career on hold and plans to focus solely on his idol work in the second half of the year.
But unexpectedly, an unexpected person came to the door.
Che Zhihang - screenwriter and director of "Good and Evil".
Song Qixian didn't have a good impression of him. The man's eyes made him feel very uncomfortable.
But out of politeness, Song Qixian couldn't refuse him. Because of their previous two experiences, they met at another teahouse this time.
After so many months, it seems like nothing has changed between the two.
Che Zhihang was still that gentle man, wearing a pair of glasses, but the way he looked at himself was still so uncomfortable.
While pouring the water, Song Qixian politely asked, "I wonder what Director Che wants to talk to me about?"
Che Zhihang smiled slightly: "It's the same reason as before."
Song Qixian lowered his eyes, avoiding Che Zhihang's somewhat fanatical gaze.
He felt a little helpless. The directors he had met included both respected and young promising ones, but no matter who they were, none of them were as persistent as Che Zhihang.
It's been so long, hasn't he found the right person yet?
Song Qixian said helplessly: "Can I ask Director Che why he favors me so much?"
Che Zhihang: "You are a good match for Men Shan, and I like you very much."
Being "confessed" to in person should be a happy thing, but Song Qixian did not feel happy at all. It was a completely different feeling from hearing fans confess their love.
He refused without much thought.
"Thank you for your kindness, but I don't have any plans for any roles in the second half of the year."
"I can wait."
"...Besides work reasons, I also have some personal reasons. I'm afraid I can't interpret this role well."
"Is it because of me that you don't want to consider this play?"
"Of course not..."
"Then what are you still hesitating about? Isn't Menshan a very suitable role for challenge?"
Che Zhihang's words were a bit aggressive, and he insisted that Song Qixian tell him the real reason why he didn't want to take on this role.
"Well, actually I just don't want to act."
Hearing this, Che Zhihang sat back with an expression that showed he understood everything.
"Finally you said it. You must have been holding this in your heart for a long time."
Song Qixian was a little angry. He had been politely refusing from the beginning to the end, but the person in front of him insisted on digging into the matter and forced him to say something unpleasant.
This made him very irritated.
But years of habit made him quickly return to his gentle and peaceful state.
He smiled faintly, neither responding nor refutating.
Che Zhihang was observing Song Qixian's expression from beginning to end, and naturally did not miss his fleeting irritation.
He is worthy of being the protagonist I chose. My vision is indeed correct, Che Zhihang said in his heart.
Song Qixian put on his mask again and put on a cold expression that kept people at a distance.
If he were a normal person, he would probably have stood up and said goodbye at this time.
However, Che Zhihang is obviously not a normal person.
Even though Song Qixian spoke word by word, Che Zhihang was still shamelessly trying to get some tea.
The first one who couldn't hold it anymore was Song Qixian. Director Che could waste time here, but he couldn't, as he still had a lot of work to do.
Convinced, he suggested, "Perhaps I can help you contact other actors?"
"I only want you."
“…”
Song Qixian stood up suddenly, impatience already showing in the corners of his eyes.
If someone who knew him saw this, it would probably be very surprising.
Because Song Qixian never gets angry, he rarely shows his emotions.
Song Qixian looked down at Che Zhihang. Although he was very unhappy, he still apologized: "I'm sorry, I can't help you."
"It's okay, I can wait for your consent."
Che Zhihang was calm, but what he said made Song Qixian feel very upset.
Wait for me? Is he planning to stop me?
Che Zhihang found his incredulous look funny, and he pushed the newly poured tea to him.
"Don't treat me like a monster. Even if you don't want to act, you can still treat me as a friend."
But I don’t want to waste time with you at all, Song Qixian thought to himself.
But he still took the cup of tea.
The tea eased Song Qixian's mood, and he planned to persuade Che Zhihang not to be obsessed with him anymore.
But this time, Che Zhihang, who had been playing defensive counterattacks, took the initiative to attack.
He said, "Do you really understand yourself completely?"
Mo? Song Qixian didn't know why he would say such a ridiculous thing.
If a creature doesn’t even understand itself, can it still be considered a thinking animal?
Che Zhihang: "The reason you don't want to take this role is because you don't know yourself well enough, and you don't want to know yourself."
Song Qixian laughed, "Do I need to explain to you what kind of person I am?"
"Why not?"
Song Qixian looked at his watch and found with regret that no one had come to look for him yet.
"Okay, I don't want to discuss something so...obvious, nor do I want to prove who I am to you. Can I leave now?"
Che Zhihang spread his hands, and Song Qixian waved to the waiter to pay the bill.
On the way, Che Zhihang neither stopped nor tried to stop him.
Song Qixian left.
A minute later, he returned.
"You're not really that bored that you'll keep coming to see me later, are you?"
"certainly."
"Then if I let you get to know me, will you give up this idea?"
"It's possible, you can try."
Song Qixian had no idea that he was the one who had the initiative, but now he was being dominated by Che Zhihang.
"I'm supposed to be a good person. You should know my situation. I grew up in an orphanage, then lived independently, and then joined a company. It's been almost two years since my debut, and I've dedicated myself to every job I do, striving to satisfy everyone. Even though I'm not 100% satisfied yet, I believe I've already achieved more than half of my goal."
Che Zhihang nodded. What Song Qixian said was indeed some of the things he knew.
But, this is just the surface.
"Are you really that perfect? Are you sure you are the perfect artist?"
“Of course, I’m not perfect, but I’ve done my best.”
"I mean, don't you ever have dark thoughts?"
Song Qixian was stunned, and his memory went back to his childhood.
When he was very young, he didn't miss and like life in the orphanage as much as he does now.
Like other children, he was looking forward to being taken away by adoptive parents.
But he was unlucky, as the wealthy people who came to adopt him preferred his younger siblings.
He was very jealous, wondering why no one liked him even though he was so obedient. He thought darkly that his brothers and sisters might not be any better off in their new home.
He stayed like this until he was ten years old.
Finally someone likes him.
But he only stayed in his new home for one day before running back to the orphanage.
Living under someone else's roof is not necessarily better than life in an orphanage.
The fantasy he had been waiting for for a long time was shattered, and Song Qixian finally regarded the orphanage as his home. This home needed his care and his rescue.
Song Qixian had never told anyone about these things.
He knew that many people would imagine that he was living a miserable life when they knew that he came from an orphanage. But when they knew that he had been sending money to the orphanage regularly, they would help praise him for his gratitude.
It is true that Song Qixian knew that he was not a selfless person, and he also did not like some people always looking at him with a pitying look.
But he won't take the initiative to clarify.
There is no such thing as too little love, and he wishes those people would only love him because of his background.
These thoughts flashed through Song Qixian's mind, and he smiled and said, "Yes, when I was working at the convenience store, I always imagined that my boss would die at any moment. That way, I wouldn't have to suffer his oppression."
Song Qixian's words are the truth.
How can one repay evil with kindness? Wouldn't he feel hurt when his boss scolded him? Wouldn't he feel pain when his landlord kicked him out of his rental house?
He is just an ordinary person, not a saint.
If scolding could solve his livelihood problem, he would have rebelled long ago.
It's just because he has no choice, he can only bear it.
Without a job, he couldn't survive, and after falling out with his landlord, he had to sleep on the streets.
He told others that he had long been accustomed to this kind of life.
But it is impossible to get used to being oppressed, never.
He is just using such words to numb himself and others.
Song Qixian told a joke in a relaxed tone, and Che Zhihang also smiled, knowing in his heart that Song Qixian really thought so.
"Besides this, is there anything else?"
Che Zhihang guided Song Qixian to talk about something else, and Song Qixian seemed to be accustomed to talking about such things.
"Yes, after my debut, I hope all the haters will die."
Che Zhihang had heard about the incident where Song Qixian was drugged by a black fan, but he didn't know the details.
He wanted to hear more, but Song Qixian didn't give him the chance.
We talked a lot today, and this time he really said goodbye.
Che Zhihang didn't say whether he would look for him next time, and Song Qixian didn't ask.
There seemed to be some inexplicable tacit understanding between the two of them.
After that, Che Zhihang would occasionally ask him out for coffee and talk about recent events.
The two of them told each other about their past like good friends, and Song Qixian thus learned about Che Zhihang's past.
Che Zhihang was born into a scholarly family with loving parents. He himself was raised to be a successful, humble and polite son who was praised by everyone.
"But in fact, I am not the person my parents say I am. I will not be a well-behaved university teacher like my mother, nor will I be a respected doctor like my father."
“Actually, I just want to be myself.”
"So I wrote 'Good and Evil' to tell everyone that there is a devil in everyone's heart, and once the time is right, the devil will show up."
Song Qixian no longer asked why Che Zhihang took a fancy to him. He knew that he was the person with a hidden devil as Che Zhihang said.
He agreed and agreed to take on the script.
When he agreed, Che Zhihang's eyes lit up with excitement.
"I knew it, I knew it, you can understand me... It's great that we can interpret this story together."
Song Qixian got a complete script, which Che Zhihang had revised repeatedly.
Opening the script, he entered Men Shan's world...
Menshan is a good man who is praised by everyone. He is optimistic, positive and sunny, and all the neighbors living nearby like him.
Life in the small town was very boring. A girl liked him and often ran into him by chance when Menshan was off work. Whenever this happened, the old neighbors would tease them in a good-natured way.
Days passed, and when Menshan was trying to rob again, he was hit on the head.
He woke up in a pool of blood...
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