Chapter 79 I don't know how to tell her that I love her very much.
Lu Jinyuan doesn't have many memories of his childhood.
He only remembered that when he was three years old, his parents died in an accident. During that time, he kept asking the adults around him where his parents had gone and whether they didn't want him anymore. He kept saying that he would be good and obedient from now on, but later, what he got was his parents' funeral.
He didn't understand what a funeral was at that time. Everyone around him was crying, but he was the only one who was at a loss. He saw his parents in the photos, which were in black and white. Their faces were very familiar and still so gentle and loving, but he felt that he was so far away from them.
That was his last memory of his parents.
Later, no one cared about his food and drink, and after a few days of living in a daze, he was picked up by a stranger.
He met Su Xi first, rather than Lu Qicheng.
She hugged herself, tears welling in her eyes, and sighed with pity, "My dear child, Grandma will take care of you from now on."
Many days later, he felt comforted and soothed for the first time. He didn't know where the emotion came from, but he burst into tears.
Su Xi didn't mind that he was crying loudly, nor did she mind that he had dirtied his clothes. She hugged him tightly and comforted him again and again.
Lu Qicheng was unusually strict with him. He had to learn more than his peers, had no time to play, and would be severely punished for even the smallest mistake.
Several times he was punished to the point of near death, and he remembered that Su Xi protected him. She would bring him a hot bowl of noodles when he was being punished to kneel, and she would personally apply medicine to his body when he was covered in bruises.
When he grew a little older, he learned of Lu Qicheng's purpose in adopting him; at that time, he was only eight years old. He had thought about breaking free from this cage, but what he got in return was 24-hour human surveillance by his side.
For the past thirty years, Lu Jinyuan has not been Lu Jinyuan. He has been a puppet in a shell, a wolf kept by Lu Qicheng, and a high-level assassin hired by him.
He can play many roles, but never himself.
Everyone thought he was a ruthless and cold-blooded killer, but that's not entirely true. There's still a bit of humanity hidden within him, something Su Xi taught him.
Throughout his life, Su Xi was the only person he encountered who could bring him warmth. She was always gentle and kind, compassionate and loving, forgiving and loving towards him. Every time she saw him, the first thing she would ask was if he was tired.
Today is no exception.
Su Xi sat on the bed, her face pale from illness, and even with her intermittent coughing, she didn't forget to ask him, "Have you been working hard lately?"
Lu Jinyuan sat on the edge of the bed, his expression gentle, and held her hand, saying, "I'm fine."
"Take care of your health. Work is never-ending. Don't always skip meals. And to make matters worse, when you get busy, you don't even get any sleep..."
Su Xi always gave the same few instructions. Lu Jinyuan was an impatient person, but he always listened attentively as if it were the first time he was hearing them, and obediently agreed.
"You're not good either. You didn't tell me you were feeling well lately," Lu Jinyuan said gently, scolding him.
“As people get older, they develop more health problems. It’s okay, you don’t need to worry about it.” Su Xi didn’t take it seriously. Her gaze swept over the wound on his forehead. Instead of asking directly, she said, “We always say that life is precious, but there’s also a saying that life is worthless. Actually, it mainly depends on whether you still need this life to do something.”
"For example, realizing one's dreams, or...spending time with one's loved one?"
This circle is transparent yet leaky, especially the Lu family. They're always hoping everyone is having a bad time, and any incident will spread like wildfire within half a day. Su Xi was recuperating at home, but rumors still managed to reach her ears. With a few witty remarks, she subtly brought up everything that had happened in the past few days.
Lu Jinyuan lowered his eyes and remained silent.
Su Xi: "If you don't want to talk about Yi Chuan, then tell me about you and Qing Ying? Maybe Grandma can help you."
Lu Jinyuan kept his head down, his dark, tousled hair obscuring his eyes, making it impossible to discern his expression. The white light from the window shone on him, making him appear even more cold and lonely.
After a long while, a low, weak voice came out.
“Grandma thinks I don’t love her,” he said. “I don’t know how to tell her that I love her very much.”
Su Xi patted his lowered head and smiled gently, "Love is often a feeling, but it's not purely a feeling, because love in life is mixed with many conditions. For example, your love with Qingying is mixed with business interests, so when you need pure love, that love needs to be proven."
Love needs proof.
Lu Jinyuan recalled that Jiang Qingying had said the same thing that day.
“My marriage to your grandfather was also a business arrangement. We had barely met before the wedding, let alone dated.” Su Xi recalled her younger self with a smile on her face. “I used to be a naive girl who pursued true love, but my status didn’t allow it. I compromised and married your grandfather. After the marriage, we treated each other with respect and lived a smooth life year after year. I couldn’t find any problems. Gradually, I don’t know why, I fell in love with your grandfather, but I always thought that your grandfather didn’t love me.”
"Later, I fell seriously ill and was on the verge of death. Your grandfather was terrified and almost tore the hospital apart. After that, he stayed by my side and took care of me every step of the way, afraid that I wouldn't make it. He said a lot of sweet words and even cried, although he later denied it no matter what."
Lu Jinyuan laughed out loud, unable to imagine that someone as assertive as Lu Qicheng would have such a face.
Su Xi smiled, her eyes overflowing with love. "You know your grandfather, no one can take off his mask. You can't imagine that someone who is so reserved with his emotions can whisper sweet nothings in my ear every day. Even now, he doesn't hesitate to express his love."
“Look, proving love requires both words and actions,” she said. “Although we always say that words can’t be trusted, no one can deny that spoken love is the most direct expression of love, while actions are the proof of love. Both are indispensable. If you don’t speak, she can only guess, but the result of guessing is not a firm stance. Don’t be afraid that some words may not be true. Humans are emotional beings and can distinguish between truth and falsehood.”
Lu Jinyuan stared intently at Su Xi, his Adam's apple bobbing, his heart filled with mixed emotions.
Throughout his life, everything he did and everyone he interacted with seemed to be learned and executed according to a textbook. He often felt that he was almost devoid of emotion. But after meeting Jiang Qingying, he experienced a completely unfamiliar feeling for the first time; he couldn't even find the words to describe it. Later, as he slowly pieced it together, he realized that it must be the feeling of being moved. After marriage, he felt an unprecedented sense of life; her presence was everywhere. He derived the feeling of love from her, and he enjoyed and indulged in it.
However, he still overlooked the most practical issue: relationships need maintenance, and he couldn't just lazily enjoy the good times.
Seeing that he had been thinking for a long time and seemed to have figured it out, Su Xi pointed to the location of his heart and said, "You need to tell her how you feel here, and use this place to prove that you love her."
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