Chapter 437: What can you do about life when you can’t get what you want
? “Most people know now that I’m an orphan, but I wasn’t an orphan from birth. I once had a happy family with a father who loved me and a mother who cared for me.”
Lin Fan recounted this past event slowly while recalling it.
In other words, it is the past events of the previous life and also the past events of the previous life.
"But I can't remember what my parents look like or what they do for a living. The only thing I remember is that I have been learning some musical instruments, such as piano and violin, since I was a child. Maybe it's because my parents are engaged in music-related jobs, or come from a music-related family?"
This memory was found by Lin Fan from the depths of his soul. It is the memory of Blue Star Lin Fan.
Unlike Lin Fan on Earth, who grew up in an orphanage, Lin Fan on Blue Star originally had a happy family.
But this kind of thing may be even more difficult for Lin Fan to accept. If you lose something you don't have, it won't matter. But the happiness you once had suddenly disappeared. This kind of blow is not something a child can bear.
"When I was 9 years old, my father passed away due to a serious illness. My mother also passed away soon after because she couldn't bear the blow."
Just like that, Lin Fan, who had no immediate family members and whose distant relatives were unwilling to raise him, was sent to an orphanage.
Perhaps from that time on, the seeds of world-weariness had already been planted in Lin Fan's heart.
Yes, world-weary.
Lin Fan later went through his memories carefully, especially after he acquired the skill of [Photographic Memory]. Lin Fan checked all the memories deep in his mind. It was obvious that Blue Star Lin Fan had already had thoughts of committing suicide.
After he became an adult, he moved out of the orphanage, found a job and earned money to live, but he had no goals or pursuits in life. He just lived a repetitive and numb life day after day, without any fun or color.
Until I met Lian Xiaoyu.
Lian Xiaoyu said: "You will be seen by many, many people, and many, many people will like you!"
It was like a ray of light in the dark night, shining into his soul, just like a drowning man grabbing a life-saving straw, trying to struggle to the shore.
Unfortunately, the darkness still swallowed up the light, and the straw could not save a drowning person.
Lin Fan spoke lightly of this forgotten past, standing from a third-party perspective, looking at the whole thing calmly and objectively, "My parents were very loving. Although I was still young at that time, I was always spoiled by them since I was a child."
But precisely because they were too loving, Lin Fan's mother could not bear the blow and died of depression.
“The two songs, ‘Because of Love’ and ‘Faith’, were based on my parents and incorporated my own attitude and understanding of love into the final works.
To be honest, I was quite worried at first. Would many people think such an old-fashioned song is out of date? "
Lin Fan smiled: "But the facts prove that truly moving emotions, no matter how many years have passed, will still resonate with people's hearts."
Liu Zhengyan patted Lin Fan's shoulder silently, and Tang He also fell silent.
Some past events are so heavy that just by gently lifting a corner to take a peek, one can feel the pain, helplessness, hesitation and confusion contained therein.
Lin Fan gave Liu Zhengyan a look that said "it's okay" and took the initiative to say, "In addition to these two songs, I also wrote a song during the same period, which was dedicated to Lin Fan... It's my own song, Teacher Liu, Teacher Tang, would you like to listen to it?"
Liu Zhengyan and Tang He nodded naturally.
So Lin Fan got up again and went back to the house, took out his guitar and said, "The style of this song is quite different from my previous songs."
Liu Zhengyan laughed and said, "Don't brag about yourself. If you do, the song will come out soon and we won't have the lyrics!"
Lin Fan smiled and stopped talking. Instead, he quietly immersed himself in the melody of the music. His fingers plucked the strings of the zither, as if he was sighing, or as if he was an old man who had experienced many vicissitudes of life and was telling his life story: "I want it but I can't get it.
What can you do with life——"
Liu Zhengyan, who had been sitting at the side, waiting to listen to Lin Fan's new song, sat up straight. From Lin Fan's indescribable singing, or sigh?, he heard a resonance that spread from deep within his heart.
Life is fleeting, and what you want is out of reach. This sentence describes all aspects of life and the impermanence of the world, and evokes the emotions hidden deep in Liu Zhengyan's heart.
Helpless? Regretful? Probably both.
"I can't bear to give up what I should give up
Just talking nonsense about the past
Wait till you realize that time is a thief
It has already stolen all your choices—"
Tang He is not a professional singer like Liu Zhengyan, so he cannot understand this song from a professional perspective such as composition and singing, but he is a professional host and his sensitivity to language and words is much better than Liu Zhengyan.
Therefore, as soon as Lin Fan started singing the first paragraph, Tang He was deeply attracted by the lyrics of the song.
In this paragraph, there is not a single unfamiliar character or difficult word. These ordinary and plain words hit the heart precisely and resonate with the soul!
Lin Fan sings about his own feelings, and those who hear this song hear their own stories: "Love is nothing but a high fever.
Missing you is a cough that won't go away. It can't be forgiven.
But can't stop
Hate climbs over the wall at night
It's empty
There is no mistake in the poem, post, content, and read the book on 6, 9, and bar!
But it's buzzing
Who shot a cold gun in your heart——"
Love is a high fever and longing is a cough that cannot be concealed. This was the first time Tang He heard this metaphor, but after savoring it carefully, he had to admire the exquisiteness of this lyric. Love and longing come suddenly and cannot be stopped, so one can only bear it silently.
Lingering and endless.
But behind these beautiful high fevers and coughs, what follows is a more turbulent hatred, the pain of not being able to obtain, the unstoppable suffering, and the coldness that is unbearable after the heart is hollowed out, unable to retain even a trace of warmth, and a trace of memories.
Lin Fan's voice and melody gradually became higher and higher, and the emotions contained in the lyrics became stronger, as if they had been accumulated in his chest for many years and were about to be vented out at this moment.
"The old love's oath is like a slap in the face
Whenever you remember a
Just a slap in the face and then I can't smell it for years
Can’t stand the scent of a woman——”
A dull pain spread through Liu Zhengyan and Tang He's hearts. They felt that their courage had disappeared completely in that instant. They just wanted to hide away alone and cowardly lick their wounds.
But Lin Fan did not indulge in this emotion. Instead, he changed his tone and talked about the universal problems from the individual situation. He used the vicissitudes of life to slowly comfort them and himself, with a touch of helplessness and self-mockery: "The past is not like smoke.
Yes, it is not a virtue to be nostalgic in love. Unfortunately, love is not like writing songs. No matter how serious you are, you can't create a style——"
…
Although Lin Fan wrote the song for himself, it actually touched everyone's heart.
Who hasn't had a person who they know is impossible, who they know is a delusion, but they still can't let go, can't throw away, can't forget? Some things can't be erased by time. The rational mind wants to forget, but the emotional mind is still involved.
"I want it but I can't get it
There is no wise man in love."
The ending of this sentence is so abrupt, just like the sudden stop of a string, leaving only the lingering sound in the empty valley, which never stops. It only leaves a heart full of sadness and helplessness, which drowns the mind, permeates the mental journey of life, and covers the scarred heart.
Before they knew it, the two audience members were already in tears.
PS: "A Song for Myself", Li Zongsheng
(End of this chapter)