326 Pei Shu's Past
◎Can't lose me◎
Pei Shu wants to die.
Zhu Ning instantly read the message from his eyes. Zhu Ning held him down, but soon withdrew his hand due to the heat. His hand was covered with blisters. Pei Shu's body temperature was too high. He seemed to be suppressed to the extreme. Bai Cheng had stabbed him before, and the knife was still on him.
Zhu Ning covered his palm with hardened skin and slapped the back of his neck.
But Pei Shu was an investigator who had received professional combat training. He raised his elbow and attacked backwards. Zhu Ning felt a pain in his abdomen and was forced to let go.
The two had already exchanged six moves, and even Bai Cheng was awakened. She immediately stood up with an axe in her hand, thinking that Pei Shu wanted to kill Zhu Ning.
After Pei Shu regained his mobility, his first reaction was not to attack Zhu Ning, but to hold the dagger across his neck, ready to commit suicide. He moved so fast that the blade cut through the protective suit. Bai Cheng immediately chopped down with an axe, breaking the dagger with force.
With a bang, the dagger fell to the ground. Pei Shu clenched his hands and actually wanted to twist his skull off.
Bai Cheng finally sensed something was amiss. She'd never seen anyone so intent on death. This was too cruel. Bai Cheng was about to lunge forward, but Pei Shu's right hand suddenly froze, like a toy suddenly losing power. Zhu Ning stood grimly behind him, his fingers stretched out. The thread of his consciousness snaked through his back, tightly strangling Pei Shu's neck.
Pei Shu groaned as his body was suddenly pulled back. Other threads followed and wrapped around his limbs. Zhu Ning stood in front of him, forming a cage of consciousness that suppressed him inside.
Pei Shu seemed to feel a violent storm, as if he was pinned down by a ferocious beast. For the first time, he couldn't even move a finger. Zhu Ning might be afraid that he would bite his tongue to commit suicide, so he wrapped silk thread around his mouth, like a gag made of red thread.
As Pei Shu struggled, his muscles tensed and his body arched, unable to suppress the pain.
Zhu Ning's face was gloomy. He didn't expect that he would suddenly go crazy. He thought that at most he would attack others when he was crazy. Bai Cheng and Zhu Ning were not so easily attacked, so they didn't take it seriously. He didn't expect that Teacher Pei wanted to die.
Bai Cheng quickly injected Pei Shu with a spiritual healing agent, but the needle melted as soon as it went in. She flipped her axe, as if she had knocked Lin Xiaofeng unconscious, and hit Pei Shu with her backhand.
Pei Shu snorted, lowered his head, and breathed heavily.
Zhu Ning cursed inwardly, still feeling that it was a thrilling moment. What was going on? The incident happened so suddenly that he didn't react in time. If he had been slower, Pei Shu might have died.
Pei Shu was kneeling with his arms stretched out to the sides, his neck hung by a silk thread, his chest heaving violently. Zhu Ning's palms hardened, and he pulled him up by his hair, wanting to ask him for an explanation.
Pei Shu's face was pale, carrying Zhu Ning's anger. A normal person would be sweating, but he was on fire all over. He felt so hot when anyone got close to him that he subconsciously wanted to step back. Only Zhu Ning could get close to him in this situation.
The thread of consciousness was connected to Zhu Ning, and Zhu Ning felt that his struggle was not as strong as before. Pei Shu's eyelids twitched. It seemed to be in waves. After that, his spirit would slowly return to normal.
Seeing that he was feeling better, Zhu Ning asked in a low voice, "Are you teasing me?"
Bai Cheng rarely saw Zhu Ning so angry. His words sounded like threats. There were burn marks on Zhu Ning's hands. She didn't know that Pei Shu had such a strong tendency to self-destruct. If he got closer to the north, this tendency would become stronger. Zhu Ning was harming him.
If Zhu Ning didn't know the background of such a person, she would be a big fool.
Zhu Ning sneered and asked, "Are there any secrets?"
Pei Shu lowered his head, and the flames in his hair went out, as if he wanted to prove that he was fine, but it was not that easy.
Zhu Ning: "Don't worry, I'm not interested. I knew someone who had the same problem before, but I didn't know about it until he died. If you don't want to tell me, I won't force you. Just go."
Zhu Ning didn't want to be ignorant and carry a time bomb. She was not herself, but the captain and needed to consider other team members.
Pei Shu is a patient, and patients should receive treatment, not run around with him.
Pei Shu pretended not to hear Zhu Ning's last words and wanted to drive him away, so he asked, "What about employee number two?"
Pei Shu felt that he had guessed correctly, "I know him. If you want to know, I can tell you."
Zhu Ning stood there quietly, her eyes red, looking rather unkind. Pei Shu thought he had crossed the line and wanted to change the subject.
Zhu Ning suddenly said, "No need."
Song Zhizhang himself said that secrets are what make things charming, and Zhu Ning didn't want to spoil that.
Pei Shu didn't understand, he just knew that Zhu Ning didn't want to listen. Well, if Zhu Ning really wanted to know, he could go to the second district and find a senior intelligence dealer to get complete information. When was Song Zhizhang born, at what age did he encounter danger, and what friends did he make? It would be written clearly like a biography.
Zhu Ning sighed, "Pei Shu, go back and don't follow me."
Pei Shu asked, "You don't want me anymore?"
Zhu Ning had a deadpan expression on his face: "I'll give you one last chance. If you want to talk, then talk. If not, then leave."
Pei Shu didn't know whether she was threatening or serious. Zhu Ning was the kind of person who would not change her decision once it was made. Pei Shu felt relieved. She had already let go of his hand and took two steps back. The black mucus covered the palm of his hand that was burned by him.
Pei Shu paused. Outside, a sandstorm pounded against the iron walls of the shelter. It wasn't a pleasant place, but he felt safe for the first time in a long time, probably because the pollution concentration here was 0.
The others were asleep, perhaps startled awake, but they didn't dare look over, staying as far away as possible. Bai Cheng crouched across from Pei Shu, axe in hand, ready to strike him again.
Zhu Ning thought he would keep the secret to the end, and had already made up his mind to let Pei Shu go.
“I grew up in a foster camp.”
Outside, the wind and sand were howling like ghosts and wolves, making Pei Shu's voice seem particularly soft. Zhu Ning frowned, and Pei Shu was relieved. The rest of the words were not that difficult to say.
"That place specializes in training investigators outside the Wall. We lived there for two years first, taking theoretical classes together. Once we were familiar with each other, we began taking annual qualification tests, which were similar to a battle royale. I was ten years old when I took my first test, which was not young at all. Some special demon hunters also joined the profession in their teens."
Zhu Ning listened carefully. She remembered that Bobcat had started serving in the army very early. Many children had no childhood due to the federal system that objectified people. Lin Xiaofeng was only ten years old when she cheated on her husband this year.
As for the Battle Royale mode, if Zhu Ning understood correctly, it was probably about throwing a group of people into a trial field, with a time limit and the final number of survivors. For example, it was set that only five people could survive this time. If there were eight people reaching the finish line, they would have to kill each other to get a place in the survival list.
This kind of training model is particularly common in killer organizations.
Pei Shu: "That was my first time killing someone of my own kind. Actually, it wasn't that bad. Many people have experienced this. The old Zhao you saw earlier was in the same batch as me. It's said that this is a test to see if you can kill your companions and survive in extreme circumstances."
Outside the wall, sometimes conventional moral sense cannot be considered in order to survive. This is a necessary assessment for every investigator.
"Old Zhao had clearly passed the assessment, but he was planning to quit. He said he just couldn't stand it anymore, so he turned around and signed up to be a logistics soldier."
During the assessment, there were fewer and fewer people like Pei Shu around him, and finally only strangers were left.
"I've forgotten how I felt that day, not even the details, let alone any guilt or psychological burden."
Later, the psychologist said that it’s not that you don’t have a burden, but that your brain is protecting you, so you forget about it.
But Pei Shu thought the doctor was talking nonsense, and some people were naturally indifferent.
"Killing one's own kind isn't considered disgusting in our training. At least this skill really helped me outside the wall."
Zhu Ning guessed that he had killed many teammates and classmates inside the wall, and had made some extreme choices outside the wall in order to survive.
Pei Shu tilted his head and asked with a smile, "Do you know how to train a dog? The kind that responds when you ring a bell?"
Zhu Ning saw Pei Shu's expression, which was particularly tragic. He continued, "The investigator's first goal is to preserve information. The incubation camp will do almost anything to achieve this."
The initial methods were relatively mild, similar to mental pollution, with constant repetition of information.
When answering multiple-choice questions or written tests, just choose the word "retain information" when it appears. For open-ended questions, write a short essay with your true feelings, expressing the importance of retaining information. You may risk your life, but you must have information.
Over time, when you see these four words, you will associate them with the "standard answer". They will invade every aspect of your life, and sometimes you can't help but want to choose them.
This is like some kind of mental imprint, which implants the idea through repetition day after day.
After reaching this step, the next step is a mock test, where you will be placed in a contaminated area, with the examiner's eyes behind the camera.
You have to bring out the information to win, and those who can exchange their lives for information are considered excellent students.
If you don't bring the information, the examiner will not let you out even if you reach the exit, and you will die in there.
Higher-level training is more personalized, with countless simulations. Which one should you choose: teammates or information? Information.
Which should I choose, teacher or information? Choose information.
Lover or Information, which one should I choose? Information.
Repeat this over and over again until you are judged qualified. Even if you are let out of the wall, you will go out like a dog to find the information and bring it back.
The most painful part of this process is that humans are selfish animals, and all instincts should be selfish, but you have to learn to regard information as the highest point of life.
Therefore, it is difficult for most investigators to have any close relationships, such as close friends and relatives, or even life-and-death love. Don’t even think about it.
Everyone has psychological trauma. Some people are so extreme that they feel like vomiting when they see the opposite sex or others touching them.
So Bao Ruiming sent out an investigation team at that time. They would fight to the death to protect a worthless barnacle, even though they knew it was meaningless, but they could no longer resist inertia.
The Federation only wants to cultivate tools, so you'd better not have any personal thoughts. Free thinking is harmful, but people are not tools, at least Pei Shu is not. This process is about pushing the limits of oneself.
Every day is like torture, there is no moment of relaxation.
But Pei Shu is already a reserve investigator. People like him seem to be cursed and can only die outside the wall.
Lao Zhao hated the investigator's training method very much, and finally became a logistics soldier and never left this industry.
Their thinking has been changed and they can't live like normal people. Pei Shu's experience of being Lu Yuan's teacher was like a dream. He only dealt with trivial matters every day and there was no danger. When he lay there at night, he knew that he was not an insider and he would always have to go out again.
He thought of Liu Yu countless times. Liu Yu was the one who left a mark on him, which was more indelible than the four words "retain information".
His life changed since the day he met Liu Yu, so Pei Shu was even a little excited when he cheated on her for the first time.
Pei Shu: "Before all of us leave the wall, we all have to meet Prometheus one last time. It's a kind of graduation ceremony."
Prometheus's big data can predict everyone's destiny with an accuracy of 50%, which is already very high. Therefore, before going out of the wall, everyone will meet with Prometheus alone as if to have their fortune told.
Without connecting to the human-machine joint device, you enter a white room. A small ball wrapped with mycelium hangs from the ceiling, emitting blue light.
The young Pei Shu needed to accept his fate here. Prometheus' voice was very cold, "Outside the wall, you will die later than your kind."
This sentence conveys two messages. First, you graduates will die outside the wall, including Pei Shu.
Second, Pei Shu is the one who lived the longest.
Pei Shu: "I was surprised when I heard that. Although my grades are good, I'm not a top student like Qi Xueliu, who gets straight A's in every subject. Why am I the one who survives to the end?"
Pei Shu's voice became softer and softer. "But I really am the one who has lived the longest."
The first one to graduate in their batch was Yi Linghe, a very capable female captain. Pei Shu had always followed her on missions.
Their team retrieved quite a lot of information, but it was all fragmented information without any key points. As a result, after so many years outside the wall, they not only did not understand more about the world, but became more confused.
What kind of world is this? Perhaps he is a frog in a well.
Their last mission was to get as close to the north as possible. The investigators' work could be roughly divided into two categories: one was to explore the way and obtain information, and the other was to conduct in-depth investigations based on the information available.
Pathfinder work is like a big adventure. All the information is fresh, and every step you take takes you further than before.
Pei Shu: "The farthest place I've ever been to, because we have so little information about it, it hasn't been officially named yet and is still a question mark on the map. Some people call it the Far North. The coordinates of Prometheus you provided are further north of the Far North."
Pei Shu was one of the few investigators who had been there, so Bai Cheng suggested taking Pei Shu along.
"It was there that we lost our entire team, including my captain Yi Linghe."
Pei Shu closed his eyes, and the flames on his body died down a little. "That's the strangest place I've ever been to. There are no puzzles, so there's no need to search for answers. There are no monsters, so there's no need to kill them. There's only desolation."
The desolation seems to have no boundaries, no light, no wind, no time and no passing.
"But it was also the most dangerous place I've ever been. There were some unknown creatures there, and I just stepped in," Pei Shu said. "It robbed me of my existence."
It is difficult to explain to people how a person can be deprived of their existence if their heart, limbs, head, or memories and thoughts are taken away.
How do people determine that they really exist?
Maybe it's with the help of other people, who talk to you and communicate with you. In this process, you feel that the other person is real, and he also feels that you are real.
Living alone in the universe, one cannot be aware of one's own exact existence. A normal person will not suddenly have the thought of asking himself whether he exists.
Because every moment of life tells you the answer. When you walk on the road and your feet step on the ground, you will feel gravity. When the sun falls on your body, you will feel warm. When you argue with others, you will get angry. When you fall in love with someone, you will feel your heart beating.
But after entering the Far North, Pei Shu's existence was erased. He could not describe the feeling to others, as if at that moment, the individual no longer existed.
No matter how hard I try, the people I talk to feel fake, and I can't see my reflection in their pupils.
When I look in the mirror I feel unreal, when I walk on the road I can't feel myself walking, the sun is no longer warm, and when I stab myself I don't feel any real pain.
All his senses were taken away, his self-existence was denied, he was heading towards nothingness, and he could not find the purpose of living. The psychologist tried many methods but failed to solve the problem.
Pei Shu's soul and body seemed to be separated, and he fell into nothingness completely.
"Most of those people committed suicide on the spot."
They stepped into the far north and were stunned for a short time. They did not feel any spiritual pollution and did not see any hallucinations. The next second, a huge nothingness surged up and their existence was ruthlessly deprived.
Teammates picked up their weapons, gunshots rang out one after another, and bodies fell to the ground one after another.
They trained so hard that they killed themselves at the end.
Pei Shu couldn't stop it, and couldn't even feel the reality. Captain Yi Linghe picked up the gun and pointed the muzzle at his temples. Pei Shu realized something, but he couldn't judge.
Yi Linghe said, "Let's go."
Pei Shu, let’s go, don’t stay here.
Pei Shu followed Yi Linghe's team and had the instinct to obey orders. By the time he realized what was happening, they had already left.
Strangely, he couldn't remember the details of Yi Linghe's death, only that she was dead.
Later, the psychologist said that it was also his body's self-protection mechanism. Pei Shu said, bullshit.
Because Pei Shu forgot a lot of things, he didn't remember how he returned to the Federation, and why he survived.
The superiors interrogated him one after another, and he explained again and again, but he could not remember anything. He tried to commit suicide several times in the mental hospital and was almost unable to break free from the restraints.
After taking countless pills and undergoing countless treatments, including electric shocks, conversations, sand table exercises, and hypnosis, Pei Shu was "cured" by the hospital. After being discharged, he became a teacher in the Lu family.
Does he exist? We still don't know.
Until Zhu Ning appeared, she tried to blow up the kingdom of God, forcing the island in the sky to open the highest level of defense, and invited him to be her guide.
Reason told him not to go out, but his instinct wanted to go out.
Zhu Ning fell asleep after he invited him for the first time, giving him plenty of time to think.
While she was sleeping, Pei Shu leaned against the car and smoked. He looked at the high wall in the smoke and felt that even the sky outside the wall was different. Finally, Pei Shu opened the car door and sat in the back seat of Zhu Ning's car.
Zhu Ning was just as she thought, very free, and gave him choices every time. Every time she passed a polluted area, she would ask Pei Shu, "Are you still following me?"
Pei Shu said again and again, I will follow.
He wanted to go and see again to see if his existence was left behind in the far north?
At this point, the fire in Pei Shu's body had been completely extinguished. He smiled and said, "Zhu Ning, you took the initiative to find me. You can't abandon me."
He walks out of the wall again, don't leave him.
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