Chapter 1 Whoever uses a dirty word loses
"I have a bachelor's degree, so it's not too much to ask the other person to have a bachelor's degree, right?"
“Not too much.”
"I have a car, so it's not too much to ask the man to have a house, right?"
“Not too much.”
"My annual salary is 300,000 yuan, and I want the man to earn 500,000 yuan a year. Is that not too much?"
“Not too much.”
At the Jiangcheng blind date corner, a man and a woman sat face to face. The woman talked slowly with a confident expression on her face, while the man answered perfunctorily.
The woman felt offended and asked, "Li Yang, what's your attitude? You are 32 years old, you have never been to college, you have only 200,000 yuan in savings, your parents have no pension yet, and you don't even have a house or a car. I am already giving you face by coming here."
Li Yang looked at this woman whose facial features were not as good as his own, and said helplessly: "Sister, you are already 42 years old!"
The woman immediately yelled, "Who are you calling big sister? What's wrong with me being 42? I have a bachelor's degree and an annual salary of 300,000 yuan. Who do you think you are? Are you looking down on me?"
"How dare I? Besides, I didn't intend to talk to you. It was you who insisted on coming to me."
The woman angrily said, "Look around the market, how many girls are as good as me? In my opinion, you have nothing good except your looks! You don't think I like you, do you? It's so funny! Do you think no one wants me?"
"How could that be? A 78-year-old girl in our village was proposed to by a 20-year-old Arab prince a few days ago. He offered her a dowry of 99 nuclear-powered aircraft carriers, 999 destroyers, 1999 fifth-generation aircraft, 100 large oil fields, and a betrothal gift of gold that required 800 ox carts to pull it. The later you get married, the better. Good men are waiting for you. A man who really likes you won't care about your age."
As Li Yang said this, the woman's expression became more and more distorted.
After Li Yang finished speaking, she suddenly grabbed her hair and yelled, "Ah...ah...get out of here! Get out!"
"Fuck! This is my fucking seat. I came here early in the morning..."
Before Li Yang could finish his words, he saw the woman's eyes looking as if she wanted to eat him.
All eyes around were focused here.
"Fuck! It's my bad luck!"
After saying that, he stood up and left his seat.
It wasn't that he had to come for the blind date, but his mother forced him to come.
And in a while, his old mother will come over to see if he takes it seriously. If not, she will definitely nag him when she goes back.
But what can I do when I meet a crazy woman?
I came to the corner of the blind date corner and prepared to look for another seat. My mom has been in a bad mood recently, so I might as well do something to save face.
I had just lit a cigarette when my mother called.
Li Yang immediately explained: "Mom, there are too many people in the blind date corner. I came here early in the morning but didn't get a seat. I'm still waiting. I promise to be honest in the blind date, and I will definitely let you hold a big fat boy next year."
The person on the other end of the phone said, "I know you can't get it done. Your Aunt Wang introduced me to a girl, 28 years old, not bad looking. I'll give you her WeChat. This is your last chance. Do you hear me?"
Li Yang agreed with a bitter face, "Hey, don't worry, I will definitely work hard to be their licking dog!"
After hanging up the phone, he opened WeChat and saw a number his mother had sent him.
Apply for friends: introduced by acquaintances.
If you don't say it this way, there will be no topic at all, so just be frank. We are all here for a blind date, so as long as it's not too outrageous, just agree to it.
Soon, the girl agreed, and before he had time to check her friends circle to see what she looked like, he received a reply from her.
"From Jiangcheng?"
"right!"
"Eight hundred acquaintances."
Li Yang: “????”
"Auntie Wang introduced it to me."
"Oh, then the betrothal gift is three hundred thousand."
"Fuck! Get lost..."
Li Yang hasn't finished typing yet.
Wu Tianqi, Li Yang's best friend from high school and his only friend in many years, suddenly called him.
After the call was connected, "Fellow Daoist Wu, what do you want to talk to me about?"
“I’m divorced again.”
"Ah? We've only been married for four months? Damn it, you better pay me my share of the money!"
Li Yang immediately started cursing, saying that Wu Tianqi was a bastard and had been married three times.
Divorced again now? According to his family's conditions, there will definitely be a fourth marriage, which means that I have to pay the share of money again.
Wu Tianqi on the other end of the phone sighed, "I finally understand. I brought you and Wang Manqi together, and you spent ten years with that witch Wang Manqi. Now the retribution has fallen on me."
When talking about this, Li Yang took a deep breath, exhaled a large cloud of smoke, and said, "It's not your fault. It's my fault that I didn't play with her."
Fourteen years ago, Wang Manqi, whom he had pursued throughout high school, agreed to be his girlfriend. Because he was a few points short of passing the score line for a second-tier university, he gave up the opportunity to repeat his senior year and concentrated on working to support Wang Manqi, who also only passed the score line for a third-tier university, to go to college.
He lost ten years of his youth and spent $600,000, but four years ago Wang Manqi dumped him on the pretext that he had no money and no ability.
The next day, Wang Manqi announced her new relationship on her WeChat Moments.
When pursuing Wang Manqi, Wu Tianqi contributed the most.
Therefore, Wu Tianqi always felt a little guilty.
Wu Tianqi said self-reproachfully: "Blame me, I knew she was a witch a long time ago, but I still let you fall into the devil's way."
Wu Tianqi is a die-hard fan of novels about cultivating immortals. Because of Wang Manqi's natural charm, he gave her the title of a witch and always felt that Wang Manqi was not a righteous person.
"Then why did you get divorced this time?"
Li Yang didn't want to dwell on this matter anymore. His family situation was average and there was no room for error in his life.
But Wu Tianqi's family is well-off. His father used to be the director of the Academic Affairs Office, and his family is even related to the richest man in Jiangcheng. His tolerance rate should be very high.
It turns out this guy has really bad luck.
His first wife had lupus and was infertile, and she kept it a secret from his family for three years.
His second wife gave birth to two children in six years, but neither of them was his.
The third wife, we were married for only four months, but I don’t know why they divorced again…
"I had a miscarriage. The doctor said I had too many abortions before..."
"What? Holy shit! Isn't that girl only twenty-two years old?"
Wu Tianqi sighed and said, "This is retribution for me."
"Okay, okay, I've been saying this for so many years, and you're not tired of it yet? I'm very happy now. The quantitative algorithm I wrote for the company is awesome. The boss made 100 million and gave me 50,000 yuan. In a few months, I will have 200,000 yuan in savings."
"Oh, I won't refund your share of the money."
"Wait a moment..."
At this time, Li Yang was deleting the previous content in the WeChat chat box while talking on the phone.
He asked the woman, "Will Babai come? Tonight!"
The woman hesitated for a few seconds and replied, "Yes."
After waiting for a while, Wu Tianqi sighed, "Are you free at noon? Let's have a drink together?"
"I can't leave. I'm at the blind date corner! By the way, did you just say you won't refund my share of the money?"
"Yes, when you get married, I will give you the three parts together and return them to you."
The next second, Li Yang took a screenshot of the chat history in which the woman just responded to him and sent it to Wu Tianqi.
"Look at the picture I sent you on WeChat. I'm getting married tonight. Hurry and return the money."
Wu Tianqi on the other end of the phone saw the chat history and yelled, "Are you still a human being? Is this considered a marriage?"
"Why doesn't it count? We'll just get married for one night and divorce tomorrow. We just haven't obtained a marriage certificate... Didn't you also not get a marriage certificate when you married your first wife?"
Wu Tianqi said helplessly: "Just for the money? You are so cruel!"
"Stop talking nonsense. Three thousand dollars, not a cent less. Call me now!"
Wu Tianqi said faintly: "Hey, if Lili is healthy, my child is ten years old now. If it's a girl, I'm going to let her marry you when she grows up."
Lili was his first wife and she was very beautiful.
Li Yang threw away the cigarette butt and cursed, "Can you stop talking nonsense? I have something to do. I'm hanging up now!"
This guy has completely lost his dignity in order to avoid paying the 3,000 yuan membership fee.
"etc!"
"What else?"
"I have always wanted to ask you a question. Have you ever practiced dual cultivation with Wang Manqi?"
"beep……"
Li Yang hung up the phone directly.
It seems that everything is not that bad, but in fact many things are irreparable.
If I had studied hard in high school, I would have at least been able to get into a top university. My mother probably wouldn't have been injured fourteen years ago, and she wouldn't have been left with a serious illness.
If I had made decisions decisively and realized it when Wang Manqi started making excuses to procrastinate after graduating from college, my life would still have turned around.
But now he is 32 years old, which is basically a death sentence for ordinary people.
…
It was boring to wait for an empty seat, so he opened a low-IQ bar where he had been hanging out for a long time.
There are talented people here, and they can temporarily stop your brain from thinking about other things.
Soon he found a post.
"I'm about to be reborn, but I can only bring one thing with me. Please help me figure out what I should bring."
In this low-IQ forum, there appeared a post that was out of tune with the atmosphere of the entire forum.
After all, the topics discussed here are often profound, such as "Why can't you see outside when you close your eyes", which makes the boundary between people and mental illness even clearer.
Li Yang clicked on it, wanting to see which guy who should have been discharged from the hospital was still lingering here.
However, after seeing the answer given inside, he didn't know whether he should celebrate the arrival of a new patient in the bar, or be angry at this guy for being so cautious even in his dreams.
A, Jay Chou's new song after 14 years
B, a brand new Apple iPhone 6S
C, 2014 National College Entrance Examination Answers
Because this post is relatively new, no one has responded yet.
Of course, it is also possible that others saw it and thought he was hopeless and didn’t bother to pay any attention to him.
Someone replied: "Why the hell are you bringing Jay Chou's new song? Can you play his songs after 2014?"
Soon, the other party replied: "My goddess is a fan of Jay Chou. If I can let her see Jay Chou's new song, and it's the first one in the world, she will definitely be very happy."
"Then what's the point of bringing an iPhone 6S? If you try to smuggle some data into it, I won't blame you, but why do you bring a brand new one? What's wrong? Is this broken phone related to you?"
The other party quickly replied: "My goddess is a loyal user of Apple mobile phones. She has never been able to afford one. I want her to be the first person in the world to use the new Apple mobile phone."
"???"
Well, this patient has not yet been discharged from the hospital, and no one knows where he has gone, and he has become a bootlicker.
There is almost no cure for dog-licking disease!
Unless you are in danger of death, you will be reborn.
Don't ask, the answer is someone is looking in the mirror.
Li Yang found the answers to the 2014 National College Entrance Examination on his phone, and sent it to her, saying, "This is the only reliable one. I also took the college entrance examination in 2014 and often regretted it. I have memorized this answer."
Soon, the other party replied: "Great, this way, my goddess can be admitted to the university of her dreams!"
"Your ancestors worked in the underworld for hundreds of years to get you a ticket to rebirth. Do you want to go back and be a bootlicker?"
"What else? If I can please the goddesses, they will be happy too..."
Li Yang's blood pressure rose.
As a keyboard warrior on the Internet, he has never been able to break down.
There is an unspoken rule among keyboard warriors: whoever uses a swear word loses.
"Fuck! Stupid! I'm so unlucky to meet a bastard like you. Don't let me run into you in real life. I'll beat you up every time I see you! Rebirth? What rebirth! Do you deserve a ticket to rebirth?"
After saying this, he angrily exited the program.
He is the only one in the world who can break his defense!
I stood up suddenly, and suddenly the head was spinning, and everything in front of me became increasingly blurry.
"Damn it, I've never had any health problems!"
"The most important quality of a dog licker is not to get sick, otherwise Wang Manqi would have kicked me out long ago!"
"He must have been mad at that bastard."
"Grass……"
(End of this chapter)
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