Chapter 54
"Are you doing this on purpose?"
"······"
"Are you trying to annoy me?"
"······"
The wind was strong at night, and the two waited for a while but the car didn't come, but the neon lights of the tall buildings at the other end of the road kept flashing.
Guan Nan gripped her backpack strap tightly and said dryly, "I was just asking casually."
“I won’t be absent,” Jiang Li said irritably, tugging at her ponytail. “I’m always here whenever you need me.”
Guan Nan muttered, "What if?"
"What?" A car passed by, and Jiang Li didn't hear what she said, so he lowered his head a little.
Guan Nan mumbled, "It's nothing."
"..." Jiang Li remained silent for a while, until they got out of the car and walked slowly towards Hecangyuan together, before he slowly asked, "What grade are you in this year?"
Guan Nan subconsciously replied, "I'm a senior in high school."
Seeing that she had given an answer without thinking, Jiang Li glanced at her casually, his expression as if to say, "You know you're in your final year of high school now."
Guan Nan didn't know what he was going to say. She glanced at him after hearing this, but didn't say anything.
With classes tomorrow, the usually bustling Hecangyuan Garden is now quiet, with only a few families still keeping their children company all night long.
"The molecules remain unchanged!"
The larger the denominator, the smaller the value!
"Are you reading this to me? I've taught you so many times! Why can't you learn it?!"
Immediately afterwards, sobbing arguments came from inside the building, followed by crying and shouting during the lecture, "I don't want to study, I hate you."
The two passed silently beneath the howling banyan tree.
Walking on Renmin Branch Road, Jiang Li, holding onto his backpack strap, said to her, "There are less than six months until the college entrance examination."
"Mm." Guan Nan nodded.
He changed the subject so quickly that Guan Nan, who had thought she would receive some more "preaching" about the college entrance exam, seemed to have inadvertently missed this part.
Then, I heard his tone change slightly, becoming more serious from casual.
There was also a slight, barely perceptible tension.
Jiang Li asked, "Beijing, Shanghai, Zhejiang, Nanjing, where are you going?"
Guan Nan hesitated for a moment: "I don't know."
"have no idea?"
"Um," Guan Nan mumbled, avoiding his eyes, "I haven't decided yet."
"..." Jiang Li chuckled upon hearing this, "Can't I say either?"
Guan Nan did not answer him immediately.
There was a moment of silence.
"We can't be deskmates anymore, but let's take the college entrance exam in the same city... and continue being classmates... what do you think?" Jiang Li paused, carefully choosing his words before continuing.
He tried to speak casually, but then lost his voice and couldn't say anything more.
I tried my best to restrain myself.
"Huh?" Guan Nan was stunned, not expecting him to say that.
From now on, classmates.
Can we still be classmates in the future?
But how should I put it? After the college entrance exam results came out and we filled out our college applications, she was going to take Ran Mingju away from Fuling.
Leaving Fuling, I went to a city that Ran Mingju had always wanted to visit but had never been to.
In any case, everything will happen after the college entrance examination; we'll leave immediately after the exam.
But at this moment, after hearing Jiang Li's words, the teetering fruit became even more hesitant.
Will they have a future? Will they even have a future?
Guan Nan dared not think about it. She hesitated for a moment, then suddenly remembered Jiang Li's trip to Beijing during the summer vacation, and said ambiguously, "Beijing, I guess."
“Okay,” Jiang Li stared at her face, his tense expression relaxing slightly, and he smiled lazily, “Then Beijing it is.”
He sounded rather happy.
Guan Nan remained silent.
Not far away was a grocery store. Jiang Li suddenly grabbed her backpack and said, "Mental illness is an acquired disease and is not hereditary. To be precise, in this era of rapid development, people who are under too much pressure and are prone to emotional breakdowns all have a certain potential for explosive outbursts."
Guan Nan blinked and listened quietly to what he had to say.
"Before this, depression was also considered a mental illness. Was it? No, it's just a self-protective mechanism that arises from excessive pressure and uncontrollable emotions under such powerlessness. That's all. Whether it's the pressure of studies or work, in this social situation, very few people are completely healthy in body and mind without being affected by society, family, and environment." Jiang Li's words hit her head, each word carrying more weight than the last.
"It's just that many people can't understand it, and some even like to say it all the time, repeatedly humiliating others."
Guan Nan opened her mouth and whispered, "Yes, I know."
Unbeknownst to her, before meeting Jiang Li, she always believed she was wrong, constantly avoiding that old scar and never daring to truly confront it.
Because she was considered a "little psychopath," everyone disliked her and wouldn't play with her.
As children, they don't understand and are ostracized and targeted. As they grow older, they become bored and start playing by themselves.
"Okay, that's good to know," Jiang Li said, unpacking his bag and putting one hand in his pocket. "Let's go up."
Guan Nan took a few steps, then suddenly turned around.
She said, "Jiang Li, see you tomorrow."
"See you tomorrow," Jiang Li said with a casual smile.
After that night, Guan Nan discovered that Chen Aimei hadn't come to school for several days. Piecing together fragments of various rumors, she concluded that "she must have offended someone, because a female classmate came to the school and gave her a good beating."
He taught Chen Aimei a lesson for stealing the other woman's "boyfriend".
Another absurd "boyfriend".
I saw Chen Aimei again after she returned to school from vacation; the redness and swelling on her face hadn't completely subsided. I heard that her parents had complained to the teacher, but Chen Aimei couldn't say a word about the teacher's name.
In the end, Guan Nan didn't care how the matter was handled.
She focused all her attention on studying.
Once they entered their senior year of high school, all their time seemed to be compressed. Every day, the moment they opened their eyes, they were either memorizing or doing practice tests. The monthly and bi-monthly exams that they had developed in their first and second years of high school turned into weekly tests in their senior year, and they adapted to it very quickly.
After the monthly exam comes the weekly exam. After the weekly exam, the teacher will have new questions and compile test papers for them to do.
Books of exercise books, stacks of test papers, boxes of empty pen refills.
This academic year, we did test papers as soon as get out of class ended, and evening self-study sessions consisted only of lectures and test papers.
Studying and resting became especially precious. The blackboard displayed the countdown to the college entrance examination, adding another layer of pressure to the already immense workload.
Guan Nan's afternoon nap was reduced to 20 minutes every day. After waking up, she would listen to MP4s to check and correct her answers.
The school year is almost over.
By the time people realized what was happening, it was already the last day of 2016.
At this time, apart from the senior high school students, the New Year's Eve party was in full swing. They were like chickens locked in a cage, oblivious to tomorrow and today.
"What a night this is!" one student exclaimed, stretching.
Before school ended, they received another bag of test papers, and someone shouted wildly, "Happy New Year 2017! I've missed you so much!"
"Well, another one's gone crazy." Kuang Xiaohui glanced at the table as she tidied it up, looking tired and helpless.
Guan Nan heard this, smiled, and picked up her schoolbag.
Walking on the street, I belatedly realized that this winter wasn't as cold as in previous years; it felt like autumn.
She looked up at the endless expanse of banyan trees, as if she hadn't felt this way in a long time. She even felt a sense of tranquility amidst her busy schedule.
In her final year of high school, Ran Mingju did not allow her to go out to work again.
After the New Year, Qi Yang found her a lot of test papers. Guan Nan locked herself at home and broke her previous record, writing 50 test papers in the last three days of the holiday.
This summer vacation, and even the second semester of senior year, made sleeping, eating, and going to the toilet feel like a waste of time.
Before we knew it, it was May.
May 5, 2017.
When Guan Nan woke up early in the morning, she saw a reminder on the calendar that it was her birthday.
She got up, first pulling out a gift bag, then taking a small trinket from a drawer, and finally stuffing the crochet hook that had come out with it back into the drawer. After washing up, she felt that carrying it alone would be too conspicuous, so she carefully put the item into her schoolbag.
On this very day, Guan Nan truly learned how popular Jiang Li was.
Those who had played ball with him, were in the same class as him, or had previously stayed at Fuyang Foreign Language School all brought gifts to wish him a happy birthday, Jiang Li.
At noon, Xie Shuwan and his group arrived from outside Fu.
Among them were Xin Jia from the vocational high school and a group from the Ting band, who were waiting for Jiang Li and his two companions at the school gate.
As soon as get out of class ended, Lin Rui ran to Class 1 and, together with Yu Shu, helped Jiang Li run downstairs.
In the afternoon, the trio took leave from evening self-study and went with Jiang Siyao, who came to pick them up, to a place to celebrate Jiang Li's birthday.
That day, the two of them were unable to speak to each other again.
And the gift that had been prepared for so long could not be given out under a suitable excuse.
She planned to send him away after the college entrance examination.
May 28th, Sunday, school is closed.
That day, Ms. Ran Mingju did not go to work. She prepared the dishes early and called the cake shop.
As Guan Nan came out to get some water, she happened to see Ran Mingju standing outside the half-asleep door, the contents of her phone call, "...strawberry flavor, princess, doll, cake...", seeped into her ears through the crack in the door.
Guan Nan glanced at the kitchen and saw fresh, juicy vegetables—all her favorites.
Just as she finished pouring the water, Ran Mingju came in. Guan Nan pretended not to hear anything and remained as calm as ever.
Before the bedroom door closed, Guan Nan heard Ran Mingju say, "Come home for lunch tomorrow."
"Okay." Guan Nan nodded.
In the bedroom, Guan Nan didn't turn on the air conditioner and left the window open to save electricity.
As mealtime approached, the aroma of food wafted from the kitchen, enticing everyone's hearts. Guan Nan wondered if she was being too sentimental, but her long-empty heart was gradually filled by the scent.
That feeling of being squeezed little by little is both blissful and fulfilling.
A while later.
There was a gentle knock on the bedroom door. Ran Mingju didn't come in to disturb her, but simply reminded her, "Dinner is ready, you can eat now."
Guan Nan glanced at the half-finished memorization of famous passages and quotes—
In Li Mi's "Memorial to the Throne," the two lines "__________,__________" serve as the keynote of his "memorial," while also expressing his feelings and summarizing his family's situation.
She had only written half of "臣以险衅" (your subject is treacherous and hasty) when she put down her pen and left without writing the second half.
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