31 Chapter 31
◎She wants to get Ying Yun.◎
Despite Tang Qi's incident, Yang Xueyi's mood was not affected.
But when she got the script for this short video, her excitement faded.
Unlike the pure love and fresh style in the previous sample films, this script has too many intimate scenes.
Qiao Qianqian spread her hands and said, "There are so many fresh and clean movies on the market, and they've all been over-produced. That's why I wanted to go for a different approach. I wrote this script, it's so creative!"
"Look, our main theme is a fast-paced love story where a mature man and woman reunite after a long separation and redeem themselves. In ten minutes, they can reconcile, fall in love, kiss, hug, and get married."
Compared to Yang Xueyi, Ying Yun picked up the script without asking a single question, demonstrating a highly cooperative work attitude.
It seemed like he was not the same person who had just looked down upon Tang Qi with disdain.
Two thousand yuan made Ying Yun keep silent.
Yang Xueyi gritted her teeth and decided to shoot first. Anyway, the previous scenes were all corny love dialogues. If they really got to the hugging and kissing scenes at the end, Ying Yun would definitely not be able to bear it and would most likely take the initiative to negotiate.
But soon, Yang Xueyi found that her wishful thinking was too early.
Not to mention the intimate scenes, just the eye contact and dialogue scenes at the beginning made Yang Xueyi blush and her heart beat fast. Fortunately, her long hair could cover her red ears.
Ying Yun's ears were actually redder than Yang Xueyi's, but his eyes were very honest. The redness of his ears was probably due to the effects of alcohol.
Yang Xueyi was distracted, and Ying Yun, probably because of the alcohol, looked very upright, but his expression was extremely unnatural, and his eyes were darting around, as if he couldn't concentrate. The two of them stuttered and had to do so many NGs. Even the usually patient Qiao Qianqian was about to explode with rage.
"I'm telling you two have known each other for ten years, and you've lived together for ten years. Even if you're not as familiar as family, you're childhood sweethearts. How come it's so awkward in the photos? Can't you just relax a little?! Stop being so reserved!"
As soon as she gets to work, Qiao Qianqian becomes indifferent to her relatives——
"I thought you guys were so familiar with each other that you could shoot a ten-minute promotional video quickly with tacit understanding."
She waved her hand dismissively, "No more filming today. Go home and rehearse your scenes. Find your groove and come back next time."
When Yang Xueyi walked out of the photography studio, she was still a little dazed.
But more of a drowsy feeling.
When Yang Xueyi took on Qiao Qianqian's part-time job, she was completely focused and open-minded. However, she didn't expect that when it came to filming, it would be like this...
Qiao Qianqian wrote a script about redemption love. Yang Xueyi's character is a girl who is depressed and self-harming because of a broken family. What was going to be filmed just now was her bumping into Ying Yun. They met again after a long separation, and the documents in her arms were scattered. When she and Ying Yun bent down to pick them up together, Ying Yun discovered the scar on her wrist, and their eyes met unexpectedly.
Qiao Qianqian put makeup on Yang Xueyi's wrist, making it look like there were some scars. Everything went smoothly at first, but just when Ying Yun's slightly cool index finger gently rested on Yang Xueyi's wrist, Yang Xueyi suddenly subconsciously broke free.
Because if she continued to let Ying Yun hold her, her pulse would definitely reveal her heartbeat.
The air was quiet, and Yang Xueyi's heart slowly sank.
On an ordinary sunny weekend, Yang Xueyi suddenly encountered a devastating disaster in her life——
She seemed to have unclear thoughts about Yun.
Guilty, timid, fearful, concerned...
She couldn't even look Ying Yun in the eyes anymore.
Spring has not yet arrived, and all things have not revived. The breeding season for animals is still some time away. Even Ying Yun is still the cold and indifferent Ying Yun.
But Yang Xueyi went crazy first?
When others suddenly awaken to the spring of their lives, it is often mixed with a riot of colours, but Yang Xueyi feels as if the sky has fallen and her world has become dark.
How could she have that kind of intention towards Ying Yun!
The world was spinning, and Yang Xueyi felt like she was finished.
Because there is no way Ying Yun would give him any response.
**
In fact, thinking back carefully, Yang Xueyi might have had some clues about Ying Yun's improper thoughts a long time ago.
The first year that Yang Xueyi went to Ying Yun's house was a month after her fifteenth birthday. Although she still found Ying Yun difficult to get along with, Mr. and Mrs. Ying were very nice people. With their help, she was able to transfer from an ordinary public high school to a key public high school.
However, what followed was the pressure of schoolwork. The key high school in Rong City was much faster than the ordinary high school where Yang Xueyi originally attended. What made Yang Xueyi most frustrated was her English, which she had been proud of.
Her listening, reading and writing skills have not fallen behind due to her long-term reading of original English works, but the most problematic issue is her speaking.
Her accented voice and intonation were no match for her classmates.
Of course, this is not the biggest problem.
The biggest problem arose after a senior high school student gave Yang Xueyi a love letter.
Yang Xueyi had actually forgotten what the senior who was known as the school hunk and the public's sweetheart looked like, but since then, she began to be intentionally or unintentionally excluded by the girls in her class.
English with an accent became the object of ridicule.
Soon, the fact that Yang Xueyi's mother worked as a nanny was dug up and became material for mocking her.
Afterwards, Yang Xueyi found out that the senior student had a childhood sweetheart, a particularly gentle senior student who was very popular and prestigious among all the girls in the school. However, after the senior student suddenly and abruptly broke up with her, he seamlessly handed a love letter to Yang Xueyi.
"I heard that she seduced me. The senior was very nice before and treated me very well, but now he has suddenly changed."
"The senior's family is well-off. She's just the daughter of a nanny. She's so short-sighted that she should just curry favor with him. How dare you speak with such poor English? Are you from the same world as him?"
"Yang Xueyi, do you have any shame? My senior is about to take the college entrance exam! She was suddenly dumped at this time. I heard she took a week off. I don't know if she can recover..."
…
No one knew how the rumor started, but by the time Yang Xueyi realized what was happening, it had already spread like this.
She was a new transfer student, and the other girls already had their own familiar friends. Small groups of high school girls rarely absorb new members quickly. Even though Yang Xueyi knew that others called her "mistress" behind her back, she had no way to intervene, let alone explain.
The incident happened one weekend. Mrs. Ying and Mr. Ying were hosting a banquet for several clients at their own club. They brought Yang Xueyi's mother over as a private chef and gave her two tickets to the amusement park, asking Ying Yun, who had returned home from winter camp, to take Yang Xueyi out for fun.
Ying Yun would definitely be reluctant to take her out, and Yang Xueyi also knew that if she was sensible, she should not go.
But the life of being excluded in high school was too suffocating, so she shamelessly followed Ying Yun to the playground.
But after going there, Yang Xueyi regretted it.
Ninety percent of the projects in this amusement park are thrilling, which Yang Xueyi doesn't like, and Ying Yun ignored her the whole time. When Yang Xueyi went to the fish pond in the middle of the amusement park to catch fish for children, Ying Yun ran aside to make a phone call.
Under the gentle winter sunshine, the roller coaster in the amusement park rhythmically surged with the screams of the riders, but in this corner, Yang Xueyi was quietly fishing.
A pond of goldfish, unfazed by the bustle and noise around it, wags its tail in the water.
However, just when Yang Xueyi's depressed mood was about to ease, she heard a familiar name -
"Isn't that 'Xiao San'? What is she doing here? Don't the seniors have extra classes today? Did she ask for leave to come and play with her?"
"Who knows who the mistress is going to seduce this time?"
…
Several girls left chattering, leaving only Yang Xueyi behind.
"Yang Xueyi, what's wrong with you?!"
It wasn't until Ying Yun came back from the phone and asked in a shocked tone that Yang Xueyi realized she was crying.
She didn't want to embarrass herself, so she subconsciously wiped away her tears and said, "I wanted to catch that black fish. But I didn't."
The fish pond is almost full of red or red and white goldfish. There is only one black goldfish. The black fish is very agile, so it is normal that you can't catch it.
The worry on Ying Yun's face disappeared, replaced by a speechless expression: "Is it really that serious? Can't you just change it? Why are you crying over something like this?"
Yang Xueyi choked up, "I just want that one!"
Ying Yun seemed helpless. He walked to the counter of the fish pond, pointed at Yang Xueyi, and said to the staff, "Buy her ten more."
Then he turned around and looked at Yang Xueyi: "Find it ten more times. If you can't find it, leave. I don't have as much free time as you."
He paid the money and said coldly, "You're crying over such a small thing, Lin Daiyu, right?" He obviously thought Yang Xueyi was being pretentious, and then turned around again.
Ying Yun's phone rang again. He glanced at Yang Xueyi, walked a little further away and answered the phone.
In fact, after Ying Yun left, Yang Xueyi's mood gradually calmed down. She was not very happy, but not very sad either.
Ying Yun bought her ten more chances to fish, and she numbly fished around in the pond, not actually trying to catch any fish.
She didn't expect that a quarter of an hour later, Ying Yun would rush back with a look of impending storm.
"I still have four more to go, but if you need to leave, I can go with you right away..."
However, what responded to her was Ying Yun's ugly face. He looked at Yang Xueyi coldly: "Yang Xueyi, are you a mistress?"
Yang Xueyi was stunned.
"When I answered the phone, a few girls from your school walked by and heard them saying that Yang Xueyi was a mistress. Are you a mistress?"
Yang Xueyi pursed her lips: "I'm not."
"It was a senior from high school who handed me a love letter, but I..."
Yang Xueyi wanted to explain, but Ying Yun didn't even listen.
"No need to explain. I asked you, and if you said it wasn't, then it wasn't."
He pulled Yang Xueyi over and said, "Come with me."
Perhaps because she was afraid that the girls would leave, Yang Xueyi was almost dragged by Ying Yun and jogged to the front of those female classmates.
She was completely dazed, almost confused, and full of fear - she didn't know what Ying Yun was going to do, and she was a little afraid of Ying Yun at this moment because he looked angry.
However, the anger was not directed at her.
Because the next second, Ying Yun looked at those girls, angry and impatient: "Yang Xueyi is not a mistress, don't let me hear you gossiping behind her back again, or I will find her a lawyer to sue you."
"If a man gives her a love letter, she's a mistress? Then I'm going to write a love letter to your mothers. Is your mother also a married mistress who seduces young men?"
…
Ying Yun is handsome, but when he was eighteen, he had a very bad temper. He spoke aggressively, was well versed in sarcasm, and was very aggressive. The girls didn't dare to say anything and were forced to apologize to Yang Xueyi on the spot, promise not to spread rumors anymore, and clarify things for Yang Xueyi before leaving in disgrace.
"I see you're quite good at talking in my house. Aren't you very sweet to my parents? You're also very nice to me..." Ying Yun's tone was a little sarcastic, and he looked at Yang Xueyi, "Yang Xueyi, you only know how to bully others at home?"
Ying Yun did help him, but his attitude was not gentle.
Without waiting for Yang Xueyi to thank him, he already started to distance himself from her with a look of disgust and awkwardness: "Don't look at me with those puppy eyes, don't be so self-indulgent, I simply don't want a mistress living in my house."
"Since you're not, then clarify it like you did just now. If someone slanders you or insults you behind your back, you should always fight back."
Although Ying Yun was talking to Yang Xueyi, he seemed unwilling to look at her any longer and didn't even lift his eyelids.
The afternoon sun was slightly hot. The young man standing in front of her was tall and cold, so distant that he was difficult to approach, making Yang Xueyi unable to figure him out - Ying Yun sometimes looked very bad, but sometimes he didn't seem so bad.
But the unattainable look he had when they first met remained unchanged, he was still that aloof young master.
Yang Xueyi felt a little awkward for some reason. She subconsciously bit her lower lip and said, "My mom said that suffering a loss is a blessing... and the innocent will be innocent. I haven't done anything like that. In time, the truth will come out. Just like what kind of person I am, everyone will know..."
Unfortunately, Ying Yun's reaction was to sneer without giving her any face without waiting for her to finish.
"Yang Xueyi, the phrase 'suffering a loss is a blessing' was invented by those who take advantage to brainwash the fools who suffer losses. This way, the fools will be obedient and continue to suffer losses. If losses are so delicious, why don't people rush to grab them?"
"As for 'the innocent will be cleared', it's more like a moral victory for the victim of a rumor when they are powerless to fight back. Rumors have always been easy to spread but difficult to dispel. If you don't clarify yourself, how can you expect others to clear your name?"
Ying Yun's voice was cold and hard: "If someone throws dirty water at you, the best counterattack is to throw it back. Wouldn't you retaliate?"
"As for a person's character, it's true that, given time, you'll always see through it." For some reason, Ying Yun said this with a hint of sarcasm. He stared at Yang Xueyi, "Most people don't have the discerning eye that I do to see what kind of person you are."
He raised his chin and said, "You're not ready to be a mistress, and you don't have the ability to do that."
"But by the time you wait for others to realize you're not a mistress, you might be in your seventies or eighties. What's the point of revealing the truth so late?"
"High school is only three years. Are you going to let them misunderstand you for your entire high school life? Don't clarify things after graduation, and then let these rumors follow you into college? And let them follow you into the workplace in the future with no clear answers?"
Yang Xueyi naturally knew that every word Ying Yun said was correct.
She tried to cover up the truth, but Ying Yun ripped through the illusion without giving her any face.
Yang Xueyi's heart was filled with grievance and resentment. For the first time, she couldn't control her emotions. She briefly forgot her current situation of living under someone else's roof and needing to please Ying Yun. Her eyes were sore and hot, "Who likes to be bullied? If I were like you, with a rich family background, backed by people and no fear of offending others, of course I would scold you back on the spot like you did."
"And it wasn't just the mistress rumors. I was also gossiped about behind my back and laughed at for my poor English accent."
"But what can I do? Where I used to live, there wasn't even a stable internet connection, so it was hard for me to learn authentic English pronunciation. Also, because of the exam-oriented education system in small towns, speaking English wasn't important, and I never really cared about improving my accent."
"You can't choose your background. You're going to a new school now, and your foundation is not stable. So you should bide your time and wait until you're fully grown before retaliating. After all, suffering a loss is not a blessing. If you can bear it, you will suffer endless losses in the future."
"I'll find you a teacher to correct your accent, so you don't embarrass me by speaking in a local English."
Yang Xueyi didn't want to, but tears still rushed out like a naughty boy who dodged the ticket.
Ying Yun obviously didn't expect this and became a little flustered and uncomfortable.
"Talk nicely, why are you crying?"
The arrogance on his body disappeared completely, his face fell, and his eyes were full of helplessness. He glared at Yang Xueyi: "You don't look good when you cry, stop crying!"
Unfortunately, the more he said that, the more miserably Yang Xueyi cried.
She missed her deceased grandmother, was not used to the new school, and hated living under someone else's roof. She had never lived with her mother before, and she longed for maternal love but felt unfamiliar with her. She even didn't like Ying Yun in front of her. Yang Xueyi hoped that he could go to college soon and live in the university dormitory on his birthday not long ago.
He hated her intruding into his world, and she also wanted to get involved in his life.
She didn't want to get to know Ying Yun in this way.
Yang Xueyi had wanted to shed tears for a long time, but she just couldn't find an outlet to make it sound like she was trying to scam someone. Now that she was crying, she simply stopped caring about anything else and sobbed loudly, causing people around her to keep looking at her and Ying Yun.
This obviously made Ying Yun feel uneasy. He frowned and said, "Can you please stop crying? If someone doesn't know the truth, they might think I did something to you!"
Perhaps the warning was useless. After a moment, Ying Yun turned around and walked away with a dark face and gritted teeth.
I guess he felt it was too embarrassing to be with me while I was crying.
Yang Xueyi didn't care about that anymore.
Coming from a family background like hers, she knew that children from poor families have to grow up early, and she had to be sensible. She didn't want her family to worry, so she rarely cried, at least never in front of others.
Besides, even when doing charity, people like children who are poor but positive, and don't like children who are poor and sensitive. Yang Xueyi knows very well that if a child comes from a poor family and complains about himself, he will be even more annoying.
Now, after crying for a while, she finally felt much better.
But she stopped crying and didn't see Ying Yun come back.
Did he just run away alone because he couldn't stand it?
Yang Xueyi was not surprised by this result. After her birthday, for some reason, Ying Yun's attitude towards her became changeable, like a hedgehog covered with thorns. Yang Xueyi's previous flattering words suddenly failed to work on him, and in return she was met with Ying Yun's sarcasm and ridicule.
But he seemed to care about Yang Xueyi. Several times, Yang Xueyi found Ying Yun looking at her with a ferocious and thoughtful expression. However, once Yang Xueyi looked over, Ying Yun would coldly look away.
People were coming and going in the amusement park, all walking in groups, lively and smiling, but Yang Xueyi was the only one standing alone.
She wiped away her tears, rubbed her face to make it look softer, and then planned to go home by herself.
Yang Xueyi was grabbed when she was almost at the entrance of the amusement park.
"Yang Xueyi, do you have a conscience?"
It was Ying Yun who grabbed Yang Xueyi from behind. His chest was heaving, and his voice was even more gritted because of his breathlessness. His face was grim and he asked, "Don't you know how to wait for me?"
Yang Xueyi was stunned: "Didn't you leave already?"
"Who told you I'm leaving?" Ying Yun said angrily, "How can I leave if your ancestor hasn't left yet?"
"for you."
Before Yang Xueyi could react, Ying Yun handed something to her.
She took it subconsciously and found that it was a small transparent plastic fish tank with only one fish swimming in it.
A black fish.
“This one…”
Ying Yun looked away, his expression slightly unnatural, his tone carrying a hint of the impatience typical of a teenager: "Didn't you just cry and beg for this black one? I got it for you. Stop looking so sad all day, acting like I'm bullying you here."
That's why he was away for so long...
"You've been...fishing for so long?"
Ying Yun raised his eyebrows, his expression unfriendly: "What do you mean by that expression? Do you think I'm slow?"
He glared at Yang Xueyi and said, "The others are easy to catch, but the only black fish you picked is the hardest to catch. What kind of fish did you choose? You're such a screwed person choosing a screwed fish."
“…”
"Anyway, I'll give you the fish you asked for. Don't cry. Your crying is upsetting me and ruining my mood."
Yang Xueyi sniffed: "Do you think I look ugly when I cry?"
"Why are you so troublesome? Why do you have so many questions?" Ying Yun looked a little irritated and uncomfortable. "It's not that you're ugly, but you look better when you're not crying. I'm a normal person and I like to look at beautiful things. Is that okay?"
The transparent fish tank cast rainbow spots in Yang Xueyi's hands under the refraction of sunlight, and the black fish swung their tails carefreely.
Yang Xueyi saw the magnified face of Ying Yun across from her through the water in the small fish tank - smooth lines, a straight nose, fair skin, deep features. Even though his expression showed a bit of impatience and the difficulties and rebelliousness unique to adolescent boys, he was still handsome to the point of being distorted.
The little black fish was ignorant of the world and was still wagging its tail. The ripples that were slightly raised in the small transparent fish tank seemed to be floating on the lake of Yang Xueyi's heart.
In a trance, Yang Xueyi felt that it was not the little fish whose fate was changed, but hers.
Ten years later, Yang Xueyi looked back and realized that the realization she had at that moment was not groundless.
If you suffer a loss, even if you have to keep a low profile, you must retaliate and fight back.
Ying Yun taught her this, and Yang Xueyi did the same.
Because of his support and personal demonstration, Yang Xueyi gradually imitated and learned from him, and no longer tolerated without limit.
Unconsciously, Ying Yun changed her subtly.
But at that moment, Yang Xueyi was completely unaware of this. She was only concerned with her inner panic.
She knew she should have said thank you, but when Ying Yun looked at her, she lowered her head. For some reason, she felt a little nervous and her heart was beating fast.
Ying Yun didn't say anything else, as if he was too lazy to pay attention to Yang Xueyi again, and just walked out of the amusement park.
Yang Xueyi followed behind him, holding her little fish. As her footsteps shook, the water in the fish tank swayed, creating a huge artificial wave. Yang Xueyi's heart seemed to be stirred like the water in the tank, and she felt upset.
That day, Yang Xueyi briefly but firmly regretted the harsh remarks she had made to Ying Yun on her birthday. She felt that she had confused the frustration and depression of her birthday and unfairly vented them on Ying Yun, speaking ill of him when he was not actually that bad.
Fifteen-year-old Yang Xueyi is sensitive and fragile, and eighteen-year-old Ying Yun may be the same. The two had an unpleasant acquaintance, but with time, if they get to know each other better, they may be able to get along well.
At that moment, Yang Xueyi really wanted to become friends with Ying Yun in the future.
To this end, she made a solemn decision.
After returning home from the playground, she took out all the dog hair she had cleaned out of the kennel of Ying Yun's puppy, Roy, after he died.
Yang Xueyi was hesitant when collecting these clumps of fluffy yellowish hair.
Even after taking anti-allergic drugs, Yang Xueyi's dog hair allergy symptoms could not be completely eliminated, but only became milder. If exposed to the dog hair for a long time, her eyes would still be swollen and painful, and her nasal cavity would still be uncomfortable and itchy.
When Yang Xueyi collected dog hair, she was just motivated by self-interest - if she gave Ying Yun a Roy puppy made of dog hair felt, would it ease his hostility towards her for losing the puppy?
But Ying Yun was always annoying. Yang Xueyi was hesitant and felt that it was not worth exchanging her allergy for his charitable smile.
The puppy hair has been stored like this ever since.
Until this moment today.
He had no utilitarian motives, did not ask for anything in return, and didn't even care whether Ying Yun would forgive him for the puppy incident.
Yang Xueyi just wanted from the bottom of her heart to make a puppy for Ying Yun using the fur of his beloved puppy.
Enduring the unbearable allergic reaction and swallowing anti-allergic drugs again and again, Yang Xueyi completed the dog felt with swollen eyes.
She held the puppy in her arms, and had hoped that she and Ying Yun could ease their relationship.
However, the opposite happened.
The episode at the amusement park seemed like a dream.
From then on, all of Yang Xueyi's sincere attempts to show goodwill were met with Ying Yun's indifference and avoidance.
After her fifteenth birthday, her relationship with Ying Yun remained unchanged like a stagnant pool of water. No matter what Yang Xueyi did, she could not stir up any ripples in Ying Yun's heart. Everything in the amusement park seemed like an unreal whirlpool, disappearing in a flash.
Ying Yun became more indifferent and resistant towards Yang Xueyi. He would act sarcastic from time to time and look at Yang Xueyi with the eyes of a swindler, as if he was always on guard against her so as not to be deceived by her.
Yang Xueyi is like a puppy who enthusiastically runs towards humans but is hurt again and again, and eventually slides to the other end of the polarization - being wary of humans and even actively attacking, showing her fangs to prevent potential harm.
Since Ying Yun was always sarcastic towards her, she might as well strike first and attack Ying Yun first, at least to gain the upper hand.
If Ying Yun treats her badly, then she shouldn't smile at him anymore.
Although the little black goldfish is old, it is still alive and well in the fish tank on Yang Xueyi's desk.
The dog felt puppy Roy never had the chance to be given away, and now he moved with me and is lying in the drawer of his room.
It’s exhausting to have expectations of others.
So the fifteen-year-old Yang Xueyi decided to give up the hope of living in peace with Ying Yun and chose to hate Ying Yun.
Twenty-five-year-old Yang Xue was horrified to discover that this hatred had actually changed over time, like a mutated gene.
She didn't like Ying Yun because he was handsome, nor because his family was rich, but simply because he caught a fish for her and supported her once when she was in trouble.
Just something so simple.
Ying Yun was like a wealthy farmer, scattering seeds freely in the fields.
This little fish was the seed he casually threw into Yang Xueyi's field.
This seed that had not sprouted for ten years just lay quietly in the ground, silently accumulating energy as if it didn't exist. Today, ten years later, when the earth finally rotated to a suitable temperature, the seed finally broke through the soil, grew suddenly, and displayed terrifying vitality - unknowingly, it had grown huge and deep roots underground, and it was impossible to eradicate it completely.
Yang Xueyi actually fell in love with Ying Yun, and was stubborn and obsessed with getting him.
【Author’s words】
200 red envelopes in this chapter [Let me Kang Kang]
The youth and rainy season of some young boys and girls
There are actually quite a few stories between 15-year-old Xueyi and 18-year-old Yingyun, which will be occasionally interspersed later (not much), but supplementing this part can make Yang Xueyi's feelings for Yingyun more natural~
Xueyi and Yingyun are not bad kids, but neither of them is perfect. They are both awkward kids.
The fishing and amusement park stories both happened after Yang Xueyi's fifteenth birthday, so Ying Yun's psychological activities at the time were actually very good. Hahahaha, he really did this and that for Yang Xueyi with a cold face.
Last second Ying Yun: I won't be deceived by this woman again
The next second Ying Yun said: I was deceived again this time mainly to see what her tricks were. I was deceived on my own initiative in order to learn from the experience and avoid being deceived again next time.
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