Why weren’t you afraid of having nothing before, but you are afraid now?
A soul-searching question.
Yes, it was so difficult before, why wasn’t I afraid of anything, but now I’m scared to death.
Lu Zhishu let go of Chen Pan's hand and turned back to lie on the hospital bed.
He still had an IV in one of his hands. Shen Pan was afraid that he would move too much and the needle would come out, so she took a careful look and found that there was nothing wrong. She then looked at Lu Zhishu.
At this moment, the back of his other hand was covering his eyes, and the upper half of his face was completely invisible.
"I don't understand either," Lu Zhishu said, "Maybe this is the closest I've ever been to success, and I don't want to be defeated at this critical moment."
"Will you be defeated?" Shen Pan asked.
"It's hard to say," Lu Zhishu still covered his eyes.
"You've never been one to give up so easily," Chen Pan said. "How many times have you managed to secure even the most challenging clients? Why are you so unconfident at this critical juncture?"
"It's not that I don't have confidence, it's that I'm powerless," Lu Zhishu sighed deeply.
Shen Pan leaned forward and removed his hand from his eyes.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
Chen Pan sat on the edge of the bed. "Do your best and accept your fate. Even if the final result is to sit and wait for death, at least you have to sit up, right? I know you will not be able to sleep tonight, it doesn't matter, I will accompany you. Tomorrow morning, you can get up early to find Liang Dongyan or go to the company. It's all up to you. It's better to get yourself moving than to lie here anxiously."
Lu Zhishu looked at Chen Pan intently.
Her kindness, understanding and thoughtfulness always gave him the deepest comfort.
"Chen Pan, will you always stay with me?"
Chen Pan was stunned for a moment, "Why are you talking about this?" She avoided his gaze, not knowing where to look.
"You just said you would stay with me tonight."
"Tonight is fine. You're already in the hospital, and I can't leave you here alone."
Lu Zhishu was speechless, and raised his hand to hold Chen Pan's hand again.
Shen Pan felt a little pain from his grip, and she tried to pull it out, but failed.
"Uh... Lu Zhishu," Chen Pan pointed to his held hand, "We've already broken up, so you'd better not do this. It's not appropriate. Besides, it really hurts."
Lu Zhishu didn't let go, "Haven't you been waiting for my reply?"
Shen Pan was stunned, "Zhou Mo told you?"
Lu Zhishu turned his head away, not daring to look at Chen Pan.
"You don't have to hide it. She told me everything. You called her and she thought you came to see me." Shen Pan looked at Lu Zhishu's familiar handsome face with a lonely expression: "But you didn't."
"I went."
Chen Pan raised his eyes, full of surprise.
"I went to look for you," Lu Zhishu said, "I waited downstairs for a while and wanted to knock on the door, but... Kan Tong knew that Bo Jian was in trouble. She said she had a way to help me solve it, so..."
"So you went to find her."
"Um."
Shen Pan felt a little disappointed, but he couldn't blame anyone.
Compared with Bo Jian, she will always be so insignificant.
Although she didn't want to compare, she couldn't suppress the jealousy that was roaring wildly in her heart.
"Do you like Kan Tong?" Shen Pan asked.
Lu Zhishu was stunned. He never expected that Chen Pan would ask such a question.
"I don't like it." he replied.
Shen Pan nodded, "So you dated her and had dinner with her just because she could help you solve Bo Jian's troubles?"
Lu Zhishu didn't think there was anything wrong with his contact with Kan Tong. His reason was simple: everything was for Bo Jian.
But after Chen Pan said it so bluntly, he felt ashamed.
"I think I've done a good job. I broke up at the right time," Chen Pan lowered his head. "Think about it, if you weren't single now and were in contact with Kan Tong, would you still feel guilty for betraying me? It's so good now. You're single, she's single too. Whether it's a one-night stand or a long-term relationship, you two are still single and there's no burden at all."
"Chen Pan..."
Although Chen Pan's tone was calm and his words were very logical, they were like a thorn in Lu Zhishu's ears, causing him pain no matter how he listened.
"Is my analysis wrong?" Chen Pan smiled. "We've known each other for such a long time. Even though we've only been dating for a few months, we're still familiar with each other. I know what you care about. I can't win the argument, so I've chosen to withdraw gracefully. Let's just support each other."
He said it very calmly, but Shen Pan could feel that his heart was not as calm as he appeared to be.
She refused without saying a word, and the distance between her and Lu Zhishu grew even greater.
"Fight? Fight for what?" Lu Zhishu was puzzled.
"Competing with your career and your ambition," Chen Pan said. "When you were still in the initial stages of your business, your company was small, you could say it was built from scratch. Even if I was a loser, I could still help you a little. At least, as you wrote on that A4 paper, I could be the company's gatekeeper. Bojian is getting bigger and better now, and my value can no longer be reflected. I chose to withdraw and make way for more capable people. I also thought about stepping back and supporting you silently, but... I found that I was too lonely. I don't need a man with extraordinary ability and ambition. I just want to find a husband who can accompany me and make me not lonely. Do you understand what I mean?"
"Can't you wait for me?" Lu Zhishu suddenly became excited. "Wait until Bojian's financing is completed, then we'll buy a house and get married."
Shen Pan looked at him, the smile in his eyes full of disappointment and helplessness.
"I know what kind of person you are. After the first round of financing, there will be a second and third round... You don't just want to stop at the angel round, you only want to pursue ultimate success, just like..." Chen Pan thought for a moment and said, "A friend recommended me to read the story of a man named Qi Yilin. I think you are very similar to him. You are also imaginative and ambitious. You want to grab everything, both career and love. But not everyone's meaning of existence revolves around people like you. We have different pursuits now. We are on two different tracks. There is no future."
She wanted a simple and real marriage, but Lu Zhishu only wanted to appease her and promise her an illusory and unnecessary marriage.
There is an essential difference between the two.
Lu Zhishu also discovered for the first time that Chen Pan was so eloquent, and her arguments left him unable to refute.
Because that's what she said.
There was no way he could give up Bo Jian.
Talking about buying a house and getting married are just stopgap measures.
"Can you give me your answer now? I proposed breaking up, what's your opinion?" Shen Pan asked patiently.
Lu Zhishu lowered his eyes and nodded slightly.
"Can you please not delete my contact information?" Lu Zhishu suddenly said, "If you need my help in the future, just come to me."
Chen Pan smiled, "Okay. We can break up peacefully. If we can't be lovers, we can still be friends."
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