Chapter 69 I'm so afraid of losing you. "Really." He stared intently at me...
I had an urge to burst out laughing, but I forced myself to hold it back.
Familiar footsteps approached from afar.
The maids opened the gauze curtains, and Manboya appeared with a slight smile, dressed in a silk robe. He sat down in front of my bed and stroked my long hair.
“You were very brave,” he said softly, stroking her gently.
I slapped his hand away, "Your mistress is trying to kill me."
“It’s a misunderstanding, just a misunderstanding.” His voice softened. “I promise it won’t happen again.”
I gave a cold laugh. "I don't care if it's a misunderstanding or not," I said, sitting up halfway to get out of bed. "I have to leave now. This isn't a good place."
"Where are you going?" He actually stopped me with his hand.
I really disliked this impolite manner, so I pushed his hand away and said, "Move aside."
He immediately used his other hand to stop her, saying, "Where can you go? Princess Yani is already at the western border."
I was secretly shocked. Why did she abandon me and run away?
"Then I have to hurry and chase after her." I tried to jump off the foot of the bed, but he picked me up and said, "Don't chase after her. Isn't it better to stay in my palace?"
"Hey, put me down!" I was furious, my face flushed red, not because of his words, but because his large hand was stroking my waist. "Put me down!"
“Yani has gotten what she wanted, so of course she’s leaving.”
"No way, you're lying to me."
“I won’t lie to you,” he said innocently. “She borrowed a legion and several hundred slaves from me and ran away. In return, she gave you to me, saying I could use you as long as I wanted.”
“Then I’ll go find her and ask her why she treated me like this. I was truly devoted to her.” I tried with all my might to jump off his arms, but he easily held me down.
“My feelings for you are also sincere,” he said.
"Get out of here!" I yelled. "Who cares about your sincerity? Princess Yanni is willing to let me be her chief mistress."
He laughed, a beautiful laugh, his amber eyes shining brightly.
"So all this trouble you went through was to become my chief mistress..."
No, I told myself, I was looking for a suitable reason to leave.
“It’s not impossible,” he smiled like a blooming rose, “but Su Luo hasn’t done anything wrong, so it’s not convenient for me to remove her from this position. Besides, she’s more obedient than you.”
I deliberately snorted, "I never like to force others, so forget it. I'll have to find someone else to support me."
“I’m heartbroken,” he said, his smile vanishing as he hugged me tighter. “You always show your true self to Bernard, but with me you’re always fake, pretending to be someone unlikable. Can’t you treat me the same way you treat Bernard?”
"You're talking nonsense!" I was furious and embarrassed that he had hit the nail on the head. "Put me down! Put me down right now!"
"I won't let go." He retorted like a child, "I'd rather die than let go."
He carried me to the bath, and as I gazed at the misty pool, my heart pounded with fear, thinking he was going to have a romantic bath with me. But I was wrong. He placed me in the tub, instructed the maids to wash me clean, and then left. Before closing the door, he turned back and gave me a sly smile.
After taking a bath and putting on a brand new long dress, I was then draped in a thick, fluffy long coat and ushered into a spacious dining room by the maids.
Marble walls, stained ceilings, floor-to-ceiling windows, long sheer curtains, a long table covered with a white tablecloth, a luxurious carpet, unique patterned porcelain plates, and exquisite glassware.
The table was laden with a dazzling array of food, and the aromas were irresistible.
Manberia, wearing a luxurious white velvet vest and a purple brocade robe, sat at the front of the long table.
I was led by a maid to sit down next to him.
“Speak,” I said, “what do you need me to do?”
Since making trouble won't work, let's just talk about terms.
He smiled slightly. "What do you mean, my darling?"
I smiled back at him and said, "Since I'm a rare commodity, I need to know where my 'rarity' lies."
His eyes were brimming with laughter, almost dripping with moisture. "I still don't understand what you mean."
I was at a loss for words, which annoyed me, so I stood up angrily and said, "If you don't tell me, I'm leaving."
“Don’t take Su Luo’s words to heart,” he said casually. “Women just like to talk nonsense.”
I stopped talking. Because saying anything wouldn't make a difference; I just started eating.
In no time at all, they devoured the food in front of them.
He stared in disbelief, "I've never seen a woman eat like that before."
His tone, however, was full of affection.
I hate this kind of pampering.
I stood up and said, "Tell me what to do next."
He looked at me and smiled, a beautiful and gentle smile, "You can do whatever you want."
Then I won't stand on ceremony. "I want to go out of the palace to play."
He paused for a moment, then smiled and said, "Okay, no problem."
Amidst the swirling snow, I was wrapped up like a thick dumpling by the maids and boarded the carriage leaving the palace.
The world was a vast expanse of white, and I sat in the warm carriage, lost in thought.
Since arriving here, I've been led by the nose. I met Princess Yanni in the South and accompanied her to the West to marry. The West descended into chaos, her husband was imprisoned, and she then led me to the North with Mamboa. Now in the North… wait, I suddenly realize I know absolutely nothing about the situation within the Northern palace. Because everyone is keeping things from me, including Princess Yanni, never revealing a single detail in their words or actions.
I'm like a domesticated doll, spending my days eating, drinking, sleeping, and attending one dance party after another, living my life in a daze.
By the way, where did Bernard go again? Did he go back to the East? Why haven't we heard a single word about him since?
My whole body was trembling—I was living like a puppet, no different from when I was in Castle Black.
I'm terrified, really.
I'm afraid of this feeling of being out of control. I want to change it, but I feel powerless. What should I do?
The carriage stopped at the bustling market. Although it was snowing heavily, the market was still lively.
“Madam,” a maid said with a smile, “knowing that you wanted to come out for a stroll, I specially brought you here. Today happens to be market day.”
I smiled at her and stepped down from the carriage.
Walking into the crowded market, with snowflakes falling all around, it was a truly unpleasant experience.
After squeezing through the crowd for half an hour, I only managed to buy a beautiful seashell necklace.
Several maids shook their heads repeatedly, one of them saying, "You've finally come out, Madam, you should buy more."
"No, it's too tiring to squeeze in."
I finally squeezed out of the market and breathed a heavy sigh of relief. Just then, I caught a glimpse of a girl.
It was the same girl who had threatened me before. Wrapped in a thick black coat, she was carrying boxes onto a large cart with other girls in black coats.
What's she doing here? Judging from the looks of it, she's doing procurement work for the palace.
She clearly saw me too, and paused for a moment as she moved the boxes.
I gave her a wink, pretended to need to urinate, and led the maids into a shop in the alley to pay some money to use the restroom.
Just as I closed the bathroom door, a familiar voice came from the small skylight in the wall: "What do you want?"
"Catch!" I tossed the seashell necklace through the small skylight.
"What do you want to do?" She caught the seashell necklace.
"As long as you pass on some information from inside the palace to me, I will give you something even better, and I can even help you get rid of your status as a female slave."
I don't like her selfishness and greed, but she's the only one who can help me right now.
She thought for a moment, then said, "Okay."
"Has Bernard returned to the East?" I asked.
“No, but I’ve left the palace and am currently staying at the Duke’s residence,” she added. “That is, the Queen’s father’s house.”
"Why have I never seen the Queen?"
She seemed to laugh. "How could you possibly see her?"
Just as he was about to ask another question, there was a knock on the bathroom door. "Madam, are you alright?"
"Thank goodness, I have diarrhea," I exclaimed, then whispered to the skylight, "Pass me what you know in a little note, and I'll trade you something nice in return."
After saying that, he flushed the toilet, opened the door, and told the maids with a dejected look that the seashell necklace had fallen into the toilet.
The maids said there was nothing else, so we got into the carriage and returned to the palace.
Unexpectedly, at the palace gate, Manberia stood in the snow to greet me.
"If you don't come back soon, I'll just go to the market to pick you up." His eyes shone brightly, and his smile was gentle and captivating.
"Am I going back now?" I asked absentmindedly.
“I’m so afraid you’ll never come back,” he said.
I chuckled. "How could that be? You sent so many people to follow me."
"Really." He looked at me intently, earnestly and gently, "I'm so afraid of losing you."
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Author's Note: Thank you all for continuing to follow the story, thank you so much!
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