Chapter 61 Where is his child, his sweetheart?
Time flows like water, never ceasing day or night.
In the blink of an eye, the end of the year has arrived again.
In "Xiaoxiao's Tailor Shop", Yizhen and Yibao are already over a year and a half old.
The two little girls were fair-skinned and had increasingly delicate features; one could vaguely see the shadow of Wen Xiaoxiao in them.
They could walk steadily and even jog a few steps, chasing and playing in the limited space of their homes and shops.
She can understand simple instructions, and her little mouth has started to babble out words.
"Mom!" Yizhen ran unsteadily to Wen Xiaoxiao's side, holding a colorful spool of thread.
"Grandma, I'm hungry." Yibao looked longingly at Liu Shuhua, who was cooking noodles.
"Don't cry, little brother." Hearing Wen Xiaogai's whimpers from the cradle, the two older girls would come over and gently pat him, just like adults.
"Mom," "Grandma," "Little Brother"—they already call out these simple terms fluently, and their tender voices bring endless vitality to this poor little family.
On the 23rd day of the twelfth lunar month, the day before the Lunar New Year, Wen Xiaoxiao finished work early.
She called Liu Shuhua over and took out a red envelope that she had prepared beforehand: "Aunt Liu, it's almost Chinese New Year. This is your wages, and this red envelope is for your grandson's New Year's money. Please take it."
Liu Shuhua quickly declined, saying, "No, no! I'll take the wages, but I can't accept the red envelope! It's not easy for you to raise three children on your own!"
Wen Xiaoxiao insisted on putting the money in her hand: "Aunt Liu, please don't be so polite with me. I've been so grateful to you for the past six months. I really don't know what I would have done without your help. This isn't much, it's just a small token of my appreciation, to buy some candy for the children."
Liu Shuhua's eyes welled up with tears, and she accepted the gift.
She looked at Wen Xiaoxiao's thin yet resolute face and sighed inwardly.
"Xiaoxiao, I won't be here for the New Year..." Liu Shuhua said. "I want to go back to my son's house to see my grandson. I've been away for more than half a year, and I miss them. Can I come back after the Lantern Festival?"
Wen Xiaoxiao nodded understandingly: "Of course, Aunt Liu. You should go back and reunite with your family. Go ahead and be careful on the road. I will take good care of the children."
Liu Shuhua gave many more detailed instructions before packing her simple luggage.
Before leaving, she hugged Yizhen and Yibao, kissed the baby in the swaddling clothes, and then left, turning back every few steps.
The shop suddenly became much quieter.
Wen Xiaoxiao finished the last few pre-booked jobs and on the 28th day of the twelfth lunar month, she put up a sign that read "Closed for the New Year, reopening on the 16th day of the first lunar month" and locked the door from the inside.
In the cramped back room, the stove fire burned brightly.
Wen Xiaoxiao bought some meat and vegetables in advance. Although it was simple, she tried her best to prepare something presentable.
On New Year's Eve, she dressed her three children in clean, slightly worn but soft and comfortable clothes.
The two children, Yizhen and Yibao, surrounded their mother, watching her curiously as she made dumplings.
Wen Xiaogai lay on the kang (a heated brick bed), waving her little hands, her dark, grape-like eyes following her mother and sisters.
There were no firecrackers, no Spring Festival Gala, and she couldn't afford a TV. There was no lavish feast. The four of them, mother and children, sat around the warm kang (a heated brick bed), eating steaming dumplings and simple meals.
Wen Xiaoxiao put a dumpling in each child's bowl and said softly, "After eating these dumplings, we'll all be a year older. May the new year bring you all good things."
They didn't quite understand the "one treasure, one delicacy" analogy, but they ate it with great relish.
Looking at the children, Wen Xiaoxiao felt a pang of loneliness that had been building up inside her, but it was quickly replaced by a deep sense of maternal love and responsibility.
This is her home, her everything.
Although poor, they were clean, down-to-earth, and full of hope.
Inside the apartment building, the festive atmosphere of the New Year seemed to be kept out of reach of people outside the windows.
Zhou Lanying prepared a table full of dishes, including chicken, duck, fish, and meat, more abundant than in any previous year.
But the three people at the table ate as if it were wax.
Zhao Fei silently poured himself one glass of baijiu after another, barely touching any food, but downing more than half a bottle of liquor.
His face was gloomy, and his eyes were blank as he stared at the occasional fireworks rising outside the window, lost in thought.
Zhao Yidi is now in fifth grade and has grown into a young lady. She has a resemblance to Li Rui in her features, but her personality is more like Wen Xiaoxiao's, quiet and reserved.
She watched her father drink one glass after another, put down her chopsticks, went over to him, and gently massaged Zhao Fei's temples, her voice soft and pleading: "Dad, stop drinking, it's bad for your health. Eat more vegetables."
Zhao Fei felt the warmth and worry in his daughter's fingertips, and his heart ached. He patted the back of her hand and said in a hoarse voice, "Dad's fine, you eat your food."
Seeing this scene, Zhou Lanying wanted to offer some advice, but didn't know where to begin.
Wen Xiaoxiao has been missing with her child for almost a year and a half.
There was no word from them, and their fate was unknown.
This became a huge weight on Zhao Fei's heart and an inescapable shadow over the family.
No matter how sumptuous the New Year's Eve dinner is, it cannot dispel the deep-seated worries and longing.
After eating a few bites with great difficulty, Zhao Fei put down his chopsticks.
He got up and went to the balcony, lit a cigarette, and gazed in a daze at the lights of thousands of homes below and the dazzling but fleeting fireworks that rose and fell in the night sky.
After the New Year's Eve dinner, Zhao Yidi watched TV with her grandmother for a while before sensibly going back to her room to do her homework.
After Zhou Lanying finished cleaning up the dishes, she looked at her son-in-law's lonely and desolate figure on the balcony, shook her head, and quietly returned to her room.
As night deepened, the sound of firecrackers outside gradually subsided.
Zhao Fei's frustration grew stronger.
He put on his coat, went downstairs alone, and wandered aimlessly through the cold streets.
Warm lights shone from the windows lining both sides of the street, and faint laughter could be heard.
Children dressed in new clothes ran and jumped excitedly along the roadside, holding small fireworks, their laughter ringing out.
Zhao Fei's gaze involuntarily followed those small figures, watching them being held by their parents' hands and cared for, and his heart ached as if being pricked by needles.
What about his children?
His precious children should be this age by now, able to run, jump, and babble.
And what about the baby in Xiaoxiao's belly, whose gender is unknown... Where are they right now?
Are you, like these children, in a warm house, eating a simple New Year's Eve dinner and watching fireworks outside the window?
Or... in some unknown corner, suffering from hunger and cold?
The thought of the latter made Zhao Fei feel short of breath, and his heart felt like it was being squeezed tightly by an invisible hand.
And then there's Xiaoxiao... that seemingly weak woman, but who is more stubborn than anyone else at heart.
She said that her initial motives were impure, and that she approached him out of hatred and revenge.
But what about himself?
Zhao Fei stopped and leaned against the cold telephone pole, looking up at the dark, starless night sky, and painfully closed his eyes.
What about him?
Is it really pure?
Initially, he helped her and took care of her out of pity.
But what happened next?
When did it start to go wrong?
Was it his heartache and anger when he saw the scar on her chest?
Were those her helpless tears when she gave birth?
Is it the touching resilience she showed as she struggled to make a living with her children?
Or is it those unspeakable moments of mutual warmth and dependence during those quiet nights?
He had been interested for a long time.
Under the shackles of reason and ethics, that feeling grew quietly, yet took deep root.
He longed to protect her and give her a home, not just out of a sense of duty and compassion.
In her letter, Wen Xiaoxiao said that she didn't want him anymore.
Zhao Fei tugged at the corners of his mouth, revealing a smile that was more like a grimace.
It wasn't that she didn't want him... she took his heart, his soul, all his hopes and passion for the future away, and vanished without a trace.
She didn't want him, but she took his life.
A cold wind blew by, and the last embers of fireworks on the street corner went out, leaving only the pungent smell of gunpowder.
The lights in every home gradually went out, and the city fell asleep.
He couldn't find her, and he couldn't let her go.
This relationship, from the very beginning, was burdened with too many shackles and original sins, and was perhaps destined to have a bad ending.
But he would rather carry these burdens, continue searching in the vast sea of people, and suffer alone on countless nights like this, than give up.
(I forgot to greet my fans yesterday, so I'm making up for it today. Greetings, everyone! If you have any complaints while reading, please feel free to throw rotten eggs at the author. The angst in the beginning is for the sake of what's to come. Hehe… this isn't just the author making excuses! Tomorrow, our Fei-ge will know Xiao-xiao's whereabouts! Save your tears!)
(One more thing, please don't send me gifts. Earning money isn't easy, and your views are what make the author earn money. If you want to express your love for the author, please leave a message. Love you all~)
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