“My dad hired a tutor for me, a top student from H University in our city.” Ye Qingyan recalled, “He was the kind of man who smiled very gently, unlike the tutors I had before. He was very patient, and no matter how much I didn’t understand, he kept changing his teaching methods.”
"I think it might have been love at first sight, or love at second sight. I knew he was the one I liked after only a few meetings. So I looked forward to the evenings every day, and I really looked forward to seeing him."
“He always brings me small gifts when he comes. Sometimes it’s milk tea or drinks, and sometimes he buys me something after hearing from people at school that they’re delicious. I think he probably likes me a little too.”
Ye Qingyan choked up a little, her hand that was fiddling with the letter stopped moving, she withdrew her hand and rubbed her cheeks to hold back the tears that were about to fall.
“After about a month, we became more and more familiar with each other. Besides tutoring time, he would often text me to ask how I was doing. When I was scared at home alone, he would stay up all night talking to me on the phone.”
“I don’t think that’s something a tutor should do. I’m sure he liked me too. Maybe not as much as I liked him, but he definitely liked me.”
“I knew his family wasn’t well-off and he was tutoring to earn a living, so I told him I hoped he could keep tutoring me. I offered to double his salary. He didn’t agree at first, but later he did, as long as I paid him the normal rate. I was worried about his financial situation, and I figured I didn’t have much to lose, I wasn’t short of money. I was really happy when he gave me small gifts, so later when he gave me gifts, I would give him gifts in return. Sometimes it was a shirt, sometimes a belt.”
“He accepted my gifts the first few times, but then he refused to accept them no matter what I did. No matter how I tried to coax or bribe him, he became more and more silent and would just stare blankly at me.”
"Actually, I felt it all, but I didn't take it to heart. As the holiday was about to end, he was about to start school, and I was afraid that I would have less time to see him. So one day, when he was about to leave, I confessed my feelings to him."
"But I feel he has really changed. He's not as sunny and warm as when I first met him." Ye Qingyan finally couldn't hold back anymore, tears welling up in her eyes and falling in the blink of an eye.
“I didn’t realize that I had influenced him. I really didn’t know he would care so much about those gifts.”
“He told me he couldn’t accept me. He said he was tired of his life and tired of being with me. He said he couldn’t accept my intense feelings and that every time I gave him a gift, it felt like a thorn piercing his heart. He said he was very sorry, but his pride wouldn’t allow him to be with me.”
Zhen Tian felt uncomfortable seeing Ye Qingyan crying. This discomfort stemmed not only from Ye Qingyan's tears but also from her story.
She tapped her head, and a series of images flashed through her mind, though they seemed to be from a comic book she had read, but she had no recollection of them at all.
"Don't cry." Zhen Tian wasn't good at comforting people. She just took out a tissue and dabbed it on Ye Qingyan's face. Ignoring her own discomfort, she stroked Ye Qingyan's head as she always comforted her.
"Don't cry, I don't want to cry." Ye Qingyan took the tissue from Zhen Tian and wiped her face haphazardly, then blew her nose. "He disappeared the next day. No matter if I texted or called, he wouldn't reply. That's when I realized how little I knew about him. Apart from his school, I didn't know anything about him at all."
"I was really sad at that moment. I felt like I might have really hurt him."
Yuan Yuan walked over when Ye Qingyan was talking. She listened until this point before speaking.
"Young Miss, don't be silly." Yuan Yuan always seemed so calm. She crossed her arms and said with a hint of disdain, "This kind of giving up because of pride is just because he's insecure. It's not your fault. It's his personality that makes him afraid to accept your feelings. In the end, he's just a coward. Do you understand?"
"Stop being so naive and always thinking you're the one who's wrong, okay? Where did you go wrong?"
"Yes, where did I go wrong?" Ye Qingyan cleared her throat, swallowing back her sobs a little. "So I've come to terms with it. Men are always the best when they can't have them. There are so many different kinds of men out there, why should I hang myself on one tree?"
"Don't worry," Ye Qingyan chuckled. "I've had a change of heart since the sports meet. Are friends not fun enough or snacks not tasty? It's just a man. I don't want him anymore."
"Deep affection has always been fleeting, so I'm going to be a scumbag woman from now on and play with men's feelings."
Ye Qingyan stood with her hands on her hips, feeling like she was the best in the world.
"That won't work either. You can't go to the other extreme." Zhen Tian's eyebrows twitched when she heard this, and she quickly waved her hand.
"Tch, you silly girl." Ye Qingyan always liked to pat Zhen Tian's head.
"It's good that you've come to your senses. I couldn't bear to see you so depressed the other day." Yuan Yuan clicked her tongue. "Alright, now you two focus on your test papers. We can talk about men later."
Yuan Yuan returned to her seat before the school bell rang.
Ye Qingyan took a textbook out of her desk drawer and muttered to herself, "Yes, I need to study hard and never hire a tutor again."
Her notebook lay open beside her, still bearing the man's handwriting. Seeing it still caused a pang of heartache.
"Don't be silly, Ye Qingyan, he doesn't like you that much at all."
Unbeknownst to her, tears stained her book.
Zhen Tian was in even worse condition than Ye Qingyan. She felt very dizzy, and the words in front of her were not clear. She felt nauseous from the dizziness and had to close her eyes.
After a whole day, Zhen Tian felt slightly better when she saw Ji Yuzhi after school.
Ji Yuzhi noticed her unusual behavior: "Are you feeling unwell? Let's go to the hospital."
"No need, I just probably ate too much and my stomach is a little upset." Zhen Tian herself didn't know what was wrong, but apart from feeling dizzy, she didn't have any other symptoms.
"Go back and take some digestive pills. If you still feel unwell, you have to tell me, okay?"
"good."
Zhen Tian's eyes were fixed on the scenery outside the car window. She felt that there was something extra in her head now, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it.
Back in her room, she didn't even take a shower. After a quick wash, she got into bed at Ji Yuzhi's urging.
"It's okay, don't worry about Zhizhi."
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