Chapter 374 Tears
He was too close, the professor thought, like the sun setting over the sea, a golden ocean, golden flames, golden mist rolled up by the tide - but not hot, nor biting, but like smoke, soft and warm, moist and fresh, silently filling and occupying his lungs, making his chest glow, and with every breath he would taste the deep and soft scent repeatedly in his nose and stomach.
The man held his cheek with his warm palm and rested his forehead against his. He was smiling, and the curve between his eyebrows and the corners of his lips was very gentle, but his blue eyes were very sad. It seemed that something transparent wrapped him, wrapped them, and conveyed information to each other without reservation.
Humans don't usually act this way. For this species, love and trust are so fragile and elusive that they call them "expectations." Doubt, suspicion, and hatred among their own kind are constant themes. But this strange, almost one-at-one honesty makes him feel safe, like curled up in the amniotic fluid of his mother's womb. He feels like a wealthy man who never has to worry.
"...I remember seeing it somewhere." The professor suddenly said.
The black-haired young man reached out his hand and carefully touched the god's eyes, which were still filled with sadness, and stroked his damp, soft light golden eyelashes.
...eyes so familiar that he felt dazed the first moment he saw them.
On the afternoon I passed out in the office, before being rushed to the hospital, I discovered an unfamiliar piece of software on my computer screen. He muttered to himself in his native language: "It had no name, and it looked like a book. I thought my computer had a virus... and this software was probably the vehicle through which the Book of Genesis was projected onto Earth."
...Speaking of which, the Book of Gods and Creation is quite capable of keeping up with the times.
When he discovered the software couldn't be uninstalled, and even automatically appeared on every electronic device he used, he backed up all his data and decided to try it. As soon as he opened it, he saw what seemed to be an incredibly beautiful picture album—or should I say, a comic?—that took up the entire screen. Then he suddenly felt dizzy and lost consciousness. When he regained consciousness, he was lying in the hospital. The doctor looked at him with a worried look and told him seriously that there was something wrong with his brain.
Afterwards, he seemed to have never seen this software on any electronic product again. Some strange force prevented him from touching it or recalling it... Until now, until it was revealed by the God of Fate, he remembered that he did not see nothing - he saw a tombstone and the eyes of the male protagonist curled up in front of his mother's grave.
...a very deep and clear blue, with a strange and dazzling circle of gold around the edge of the iris.
"...I have a guess," the professor said after a moment of silence. He slowly opened his eyes and spoke word by word. "A bold guess about the pathology in my brain that even doctors can't explain."
"I once witnessed the torture suffered by the Tyrant through hallucinations caused by the 'brain tumor'. At that time, I just thought it was delirium caused by the disease, but it was actually my own experience - I have experienced all of this, but my memory was lost under the violent impact of the rift in time and space."
"I saw the 'comic' and passed out. By then, my soul had already entered the continent of Ambrose. I became the 'Tyrant' and died. The violent fluctuations caused by the world line rotation brought my soul back to my world. Then I was diagnosed with a 'brain tumor'..." His voice trailed off. "The so-called 'brain tumor' is the remaining soul fragments of the gods that have not yet been completely consumed. They are parasitic in my brain."
Azuka's fingers trembled, and his lips slowly pursed.
"...Then I died of illness." The professor paused, then continued calmly, "The two worlds clearly have different speeds of time. That's when my soul was able to reenter the Ambrose Continent—and that's when I met you."
Rather than "past life," it's more reasonable to explain it with in-game terminology—this is the second run of the protagonist, the heroine, the second male lead, and the villain. The protagonists, however, have the Book of Genesis as a save point and retain their memories of the first run, while the villain isn't from Ambrose, so he doesn't remember the "Tyrant" ending from the first run. However, due to the eternal debuff from the soul fragments of the devoured gods, he still retains a fragment of the "Mad King," causing his mental state to fluctuate and occasionally experience fragmented hallucinations...
This is what it's like to not have the halo of being the protagonist. Suddenly, a rather humorous sentence popped up in his mind, but the look of another person stopped him from blurting it out.
"...Why do you look like that?" Nova reached out uneasily, trying to hug the person on his body. "I've known you even longer than I can remember. You should be happy."
...He was being held so tightly that his bones were trembling. But he didn't want to push her away. Instead, his nose inexplicably started to feel sore.
Is he...wanting to cry now? The wandering soul from another world was extremely confused and struggling to think, but why?
pain.
Azuka felt his back curl up violently due to unbearable pain, as if trying to use those strong and almost violent emotions to build a safe nest, trying to completely wrap the person under him and then feed him carefully.
All my doubts were answered. Those self-destructive tendencies that followed me like a shadow, those nightmares that I couldn't escape at night, and even the fear of losing my reason and sanity...
The truth was so cruel that it overwhelmed him with grief. All that was worthy of worldly boasting vanished before that person. He was naked before him, only dullness and ignorance remained, a most foolish and selfish person.
...But he would not let go, the Savior thought coldly and cruelly, never. He was his great and immortal enemy, the mirror that held his guilt and shame, the most turbulent thing in his life... his moon.
His unfortunate nemesis, visibly alarmed by his condition, tentatively slid his hands beneath his ribs, patting his back gently.
Azuka was silent for a moment, finally hiding those violent emotions that might scare people, and instead supported his body a little to avoid suffocating people.
He could even lower his head and gently kiss the black-haired young man's forehead, eyes and lips, lovingly and carefully, again and again, until he kissed him so hard that he couldn't help but put his hand against his lips.
"...Stop kissing me." The professor pursed his lips forbearingly, turned his head slightly away under his control, and put his cheek into his palm.
"Why?" the Savior asked softly, and then gently kissed the palm of his lover's hand: "You look like you want me to kiss you now."
——Confused, soft, aggrieved, as if frightened by something, curled up under him at a loss, looking very pitiful.
"...I don't." The black-haired young man frowned: "I don't need a kiss."
He even subconsciously launched into a long speech, attempting to use rational analysis to isolate the unsettling emotions. "Based on the information available, everything we did was the optimal solution at the time. This included my 'death,' both the first and second time, which was a necessary step in achieving the ultimate goal. After all, judging by the outcome, even the existence of this 'brain tumor' might be beneficial, enhancing my soul's tolerance and enabling me to better bear the burden of traversing the rifts in time and space and devouring the fragments of the gods..."
"Professor," Azuka interrupted him very calmly, "If you don't want to make me angry, don't say such things again."
"...I didn't mean to make you angry."
"I know you didn't mean it." He gently brushed the messy hair back. "It's just that you don't have to be like this. Don't force yourself to comfort me at a time like this. I hope you can show any emotion in front of me, vent your anger, fear, resentment, grievance, and anxiety at me...."
No matter who is forced to endure this shameless and unfair horrific disaster, having everything they own destroyed again and again, suffering such terrible hardships, and paying such huge sacrifices, as long as they are alive, they will feel great pain that is enough to destroy everything - even if it is overwhelmed by time, even if they are persuaded by reason, but pain is pain.
The pair of smoky gray eyes were still looking at him blankly, but a thin mist that was obviously damp was slowly spreading up in a particularly distressing way.
"...That's it, good boy," Azuka whispered, kissing his eyes gently until she tasted something salty on her tongue: "What a good boy."
The black-haired young man seemed to be increasingly at a loss. He subconsciously tried to turn his head away from the comfort that left him unsure how to respond, but his palm gently and stubbornly held him in place. An unfamiliar soreness filled his chest, and his throat tightened. He opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out.
"You feel a little uncomfortable in your chest now, but you don't know what to do, right?" The Savior stroked his cheek and asked in a low voice patiently and gently.
Nova hesitated for a moment, but nodded honestly.
"It's okay, this is normal." The other person lowered his head and gently kissed his lips: "Leave it to me..."
Warm fingers caressed his shoulders, removing his coat, then sliding down to unbutton his tightly fastened shirt one by one. His slender neck, sharp collarbones, pale, heaving chest… all gradually exposed to the slightly chilly air, a shudder that was quickly enveloped by the warmth of his body, until a final, gentle kiss landed on the center of his chest, where his ribs met, without any hint of lust.
"What do you feel now?" Azuka raised his head and asked in a low voice.
The professor blinked his eyes, and his vision, which was blurred by tears, became clearer, reflecting a brilliant and bright figure.
"You." He whispered.
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