I am a 27-year-old virgin.
I had excellent grades in middle school, ranking at the top in Chinese and often winning first place in essays, earning high praise from my teachers. Then one day, I became arrogant because I read "Battle Through the Heavens" and saw the annual income of top online novel authors. I thought I could do it too! I found my dream!
My father was working away from home and had no time to take care of me. I was holding a 60,000-word manuscript that I had written in school. I went from dropping out of school to dropping out again!
From that day on, my life fell apart!
Let's talk about something else first.
I was quite charming during my student days.
From elementary school to middle school, every female classmate who sat next to me always seemed to like me quite a bit.
In middle school, I had a very good relationship with the class monitor and the class beauty and Chinese language representative.
I have an ordinary appearance, probably because I used to have the same arrogance and humor as the male protagonist in online novels.
Later, I dropped out of school to write novels. I deleted almost all my classmates' contact information because nobody believed in me, and I wanted to prove them wrong—three years of waiting for me to soar to great heights! Just wait until I come back with millions in royalties and prove them wrong! (Of course, I failed.)
Several years after I dropped out of school, I chatted with the class monitor by chance. The monitor told me that they used to often share a bed in the dormitory and talk about me under the covers.
She also said that the class representative for Chinese language liked me back then, and that she liked me too, and asked me with a smile if I believed her.
At that time, I was already deeply immersed in the past, and I stared blankly in front of the computer for a long time, not knowing what to say.
My heart was filled with joy and excitement, but I dared not show it in the slightest; I had become utterly insecure.
Later, the class monitor went to Nanjing University, and the Chinese language representative went to Sichuan University. Ten years have passed in the blink of an eye. My old friends, both male and female, have mostly achieved academic success, far surpassing me!
They are all dozens or hundreds of times better than me, a 27-year-old virgin loser who dropped out of school halfway through, thought he could make a name for himself, and whose family had to pay high tuition fees to send him to a third-tier university where he barely managed to get by.
I used to long for a love that would be unforgettable. Yes, I used to, because I did have two relationships. But my failure as a novelist made me feel inferior. In addition, I have some obsessive-compulsive disorder and so-called mental fastidiousness. Even if my ex-girlfriend held hands or kissed other men, it would shatter my fragile heart and make me feel indignant, which led to our breakup. She even called me crazy.
After I turned 22, I stopped communicating with women.
Now I've developed a complete lack of knowledge about how to talk to girls. A once very lively man has become extremely introverted in real life because of writing novels. I recently started working, and at work I always pretend to be a good person, but in reality I feel uneasy and at a loss every day. I often struggle for a long time because of a single sentence from someone else.
For nearly four years after graduation, I lived a life of irregular hours, doing nothing but writing novels. I wasted far too much time on games and anime under this pretext.
As a good-for-nothing like me, I only know one genre. I'm unwilling to learn, especially afraid of difficulties, because I can't accept the fact that I might not be able to learn and write well. That would mean that my last hope of rising in life has truly been shattered. After more than three years of working full-time, I barely earned 120,000 yuan.
As far as I know, my former class monitor graduated from Nanjing University and now works at a large factory, earning more in a year than I did in more than three years.
It's laughable that I once thought I was on the path to my ultimate dream, that I could make a lot of money, and that by the time they graduated and started working, I would have already bought luxury cars and lived in mansions.
In reality? I'm a piece of trash! A joke! An idiot! An inferiority complex maniac! A fragile ego! An ungrateful wretch! A useless piece of trash!!!
Of course, I haven't talked to her in a long time. I'm not worthy!
After more than three years of not working, I naturally became a laughing stock in the eyes of my relatives. Until this year, I gave in and started working because my income was unstable and I was starving!
Thinking back to ten years ago, I was full of youthful vigor. I often got first place in my class for writing essays, and I loved reading novels. Back then, I thought I was awesome. I dropped out of school with a manuscript of 60,000 to 70,000 words, typed it out on my phone, and posted it on Qidian.com. Thud! It sank without a trace! Not a single reader! Not a single recommendation vote! Not a single comment!
I was devastated and couldn't believe it, which marked the beginning of my path to failure.
The only truly glorious moment on my journey was when first-person perspective novels were popular on Baidu Tieba.
There was a post with over two thousand replies, and so many people were asking me to update. Seeing those people discussing the plot and urging me to update, I was really moved to tears and felt like I could really do it!
Then times changed, apps transformed, and it became impossible to write supernatural stories anymore. My posts were even deleted, and I was completely devastated.
Right now, I'm incredibly insecure. I keep saying I'm pursuing dignity and don't want to give up on my dreams, but I know I'm useless. I have no talent, I can't be motivated, and I know that even if I study, it's useless. I just can't write. The sunshine and smiles I put on outside are just for show!
Furthermore, due to his irregular sleep schedule and eating only one meal a day for many years, his body became weak and frail, he continued to go bald, and even developed high blood pressure!
I, a man who was once handsome and dashing, have fallen apart like this!
Can I accept that? Of course not.
This month, I'm working while preparing for the beginning. I'll give it my all one last time, change all my bad habits, and try to write a book that I'm satisfied with. If that doesn't work, I'll never read online novels again!
I wrote this in the middle of the night, all in a daze!
Time, like a knife, cruelly cuts down even the most outstanding talents!
I'm not reconciled!
I will soar to the heavens! I will reign supreme in online literature! My new book will surely make me a rising star! I will be worshipped by all the literary giants! My ambition remains unfulfilled, my heart will never give up! I am the future online literature master! I will say no to fate! I will strive until I am powerless, fight until I am moved by my own efforts! I will become stronger!!
Suddenly a madman sharpens his knife in the night, and I will cut my former self and everything from the past into pieces!
I want to become stronger!!!
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Brothers, the above was just a joke, don't take it seriously. The following is the real content.
I just saw the release date when I woke up today. I was a little surprised and a little surprised, but not too nervous.
As everyone knows, I'm not able to update frequently enough, so I won't be doing any more frequent updates. I'll just do my best.
Also, today is the 12th, and my friend is getting married on the 15th. I need to go back to my hometown a day or two in advance. I will try my best not to delay the updates. If it is delayed, please understand. It's only a day or two, so it will coincide with the wedding.
It's such a big event like a wedding, I couldn't refuse, after all, we've been good friends for so many years. It's just that the area has only recently opened up, and people from all over the country are gathering together, so I'm a little nervous.
Then, I'll update tonight. I don't have any drafts saved up yet. I'll write two chapters tonight and post them, then stay up all night to write two or three more chapters, trying to reach 10,000 words.
Yes, as always, if there are any problems with the plot, please point them out and I will correct them, or at worst, rewrite it.
That's all for now. I'll eat something and then start writing.
One last thing: don't take the above jokes seriously. Although I've written novels before, I'm not a full-time writer. I wrote this book two months ago, when the pandemic was still ongoing, after being locked down in my neighborhood for over two months, right up until almost Chinese New Year. I was bored out of my mind.
Then, the novel has been written for quite some time now. As for work, I'll look for one again after the New Year. In the period leading up to the New Year, I'll just start working on it.
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