Volume 4: Phoenix Crying in the Ninth Heaven
**Section 1: “Diaper Diplomacy” and the Collapse of Historiographers**
Saint A'Luo officially joined the General's Mansion as "Chief Consultant for Cute Baby Interest Development" (a title certified by her second child, Su Heng, with a golden pacifier). Her "Youth Interactive Gu Shu Classroom" instantly became the most popular course:
Second child Su Heng learned how to direct the "learning sand bug" to write the characters "milk" and "worm" in the sand, and successfully taught Little Green Baby to use its tentacles to make the symbol "hungry";
* Sanbao Su Yu is fascinated by the light-controlled programming of the "Guiding Firefly Gu" and is trying to make them form a moving "Dragon Horn Rainbow Roller Coaster";
* Sibao Suqi's "Strawberry Palm Lamp" has been upgraded to a "Strawberry Starry Sky Lamp", which can also change brightness as she hums songs;
* Even Dabao Su Chen temporarily put aside his calculations and began to study with great interest whether the childlike symbols in the "Complete Book of All Gu" contained some kind of "low-dimensional chaos code".
The General's Mansion was filled with the chirping of insects and laughter, and pacifiers were the same color as strawberries. The fifth baby in her belly seemed to enjoy the commotion, moving even more cheerfully.
At this peaceful and tranquil moment (ignoring the occasional out-of-control Firefly Gu), a group of gray-haired old historians from the Four Kingdoms History Museum, holding thick blank history books and giant pens, tremblingly knelt in front of Su Li. The old man in the lead wept:
"Madam, the guardian of the country! Please have mercy! Please point out a clear path for the history books of the four countries!"
Su Li was shocked: "Gentlemen, what do you mean? History books should be written as they should be written."
"I can't...I can't!" the old historian beat his chest and stamped his feet. "Ever since my wife brought the Four Emperors into the world, the history of the Four Kingdoms has...has completely gone astray! The writing style we've spent our lives learning pales in the face of the deeds of our adorable...ahem, your Highnesses! It's riddled with loopholes!"
With trembling hands, he handed over a copy of "Summary of Difficulties in Historical Compilation (Top Secret, Collapse Edition)":
1. **Confusing timeline**: For example, "In the spring of the third year of the Tianqi reign, the Northern Di wolf king, Ashina Jinlang, affectionately recited 'Ode to Peace' at the border... On the same day, Mengbao Bank President Su Heng, with his pacifier seal, approved the transformation of the 'Wan Gu Ling Chong Bond'... On the same day, Fuwa Princess Su Qi, through a divine light lottery, helped Mr. Wang find a lost sow..." Historian's commentary: Three events in one day, a disjointed style! "Ode to Peace" is mentioned alongside the sow? Where is the dignity of historical records?!
2. **Nature of the incident unclear**: "In the summer of the same year, the 'Eye of Nirvana' incident occurred. Lady Zhenguo angrily rebuked the Heavenly Dao Inspector with 'child-rearing logic,' and the adorable child Su Heng smeared his face with 'milky snot bubbles'... ultimately forcing him to retreat. Note: This incident was named the 'Milk-scented Face-Smearing Miracle' by the Heavenly Dao Academy. Will it be included in the official history?" Historian's comment: Miracle? Smeared face? That's an indecent word! The nature of the incident is difficult to determine! Was it a diplomatic conflict? A theocratic war? Or... a large-scale child-rearing event?
3. **Character Evaluation Subversion**: "In the fourth year of the Tianqi Revelation, the Ten Thousand Poison Valley presented the Poison Sutra. Purified by the cute baby, it was transformed into the 'New Chapter of Ten Thousand Poisons: The True Solution of Protection.' The former valley master now specializes in cultivating 'Milk Fragrance Beauty Gu' and 'Rainbow Fart Gu' (for ceremonial atmosphere)..." Historian's commentary: The Poison Saint becomes a beauty consultant? How will history judge him? Is he abandoning his dark ways for the bright? Or... a model of industry transformation?
4. **Core Difficulty**: "The cute babies' words and actions often contain words like 'hungry,' 'bright,' and 'bad bugs,' and events are often driven by 'pacifier stamps,' 'strawberry blessings,' and 'snot bubble attacks!' If recorded truthfully... how will future generations view the glorious history of the Four Kingdoms? If embellished... the truth would be distorted, and we would be ashamed of them!" The old historian burst into tears, "Madam! History books... are almost turning into 'parenting diaries!' Or the kind with illustrations (referring to the frequent projections of His Majesty the Three Treasures)!"
Su Li was stunned when she heard this, and Xiao Jue beside her couldn't help laughing. The poisonous tongue system was madly complaining in Su Li's mind:
[Ding! Historian's despair! I understand! In this system's database, your daily notes are also filled with "Hengbao wet the bed three times," "Qibao's strawberry seal is upside down," "Chenbao's abacus failed to calculate the temperature of the baby food," and so on! Could it be that... this system is the first generation of "parenting log"? The thought is terrifying!]
Su Li looked at the devastated old historians, then at A'Luo and Sibao, who were using Firefly Gu to "dye the nails" of the Stone Panda Gu in the yard, and then at Erbao, who was trying to get Little Green Bao to do a somersault... She held her forehead and sighed. Asking the historians to record these bizarre deeds using "zhihuzheya" (literally, "the question of how to describe things") was truly putting a difficult strain on them.
"Gentlemen," Su Li said helplessly, "Isn't the most important thing about history books the word 'truth'? Let the children record what they did. As for how future generations will view it... perhaps this is the unique 'history of fireworks' that belongs to our generation."
"But...but these 'fireworks' are too...too..." The old historian pointed at Erbao, who was chasing a stone panda with colorful nails in the yard. After a long pause, he finally said, "...too delicious!"
**Section 2: Mengbao History Museum and Time Firefly Gu**
After sending away… ahem, the old historians with shattered worldviews, Su Li looked at the blank annals they left behind and a bold idea came to her mind. Since traditional history books couldn't bear the "great achievements" of the cute babies, she decided to create a new kind of "history book"!
"System! Does the Merit Point Mall have that kind of... 'history book' that can record real images and sounds, with a bit of emotion, not afraid of insect bites, not afraid of pacifier sticking, and preferably can automatically organize and classify?" Su Li called out in his mind.
[Ding! Detecting the host's ambition to 'create a new history'!] The system instantly responded, [Recommended product: 'Sumeru Mustard Seed Time Memory Gu Nest (A Luo Youth Edition)'! Core technology provided by the Wan Gu Holy Church (modified by this system)! Only 1.99 million merit points! 199,000 down payment! Five-year installment plan!]
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