Chapter 4: Trying to Strengthen Chuuya into a Boss


0

Chapter 4: Trying to Strengthen Chuuya into a Boss

【Forgetting a person starts with the voice.】

In fact, I can't remember any voice other than mine.

If you never remember, how can you forget it?

He buried his wife hastily, wiped away his tears, and spoke silently to his relatives and friends. Silence is the highest respect for the deceased. I saw my father-in-law and mother-in-law presenting flowers with cold faces, and I was deeply moved by their quiet sorrow.

The rules we accept by default do not require legal constraints. What's more, we are born free and can do whatever we want. Just as the look my colleague gave me at work after the funeral was so gentle and caring, the uncontrollable murmurs in his mouth were exactly the grief for what I had experienced.

I handed him a cup of hot tea and the whispers stopped abruptly. He looked at me with tears in his eyes, full of unspeakable sadness. Our tacit understanding was conveyed in the interaction, and I was sure that I knew what he was thinking.

At this moment, the low laughter of the parent and child reached his ears again.

"He was visible, vocal, and silent in his pain, and you took it for granted that he was always so unhappy.

I looked at the paper and pen, and finally wrote down a few words of comfort and handed it to my colleague. The colleague received the note, but his expression was blank and he didn't look at it.

I always dream of my youth, when I also had tears in my eyes, the paper and pen were wet with tears, and we used whispers to comfort each other.

I cried quietly in front of my brother's grave. His grave was next to my mother's grave. My father stood in front of my mother's grave, just as I was standing in front of my wife's grave.

It's so creepy that they are so silent. I screamed loudly, venting my emotions in every language I could.

So the people around me looked at me sadly. They stared at me quietly. The sadness was as thick as the syrup that drowns flies and insects, and the syrup rose up and flooded my throat.

Deep in my dream, I heard a painful cry, so bright, like the first cry of a baby at birth. Along with the sound of fireworks exploding, everything returns to the overwhelming tranquility of the rising sun.

So quiet, so quiet.

Before my colleague died, he was clutching the note I wrote to him. He laughed and cried, and he wailed with all his might. But no one knew what he said. Humans were so unfamiliar with language that it was difficult to distinguish the words coming from other people's mouths.

He died in peace.

When morning came, his life or death was no longer even written on paper. People walked forward in an orderly manner. I wanted to say something, but found that I couldn't form a complete sentence.

"No one asked him to be silent, but he had to be silent."

My child said this, he murmured in the silence.

"He wanted to say something, but he looked around. What else could he say?"

I lowered my eyes to look at my child, just as my father once looked at me.

He asked me:

"When do you think I should learn to keep silent?"

I decided to take my children to see my father.

——An excerpt from "Quiet Syndrome"

A few days ago, one of the sheep's children went missing.

The child was only seven years old, soft and frail. He was born with a congenital disease, but it happened that he was quite good at stealing, so he was recruited into the sheep.

This is what Chuuya said.

The boy's name is Shinichiro.

Shinichiro is a good kid, and the members of Sheep don't really like reading. Although everyone knew that education was expensive, and even required daily supplies in exchange for instruction, the Sheep members never came to see Senmaku. Only Shinichiro, wearing tattered clothes, holding a few pieces of melted chocolate and a few 50 yen coins one early autumn day, asked Senmaku to teach him to read.

Chijianmu simply taught together with Chuuya.

He was not as smart as Chuuya, and it took him weeks to memorize the fifty sounds, and the more coherent ones were even more difficult. I also picked out a few fairy tales for him and added pinyin for him to read. He read it over and over again until he had memorized it.

He had a serious lung disease, and although they didn't say it, they all understood that it would be difficult for him to survive the cold winters.

Not long ago, he disappeared.

The sheep paid him no attention, and the sickly ones were of little value. So Chuuya got angry for a rare time and asked everyone to go out and look for him. After spending several days, they finally found Shinichiro in the garbage dump in the middle of Leibo Street.

There were many rats and wild dogs at the garbage dump. Their eyes were red from hunger and there were even cases of them biting people. One can imagine Shinichiro's fate.

When he was found, his fingers were already incomplete, and the bones of his arms and legs were miserably mixed with blood and flesh fibers, reflecting the cold light alone. The young boy's dirty face was half buried in the soil and half looking in a distant direction. His lifeless eyes were half open and covered with a light layer of dirty dust.

Chuuya silently collected his remains, but no matter how good it was, it was just a proper burial in another place, without even a tombstone.

Just like burying a small animal, after it is buried, there will only be a lonely mound of earth and no one will remember it, so it will be forgotten and completely disappear without a trace.

Chuuya went to bed early that day. He buried himself in the cold, hard quilt. Chijianmu lay beside him. He slowly reached out his hand and stroked his back. Chuuya raised his head, and a layer of watery light covered his deep blue eyes.

"I forgot to give him the second book." Chuuya said softly, his sadness was so silent.

"He'll be glad you remembered it."

So they all fell silent. The moonlight shone into the room. The residual warmth in the stove was still there, and cold wind blew in from the half-open window.

There are so many things I want to say, but when the words come to my lips, I remain silent.

“When I woke up, I was lying in the middle of the ruins.” Chuuya’s voice was hoarse.

He said:

"Maybe it's because of me that this place has become like this."

Whenever I see someone die miserably, see evil humiliating their companions, and see the huge wounds on this land. Nakahara Chuuya always thinks about it.

Because of his birth, these people are like this.

He was born with destruction, destroying a piece of land, destroying countless families, destroying countless lives, and destroying countless lives.

He could have just left, but he couldn't.

On this land solidified by his sins, he can only move forward, forward, carrying everything he can. Rotting in silence, even sadness becomes filthy.

He didn't even look forward to death, not even for a moment. An inexplicable intuition told him that if he died, the disaster would not stop, but would lead to even greater disasters, while he was just turning his back on the world and fleeing in the opposite direction like a coward.

Just the slightest favor would evoke a huge sense of guilt in him. He has a very low sense of worthiness. He feels that he is not worthy, so he gives away everything he has.

He was only ten years old. He had no family, no place to come from, no close friends, no fixed residence, no property, and even no identity. He only has a group with himself as the leader, a group of ghetto-like companions.

He is very strong and he knows that many things about him are different from ordinary people. But when his partner goes against him, he doesn't know who is right or wrong. Is it because he is too strong that he is reluctant to take advantage of others? Are their feelings ignored because they have a different perspective? Even if he integrates into the crowd, will he still be an unreasonable alien?

He couldn't stand everything he didn't understand, but he could only endure it. He had already caused the wound, and he could no longer allow himself to manipulate others to choose a good life.

As a so-called leader, he can only make their lives better, but does blindly pursuing material things make him a qualified leader?

He didn't know, no one taught him.

The only person he could trust was a boy younger than him whose origin was unknown and who would gently teach him knowledge. He could feel an indescribable sense of relaxation and a precious equality from the young man.

Qianjianmu doesn't need his protection. He just went with the flow, seeking some peace and quiet, and stayed with him because he wanted to teach him some knowledge. His past is a mystery, and it's hard to tell whether he remembers it or not. He has no special powers, but is very smart and sharp, and can even move freely in the other world. When they look at each other, there is no unequal relationship of who helps whom or who protects whom. They are equal, absolutely equal.

Some things can only be said to people who are equals. Looking down will only put pressure on you, while looking up will only cause trouble.

The white-haired boy turned sideways and tried to hug him. But he was still very small, so he could only shrink towards him and rub against him.

"Yokohama is a city of chaos and death."

He did not utter a word. In his understanding, the whole world was a playground of chaos and death.

If Qian Jianmu had not taken him to school, he might not have understood what history, nobility, or ordinariness, or family, friendship, and love were until he grew up. He was actually very grateful to Sengenmaku for a young man who had been struggling to survive since birth and faced countless deaths and disasters. For him, books are narrow windows to another world and the only way for him to embark on a spiritual journey.

"Chuya guessed it, I'm actually not as small as I look." Qianjianmu said lightly.

"I was born in a highly unified country. The entire country is divided into five major blocks: east, west, south, north and center. Each block has a huge national orphanage, which we call a 'nurturing house'. Children who don't want to be raised, homeless children, and children from poor families are all sent here to be raised together."

Chuuya's eyelashes fluttered for a moment, and he didn't move, but his body responded by listening.

"Every year, orphans are taken in by orphans, who are raised until they are fifteen. In other words, there are tens of millions of orphans in my country who are raised by the state. All children are graded at the ages of five and ten, and are provided with learning resources based on their grades. The top children will be selected by the chaebols and taken away to be trained as valuable resources. The children who are not taken away can leave after they turn 15, without any restrictions or restraints."

"Do you think this is a good thing?"

He didn't say anything, as if he was also in that world.

Isn’t that a good thing? He thought so.

No child is hungry, no child is in pain, there are resources, there is medical care, and it is almost worry-free.

"At the age of five, there will be a silent initial screening, and docile, loyal children will be included in the candidate list. Around the age of ten, they will be divided up by the chaebols. The remaining excellent, but not so perfect children will be sent to the laboratory for human experiments. Every year, there are probably tens of thousands of them. However, only a few dozen survive."

"Does Chuuya think this is abominable?"

Human experiments.

Nakahara Chuuya frowned and clenched his teeth.

"I took the initiative to participate in the experiment." Qian Jianmu's voice was very light, and his pronunciation had a strange beauty, mixed with a faint laugh.

"When I was six, I witnessed countless of my peers' skulls explode due to experiments, with blood mixed with brain matter. People around me might explode while they were sleeping. I underwent dozens of major surgeries and received nearly a hundred critical illness notices. When I was seven, the experiment ended. I was paralyzed and lost all five senses. It took me three years of rehabilitation to return to normal. When my eyes recovered, I knew I had won."

Qian Jianmu gently patted the boy's back.

"The side effect of that experiment is the deprivation of emotions, but not the perception of emotions. So what was born was a person with super talents, almost like a human weapon, a slave of the heartless country and chaebol, a cruel and inhumane tool. But I won. I put everything I had on the table, and what I earned was a future that was a hundred times and a thousand times more."

"Chuuya, do you think this will be worth it?"

"…It's not worth it. How can I…"

"Can Chuuya guess the future of the children who were not taken away, who were not experimented on, and who survived?"

Chuuya fell silent suddenly. He was keenly aware of something darker and obscure, like a large silent shadow.

"After the age of ten, children who are not included in the list of chaebols will have all training programs interrupted and all learning channels cut off. Their only goal is to live to the age of fifteen.

Excellent people become even more excellent when they are taken away and kept in captivity, and incompetent people become even more incompetent because they are ignorant and unaware. Ninety percent of the children who leave the orphanage will become screws, with no abilities and no potential to be developed. They become low-level laborers, or even more tragically, they are sent to be trafficked, while the good-looking ones are taken away and become tools of desire.

Most of them will become corpses on the roadside due to overwork, disease, poison, and gunfights. There is no future because the future is completely blocked. Once you leave the incubator, under the joint blockade of the chaebols and the country, there is absolutely no chance of success. ”

Qian Jianmu's tone was very calm, as if he was a third party examining the entire environment, with a sense of playful and cold sarcasm.

"When I was five years old, I realized that my appearance and personality would bring me trouble. Many people came to see me because they wanted my genes and my children. My talents were not enough to protect myself, and my personality could not make me look easy to tame. In order to escape from hell, I had to bet everything, life or death. Living was winning, and losing was death."

The darkness of the whole world, in the eyes of an overly smart and clear-headed child, is like a hell with no way out. This kind of screening is even a well-known consensus in society. Normal families have become rare, let alone someone saving him among millions of children. Without the strength to struggle, you can only see a life that is either long or short, but definitely not happy. You can even see a distorted future life at a glance.

"You have to bet on yourself to gain undistorted power. An incompetent wild dog can be driven by anyone, while a weapon with absolute talent has the ability to stab its master at any time. I want to become the strongest, and for this, I will bet on my emotions, everything I have, and my life's good luck."

Chuuya was silent, feeling an indescribable suffocation. Children in the slums are poor or dead, but their future is unlimited. But in Chimamu's life, he felt a sense of helplessness in the predetermined life. Their lives were extended to the age of fifteen, but their purpose was to become food for others.

"Chuya, a child once asked me before he died: 'Is life always this painful, or is it only for children?'"*

“I told him: ‘It’s always like this.’ But, for you, Chuuya—”

(This is the first and most important thing I want to tell you.)

“You need to open your eyes and look at the whole world. This world is a huge card table. You have to add some chips to avoid severe misfortune. However, the total amount of pain is constant. In the final analysis, it is just like cutting flesh with a blunt knife. As long as you can accept the pain, you can avoid severe misfortune.”

(That’s the second thing I want to tell you.)

“When you want to protect something, no matter how small it is, you have to realize that your opponent is not an individual, but the entire world. And when you want to atone for your sins, you have to die quickly. The compensation you want can never be directly delivered to the person involved, and every minute and every second you live is adding bricks to the sin.”

Chuuya was silent for a long time, then he spoke softly:

"What does it feel like to have no feelings?"

Somewhat stunned, Qian Jianmu smiled gently.

"They will become madmen, absolute thugs, and demons who deserve no pity for their death. They will forget all ties, kill their brothers, and devour their parents. They will not care about the high and low, the old and the young, the good and the evil, and will turn life and death upside down. It is not as simple as a few lives, because in the eyes of such people, life is worthless."

He told Zhong Ye: I am that kind of person, you have to be careful.

Nakahara Chuuya fell into a long silence.

"I know what you wanted to know from me in the beginning, but I don't know. Even if you and I come from the same origin, and I am burdened with sins and bones, I don't care. I will just go to the poker table again."

Chuuya looked back and saw the boy's strange, heterochromatic eyes in the moonlight. They were cold and gloomy, burning with a calm madness like a cold weapon. He felt a chill reflexively.

(This is the third thing I want to tell you.)

"Don't doubt yourself, don't feel sorry for yourself. Even if it is distorted, you can only allow yourself to control yourself. Who am I? What am I? What do I represent? In the final analysis, those are all definitions of us by the outside world and have nothing to do with ourselves. Don't hesitate, it's a zero-sum game, the dealer takes it all. Waiting will bring about helpless tragedy, and it's a fantasy to expect to win without playing."

(This is the fourth thing I want to tell you.)

"The world has its own balance. If you really can't accept failure, then you have to believe in cause and effect. Cause and effect will always come back to you. "

It seemed as if an indescribable evil spirit was dwelling in the body of the white-haired, heterochromatic-eyed boy. Chuuya began to tremble. He was shaking slightly. He suddenly realized that Qianjianmu had become a twisted complete body. He had transformed himself into a form that could adapt to the law of the jungle and the survival of the fittest. What’s even more terrifying is that his theory actually gave Zhongyuan Zhongye a sudden enlightenment. This illusion of sliding into the abyss made him shudder.

However, soon, Qian Jianmu's expression changed and he laughed softly. That kind of fierceness disappeared in an instant, leaving only the usual calmness and gentleness.

"But, Chuuya is still very young. You will see more people and things. This world has always been tolerant of the strong, and you still have a long time to think about it. I will follow the wishes of my old friend and be a child quietly, enjoying a free life, that's enough."

"...How can you be considered as a peaceful person?"

Is it safe to get the phone and money in just a few months?

But his behavior of writing books is very peaceful...

“I can’t help it. I don’t have the good card of supernatural powers. Life will become very difficult without Chuuya. I have to create a safe environment first. Children are very fragile.”

Without having time to blush at the name "Chuuya-nii", Chuuya said anxiously:

"…Are you going to leave here?"

Those beautiful heterochromatic eyes blinked, revealing a gentle, warm smile. Nakahara Chuuya was completely unable to detect the falsity and superficiality of that smile.

"Raybo Street is very inconvenient, so I'm leaving in the spring. I'll probably find a quiet place to live in Yokohama."

"...You can stay here, stay with the sheep. No one will bother you..."

"Didn't you notice it?" The young boy tilted his head and rubbed the pillow with a kind of cuteness that made people feel soft-hearted. "I have no interest in worthless, evil-minded scum who want to stab you in the back and devour your flesh and blood. Just looking at them makes me feel hopeless about my future life."

Her golden eyes were filled with a soft glow, incredibly beautiful, but her tone was light and cold.

"But Chuuya is a good kid. If Chuuya sees what I see and makes a judgment, Chuuya is always welcome here. This is not entirely the result of value judgment. At present, the negative impact of my disappearance of emotions has basically disappeared, so you can trust it."

Chuuya knew very well what Chigenmaku thought of sheep. He fell silent, knowing that separation was inevitable. His lips moved for a moment, but he could only remain silent.

"In the future, Chuu can also try to write some poetry." The white-haired boy had a faint warmth on his body, and his tone was surprisingly calm. If Chuu had ever seen the existence of AI, he would find that Qian Jianmu's tone was extremely similar to that of the emotionless AI that was currently analyzing the operation. “Looking out of the window is very lonely. Open a window to your own world and let people outside stop and admire your existence.”

The late-night chat mode ended, and Qian Jianmu thought he had done his best. As for how Chuuya would change in the future, he no longer had any responsibility or obligation to interfere.

But what he did not expect was that one day in the future he would receive a call from the boy.

The unpolished jade tenaciously washed off the mud on its body and successfully turned into a dirty adult.

How sad.

Congratulations, congratulations.

Continue read on readnovelmtl.com


Recommendation



Comments

No comments yet.

Please login to comment

Support Us

Donate to disable ads.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com