Chapter 47: Immortal Cultivation Rice and Guan Luo [VIP]
576.
Five minutes later.
"Okay," Bruce said, his voice low and gentle. "Time to get today's report ready."
No one moved.
Another five minutes later.
"...Okay." Bruce emphasized again.
Still no one moved.
“…”
"Please allow me to disturb your interest at this time. Are you planning to hold Master Bruce like this until dawn?" Ah Fu stood by with a cup of tea and reminded them in a gentle tone.
"It's not impossible." Dick muttered softly.
"Get lost." Jason pushed him away in disgust.
577.
Finally, under Ah Fu's meaningful gaze, we reluctantly let go of Bruce and retreated one by one. Some of the big blue birds that refused to let go were pulled away by me by their collars (emphasis added).
"Oh, what a shame," Stephanie shook her head. "This rare family moment is over just like that."
"Yeah, that's a shame." I sighed in agreement. "It's okay to hold L for a while longer."
"You're getting more demanding." Bruce glanced at me, but his tone was not cold and hard, and there was still a smile on his face.
Well, she seems to be very happy being hugged.
This old bat just loves to pretend (loudly)!
578.
Damian cleared his throat and pretended that the hug he had just given Bruce was nothing, just ordinary human contact.
Jason whistled and changed the previous scene to the lock screen. By the way, his previous lock screen was a family photo we took together, with Bruce sitting in the middle and everyone surrounding him.
Jason was incredibly pleased with the photo, and then he secretly started a second account to write Bird and Bat for half a month. In his stories, Red Hood is always the designated winner. Incidentally, I'm the one being favored in his stories, so I actually enjoyed reading them.
Put yourself in the shoes of the person being flattered: As long as they are willing to put in the effort for me, that's all that matters! .jpg
Only Tim was upset that he always ended up losing more than he gained in the story, and that he had somehow ended up assisting Jason. But no one cared. He didn't dare let Jason know that he had access to Jason's trumpet, otherwise Jason would definitely perish with him.
579.
Bruce glanced around and regained his usual composure, even shaking his head slightly. His eyes showed "Why are these kids so clingy?"
But he neither refused nor resisted.
Before even turning around, he reached out and ruffled Jason's hair.
Then, in the envious gazes of all of us, he left without mercy.
580.
"...Fuck." Dick gritted his teeth, "Why is he so partial to Jason!"
"This isn't fair!" I waved my fist in anger.
"Batman, you are a mean old man!" Stephanie accused, pointing at Bruce's back.
Jason paused, the corners of his mouth curling up a little.
"Pathetic." He shrugged and said in a deliberately nonchalant tone, "This is the consequence of you not knowing how to act like a spoiled child."
581.
So, the war started again——
"Who can't act like a spoiled child?"
"Next time, Monopoly will teach you how to act like a spoiled child!"
"Come and have a fight, the winner gets to act like a spoiled brat!"
The bat cave was suddenly in chaos, bustling with activity and noise.
Alfred stood by with a cup of tea, raising his eyebrows calmly as he stared at Bruce who was sitting in front of the Batcomputer.
Bruce's back was covered with a few drops of sweat in a comical way.
Alfu put the tea on the table and brought Bruce a cup of hot milk.
Bruce's eyes were wandering, and he finished the glass of milk under Alfu's meaningful gaze.
582.
On the first day, Bruce gave everyone a pat on the head.
He even started by patting our heads in the order we arrived at the house, all the way from me to Ao Tinghan. This time he didn't do anything extra, and after patting our heads, he ignored us and went to read the newspaper on the sofa.
I went to the Wanjian Sect with great satisfaction to discuss Damian's exchange student qualifications. Damian realized the power of "Hunting" the day before yesterday. He said that it was because his desire to get rid of Jason had reached its peak at that time.
Ah, so you gained your strength through "revenge"? ...Hakimi, you... (No)
In short, Damian doesn't have any major problems now, so he should follow the tradition of his sisters and brothers and practice cultivation!
583.
Damian went there, and he chose beast taming without hesitation, and established good relationships with all the beasts within a week!
Okay, that's very Damian.
What surprised me even more was that Damian got along very well with his fellow students, and he even had friends he could go to the bathroom with (although Damian firmly refused)!
In a short period of time, all the friends in Dayou circle liked it, and the other party also liked all his tweets.
They could talk for two hours about Feifei's fur not being smooth enough and which fish oil to take...
Well, how can someone who likes furry things be a bad person? Long live furry things!
It doesn’t mean that there are no bad things about skins, coelenterates, annelids, and chordates!
584.
Damian won unanimous praise from everyone for his super high affinity, and was entrusted with an egg by the spiritual beast "Yuwu" who served as a teaching object in the classroom!
He treasured this egg so much that he would set aside some time every day to do prenatal education for it. Since it was young, he would recite various assassination techniques, poison recipes, how to use weapons, etc. next to the egg.
If I hadn't warned him not to soak the egg in poison, he might have already started developing poison-resistance training for the egg.
I still have it! Let it go!
585.
By the way, Dick also chose to be a beast tamer, but until now he has not shown any intention of contracting any beast.
I once got an egg from the system, but Dick was busy gaining a foothold in Bludhaven at the time and had no time to hatch it, so I gave it to the people at Beast Taming Peak to raise.
A member of.
586.
Just one day after I complained to Damian, Dick picked up a puppy. It was very lively and cheerful, wagging its tail happily and barking crisply.
Dick discussed a name with it after a psychic session with Kashan, and formed a contract with it in just three days.
Under the influence of the contract and the magic pill, Haili, the puppy's name, went from a three-legged baby to a four-wheel drive motor. It was already full of energy, and now it ran around like the wind.
And because Dick and it have a contract, they are in tune with each other, and Haley will help Dick do things that Dick cannot do openly at various times.
For example, he helped him to restrain us when we were having supper after the night patrol, tasted the dog food through empathy, went on missions with the Extraordinary Pets, sneaked into Jason's room to pull the leaves of Marcia (Jason's flower), and took away the snacks hidden by Stephanie.
Of course, the parties involved don’t know about these things, because Hayley will frame them. To this day, Damian still thinks that it was Tim who painted the patterns on his eggs (Tim: Hey!).
It's just a minor quarrel. I won't interfere.
Oh wow, is this the dessert they give away ten times a day, limited to Gotham residents? It tastes amazing!
Haley is just a little puppy, what's wrong with her? In the final analysis, it's just that Dick is too naughty!
Use this handle (not) to threaten (not) to educate him!
587.
The leader of Beast Taming Peak asked me if Damian could go to middle school and high school here. It’s rare for spirit beasts to like someone so much.
This is not my business. It depends on Damian and Bruce to discuss it.
After some discussion, Damian said he wanted to skip a grade and complete all his courses as soon as possible. After all, Robin's responsibilities were more important! Batman couldn't do without Robin!
Tim: "How come Red Robin isn't a Robin?"
Damian: "Shut up, Derek."
588.
However, a few days later, Bruce introduced us to a starfish - Can Luo!
"Bruce." I stared at the little pink starfish in his hand and tilted my head. "Did you finally hallucinate from staying up all night?"
"It's not an illusion," Bruce said calmly, holding the starfish forward. "It's called Can Luo."
We all looked down at Guan Luo, and Guan Luo raised its short tentacles and energetically used telepathy to explode a passionate shout in everyone's minds -
"Batman is great! Batman is the best! I love Batman the most!!!"
Everyone: “…”
Dick gasped, "...it can talk?!"
Bruce nodded, "It's telepathic."
"What else can it do?" Tim stared at Guan Luo warily.
"Oh, I'm super awesome!" Guan Luo said proudly, "I can mind-control enemies, detect emotions, analyze tactics... I can also dance and sing! I have two dreams: one is to be Robin, and the other is to form a band that will take the world by storm!"
Jason raised an eyebrow. “That doesn’t sound like a pet. It sounds more like a—”
"And I love Batman so much!!" Guan Luo excitedly waved his tentacles and interrupted him, "Batman is the most handsome! Batman is the strongest! Batman is my light!"
The Batcave fell into a subtle silence.
Then--
Stephanie pointed at Can Luo in disbelief: "Wait, Bruce, did you pick up a fan???"
589.
I cautiously touched Guan Luo's head (?), and he hugged my fingers and rubbed them like a puppy.
"Bruce, your little fans are quite cute." I said happily.
Bruce had a blank expression: "..."
Guan Luo didn't care at all. He still waved his tentacles excitedly: "Yes! I am Dad's most loyal admirer! The most fanatical fan! My future goal is to become--"
It paused, and there was a hint of mysterious and deep emotion in its voice.
"Dad's favorite Robin!"
Everyone: “???”
Tim held his forehead: "...Is this the target of the Starro fragments?"
"Yes!" Guan Luo said firmly, "I want to be Batman's most reliable assistant, fight alongside him, and protect Gotham in the night——!"
Damian said indifferently, "No, you won't."
Guan Luo immediately turned around and glared at Damian with telepathy: "Humph! Kid, what do you know!"
"You're the brat." Damian tutted, a look of disgust on his face. "Besides, you don't even have legs. How are you supposed to be on patrol?"
Guan Luo: "From a secular perspective, my five tentacles can be considered my legs."
Guan Luo showed us his flexible body, walking upside down (?), doing splits and so on, and then he looked at me cutely with his big eyes: "Leona, what do you think?"
"I think you're cute." I extended a finger and shook his hand. "Human aliens are also a type of illustrated book. My number of younger brothers has increased again!"
590.
Although I personally acted very friendly towards him, most people would not be so quick to accept a starfish as a member of the family.
Guan Luo quickly realized that if he wanted to live comfortably in the Bat's house, he had to conquer the eldest sister first.
So, from that day on, Guan Luo launched a fierce offensive to please me.
591.
It would come to me every morning and say, "Sister Leona! Ah Fu made xiaolongbao today! I also learned how to make one. Can you try mine?"
When I eat, it will pass me food and seasonings: "Sister Leona! This snack looks delicious, you must try it!"
Even on night patrols, it would cling to my shoulder and use its telepathy to loudly announce under the Gotham night sky—
"Look! This is Gotham's most heroic superhero besides Batman! The nightmare of all super villains!"
Me: “…Shut up.”
Guan Luo: "No! I want the whole city to know how powerful you are!"
Then, five seconds later, I got a communication from Bruce.
Bruce: "Peregrine, take it off your shoulder."
592.
Jason looked at Guan Luo and Leona getting along harmoniously with an unhappy expression.
"A flatterer."
Guan Luo blinked his big eyes, swung his tentacles, and looked at Jason with a puzzled look on his face (if starfish had faces): "What do you mean by flatterer?"
"It's you who's always praising others, sucking up to them, and trying to make your presence felt everywhere." Jason snorted coldly.
"Humph, then you're wrong!" Guan Luo retorted decisively, "I'm not a flatterer, I'm a loyal fan! An avid believer! The most reliable...Robin in the Batman family!"
"That doesn't affect the fact that you're a bootlicker and no one recognizes you as Batman's most reliable Robin. If you want that title, you'll have to wait in line." Jason rolled his eyes.
Guan Luo firmly straightened (?) his chest, shook his tentacles, and continued: "What I said is all true! Leona is indeed Gotham's most heroic superhero! The nightmare of all villains!"
I smiled and touched Guan Luo's head (?): "Guan Luo, you are so sweet."
Jason: “…”
He watched the scene speechlessly, with mixed feelings.
Ever since this starfish came, he felt that his position in the family was challenged.
593.
It turns out that Guan Luo's "Capture Big Sister" plan is so successful that he begins to expand his front and try to capture other members of the Bat family.
But soon, it realized a fact -
"It's easy to capture the eldest sister, but it's hell to capture the others."
For example, Tim.
"Tim! Look! I prepared a cup of decaffeinated coffee especially for you today!"
Tim looked up tiredly as he typed away on the keyboard: "Thank you, but I don't need it."
Guan Luo: "...What if I can solve a puzzle that you can't?"
Tim stopped and said, "You have?"
Guan Luo excitedly swung his tentacles. "Of course! Here's the question—in a closed room, there are three doors. Behind one door is a body in flames, behind one door is poisonous gas, and behind the last door is a killer who has been starving for three years. Which door would you choose?"
Tim thought for three seconds and said calmly: "The last one. The killer who has been hungry for three years would have starved to death long ago."
Guan Luo: “…”
Guan Luo spread his hands flat on the table, looking frustrated: "You are such a boring guy."
594.
Then, Guan Luo tried to capture Jason.
This has proven to be even harder.
"Jason! You know what? During the night patrol yesterday, Leona said that you are actually a very gentle person—"
Jason said indifferently: "Get lost."
Guan Luo immediately adjusted his strategy: "Then... Jason! Did you know? The AO3 fan fiction you wrote is really popular! The popularity of your latest article has exceeded 100,000 views!"
Jason's expression was subtle for a moment, but he quickly returned to his indifference: "...Get lost."
Guan Luo continued to increase his intensity, "No, no, no, listen to me! Your Night Bat novel has become recognized by fans as 'the pinnacle work that best fits the Gotham atmosphere'! Your writing style is praised as 'the one that best understands Batman's soul'!"
Jason raised his eyebrows slightly, seeming a little hesitant.
Guan Luo struck while the iron was hot: "Some people even started analyzing your writing style and suspected that you were actually Nightwing! They felt that only someone who had been Robin could write such a profound Batman--"
“Get out!!!!”
595.
After being kicked out by Jason, Guan Luo decided to find Dick.
Dick was quite friendly. When he saw Guan Luo, he picked it up and shook it. "Oh? Little guy, why did you come to see me today?"
Guan Luo swung his tentacles with a determined look on his face: "Dick, I have a great proposal!"
"Oh?" Dick raised an eyebrow in interest. "What's the proposal?"
Guan Luo said seriously, "Let's form a duo! You're Nightwing, and I'm your 'Starwing'! You fly in the air, and I glide on the ground, and together we'll become the coolest one-man hero team in Gotham!"
Dick: “…”
Dick tried to hold it in for three seconds, but finally couldn't hold it in anymore and fell on the sofa laughing: "Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha, Xingyi? Oh my god, you are really creative!"
"I'm serious!" Guan Luo waved his tentacles in dissatisfaction, "Batman has Robin! Nightwing can also have Starfish!"
"I think this is a great idea!" Dick laughed and poked Guan Luo's body with his finger. "But I'm sorry, I already have a bite wing. You're late."
Guan Luo covered his big eyes with his hands in sadness.
However, the good news is that Dick seems to have a good attitude towards him. The bad news is that after hearing me praise him as "the best brother", Dick is going to start to see his nose as not a nose and his eyes as not eyes.
596.
However, Guan Luo still did not give up and decided to challenge the most difficult person in the Batman family - Damian.
"Damian!"
Damian sat in the training ground and glanced at it indifferently: "What?"
Guan Luo came over excitedly: "I know you like wild animals, and so do I! We can definitely become best friends!"
Damian held his balls and said mercilessly, "You're not strong enough."
Guan Luo was stunned for a moment, then tried to make himself look more imposing: "Then - I can be more fierce!"
"You don't even have teeth."
“…”
Guan Luo pondered for three seconds and said seriously, "Then I want to evolve."
Damian: “?”
Guan Luo waved his tentacles firmly: "From today on, I will begin my journey of starfish martial arts! I will become the strongest alien warrior in history!"
Damian: “…”
Damian sneered: "Then why don't you challenge Barbara?"
Guan Luo: "...Is Barbara strong?"
Damian: "Her calculation ability is at least ten times faster than yours."
Guan Luo: “…”
"Her reasoning ability is ten times faster than yours."
Guan Luo: “…”
“She can guess what you’re going to say before you even open your mouth.”
Guan Luo was silent for a moment, then slowly stepped back: "Forget it then."
597.
Finally, Guan Luo came to a conclusion——
"Dad's other sisters and brothers are so hard to conquer. Except for Leona, my star charm is useless!"
"Wow, wow, dad is still the best. At least you don't dislike me."
Bruce: “…”
Bruce sighed and reached out to pat Guan Luo's tentacles: "...Go find Leona."
Guan Luo immediately regained his energy: "Sister Leona!!! What do you want to eat today? I'll go borrow some!"
Bruce: "No stealing of food."
Guan Luo: "...Then I can give Leona a massage! With my tentacles!"
Bruce: "...whatever you want."
So, that night, I lay on the sofa, and Guan Luo enthusiastically used its tentacles to massage my shoulders.
Jason looked at this scene and said indifferently:
"A flatterer."
So what? Guan Luo is adorable. Even though he's not human, he's very human. He's always thinking of me, so how could I say no? He's the best starfish ever!
598.
And his telepathic ability makes it easier for me to get firsthand insights into the scene! Although my perception can reach this level, how can what others share be the same as what I see?
At least I can discuss with Luo how Bruce watched "How to Be a Good Father" for an hour last night, how Tim secretly practiced his skills in disguising himself as a woman in the safe house, how Jason held Cypress Ling (the amaryllis he planted) and talked about his inner journey while writing a novel, and how Damian whispered a lullaby to his eggs...
Sometimes I have to keep some gossips to myself, but it’s different with Guan Luo. He doesn’t have a good relationship with others and doesn’t look like a gossipmonger, so it’s easier to talk to him!
599.
On the first day I thought about this, Guan Luo understood the best technique to get closer to others - gossip.
He chatted with everyone about other people's dark history. During this period, the emoticons and memes in the group were updated very quickly because of him!
After tracing the source, everyone successfully discovered that the culprit was this little starfish.
Fortunately, I haven't shown him the video of Dick's passionate argument with Bruce, the video of Jason's first dialogue with the teddy bear Dick gave him, the video of Tim drinking sparkling water in one breath and burping 13 times, then coming to my sister pitifully for help, the video of Steve developing a new move but being bounced off by a wooden stake, the video of Barbara getting too sleepy while reading a novel and hitting her face with her phone, the video of Cassan being affected by the psychic and hanging on the cave and insisting that she is a bat... Then all the criticism will probably not be directed at Guan Luo, but at me.
People really need to live cautiously.
593.
In the end, Bruce had to take Guan Luo away himself and have a father-son talk.
Ten minutes later, Guan Luo was released, and the whole starfish lay on the ground, as if it had been traumatized by the lecture.
"...I was wrong." Guan Luo said sullenly, "I shouldn't have revealed the family secret..."
But as soon as it finished speaking, it immediately added:
"But, Sister Leona! Did you know? There's a picture of you as a child wearing a bat cape in Bruce's study!"
The entire Batcave fell silent in an instant.
Then, everyone's eyes slowly turned to Bruce.
Bruce: “…”
I smiled and drew my sword: "BRUCE???"
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